The Cards Against Humanity card lab has been updated, and with it, a whopping 800+ new cards to try out. I've managed to compile many of them here, though there are no doubt a few lurking around that I missed.
Noticeably, there are no new black cards. Additionally, some of the cards appear to be slight updates of cards from past decks, or match themes from earlier packs. This, and the content of the cards, leads me to believe that there are a couple of possible scenarios for this batch of new cards, with more than one scenario being able to occur simultaneously:
- Existing sets are about to get a massive white card card update.
- An all-new white card box is on the way.
- An all-new absurd box is on the way.
- A Catholicism or Christianity pack may be in the works.
- A prison/crime pack may be in the works.
- Another America/politics pack may be in the works.
- There are new black cards, but they haven't been added to the card lab yet in order to reduce testing variables.
In any event, don't expect all or even most of these cards to become reality. You'll notice a lot of cards share a premise or one or two words with one another, and usually these get narrowed down to the best of the batch during the testing process. There are also a fair amount of cards that aren't quite good yet, that will likely be cut or change.
The new cards are as follows:
10 guys who come to your house, disassemble you, and place you in an easy-to-carry pouch.
14,562 unread emails.
45 identical girls named Maddie.
7-11 brand synthetic marijuana.
A $2 handjob.
A 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom anus.
A 2 mph police chase.
A FOX News bimbo.
A Yankee Candle.
A balloon animal shaped like my dad.
A basketball-sized meatball.
A better-than-average McChicken.
A big wet kiss on the eyeball.
A big, ugly cow.
A blood-catnip count of .09.
A blood-curdling orgasm.
A bobblehead collection.
A bucket of guts.
A butthole with a monocle.
A centaur that’s half camel, half Ellen DeGeneres.
A clam that contains an ecstasy tablet instead of a pearl.
A cock vein that spells out ‘FedEx’.
A colostomy bag.
A complete success.
A completely incorrect celebrity impression.
A corny motherfucker.
A couple of dudes I graduated with.
A couple of old men.
A crazy night in Vegas with all the guys from Halliburton.
A dastardly ruse.
A dead chimpanzee wearing Green Bay Packers perch.
A degree from Harvard in Being A Hobo.
A detective that sits in his car honking his horn until the murderer climbs into his car on their own.
A disease you get by shaking hands with an ape.
A dramatic Vince Vaughn role.
A dreary Tuesday morning.
A fat stack of Benjamins.
A flight attendant frantically asking if anyone on the plane is a zookeeper.
A flock of ducks flying out of my pants.
A goat named Penis.
A gorgeous Spaniard with a rose between his teeth.
A guy in a baseball cap ranting in his truck.
A guy that is keen to meet a mule.
A hairy, stinky 36-year-old guy who bases his personality on Deadpool.
A hand-me-down catheter.
A heartfelt rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner.”
A highly flamboyant turkey.
A horse riding another horse.
A house divided.
A huge Family Guy tattoo.
A huge pride flag flying off a jacked-up diesel pickup truck.
A hybrid coding/fat camp.
A jar of teeth.
A kindly old watchmaker.
A land-speed record.
A little guy who eats only Slim Jims.
A lone gunman.
A long, silent walk to the gallows.
A luxurious abortion experience.
A major fuckin’ chump.
A masked man cresting the hill.
A mesmerizing zoetrope.
A mild case of ebola.
A moment of romance with an uncle.
A mouthful of mice.
A nest filled with baby birds, lizards, and kittens.
A never-ending supply of San Pellegrino.
A new type of snail.
A nubile young iguana.
A pack of wolves.
A passionate conjugal visit.
A pedicure, but for your dick.
A perfectly ordinary object, like a pen.
A permanent erection.
A pet name for a tumor.
A pile of meat for the family.
A pubic hair fade.
A pumpkin that can dream.
A ray of hope.
A real page-turner of a John Grisham novel.
A really, really bad drum solo.
A rejected marriage proposal.
A round of Mario Kart.
A sample platter of cum.
A sampler platter of cum.
A sexy sounding fart.
A shell of a man.
A shout-out to all the boys back home.
A simple, steady guitar riff that drives the whole song.
A sincere apology.
A six-pack ass.
A snail with the mind of an ape.
A soggy, limp handshake.
A stampede of the elderly.
A statue of the Virgin Mary weeping orange juice.
A stern British nanny.
A strong social support system.
A sun-faded calendar from 2004.
A super futuristic-looking pussy.
A syringe filled with poop.
A thrilling caper.
A tiny tanning bed for just your penis.
A tip of the fedora to m’lady.
A toast to love!
A toiny fookin’ baby, nasty liddle ‘fing, innit?
A variety of jams, jellies, and marmalades.
A vaudeville duo named Pervert & Helper.
A weekend of debauchery at the bakehouse.
A welcome mat that says, “Welbaum.”
A whoopie cushion that spews actual feces.
A wild weekend at Claire’s Boutique with the guys.
A wolf that turns into a different wolf during the full moon.
A world-class stamp collection.
AP Sex Education.
Acts of God.
Airdropping nudes to my priest.
All three branches of the U.S. government.
Amelia Bedelia’s luge medals from the Sochi Olympics.
An Applebee’s that’s 10x bigger on the inside than it is out on the outside.
An Arbor Day Miracle!
An IV drip of orange soda.
An Italian man who won’t stop screaming.
An X-ray of a Buzz Lightyear doll stuck in someone’s ass.
An acceptable amount of incest.
An ass tattoo that says “hello.”
An elderly polycule.
An indifferent battle with cancer.
An open-concept dungeon.
An opinion piece about how moss is just OK.
An unflattering photo of me getting eaten out by a possum wearing a tuxedo.
An unsuccessful face transplant.
Answering “what?” To every question on a test.
Asking my parent/guardian to sign my permission slip for an orgy.
Assassinating a specific sandhill crane.
Assembling all suspects in the parlor to reveal the killer.
Baking soda volcanoes.
Baptizing a baby in clam chowder.
Barreling down the highway.
Becoming gay after seeing a billboard that says “Homosexuality: Try It Out.”
Being 1000 years old.
Being a Black man in America.
Being an absolute girlboss.
Being blinded by a super shiny penis head.
Being down for whatever.
Being random xD.
Being so, so tired.
Being very boring.
Bitch Awareness month.
Bleeps and bloops.
Blowing into a vagina like it’s a Nintendo cartridge.
Bravery in battle.
Braving the storm.
Bravo’s Real Housewives Of Darfur.
Breaking a cock in half and sucking the juice out of it like a crawfish.
Breaking the Unabomber out of prison.
Bugle Boy jeans.
Building my brand.
Calling a 4-year-old child a fascist bimbo.
Capturing and killing an actual leprechaun.
Cat and dog pelts.
Chanting “Breasts! Breasts! Breasts!” At the strip club.
Chaperoning an orgy.
Charging a vibrating dildo in a Starbucks power outlet.
Cheating at a wet t-shirt contest.
Cheating on my wife with my clone.
Chilling in an MRI machine.
Christian Girl Autumn.
Churning a barrel of diarrhea down at the feces farm.
Clams, literally trillions of clams.
Communicating in grunts and whistles.
Conflicting but simultaneous truths.
Consummating my marriage in a corn maze.
Contemplating someone else’s suicide.
Crabs running amok.
Cries for help.
Crooning and thrusting my hips and shimmying for all my fans.
Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, and Kissinger.
Crying on the toilet.
Crying “Yes, Father!” While getting spanked.
Cuddling with all your coworkers.
Curtseying before ordering at Chipotle.
Curtsying as I unload a gallon of diarrhea into the toilet.
Dad’s friend, Greg T.
Dad’s golf buddy, Gordon.
Dark family secrets.
Dating someone twice your age.
Developing tinnitus from a single, deafening fart.
Dipping into my savings.
Ditching my kids at the playground and going to Kohl’s!!!!!
Doing a cannonball into a mass grave.
Doing a cannonball into a volcano.
Doing a ropes course in a BDSM harness.
Doing it up right.
Doing just fine, thanks.
Doing my Donald Duck voice on the suicide hotline.
Doing the bidding of the Señora.
Dollar wings night.
Donkey Kong’s cousin Francis.
Doo woo a top dee doo be doo, bowwww!
Dracula and Friends.
Dredging the lake for bodies.
Drinking and watching TV.
Dropping a casket.
Drunkenly eating a whole box of uncooked spaghetti.
Dry cleaning Nancy Pelosi’s kente cloth.
Dumping my kids off at school.
Earning checks and breaking necks.
Eating a handful of toenails.
Eating a strip of turf like a steak.
Eating a whole jar of gherkins in one sitting.
Eating cysts like grapes.
Emailing the president to ask if you can use the toilet in your own home.
Ensure with a splash of Kahlúa.
Experimenting with my sexuality.
Extra-thick condoms for those who are allergic to pussy.
Facial recognition technology.
Falling into a pit toilet.
Fanning the queen with palm fronds.
Feeling good as hell.
Feeling just peachy!
Feeling lithe and sensual.
Feeling your own tits.
Fellating my superiors.
Financial support from Grandmama.
Firing a NERF gun into the air.
Flintstones erotic fan fiction.
Flirting with the doctor to score a free tongue depressor.
Flo from the Progressive ads.
Flushing a perfectly good piss down the toilet.
Free restaurant mints.
Fresh ass meat.
Frowning all the time.
Fuckboys Without Borders.
Fucking my own asshole with my cock.
Gallons and gallons of blood.
Genitalia that’s just a hairy smiley face on a mound of skin.
Gentrifying the Arctic.
Getting Mardi Gras beads for flashing my tumor.
Getting cum on my khakis right before the big meeting!
Getting disassembled and placed in an easy-to-cary pouch.
Getting executed for no reason.
Getting fingered to the Iron & Wine cover of “Such Great Heights”.
Getting horny and googling “huGe boosbs pennis loudd kiSSiNg.”
Getting jiggly with it.
Getting mooned by a loved one.
Getting mummified in Skittles wrappers.
Getting my SAT score as a tramp stamp.
Getting my boobs surgically worsened.
Getting naked in front of your pets.
Getting nasty with it.
Getting ripped in half like a wishbone by a big pair of twin boys.
Getting struck by lightning nine or ten times.
Giggling and jiggling and wiggling and screaming.
Giving a thumbs up to democracy.
Giving up on the Heimlich maneuver after one thrust.
God’s ass slowly pushing through the clouds.
God’s boyfriend, Jeff The Liar.
Going bald in a major way.
Going camping for 15 minutes.
Going the extra mile.
Going to CVS for Monistat, Vagisil, UTI pills, Summer’s Eve vaginal wash, a box of tampons, a box of condoms, a pregnancy test, and a brand new Diva Cup.
Going upstate to complete a masterpiece.
Hair of the dog.
Hanging myself on the clothesline to dry after a shower.
Hangin’ out in the sewer.
Hanukkah, Pride Month, Etc.
Harkening to the sound of the bells.
Having a literal human foot where your genitals should be.
Having a piss in the sunshine.
Having a second butt on the front of my body.
Having a ‘Her’ situation with Windows 98.
Having crab claws instead of tits.
Having regular sex for six minutes and thirty seconds.
Having sex against a hotel room window.
Having sex to “Hail To The Chief.”
Having sex, but like, BIGTIME having sex.
Heavily discounted meat.
Hecate, Mother of the Night.
Hiding in a pelican’s mouth.
High lead content.
Hiring a TaskRabbit to parallel park.
Hiring a midwife to help me shit.
Hitting a grand slam of Helen Mirren in the World Series.
Holding a seashell to my ear and hearing a man scream “FUCK OFF.”
Holding the door at Best Buy open for a bunch of squirrels.
Holing up in my bunker.
Honking and squawking.
Honking when you’re horny.
Hooked On Phonics.
Hooking up with Big Bird for the third time.
Hopscotching with the best of ‘em.
Huffing Play Doh.
Impressing my date by scanning the menu’s QR code.
Inexplicably shitting out of your belly button once and then never again.
Inheriting a single shoe from your grandfather.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s refrigerator.
Jesus Christ himself.
Joey Tribiani, the pervert from “Friends.”
Kissing up to birds.
Laughing while performing brain surgery.
Laxatives for the table.
Leaving my girl for someone who looks more like Snoopy.
Lesser party games.
Letting your ass do its thing.
Licensed medical providers.
Licking a nickel clean.
Licking an envelope to completion.
Like a million alligators.
Limited edition flavors of Coca-Cola.
Living a quadruple life.
Looking fly with my new braces.
Looking sexy AF in my feather boa.
Lubing up and rubbing down.
Madagascar (both the country and the movie).
Making history as the NFL’s first headless quarterback.
Making out with an iPad.
Masturbating to A Wheat Thins box.
Meeting down at the docks.
Meeting the president.
Memeing a tragedy.
Mexican jumping beans.
Microwaving Grandpa to see what happens.
Mixing urine and diarrhea in a martini shakier.
Mom letting you lick raw ground pork off the beaters.
Mom’s friend, Norma.
Monday Night Football, sponsored by Bud Light.
Moping around the rectory.
Morphing into a fire extinguisher.
Movie night with bae.
Murdering and eating innocent people in a legal and celebrated way.
My 12 butt ugly sons and my 15 rotten daughters.
My MILF friends.
My Youtube channel.
My best friend, Kelly Ripa.
My children’s smiling faces.
My convection oven, my chronic illness, and my cock.
My favorite canned cocktail brand.
My favorite poet, Baron Trump.
My flop era.
My husband’s body.
My live-in situationship.
My nemesis, James Cordon.
My one and only ass.
My own cum.
My prehensile tail.
My rank, red puss.
My really, really groundbreaking art.
My repulsive chin, elbows, cock, etc.
My sensei, Kevin-san.
My spam folder.
My summer of longing.
My toxic relationship.
My undying love for mega-corporations.
Nicknaming your dorm room “Poontang Isle.”
Not being sure if it’s racist to say “Homie.”
Not knowing any better.
Nothing a fresh coat of paint and a new spark plug can’t fix.
Obscene amounts of cleavage.
Offsetting my carbon emissions.
Old washcloth smell.
Our waitress for the evening.
Pantsing a world leader.
Passing as gay.
Passing judgement on all the losers I know.
Penis-shaped bachelorette decorations.
Perfectly shaved tits.
Performance enhancing diapers.
Petting a fire hydrant like a dog.
Pilots who look like their planes.
Pissing into a bong.
Pissing while smiling.
Placing 29th in a “best anus” contest.
Plowing the fields, etc!
Plucking a bald eagle.
Pointing at my diaper and going, “Uhhhh ohhhhh!”
Popping a Capri Sun straw into an ice cold kitty.
Posing nude on the hood of a Bugatti.
Practicing eating ass on a bagel.
Pretending to be Native American.
Pretending to be busy.
Proceeding with caution.
Proficiency in conversational Korean.
Puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff pass.
Puffing on a pregnancy test like it’s a vape.
Puffing up like a blowfish.
Punting a penguin like a football.
Putting in my finest tampon.
Putting my dick on a bed of shredded lettuce.
Putting peanut butter on my dog’s dick so I suck it.
Putting your heart and soul into a creative project no one will ever care about.
Quarterly performance reviews.
Quirky girls with ukuleles.
Raising Jesus’ cross up and down like a barber’s chair.
Raising all sorts of hell.
Raising hell with grandmama.
Ranking my exes by foot size.
Rastafarian-Italian fusion restaurants.
Reaching for a cop’s gun.
Reaching that age where yogurt’s a treat.
Reading a 9000-page book about my father’s penis.
Reading the Wikipedia article for “Beer” while driving.
Realizing your life is already half over.
Rebooting the ol’ desktop computer.
Receiving a trophy for drunk driving.
Reeling in a big one.
Referring to the Bible as “the Judas Iscariot Cinematic Universe.”
Regretfully accepting my life’s circumstances.
Rejecting societal norms.
Releasing the hounds.
Repeated attacks on my character.
Resetting the goddamn router.
Rewarding myself after 22 minutes of work.
Riding Howie Mandell’s bald head like a sybian.
Riding a motorcycle for religious reasons.
Right wing talk show hosts.
Right-wing dog whistles.
Rivers of blood.
Robbing a bank.
Rocking out HARD to the alphabet song.
Rolling a dead guy up in a carpet.
Rounding up the other inches for a 5K.
Sacrificing a cat to the Goddess Of Sunscreen.
Saluting a picture of a dog that kind of looks like Abe Lincoln.
Santa tossing his clothes down the chimney before jumping through nude and getting dressed in your living room.
Sashaying as a turd plops to the floor beneath me.
Saving kissing for marriage.
Saying good morning to all of your action figures.
Scared little white boys.
Scoping out a Chinese buffet with the Predator’s heat-seeking vision.
Scratching someone’s face and hissing.
Screaming during a mammogram.
Secretly living in a celebrity’s closet.
Selling bootleg Scooby Doo merch for a living.
Selling my earwax on Facebook Marketplace.
Selling your soul to the devil for the ability to be kind of okay at Mario Kart.
Sending your pet snake to college.
Sexting on an iPad.
Sexting on an ouija board.
Sexually transmitted pussy illness.
Sexy hunks with astigmatism.
Shaving my legs, pits, arms, face, ass, and feet.
Shaving off two or three of my pubes.
Shitting with the door open.
Shoving something, anything, literally whatever, into my anus.
Shrinking down to the size of a raisin and getting swallowed by a sparrow.
Shrinking to the size of a pea to save money on sunscreen.
Sitting on a nest of eggs.
Sitting on the dock of the bay.
Slapping handcuffs on two penises.
Sleeping with one eye open.
Slipping into something a little more comfortable (i.e. nude).
Slipping into something a little more comfortable.
Slithering across the room.
Slurring my words.
Smoking a turd like a cigar.
Snarling and winking.
Snarling at a baby.
Sneaking a hot dog into the confessional booth.
Sniffing around the creek for toads.
Soaking wet panties.
Soft launching my receding hairline.
Some kind of moose-lobster hybrid.
Some sort of boring realm of eternal bliss.
Spanking my children to the beat of the National Anthem.
Speaking with confidence and grace.
Special musical guest, Lizzo.
Specifying on your driver’s license that you will only donate your organs to a pig that can play the piano.
Spending 75 percent of my yearly salary on Halloween decor.
Spitting verses with my Nonna.
Splitting onion rings with my lover.
Spreading your legs.
Squirting the family sap.
Stealing grandma’s cigarettes.
Sticking a flag in an old man to claim him for the US.
Storing dried nuts and berries in my pouch.
Straightening my pubes before a big meeting.
Straightening your pubes.
Stretch marks that form a treasure map.
Stripping for Dave and Buster’s tokens.
Strutting my stuff at the pumpkin patch.
Sucking a penis so hard the guy’s skull collapses.
Sucking and fucking.
Suffering through the most boring piss of your life.
Summiting Mount Everest.
Sunning my pooch.
Sweet little Giuseppe, that wonderful boy who works so hard to support his mother and his sisters now that his no-good father has run off with a younger woman.
Taking 7 hours in the confessional booth.
Taking a break from my computer to look at my phone.
Taking an unbelievably small hit of marijuana and having a full-blown panic attack.
Taking catnip before a Mars Volta concert.
Taking off your shirt in order to send an email.
Taking sex lessons.
Taking the Hippocratic oath before putting on a bandaid.
Teaching a baby how to pick locks.
Tending my listening pulsating eggs.
That time the Challenger blew up.
The 14th Annual McDougal Family Reunion.
The Beach Boys.
The Buffalo Wild Wings were Ernest Hemingway killed himself.
The Denver Nuggets.
The Electric Slide.
The Fab Four: Larry, Moe, and Curly.
The First Lady.
The Forbidden Grove.
The Ghost of Christmas Past.
The Golden Ratio.
The Grinch’s spiral dick.
The Homecoming Queen.
The Jewish faith.
The Kansas City Masquerade Ball.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe.
The Secret Service agent tasked with shucking the President’s oysters.
The Semi-Annual Camel Toe Awareness 5K.
The Three Stooges: John, Paul, Ringo, and George.
The War On Christmas.
The Whole Foods hot bar.
The adventure of a lifetime.
The anxiety you feel when checking your account balances.
The arts and humanities.
The blood of the weak.
The cast of HBO’s ‘The Wire.’
The collected works of Jake and Amir.
The convenience of email.
The crabbing industry.
The economic forecast for Q3 2024.
The ever-blurring line between truth and misinformation.
The fast rise and protracted fall of America as a global superpower.
The four dildos of the Scottish bagpipe.
The free-bleeding movement.
The great outdoors.
The guy inside the Barney suit.
The honk of a dying goose.
The horrors of war.
The incomparable thrill of falling asleep at the wheel.
The inevitable rise of the Dark Lord.
The inherent wickedness of mankind.
The last lick o’ juniper jelly in Mama’s Jam Jar.
The latest Star Wars film.
The local militia.
The local watering hole.
The man ogling you through your computer’s camera.
The manhole Charlie Brown crawled out of.
The patriarchal institution of bowling.
The powerful legs of a mule.
The railroad apartment I share with my 23 uncles.
The rank stench of my gaming chair.
The reason we exist.
The reason why doing a Jamaican accent isn’t considered all that racist.
The screams coming from next door.
The secrets of the owls.
The sex tourism industry in Minnesota.
The slut to my left.
The social justice message of the film White Chicks.
The sound of rats eating a doctor.
The spirit of adventure.
The tall guy in every barbershop quartet with a goofy low voice.
The terrible computer virus that put all this incest porn on my laptop.
The ultimate sacrifice.
The uncanny feeling that you’ve sucked this cock before.
The uncle who took my nose.
The unparalleled magic of diarrhea.
The village idiot.
The way dad looks at mom.
Thinking “raisins” are “crazy raisins.”
Those broke-ass amphibians Frog and Toad.
Three or four ladies, rubbing their tits together or something.
Three years of rain.
Throwing a Kindle into the ocean.
Toppling to death in a Porta Potty.
Tossing a duffel bag full of guns into a mall fountain.
Trading my hair for a piece of fake fruit.
Trading sexual favors for magic beans.
Traveling back in time to throw a pine cone at my past self.
Tripping on Robitussin.
Trying cocaine with Grandma.
Trying really, really hard.
Trying to click “Add To Cart” on a picture of Vladimir Putin.
Trying to commit suicide by sticking both hands in a pop-up toaster.
Turning a “rodent problem” into a “rodent triumph.”
Two anuses kissing.
Two clowns chariot racing on the Autobahn.Dismembering my victims.
Two lunatics and a weirdo.
Two men both named Jim Buckets.
Two really horny, really tan twin brothers.
Two ugly men who are in love with each other.
Un muchacho muy grande.
Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary Ann.
Unionizing my seven poodles.
Urinating for political reasons.
Using SpongeBob to scrub a crime scene.
Using a breast implant as a paper weight.
Using a gun to kill a spider.
Waiting on the world to change.
Waking up during surgery.
Wandering into traffic.
Wearing an ape costume to church.
Weird Al and his ruthless satire.
Wetting the bed.
Whispering, “Don’t have a cow, man!” In your wife’s ear as your final words on your deathbed.
Winning $2 in a game of Russian roulette.
Winning a bronze medal in a belching contest.
Winning “ugliest dick” at the county fair.
Wishing upon a star.
Wondering when it’s all going to change.
Working on my dougie on my day off.
Worms being all slutty in the garden.
Wrapping a present in porno mags.
Wringing a filthy, wet mop into my mouth.
Writing lyrics on my Converse.
Writing something very naughty on my calculator.
Yelling “Scrumptious!” While giving head.
Yelling “What the fuck is happening?!” As you cum.
Yet another failed marriage.
Yodeling for political gain.
Your eyes rolling back into your head as a storm forms in the sky above you.
Your own personal 9/11.
Your pelvic floor.
Getting FUCKED UP on Peronis.
Getting a happy ending at the car wash.
The device was small and it made little items like tiny gadgets. It was a birthday present for mom and it retailed at 45$ (we got it for 35$ because it was on sale). The process looked like glitchy stop motion gifs, something like 3d printed matter of all colors would move around until it revealed itself, and it was utterly mesmerizing to watch. I don't know what was its original form. At first we had a lot of fun with it. You had to tell it the prompt (voice activated) and we tested loads of them. The material also changed in line with the prompt, it wasn't just plastic or metal, but fabrics as well. I only remember one clearly, and it was a flat enamel keychain of some sort of hybrid of Woodstock from Snoopy and a cartoon sheep. After a while it started changing on its own, without being prompted. I instantly felt uneasy and just sort of waited for it to attack us. It was so freaky, like something out of a movie and I even heard ominous music in the background. For some reason it changed into a bulletin board with an infographic poster pinned onto it, bigger than any of the other things it produced before. The poster featured luxurious silver jewelry with blue gems which were apparently famous footballers like Messi and Ronaldo's most precious possessions (?). It said how much each of the pieces cost and I managed to read some of them before waking up.
I've only had boring mundane dreams for so long so this one was a nice change of pace :)
And yeah, if anyone here likes playing around with AI art and finds this interesting, it would be really cool to see what it would make about the device or any of the two things it made I've only made some with the basic free version a while ago and it never turned out any good so I didn't really feel like making a profile for the advanced one
My boyfriend (m30)and I (f21)have been dating for 2.5 years and we have always been very monogamous. This was a little hard far me at first as a usually don’t like those types of relationships but during covid we became codependent and I found myself not really wanting anyone else. Since then we’ve gone to therapy and shit so we are healthy now. But still monogamous. He has always been extremely monogamous and has said he doesn’t want anyone else ever. We used to watch porn together occasionally and lately it has just been freaking me out. I can’t even watch porn by myself without feeling icky and gross and very self conscious of the way I look. I feel weird thinking of him looking at it as well. I never thought I’d be the type of girl that gets upset by porn but I think I understand it now. We had a conversation about it a few weeks ago and I told him I wanted us to stop watching it because it makes me uncomfortable. We are in a monogamous relationship so it really feels like cheating to me. If he was receiving nudes or videos from a girl he was talking to it would be the same thing to me. He immediately agreed and reassured me that it wasn’t a crazy thing to ask of him and he was very kind about it. Recently I was on his phone looking at his Reddit (which he allowed me to) when he stepped away I swiped over to “saved” and found dozens of new saved porn gifs and I’m just really upset about it. I can’t talk to him about it without him thinking I’m crazy for being snoopy but he also reassured me that he felt the same way about it in the way it’s like cheating. I’m just hurt I guess and I don’t know what to do about it.
So I've (24f) been with my boyfriend (24m) for almost 3 years now. I have really bad anxiety and have an anxious attachment style when I'm in a relationship due to past trauma and events. My boyfriend knows this and knows that I tend to overthink a lot of situations.
Earlier this month my boyfriend was able to sleepover at my place (side note we both still live with our parents). When it was the day I was supposed to drop him back home later in the day my parents were leaving to go to this cottage we rented for the week and me and my brother were planning on going later in the week. Anyways before my parents left I went to say goodbye to them and I was really happy and giddy cuz I got to spend so much time with my boyfriend. Anyways my mom started yelling at me to grow up over something really small and I think my boyfriend heard my mom yeing at me cuz he was in my room and the door was open. When they left my boyfriend didn't mention anything about it but just asked if I was okay which I said I was even tho I really wasn't. Since then I felt tension between us.
When I went up to the cottage with my brother a couple days later I felt like my boyfriend was upset and jealous that I got to go to a cottage for a couple day s and made a comment about me not having to go to work for a couple of days. I did invite him a couple weeks prior to me going and my parents even invited him a couple months ago he just didn't get that time off to come with us. I wanted to talk to him on the phone when I was there but every time I asked to call or I did call he said he was busy and couldn't pick up or call me. I don't know it just felt like he was making an excuse not to talk to me even if he did have a valid reason why he couldn't talk to me at that moment but he didn't tell me he could talk later that day. I was trying to enjoy myself at the cottage but my anxiety was getting worse and I did voice how I was feeling but instantly regretted sending them and deleted the messages (we were talking on instagram). We ended up talking on the phone when I got home from the cottage but during that time it didn't feel like he was paying attention to what I was saying.
The next day (it was a sunday) I went mini golfing with my friend (25f) and her boyfriend (23m?) and my boyfriend was invited too. I had picked up my friend and her boyfriend first so I could give my boyfriend as much time as he needed to get ready because he had just finished work and it would take him some time to get ready and stuff. When I arrived at his place and went inside with him he seemed really unhappy and didn't want to see me, he didn't hug me or give me a kiss or anything. I asked him if we were okay and he kinda laughed and said we were and after that he gave me a hug and a kiss. Then for the rest of the day the four of us were out together he seemed normal like nothing was wrong which I really liked and I didn't feel like anything was wrong between us.
Then on the Tuesday I got to go over to his place and spend the day with him. I was originally gonna take the bus earlier in the day cuz where I live there are limited was of transportation and it doesn't happen every 5 to 15 minutes like in some more busier cities or towns a bus in my town comes every couple of hours and is the cheapest and more reliable way. But my boyfriend thought it would be faster and easier if I took an uber and I wouldn't have to get up early to get to his place at the same time if I took an uber instead of the bus. So I decided to try taking an uber this time to see what would happen. In the first 10 minutes of me booking an uber I got a driver that was 20 or so minutes away from where I was and told me to cancel it cuz it was to far for him to drive which I did hoping I would get someone closer to where I lived. But I waited for an hour and I still didn't get any other driver and I tried calling a taxi service at this point but they said it would take 40minutes to an hour to get to where I was which I didn't really want to wait that long for a taxi. So I downloaded lyft to see if that would be faster but the 2 times I attempted to use it it said that there wa no drivers available in my location so it was back to uber. After 2 hours of waiting I finally got another driver and it was the same driver that I got earlier and they again wanted me to cancel cuz again they were to far away from where I was but I told him I really need a ride and he did end up agreeing to pick me up and drive me to where I was wanting to go. During this time my boyfriend did feel bad that it was taking so long for me to get a driver and stuff and a reassured him that it wasn't his fault and he didn't know that it would take this long. Anyways I ended up getting to his place 30 minutes later then we both had wanted to meet up but i was just happy I got to spend time with him. We were hanging out and cuddling and watching shows and movies together and it was great but there was times during our time together that I felt this tension coming from him and I didn't know how to address it cuz I didn't want to ruin our moment together with me asking if we were okay again and bring it up. He did mention how it seemed like I was spending a lot of time in my head again and asked what was going on and I told him everything was okay. I wish I had told him what I was thinking instead of just saying things were fine. Later on in the day I told him I had gotten my worn schedule for the following week and was about to ask when he was free and he shot me down so quickly and told me he was working 40 hours that week and would be able to hangout with me. It made me think what would happen when we both got full time jobs and both are working 40 hour weeks would he just not find the time to hangout with me.
We had an online date this Friday that just passed and we had fun and it was nice spending time with him and I asked him if we would be able to see eachother this week and he said that he was working another 40 hour week and wouldn't be able to see me in person and I just casually brought up what will happen when we are working full time jobs that require us to work 40 hours q week will we just not see eachother and he just popped up that we would be living together at that point so he would just get to see me every day which was a sweet answer bit me being me qt to ruin it by saying that's not how it works right off that bat that it takes a bit so save up enough money for rent and takes time to find a place cuz I like being realistic even tho I wish that we could instantly live together when we got full time jobs. Anyways when we were about to leave our date cuz it was getting late we said goodnight and stuff and I was waiting for him to say I love you cuz I'm usually the one who says it first and he barely says it and when he does it's mostly after I have said it. But he just left the call without saying it and it hurt but I was still on the call processing it (we were on discord). Then he came back and basically joked about me thinking he would just leave. And he said I love you and goodnight again which I answered him and then he left. I didn't really feel good about how we ended our date.
This Saturday the 23rd was were things got bad. I got to spend some time with him and his friends online playing this game we all play and it was good and I enjoyed spending time with him. During hanging out with him I sent him a message saying that I loved him and he didn't respond which I understood qt the time because he was busy in the middle of this raid him and his friends were doing in the game which I wasn't able to do cuz my item level wasn't high enough yet. So when they were waiting around for one of the players I sent him it again and still no answer so I just left it cuz he'll respond when he does. Anyways it got to the point where it was 8:30pm and I've been on since 2:30 or 3 and I wanted to go do my own thing and get some dinner and stuff and I messaged my boyfriend again to let him know that I was going to head out and that I didn't want to interrupt what him and his friends were talking about to say goodbye and he responded to that instantly. He told me he enjoyed me being there and hoped I had a nice rest of my night and I replied to him and then asked him if he loved me cuz at this point he didn't acknowledge me saying I loved him. He just sent me a gif of the bird from the peanut gallery hitting a heart onto snoopys nose and saying take that love you have it all. And i know he was being cute and stuff but it but I don't know why but it still made me sad. I told him that I was sending you it a couple times and you sent me a gif and I made a joke about the gif saying that he has to love me harder cuz the bird was hitting snoppy in the nose with the heart. But after that the whole night I felt awful for sending him that and I didn't hear from him after that and I kept apologizing to him for saying that and basically wanting to make sure he was okay and I tried calling him and nothing and it got to be a 11:40ish and I asked him if I could call him on discord cuz at this point I didn't hear back from him and my anxiety was really bad and I thought I had ruined everything and after I sent that he went offline and at that point I knew I needed to talk to him about what I was thinking and feeling from our relationship for the last couple of weeks and I couldn't wait another week to tell him in hopes I would be able to talk to him about it in person. So I sent him a text messaging saying that I'm not doingn okay and that we need to talk about some stuff that's been bothering me when yoh are free.
I thought what I had said was a good thing to say but now I am regretting sending it to him. I had heard from him at all on yesterday and when I did it was around 8:30pm and he said that he was sorry for not responding since the 23rd and cuz he needed to think some stuff over and that we'll talk sometime this week. I respect that he needs time to think about stuff and get his thoughts together and all last night I was crying and knowing I needed to give him some space but also thinking that he was going to break up with me because of how awful I was to him. I did ask if we could talk last night when he was done his shift at 9pm but I understand if you don't want to. And he didn't respond to that at all and when I did try calling him my call got forwarded to his voice-mail and I just left him alone after that but I wasn't doing so good.
Today I still haven't heard back from my boyfriend I did send him a message this morning saying goodmorning and telling him when I am free this week so he knows when he can call me but since then I have left him alone. I just feel like I have ruined everything. And that it's all my fault and if I had just voiced my opinions of how I felt then none of this would of happened. But I'm not the type of girl that has the easiest way of getting the words out that I want to get out and I tend to just let a lot of things slide to make things easier. I just feel like it's my fault and that I ruined everything. I dont know what to do I'm giving him space and letting him take his time to call me.
Tl;dr! - there has been tension from my boyfriend for the last couple of weeks to the point where I ruined our relationship