CAREER EMPLOYEES! Tired of seeing all these jobs go to the street? Your chance to join the gravy train ranks is almost gone! Apply yourself, you can
do it! MSS Coordinator varies by District.
New record on MM-7 mechanic jobs. USPS really out to fuck the people that are already career, they're not even trying to hide it. Also, I forgot how to count. Moved ahead a month oops - take two!
Good afternoon. Brief listing of CAREER JOBS pulled from
usps.com/careers/ for your convenience.
Some jobs may be part-time regular however
all listed jobs should qualify for federal benefits from day one. To save text I have only listed the location and date of posting for each. Use the posting number for your search term. LC and MM are entry-level Maintenance.
Here is a testimonial from a recent convert,
prima1981.
NOTE: USPS NEVER charges a fee for entrance exams. If payment is requested during the application process, walk the fuck away, go to usps.com/careers/ and APPLY THERE. We even has a video walkthrough prepared.
Laborer Custodial:
CANAL WINCHESTER OH NC11298992 03/23/2023
GRANVILLE OH NC11298999 03/23/2023
CHARLEVOIX MI NC11297550 03/22/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11272282 03/16/2023
REDMOND WA NC11290022 03/15/2023
KETCHUM ID NC11302140 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301053 03/25/2023
BRATTLEBORO VT NC11300914 03/25/2023
DICKINSON ND NC11300841 03/24/2023
BISMARCK ND NC11300837 03/24/2023
BISMARCK ND NC11300831 03/24/2023
CROOKSTON MN NC11300673 03/24/2023
WHITE RIVER JUNCTION VT NC11300224 03/24/2023
FENTON MO NC11299177 03/24/2023
BOSTON MA NC11299139 03/24/2023
PENDLETON OR NC11299123 03/24/2023
GRAY GA NC11297961 03/23/2023
LAGRANGE GA NC11297953 03/23/2023
JESUP GA NC11297950 03/23/2023
KINGSLAND GA NC11297774 03/23/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297767 03/23/2023
HICKORY NC NC11297724 03/23/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11296097 03/22/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11285816 03/20/2023
LEESBURG VA NC11294817 03/19/2023
TRAVERSE CITY MI NC11293101 03/18/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301206 03/25/2023
Maintenance Mechanic:
SHREWSBURY MA NC11299180 03/24/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11289187 03/21/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11299102 03/23/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11298964 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11302501 03/25/2023
PHOENIX AZ NC11294808 03/20/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302228 03/25/2023
OAKLAND CA NC11299110 03/23/2023
MERRIFIELD VA NC11294815 03/19/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11297952 03/23/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288732 03/20/2023
JAMAICA NY NC11288847 03/25/2023
HARTFORD CT NC11300915 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301200 03/25/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11302407 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293083 03/18/2023
MELVILLE NY NC11288826 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288711 03/20/2023
CHICAGO IL NC11292143 03/17/2023
AUGUSTA GA NC11292936 03/17/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302333 03/25/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11289177 03/21/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288728 03/20/2023
CAROL STREAM IL NC11292109 03/17/2023
HISTORIC NEW CASTLE DE NC11299043 03/26/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301213 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301150 03/25/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11299029 03/23/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302325 03/25/2023
MACON GA NC11292871 03/17/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301171 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301158 03/25/2023
KEARNY NJ NC11296167 03/27/2023
DES MOINES IA NC11302145 03/25/2023
DALLAS TX NC11299590 03/24/2023
COPPELL TX NC11299592 03/24/2023
BELL GARDENS CA NC11287325 03/21/2023
FARMINGTON NM NC11294794 03/20/2023
Special! Interesting
Maintenance Jobs: (
may be skills required)
Maintenance Mechanic MPE:
CAPITOL HEIGHTS MD NC11297600 03/23/2023
MELVILLE NY NC11288829 03/25/2023
FARGO ND NC11302226 03/25/2023
DULLES VA NC11294816 03/19/2023
WEST FARGO ND NC11302193 03/25/2023
WAITE PARK MN NC11304276 03/26/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302284 03/25/2023
FARGO ND NC11302190 03/25/2023
BOSTON MA NC11296309 03/22/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11289175 03/21/2023
PORTLAND OR NC11301307 03/25/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297723 03/23/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302329 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293003 03/18/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301303 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288712 03/20/2023
DALLAS TX NC11299578 03/24/2023
Building Equipment Mechanic:
HEIGHTS MD NC11290064 03/16/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302244 03/25/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302230 03/25/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302294 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA NC11294603 03/18/2023
Garage Assistant:
MCALLEN TX NC11291630 03/16/2023
AURORA IL NC11302233 03/25/2023
General Clerk VMF:
MANCHESTER NH NC11299377 03/24/2023
Electronic Technician:
NORTH READING MA NC11299182 03/24/2023
CHICAGO IL NC11292188 03/17/2023
DETROIT MI NC11300595 03/24/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301165 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11297768 03/23/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302246 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301212 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293110 03/18/2023
CAPITOL HEIGHTS MD NC11294867 03/19/2023
MANKATO MN NC11302194 03/25/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297614 03/23/2023
BEMIDJI MN NC11300829 03/24/2023
COPPELL TX NC11299593 03/24/2023
LUBBOCK TX NC11294802 03/19/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302236 03/25/2023
WASHINGTON DC NC11297954 03/23/2023
WEST FARGO ND NC11302144 03/25/2023
NON-Maintenance jerbs:
SALES,SVCS/DISTRIBUTION ASSOC:
GLASGOW MT NC11296091 03/21/2023
MAPLE FALLS WA NC11296082 03/19/2023
FLORA VISTA NM NC11305346 03/28/2023
EASTSOUND WA NC11295971 03/20/2023
CULLEOKA TN NC11294523 03/18/2023
CORVALLIS MT NC11299118 03/24/2023
WYMORE NE NC11299107 03/23/2023
PALMYRA VA NC11299598 03/24/2023
FREELAND WA NC11301079 03/25/2023
BASSETT NE NC11294668 03/18/2023
SPRINGDALE WA NC11296087 03/20/2023
PERKINSTON MS NC11297989 03/23/2023
SELLS AZ NC11302414 03/25/2023
KENAI AK NC11300907 03/24/2023
ASPEN CO NC11297726 03/23/2023
ABERDEEN MS NC11297984 03/23/2023
BORGER TX NC11299103 03/24/2023
HONEY BROOK PA NC11296174 03/22/2023
DALLASTOWN PA NC11296576 03/22/2023
WATERLOO NE NC11298987 03/23/2023
VALDERS WI NC11301030 03/25/2023
SELLS AZ NC11302451 03/25/2023
RUTLAND MA NC11299516 03/24/2023
ROY WA NC11296081 03/20/2023
REEDLEY CA NC11296222 03/24/2023
QUILCENE WA NC11296078 03/20/2023
PIEDMONT OK NC11297962 03/23/2023
ORTING WA NC11297556 03/22/2023
ORLEANS MA NC11298202 03/23/2023
OLIVET MI NC11291746 03/17/2023
HILLS IA NC11299034 03/23/2023
ESSEX MA NC11296340 03/22/2023
DEXTER OR NC11296094 03/21/2023
COOL CA NC11300901 03/24/2023
CLARKSTON WA NC11295974 03/20/2023
BETHPAGE TN NC11294606 03/18/2023
SLIPPERY ROCK PA NC11296544 03/22/2023
CAVE JUNCTION OR NC11296085 03/21/2023
SAINT MATTHEWS SC NC11302467 03/26/2023
HICO TX NC11293402 03/18/2023
WILLARDS MD NC11298205 03/23/2023
WAIMANALO HI NC11294630 03/18/2023
LAKELAND MI NC11302798 03/26/2023
CARMEL VALLEY CA NC11298211 03/24/2023
HOWARD LAKE MN NC11302853 03/26/2023
GORDON NE NC11294636 03/18/2023
CASTROVILLE CA NC11297538 03/22/2023
DELTA JUNCTION AK NC11300799 03/24/2023
BLOOMING PRAIRIE MN NC11296095 03/20/2023
City Carrier:
BROOMFIELD CO NC11275444 03/21/2023
ALBANY NY NC11305449 03/28/2023
APTOS CA NC11291514 03/24/2023
BARRINGTON IL NC11294396 03/25/2023
CAMP HILL PA NC11296490 03/22/2023
EAST PALO ALTO CA NC11292056 03/24/2023
GLENSHAW PA NC11296496 03/22/2023
LAKE FOREST IL NC11294505 03/28/2023
LOS ALTOS CA NC11291594 03/24/2023
MC LEAN VA NC11288929 03/15/2023
MORGAN HILL CA NC11292053 03/24/2023
MOUNT PROSPECT IL NC11293521 03/26/2023
MOUNTAIN VIEW CA NC11292059 03/24/2023
MUNDELEIN IL NC11293656 03/27/2023
OAKLAND CA NC11297772 03/24/2023
OWATONNA MN NC11297955 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11297763 03/23/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11297773 03/24/2023
SANTA BARBARA CA NC11291592 03/28/2023
SANTA CLARA CA NC11290813 03/24/2023
SCHENECTADY NY NC11305445 03/28/2023
SOUTH SEATTLE WA NC11297967 03/24/2023
SUNNYVALE CA NC11292052 03/24/2023
TAPPAN NY NC11290450 03/25/2023
WATSONVILLE CA NC11291605 03/24/2023
WHEELING IL NC11293660 03/26/2023
WHEELING IL NC11294607 03/27/2023
CAMPBELL CA NC11290875 03/24/2023
CENTRAL SEATTLE WA NC11297973 03/24/2023
NORTH SEATTLE WA NC11298157 03/24/2023
ARVADA CO NC11290373 03/26/2023
BUFFALO GROVE IL NC11293711 03/26/2023
CORTE MADERA CA NC11298159 03/23/2023
CUPERTINO CA NC11291553 03/24/2023
DES PLAINES IL NC11294509 03/25/2023
GLENVIEW IL NC11294504 03/26/2023
GRAND ISLAND NE NC11294521 03/27/2023
IOWA CITY IA NC11297529 03/25/2023
LOS GATOS CA NC11291546 03/24/2023
MILL VALLEY CA NC11298160 03/23/2023
NORTH WALES PA NC11296317 03/22/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11297860 03/24/2023
SAN CARLOS CA NC11298164 03/23/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11297864 03/24/2023
SOUTH SHORE - BOSTON MA NC11297721 03/24/2023
WATERTOWN WI NC11296556 03/22/2023
WAUKEGAN IL NC11293614 03/26/2023
WAYNESBORO VA NC11291790 03/17/2023
WHEELING IL NC11293706 03/26/2023
WILMETTE IL NC11293718 03/25/2023
APPLETON WI NC11296321 03/23/2023
AURORA CO NC11297870 03/24/2023
CAPITOLA CA NC11291515 03/24/2023
CEDAR RAPIDS IA NC11291946 03/22/2023
DAVENPORT IA NC11289974 03/23/2023
DENVER CO NC11297956 03/24/2023
DENVER CO NC11297959 03/24/2023
DENVER CO NC11297979 03/24/2023
DULUTH MN NC11302792 03/26/2023
GLENS FALLS NY NC11305507 03/28/2023
HIBBING MN NC11302779 03/26/2023
KANSAS CITY MO NC11297762 03/24/2023
LAFAYETTE CA NC11298966 03/23/2023
LAKE FOREST IL NC11294494 03/25/2023
LAKEWOOD CO NC11297958 03/24/2023
MADISON WI NC11297951 03/24/2023
MEDINA OH NC11291784 03/28/2023
MENLO PARK CA NC11298965 03/23/2023
MILPITAS CA NC11291557 03/24/2023
MISSION KS NC11297765 03/24/2023
MOUNT HOREB WI NC11296314 03/22/2023
NORTHBROOK IL NC11293552 03/26/2023
NORTHGLENN CO NC11297995 03/24/2023
REDWOOD CITY CA NC11298296 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11298971 03/23/2023
SAN MATEO CA NC11298167 03/23/2023
SAN RAFAEL CA NC11298161 03/23/2023
SANDY UT NC11305342 03/28/2023
SANTA CRUZ CA NC11291625 03/24/2023
SANTA ROSA CA NC11304471 03/28/2023
VALHALLA NY NC11296158 03/26/2023
GREATER BOSTON - BOSTON MA NC11297714 03/24/2023
AMES IA NC11289073 03/23/2023
NORTH SHORE - BOSTON MA NC11297752 03/24/2023
Rural Carrier:
BROOKINGS SD NC11304416 03/27/2023
PULLMAN WA NC11289191 03/22/2023
MIDDLETON WI NC11294805 03/19/2023
MENOMONIE WI NC11294698 03/19/2023
MANITOWOC WI NC11294770 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294682 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294641 03/19/2023
HILLSBORO ND NC11304472 03/26/2023
ELDORA IA NC11304281 03/27/2023
EAU CLAIRE WI NC11294679 03/19/2023
EAU CLAIRE WI NC11294677 03/19/2023
BRIGHTON CO NC11304335 03/27/2023
AMERY WI NC11294788 03/19/2023
WILMINGTON NC NC11301218 03/25/2023
VERGENNES VT NC11301210 03/25/2023
PITTSFIELD NH NC11298031 03/23/2023
OTTUMWA IA NC11304280 03/27/2023
OSKALOOSA IA NC11304283 03/27/2023
MENOMONIE WI NC11294782 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294795 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294647 03/19/2023
LEBANON PA NC11297537 03/22/2023
HORACE ND NC11300532 03/24/2023
CLINTONVILLE WI NC11294692 03/19/2023
BRIGHTON CO NC11302512 03/25/2023
BALLSTON SPA NY NC11305443 03/26/2023
HUMBOLDT IA NC11304332 03/27/2023
YORK PA NC11296590 03/22/2023
SHIPPENSBURG PA NC11296593 03/22/2023
SCARBOROUGH ME NC11302736 03/26/2023
RUMNEY NH NC11297957 03/23/2023
HARRISBURG PA NC11296582 03/22/2023
DENVER PA NC11296596 03/22/2023
CHATTAROY WA NC11291846 03/22/2023
MADISON WI NC11294777 03/19/2023
Motor Vehicle Operator:
SPRINGFIELD IL P&DC NC11304272 03/27/2023
PORTLAND OR P&DC NC11302458 03/25/2023
SAN JOSE CA P&DC NC11302459 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11302460 03/25/2023
SYRACUSE NY P&DC NC11302215 03/25/2023
Tractor Trailer Operator:
CHICAGO NDC NC11301112 03/25/2023
DENVER CO P&DC NC11302222 03/25/2023
DVD BLDG NJ P&DC NC11302090 03/25/2023
MORGAN NY P&DC NC11301120 03/25/2023
OAKLAND CA P&DC NC11302098 03/25/2023
PORTLAND OR P&DC NC11301306 03/25/2023
SAINT PAUL MN P&DC NC11302211 03/24/2023
SEATTLE NDC NC11302206 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11302223 03/25/2023
SO JERSEY NJ P&DC NC11301124 03/25/2023
NEW JERSEY NDC NC11301302 03/25/2023
TACOMA WA P&DC NC11302457 03/25/2023
BUSSE IL P&DC NC11301104 03/25/2023
SAN FRANCISCO P&DC NC11302202 03/25/2023
CAROL STREAM IL P&DC NC11301106 03/25/2023
CHICAGO INTL SVC CTR NC11301109 03/25/2023
MIDDLESEX-ESSEX P&DC NC11301115 03/25/2023
SALT LAKE CITY P&DC NC11305448 03/28/2023
No experience necessary for the laborer custodial or maintenance mechanic positions. It helps on the interview but you can surely think of maintenance related experience to relay for an interview. Based on fixing things around your house, the car etc.
Always mention working safely.
Pro tip: You can apply for any job that has an exam opening and the test is administered local to yourself. Make sure you're serious and score decently; you can turn down the job offer. Keep a physical copy of your exam score, I believe they are good for two years.
The reason is: These job postings can be posted externally at capacity for testing, meaning they will not allow you to take the exam if they have enough qualified applicants. However, if you have a test score on the books,
you are a qualified applicant.
Explanation of MVO/TTO to save time:
MVO= CDL B Can only drive box trucks on public roads, can drive anything for moves on postal property.
TTO= CDL A Can drive anything.
USPS provides the training. (Maintenance jobs at least. TTO and management...GOOD LUCK)
You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you. Everything but proper email usage. Credit to
u/SpacePaladin15 for the NOP world.
I hope everyone enjoyed the first foray into Venlil education of our home’s biodiversity. There were a lot of guesses for what I was describing and many of them were right on the money. I’ll be revealing some of them as the story progresses.
Other comments made me realise that I’ve never actually described our primary narrator Rysel, which I intend to remedy. I was going to do this anyway but here, a bit earlier than expected, is the second POV in this story. Hope you enjoy.
[First] [Previous] Memory transcription subject: Dr Bernard MacEwan, Professor of Zoology Date [standardised human time]: 21st August 2136
To say I was happy would be a gross understatement. Ecstatic, delighted, joyous and thrilled were far superior adjectives to portray just how incredible this moment of my life was, yet even they felt lacking. Right now, in front of my very eyes, a room full of aliens were taking in their first sights of the biodiverse bounty of Earth. I thanked my lucky stars that out of everyone who could’ve been picked for this project, it was I who had the immense privilege of observing the dazzling parade of emotions that accompanied the Venlil’s first impressions.
Turning my head, steadily so as not to spook anyone, I cast my eyes across the room. Unlike many lecture halls I’d been in, the undersides of the desks were not obscured by typical wooden or plastic panelling. Instead, the underside was completely open, giving me an unrestricted view of the Venlil’s legs, feet, and tail as they sat behind the desks. This made perfect sense. While humans were primarily emotive through our facial features and hand gestures, the Venlil seemed to use their tails and ears as their main method of expressing outward emotion. The lack of obstruction was ideal in aiding my observations as the exercise progressed.
One Venlil’s tail swayed low and slow, their head cocked to one side as their ears flicked back and forth at opposing angles. The tail and ear movements were too alien to me to discern meaning from them, but the cocked head rang familiar tones. Perhaps it could be confusion? This body language, coupled with a slightly slack jawed facial expression, indicated that I may be on the right track. Marvellous!
Another reaction from an audience member at the back felt far easier to identify, fear I believe. Their ears were pinned back across their head, their tail frozen stiff behind them. Similar to humans, their eyes were open wide in apparent shock and a slight tremor seemed to be permeating through their body. I considered intervening but swatted down the idea in the same instant. If they’re that scared of a picture, then a human walking right up to them in a moment of shock will likely cause more problems than it will fix. Thankfully a fellow volunteer, sat beside the immobile Venlil, noticed the predicament, quickly tapping the offending image away from the pad and bringing their tail up to in the process, rubbing it gently across their scared compatriots back. Together, these actions appeared to help the statuesque Venlil as they began to loosen up, tail swishing at an even pace, ears returning to an upright position. The shaking remained sadly but at least they were active again.
How it occurred was unfortunate, but it was fascinating to see how the Venlil reacted both to stressful stimuli and how they comforted one another in times of distress. Incredible!
Who is next, ah yes that one, I recognise them. The first of the class to ask me a question. They seemed a bit smaller than the rest of the Venlil in the room. Younger perhaps, or maybe older who knows? That’s the point of all this I suppose.
If I was to hazard a guess, I would say they are, calm or perhaps bored? The tail isn’t moving but it’s relaxed not stiff like the last one. Their ears are moving too but in a sluggish fashion, flopping lazily from side to side. They’re also resting their head in one hand as they flick through the images with their free hand, paw I should say. Yep, they’re bored. Disappointing I suppose but then again, I can’t expect everyone to be so emotive, oh now wait a second… there we go, saw something that gave you a bit of a startle I imagine, given how you almost knocked yourself off your seat. I smirked, trying to muffle any noise I might be making. I certainly did not relish any fear that may be caused in this exercise, but it never failed to amuse me back home when a student who wasn’t paying attention got a bit of a shock back to reality. Still, I shouldn’t find amusement in this, it’s no wonder that the Venlil were so skittish around even pictures, given what all of humanity had learned in the last month.
----
When the news came back that the Odyssey had not only encountered life but had made first contact with a fully sapient space faring species known as the Venlil, well, to say the reaction was overwhelming would be like comparing a wax candle to the sun. Within minutes of the news breaking, I had become simultaneously glued to my television, displaying livestreams from news stations as information flowed in. Additionally, I was logged into a video call with a dozen of my colleagues from all over the world. The news immediately ignited frantic discussion on what type of life may exist on alien planets.
Questions ranged from what you would expect from a chat room full of zoologist, to others that would’ve been completely farcical before these world rocking events. My favourites in those categories had ended up being, “Do you think they’ll have parallels to Earth in terms of biodiversity?” and the other, “Could their evolutionary tree be similar yet almost opposite to ours? Like, maybe they have whales too but instead of swimming under the great pressures of the oceans they are instead as light as birds, sailing through the skies?”. The reason the first question was my favourite was clear. The concept of how much new life was out there in the stars had never been far away from my mind. In our early days of space exploration, we’d learned that Mars might once have had liquid water that theoretically contained life and the moon of Europa could also have been home to microbial organisms, hidden within its frozen surface. Now to discover that there were entire worlds that supported complex alien life!? The possibilities were exquisitely endless, only matched by imagination itself. The second question was appreciated for that exact reason. Endless possibilities meant exactly that. Perhaps there really were whales drifting gracefully through alien skies, their bones and flesh made of materials so light that air itself was dense enough for them to “swim” through. An astonishingly silly yet wonderful concept that in the moment seemed all that closer… then a soberingly awful reality was forced upon us.
They were terrified of us. The Venlil, along with the rest of their hundred’s strong alliance of advanced alien civilisations, were horrified by our very existence. They were so scared at the arrival of just two of our astronaut’s that their government rushed billions into bomb shelters, sending out a distress signal for military aid to protect them from the awful harm they believed we intended to inflict. The reason that drove them to act this way was just as shocking as the actions themselves. The Venlil, and the Federation they were part of, were comprised completely of obligate herbivores. In their eyes we were a predatory species, our binocular vision, canine teeth, and ability to consume meat were all indicators to that effect. A violent horde of carnivorous, destructive entities that could only draw delight and meaning from the cruelty of inflicting pain upon all in our path, that was what they saw in us.
How could they think this way!? What could possibly have happened in their combined histories that led hundreds of alien species to perceive us as an existential threat simply because of those traits? First of all, it was simply not the case that all creatures with forward facing vision were automatically predators or even carnivorous for that matter! Right off the top of my head, various species of Megabat had been identified with eyes positioned towards the front of their heads. Due to the composition of their diet, many were considered frugivores or even nectarivores. Furthermore, there were countless examples of meat eaters that had eyes on the side of their head. Reptiles like Grass Snakes, Leopard Geckos and the Komodo Dragons were ideal examples of obligate carnivores with eyes on the side of their skull. Many birds possessed this trait as well, ranging from the miniscule and omnivorous Bee Hummingbird of the Cuban archipelago, that subsisted on nectar and insects, to the Emperor Penguins of Antarctica that preyed upon fish, crustaceans, and cephalopods, and were themselves preyed on by Leopard Seals and Orcas, two more predators with eyes on the side of their head. Finally, canine teeth in humans served only to tear food into smaller pieces, all food not just meat, and it wasn’t just carnivores that had them either. Hippos were a perfect example of an herbivore species with enormous twenty-inch canines that continuously grew throughout their life cycle, never mind the fact that they were notoriously dangerous, being extremely territorial and aggressive if they perceived intrusion or danger.
My mind spun with this paradoxical stream of information. How could civilisations so advanced have such a simplistic, almost naïve way, of identifying whether a living being was a danger to them? And how could they be so horrified by the concept of creatures being carnivores or even omnivores like us? By their own explanation, every species in the Federation were obligate herbivores who coexisted in a near utopian peace amongst one another, but to them we were the complete antithesis of that way of life simply because of our eye position and diet. Surely life amongst the stars could not be so different to Earths that it all fit neatly into that fixed binary of plant eater means peaceful and meat eater means death!? It just didn’t make any sense!
The horrifying ramifications of what that could mean for Earth, should aliens arrive and see how our ecosystems function, was not lost on those on the video call. We immediately dived back into discussion, revisiting the questions that had already sprung into my mind and many more. There had to be a logical reason for this mentality. Perhaps during the development of these societies they’d gone through extinction events or climate crises, just like Earth had throughout our ancient and modern history, tragically destroying habitats, and forcing species into extinction, leaving the rest to evolve rapidly and dangerously to fit the very predatory traits the Venlil had explained to us? It could also be that these alien worlds were very uniform in their environmental conditions. So much so that evolutionary specialisation that arose from differing habitats simply didn’t happen and led to a very narrow field of what a prey or predator species could look like? Possibly, depressingly, it might simply be the case that life on alien worlds really did fit into this binary system and Earth was just an incredibly rare anomaly of extreme biodiversity.
While several other ideas were floated during our deliberation, only these three held any water in our opinions, though even they were quickly whittled down to the most likely scenario we could glean without more data. Hypothesis one required that all, or at least a majority, of Federation societies all went through the same circumstances of environmental catastrophe, evolution, and survival into the space age. This seemed extremely unlikely, given that the same scenario would’ve had to play out nearly identically across hundreds of planets at the hands of the Federation members, both before and after integration into their alliance. Number two didn’t hold much stock either. For it to be true, each world the Federation inhabited would have to be dominated by one single biome across the entire planet. Short of vast terraforming efforts we couldn’t see how something like that could form naturally.
From the limited information we had to hand, hypothesis three was the most compelling rationale to this abnormal predator prey binary. As bizarre as it sounded, it may be true that Earth was an anomaly. That the life present here was a product of environmental factors that just didn’t exist anywhere else, blessing this planet with an overflowing cornucopia of organisms so wonderful and randomly diverse that it made our world so magnificently unique even in an endless eternity of stars. With this thought, my disappointment gave way to a surprising surge of elation! If Earth was truly unique in its biodiversity, then perhaps we could share our knowledge with alien life! Sure, maybe they may have technology beyond our wildest dreams, but we could teach them too. Imagine it, the first sapient “predators” they had ever met and we completely flipped their understanding of nature. To explain to aliens from across the stars how ecosystems on Earth didn’t fit into a simple binary but were instead an intricate, exquisite web in which everything was linked in a glorious, yet fragile, cycle of life.
How amazing would that be, to be able to contribute to this interstellar community, not as the new primitives just breaking the bonds of their home system, but as equals with our own wealth of knowledge and points of view to share. The idea was so magical I came close to leaping from my seat into dance!
…A shocked gasp from one of my colleagues drew me out of fantasy, focusing my attention back to harsh reality. Through the video call I noticed they were staring at their phone, eyes watering as their face contorted in appalled horror. Realising they must have seen something in the news I nearly dived over my desk to retrieve the remote to unmute my television, having silenced it during discussions. What could they have seen to repulse them so severely? It took seconds for me to unmute the TV to hear the news presenter, though it felt like time stood still. The TV finally audible, I listened intently to the most recent reports. As I listened, my hopes and dreams were shattered into pieces. We were not the first sapient predators to have encountered the Federation.
The Arxur. Sapient reptilians had engaged the Federation in a centuries long campaign of genocidal raids, ending the lives of unknowable billions, reducing worlds to ashes and glass, wiping out dozens of civilisations in the process. Incredibly, horrendously, that was only the surface layer of their true malevolence. From hellish malice that could only dwell in the minds of the most deranged sociopaths, the Arxur raids not only slaughtered their targets with impunity but seized anyone they could find, not to use as slaves or bargaining chips against the Federation, but as food! Adults, children, the elderly, anyone they could get their claws on was subjected to a nightmarish barbarity I could scarcely fathom, ending in the jaws and stomach of one of these monstrous beasts. No wonder the Venlil had been scarred to death of our astronauts. The traits they viewed as predatory were given new a light of comprehension. The Arxur fit those traits like a glove and tragically we shared a couple of those traits with them, binocular vision being the most distinct.
In a day of revelations about life in the galaxy, it was this that finally ran me into the ground, no longer having the motivation to function. Attempting to maintain a façade of some normalcy, I bid my friends good night, entering my bedroom where I collapsed into bed, neglecting to change into pyjamas or even remove my prosthetic…What did it matter anyway? In a single day the entire world had been flipped upside down. We’d been introduced to alien life, the long sought after confirmation that were not alone in this vast universe. We’d been crushed by the revelation that they fear us for existing, seeing us as monsters bent on cruel wanton destruction. Finally, to top it all off, we’d learned to our revulsion that there are genocidal lizards in the cosmos that consume other sapients as food… HOW COULD ANYONE PROCESS ALL THIS SHIT!!!
…Drained of all enthusiasm and energy, I lay staring at the ceiling. Intrusive thoughts ran rampant through my mind, reminding me of everything I’d learned, but thankfully none of them latched on as I zoned out in the darkness of my bedroom, eventually, blissfully, being overcome by sleep.
The next few days were a haze. I kept the news channels up on my television whenever I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t switched on enough to pay much attention, but I still didn’t want to miss anything. Several of my friends and colleagues reached out to chat and check up on me, worried that I hadn’t returned a number of calls in the immediate aftermath of my exit from the previous days video conference. I assured them that I was fine and that I just needed time to process everything we’d learned. In truth I was far from fine, the revelation that the universe was full of hostile life, seemingly separated along binary lines of predator and prey was a tough pill to swallow. The Arxur were most certainly the greater of two evils, but it wasn’t a superb feeling to know that everyone else in the galaxy was terrified of us due to our appearance and diet, willing to call war fleets in distress at our arrival. The weight of reality felt like it would snap me in two. Suddenly, an unexpected lifeline was tossed my way.
As I meandered throughout my house in a daze, I happened to pass the television at the most fortuitous of moments. A presenter was interviewing a UN representative and they were discussing plans for an exchange programme between the Venlil and ourselves. How could this be? I thought they were too scared to deal with two humans, much less interact with more of us? Watching with intense curiosity I learned that the UN had built quite the rapport with Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic, thanks in no small part to the great efforts undertaken by the astronauts Sara and Noah, and they had agreed to start pairing up Humans and Venlil through a messaging service, with the aim to eventually introduce them in person.
This was amazing! A ray of light that I desperately needed after these forlorn days. Here was a chance, tentative though it may be, that we could prove to the galaxy that we came in peace and were nothing like the monstrous Arxur. I knew what I had to do.
With new life breathed into me I got to work. Booting up my computer, I looked up the requirements to apply. Simple enough really, provide your name, age, occupation, yada yada, answer a set array of questions, blah, blah, blah, write or record a brief reason for interest, standard fare all in all, none of which took long to complete. My reason for joining was brief and straightforward.
“The Venlil fear us as they perceive our appearance and diet as evidence that we are predators like the Arxur. From what we’ve learned of this reptilian species, the Venlil’s fright is understandable. However, Earth proves that the line between predator and prey is not so simple. I believe that as a Zoologist I can aid in educating the Venlil, teaching them that the traits they see as predatory are not so clear cut on Earth. In doing so, I believe that they can see us in a truer light, that Humans do not fit into their one size fits all predator prey belief. That we are much more complex and we want to share everything we are with them, in peaceful coexistence. It is my hope that through dialogue with a Venlil, I can do my part to make that dream a reality.”
Satisfied with my pitch I submitted my application, and began the arduous task of waiting for a response from government bureaucracy. Convinced it would take weeks to get any response, let alone an acceptance letter, I settled back into my normal rhythms, hopeful anticipation returning my zest for life that had been previously swept out from under me.
The next couple days held true to my expectations of governmental timescales, receiving an automated “Thank you for applying” message over twenty-four hours after my submission. Incredibly, only four days after my submission, I received the official response. The UN are clearly in overdrive to get this out so fast. With barely contained glee I read the email, only for my joy to fall into a deep well of disappointment. I hadn’t been accepted for the exchange of messages. Eye’s trailing away from the message, I could only sit and stare blankly, a profound sense of sadness resonating through me. Minutes passed as a I processed the upsetting news before I returned to the letter. I at least deserved to know was why I had been rejected!
Continuing through the letter, the weight of the rejection pressed upon me, but began to lift as I read the text in full, turning instead to confusion, realisation and then completely overwhelming me with the same sense of thrilling delight that had coursed through me when I’d first envisioned teaching aliens about Earth and all its majestic wildlife. The UN didn’t just want me to chat with one Venlil, they wanted me to teach an entire class of researchers and scientists. This was a dream come true!
This time I really did leap out of my seat, happiness lifting my old bones into an impromptu jig on the spot. I was going into space, to another planet, to meet an entirely new race of sapient beings! I had so much to do. Lesson plans, researcher to collate, decisions on which animals I should introduce them to and how I should introduce them. So much to do, but in this instant it seemed so far away as I continued my merry dance. So enthused was I, that I didn’t notice the coffee table in my path, ramming my left leg into the table, good thing it was the prosthetic. The floor quickly rose to meet me, connecting to my body with a heavy thud. A voice in the back of my head scolded my carelessness, “God dammit it Bernard, you’re seventy-four be more careful.” Though it was quickly drowned out by the ruckus of childlike wonder screaming at the forefront of my mind, “I’M GOING TO MEET ALIENS!!!”.
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The memories that brought me here creased my face in a wide smile as I continued my observation of the couple dozen individuals before me. The confused Venlil seemed to have gained some confidence, making their way steadily but surely though the images displayed. Our scared stiff student had buddied up with the one that had comforted them, a light orange spreading across their face as they discussed the images with their new friend, curious. My previously bored audience member was now much more alert and attentive as they made their way through the exercise. They held the pad out from their body, as if whatever would appear on the screen could jump out at them. Not ideal, I’ll keep an eye on that, but at least they were now paying attention.
Eventually my eyes fell on the Venlil that had asked me if I was injured, and I beheld a truly remarkable sight. They sat near the dead centre of the room, their sleek coat almost entirely black besides a blotch of tan coloured wool on their chest, an additional small black patch at its centre. Their appearance reminded me of a Sun Bear, though I doubt they’d appreciate the comparison.
Their sparkling emerald eyes were wide open, not in shock or fear like the other Venlil, but seemingly in awe at the images before them. I still had much to learn about Venlil body language, but how could this be anything other than pure exhilarated delight? They were completely enraptured with the images on their pad, tail swishing behind them rapidly and ears flicking wildly. No matter what they pulled up next, each image seemed to only encourage more of this behaviour and, in watching, I felt immense satisfaction. This was why I was here, to show an alien race the wonders of Earth, and to see this joyous reaction in real time? Well, it was enough to bring a tear to my eyes. I’ll be sure to learn their name at the next opportunity, but for now I think I’ll keep watching.
As I continued to watch in silence, I once again thought back to the moment the exchange was announced, that momentary beacon of light that reignited my hopes for friendship and understanding with the greater universe. Perhaps here it was again, shining down from the Sun Bear looking Venlil before me. Chuckling softly to myself, making a mental note not to call them a Sun Bear, I released a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding in, relaxing comfortably into my chair. I think this will work… Yeah, it’ll work.
Ga, I'm getting written up for being sick. They're calling it "excessive callouts". One of the days they wrote me up for I was literally in the hospital and gave them a note from the er and they wrote me up for it.
Another date in question I was throwing up and called out one day. The next day I called to ask if I could come back to work and I was reminded of their company policy that you can't come back in for 48 hours after throwing up. I got written up for those two days. Even though I was following company policy.
I wanted to talk to someone about having the write up removed from my personal file because I was following company policy but I don't feel like talking to any manager there about it would do anything except label me as a troublemaker and put a target on my back. If I go above management's head and contact the person above them (they have some sort of dispute resolution and open door person in place) I still don't think that would do anything helpful besides put a target on my back and have them write me up for more stupid shit.
I should also note that I have a disability but haven't disclosed that to all managers, only certain ones because it was necessary. I need to request accommodations but they haven't been understanding in the past so I'd really have to go above their heads for accommodations.
What should I do? I don't really want to find a new job immediately because I just started this one a couple months ago and it's one of the highest paying jobs in my area.