I want to start by saying that after all of this, the person mainly involved in this story is someone whom I still have some degree of appreciation for due to how they helped me when I was unemployed for years of my life.
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That being said, this is going to be a long one.
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Back in 2018, I was hired by a company that was pretty much just starting up. The company does official repairs on Apple products and I was hired as a technician to help maintain the volume of repairs in control. Back then, there was only 1 technician working there and then there was the owner who was the person who called me and asked me to come in. I knew the owner from my previous job experience at another company that performed official Apple repairs. When I worked for this company, the owner would come in and bring devices in bulk for us to repair so he could resell them. That's how they remembered me and they found me on LinkedIn for the sole purpose of asking me to come in and help out at this new company they have started. The problem with this, initially, was the only other tech there was not informed of this or consulted. From what I learned, the other tech had been working there for a long time and, because there was no one to cover for him, they hadn't been able to take a vacation or some days off. It got to the point that the other tech forced his time off and vacation so the owner was probably forced in getting someone to cover for him. So I did.
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It was hard to cover for someone when you do not know the nuances and procedures that needed to be followed in order to do things properly. The other tech was not there, and the owner had NO idea on how things were ran or what to do in specific situations, so my new coworker was forced to call me and just explain some things I needed to do to keep some form of order there. The days passed and my new coworker finally came back from his vacation, so things got better.
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There is one key thing about this person though that I did not mention. I have worked with them before at the same job I met the owner! I worked with them for about a year because they were fired due to a sudden change in leadership at my previous job. They were fired due to being unable to attend a meeting with the new owner of that company. Yes... They were on vacation then too. Anyways.
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As days passed at my new job, some issues with the location we were in began to boil up. The place that was rented for our business was shared with another company and the two owners butted heads with one another about some things. I was never clear on that, but it culminated in the owner of my company, now my boss, starting to scout out for a new place to be. During this process and the changes to come, I was asked not to come to work again and that they would be in contacted with me in a few weeks or a month to see whether I would return. The remaining tech helped a lot with the move and relocation of the business, new people were hired to help out and it eventually became a more proper repair shop. It took some time, but I was eventually called back to work there again.
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It is now somewhere in 2019. The business is going fine. Obviously, the first tech at the company was the one in charge and taking care of the administrative side of things, working directly with my boss to manage the business. I was solely a tech and worked on fixing what needed to be fixed. A point came in which I mainly focused on fixing iOS devices (iPhones, iPads, Watches, etc) and the other two techs there (a third was hired) would do the computers. Of course, I would help out whenever the queue would get busy on the Mac side of things; though rarely came the time I would get help when my queue of iOS devices got high. Either way, that's how it was.
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As time passed and we continued to work, I started to notice a change in the lead tech's behavior. They would space out more and go on break for a full hour, and even lock themselves in the bathroom to smoke marijuana (right inside of the business), and even began to yell more often and treat us all bad. The tech room would often reek of it, and that's just always a smell that I really disliked, but what could I do? An additional thing about my coworker's personality is that things had to be done their way and it was often pretty difficult to convince him otherwise. We had different ideas sometimes, and we often argued a lot about it. I started to speak with my boss directly more often and they agreed that how the lead tech was beginning to treat all of us was just not right and that they were aware of them being absent for such long periods of time. My boss was no longer very happy with how things were going with him, so new people were hired with the goal that the lead tech was going to be eventually fired. They also explained to me they never liked saying who was above anyone else, that we should not worry about job titles, that we work together as a team and that there is no one in charge. I, amongst my other coworkers, found this to be very odd, but we shrugged it off. This is more relevant further down the story.
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The day they were fired was a chaotic one because it meant someone had to immediately assume all of the administrative responsibilities that they were in charge of. The person to do that was me, but I was never formally trained on how to do it and I was forced to rely solely on my previous experiences along with my intuition on how things worked. Not to mention, it was now early 2020 and we were in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, so special considerations and changes were needed to accommodate the changing work environment. Luckily, I had a pretty good understanding and knowledge on how the system we used for ticket, customer, and inventory tracking worked, so I was able to learn more from there. The new person that was hired during this transitional period is very important for later in the story, so keep in the mind! Anyways, I was swarmed with a list of new tasks and responsibilities, but I also got a pay raise, so I felt it was worth it at the time. I then started to work heavily on making sense of the system and logistically connect modules with each other to form procedures with the aim of reducing the time customers take during the initial check in. I built the company a PHP form so customer can directly enter their details into the system along with the ability for them to provide a signature to our terms & conditions without the need of the person at the front desk to do it for them manually. (Yes, we also had a receptionist by then). Other changes that helped us all out were made and all of them made things better one way or another.
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More time passed, we continued to work and push the business forward. I was now working directly with my boss to handle the administrative side of the company. I was fully in charge of the system, making changes how I saw fit. I tried to explain to my boss why the changes needed to happen, but they never seemed to understand much on how everything worked, so they left it to me and my best judgement. It was during this time, after many meetings with them, that I started to see just how out of touch and unsynchronized with how our repair process worked. They didn't even know how to properly take care of a customer at the front, something that still holds true today! Albeit, not as bad as it was. Anyway. I began to pick up on these things and we started to argue about it; they would always do most of the talking and I would listen, but I would later reflect on what we talked and then I would give my opinion. A time came in which they decided to get someone else to take the helm on the administrative side of things because they were not seeing any "progress". I was still held highly and worked closely with whom they hired next to do said job.
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To cut down a bit from the story, about 3 different people came in to do the admin side, all of which left because they saw quickly how it was to work with my boss. After the third person left, I had told them that this fourth person coming in would be the last time that I would invest in explaining how everything worked. After all, for each of those people, I had to sit one-on-one with them and basically onboard them on the processes and procedures that needed to be followed in order to keep our account in good standing and maintain our system with minimal errors. As you all may imagine, it is very tiring to have to do this process over and over again after you have your hopes up that this FINALLY may be the person to be able to properly work with my boss and maintained things how they needed to be maintained. But nope. They left as well.
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I should have left right then and there, given my two weeks, and begun my search for a new job. You see, another major factor that had me rethinking things about this job was the very fact that, from the start, we all were paid with a 1099 (AKA Independent Contractors) and not with W2s. The duties and responsibilities we had at this job demanded for a W2, but since the company was fairly small and not well-established yet, we were always lenient on demanding this from our employer; however, we were always hopeful that the day would come this could be implemented. There was a very short period in which it was implemented, a whole two weeks! Then it was removed. It never was implemented again, but I stayed regardless now solely based on the fact that I considered my boss to still be a good, honest person who was just having a really tough time keeping things afloat and just doing what they could to help all of us out. (After all, they DID hire me when I was not working for years before, so I cannot be gracious enough to him about that). We still managed to work out through it, and my boss had brought someone from their own family to help out; that person lasted a month! And they left like everyone else.
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It was around this time that the coworker mentioned from earlier (the one that was mostly hired to fire the one who smoked marijuana) was given the "helm" per say (even though my boss never liked to say it officially), so I began to butt heads with this coworker because they were under the impression that the situation at the workplace stemmed from my inability to be firm and take charge. Sure, I was not the most firm and demanding person, but how could I ever go against the wishes of my boss? The new coworker in charge began to speak more directly with my boss while I started to go back to being a technician and helping out with the queue. I was still consulted when they were going to make big changes, but no more than that. Even though I was fuming at the current changes that were being made, because I honestly thought I had done nothing wrong and people who were previously hired to do the admin job leaving because of my boss was a clear testament to that, I managed to collect myself and eventually work together with my coworker to both challenge our boss on his unproductive ideas. We started to work together, and instead of my coworker being fully in charge, we started to see it as we both were in charge. My coworker handled more of the workload distribution, and tech room management while I handled administrative tasks such as checking for errors in the system and fix discrepancies.
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One thing I forgot to mention was that the system always had errors (as does any system in any company) but I kept those errors to a bare minimum, I'd say about 10% of it had errors that were not fixed; however, there was a time in which I was asked to no longer do that activity, so pretty much being forced to stop. When I did that, errors skyrocketed and it was just so bad that they had to put me back to do it.
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To no one's surprise, my coworker eventually got really fed up with my boss. It got to the point that the few of us who worked there formed a WhatsApp group solely so we can talk amongst ourselves about how things were never going to improve and that this was all for nothing. We talked shit, you know, to vent our frustrations about the environment we worked in. Specially since about 70% of meetings we had with our boss, both 1-on-1 and as a team, would result in screaming and one of us walking out of the meeting angrily. It was just demoralizing and just plainly... sad. My boss also began to hire people without consulting us first, and expect us to train them so they can help out; something we did the first few times this happened, but we stopped nearing the end. My coworker eventually gave their two weeks' notice and my boss, well, they didn't react well. The notice was given to him on a Friday, and my coworker was fired that very Sunday. No notice, no extra time. Just plain gone along with an additional coworker. I later found out that the main motivation behind the firings was the sheer fact that they participated a lot in talking crap about my boss. I was just speechless and angrier than I have ever been.
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The following Monday, I come in and I have a 1-on-1 meeting with my boss. We had sat together before and discussed some key changes that I needed for them to make in order to remain employed at their company. I had asked them to provide me with a proper W2, and another pay raise since it had been two years before my previous one. In the meeting we had that Monday, they pretty much told me that my pay raise was still "under review" and that a new person they had hired that very Monday was going to "supervise" me and that I had to work closely with them and my boss to move things along. I mentally checked out as I heard them talk and for the rest of the day, I focused my efforts in gathering all the files and documents I had for the company, make sure I didn't have extra copies of sensitive information such as payroll or client data (I kept track of all the things related to the company and did all of the hours for the employees). I copied it all to an external drive for my boss. The thing about that Monday, though, is that amidst this new drama that had come up, our boss had failed to pay us. Our pay always came on a Friday, bi-weekly, and they had not paid us when we were due that day... a recurring theme if I am to be honest. Our boss, more often that not, was always late on paying us when we were due; what I did on that Monday was told my boss that I urgently needed my full pay because I had payments coming up and I didn't have enough to cover them, so they agreed to take me to the bank directly themselves so I could deposit a check that had my full amount due written on it. (I do not drive.)
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Once I made sure my payment was made in full and I copied all of the data relevant for my boss to continue their business, I quit. On the spot. I had called my mom earlier to come pick me up and wanted to wait for her to be outside so I didn't have to wait like an idiot after resigning like that. This is not the end of the story, though! You see, our company always had a "week in reserve" of pay for employees so the company could have some leverage to make sure employees do not take advantage of the company if they get fired or they decide to quit. (Things like taking assets of the company with them without permission), but they were always paid once my boss made sure that none of that was taking place. For my coworkers who were fired, they put their accounts and payments up to date in just a couple of days. With me, though, not so much. I had the misfortune of having experienced some recent damages to devices that were brought in for repair, two consecutive ones at that, and of course I assumed all responsibility for those damages and owned up to my mistakes when they happened. Not for it to be an excuse, but I was under a lot of pressure during that time due to all the things that were happening at the company and was not very careful with those repairs, but I digress. My bad. I took this into consideration before leaving though, and was well aware that the amount of the parts used to fix my mistakes would be deducted from my last week's pay, so I was fine with that.
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What I was NOT fine with was that, almost half a year ago, there was another incident caused by me in which the volume flex cable of an iPhone XS was torn. A $6 part, mind you. The repair cost for this is, at the very most, $80, but my boss decided to handle it differently. They decided to purchase the device from the customer it belonged to for a whopping $250, which is the price the customer (a vendor, really) could sell the phone for. My boss thought it would be a good idea to pass down those $250 down to me and for my last week's pay to cover it when, again, they failed to listen to me that it could simply be repaired for much less. They just needed to take the phone to a different shop because that type of repair was not done at our store; and I told them I would cover the costs of that. In addition to all of this, they also decided that they would charge me an extra $50 for ordering duplicate tools that we already had at the store. Sure, it sucks extra tools were ordered when they are not immediately needed, but the fact stands the tools are there for company use. They are NOT broken or missing.
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The day I quite was on March 6, 2023 and, so fairly recent. My boss now has some people there working for them and trying to hold everything together with that new person they hired on that fateful Monday to "supervise" me along with those two people they hired a few months back without consulting us (one of whom has no idea what to do, and constantly makes mistakes). The employee that works as a receptionist there is leaving soon as well.
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But yeah, that's my story. My boss still owes me the money for my last week's pay and I am actively looking for a new, better job. Wish me luck, guys! Thank you for reading, I know this was a long post. Also, I would like to take a quick moment to say I have not actively participated in forums before (Including Reddit) so hopefully I didn't do anything wrong by writing this post. I just needed to put my thoughts in writing and for other people to understand my perspective on things.

My dad is very emotionally and mentally abusive. He also sexually abused me once before (although, I'm not sure if the sexual part was intentional, but just because there was not intention doesn't mean it wasn't still SA). There have been many cases where I have been suspect to believe he had physically abused my brother. He was the type of parent to pull over on the side of the rode for 20 spankings if I wouldn't stop humming or fidgeting in the car (both of us have ADHD btw). Skip to recently, I just got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes on January 30th. My dad has been a micromanager, and I admit, I could be handling my diabetes much easier, but he won't give it a rest. Tonight, he texted me saying:
You're still a kid and can't see into the future to understand the consequences of your actions, so I'll tell you:
You're heavily damaging our relationship.
And later, you'll blame me. Say I was too hard on you or yelled at you.
But you just keep behaving dishonestly.
Stop it. Please, just stop it.
^ Message to me
I honestly was flabbergasted at this response. He has on numerous accounts told me "my feelings don't matter". He cheated on my mother, and when I asked him, he said TO MY FACE after I found out about her (which I did on my own after they were together for 2 years), "She is more important to me. She is first, you and your brother come second."
He didn't have the easiest life growing up, but his parents are both very nice, and they care about him. They both still text my mom even though it's been about five years since the divorce (my maternal grandparents are nc with my dad).
My dad was very poor when he was younger and he calls me entitled because he makes a lot of money (which my mom DOES NOT). I should also note that when asked, he refused to stay in the school district because he didn't care about making sure my brother and I could stay at our schools (my mom would have most likely needed to move, luckily her parents helped us fund for a condo).
I honestly don't even know what to do. I don't feel safe anymore. I know that if I try not to talk with him that he will come to my mom's house and will barge inside to talk to us. I don't feel safe going over to his home right now, especially with my stepmom gone (who isn't great either, but a step up I guess) (also by gone, I mean in NY with a friend, not dead).
I should also mention that he continues to mention how hard my diabetes is on him, and how he is doing all the work and the hard stuff. AS THOUGH IM NOT THE ONE WITH THE CHRONIC ILLNESS?????
Does anyone know what I can do? Is there a way to set up a no-contact thing between us? How do I keep myself separate from him? This obviously hurts me to have to ask because I have tried for years to maintain our relationship. I am a good daughter. I follow his rules, I get good grades in very advanced classes, I have many hobbies, I do what is right, and he often comments on how mature I am, but he blows up like crazy. I just can't take it anymore, and I know I have to sever ties for my own well being before I return to the severe mental state I was in before.
Please help if you can with advice, I'm honestly lost and I have no idea what else to do.

I've been playing FFXIV for a while now and I've noticed the marketboard is kinda bad. It's important for every MMO's trading system to be a free market (for the most part). And i don't want that to be taken away! But i think it can be upgraded. My issue with it is that the price you see on your server for items is technically not the actual price because there is cross server marketboard access.
The fact that addons or mods are against the rules (which is why i don't use them) it's nearly impossible for me to see the actual price of an item. Which leads to items taking a long time to sell OR leads to undercut battles. I could server swap to the 20+ different servers to fix this but it'ss 2023 and i don't think that should be the only solution. Basically, every other game out there with this much of a following does not have this issue. I originally thought it was just me but i honestly haven't ran into one person who hasn't experienced this. It's bound to happen with certain items in any game that is perfectly okay and expected, but with FFXIV it's ridiculous how often this occurs.
There are a few ways to fix this IMO but the most logical way is instead of showing the price of JUST your server the game should show the prices on every server. That way if your server says an item is 2,000,000 gil and has been selling for that price recently, but a different server is selling it for 1,500,000, you won't waste hours or days trying to sell it. OR you could wait it out and see if the price goes back up.
WoW has a similar thing, normally you can only buy and sell on your own server. But they started merging servers and had those servers share the auction house. When you sell almost ANYTHING it sells instantly or in seconds. Imagine if they couldn't see the price of their fellow merged servers without actually going to them and checking for themselves. It would slow everything down and be a terrible experience for everyone. I know this is how it's always been for FFXIV so it might be difficult even to believe it's an issue. But even if you personally haven't experienced the negative side effects yourselves, you have to at least admit it's weird that we can't see prices of other servers.
Feel free to express your opinions on this, please be respectful and cordial. Thanks.

39F, sudden symptom onset in early December right before & after a migraine. Do the cervical MRI results warrant the symptoms that started almost four months ago? What other tests could my primary order until I see a specialist? (she’s very open to suggestions but knows she’s a generalist) Are there any other specialty doctors she should consider referring me to? My primary is doing her best bc the neurologist who first saw me wouldn’t let me share my symptoms, then also didn’t answer my primary’s questions when she tried. My outside referral, approved by insurance, was turned down by the medical group for lack of appt availability, so that process has to start over. Past diagnoses: ADHD (hyper type), Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (sleep study 2021), Mild asthma (mostly in extreme temps or with fever), PMDD Meds: gabapentin and trazadone for sleep leg twitches, Adderall XR (was newly on Vyvanse when symptoms started, switched back when Adderall shortage let up), flexeril as needed since symptoms started; Discontinued since symptom onset: Vyvanse, Singulair (due to black box warning w/some symptom overlap), sumatriptan bc I was told not to take it since I’d had an aura; attempted birth control in case it could interrupt migraines, but it didn’t and made me have a flat affect, so went off. Fibromyalgia note: I read that NSAIDs aren’t effective for it. If that’s true, this might’ve been misdiagnosed bc ibuprofen has always helped the most, especially now my neck MRI reflects damage from injuries. Severe neck injuries at 18 &21ish, medium impact ones at 28ish & 34ish. Covid: I’ve never tested positive despite testing when my wife or I have been sick, and she had never tested positive either. Before I took Adderall, I would get every cold for two weeks straight, so I’ve been very careful about masking. Migraine history: Onset around 32 w/one occurrence, which quickly abated after sudden vomiting. Around 35: started having migraine w/out aura at the end of every period, until I discovered that prenatals helped. About a year ago, 38: started having migraines at time of ovulation, which I had confirmed was happening exactly two weeks before every period, regardless of cycle length - prenatals did not help these. Nov 2022: had my first aura, visual, right before a migraine. Dec 2022: was very restless for first two period days, not in my hyperactive/good ideas/fun adhd sort of way, but, if I’m remembering correctly since I didn’t suspect anything and therefore wasn’t tracking, just constant startling and need to move and getting annoyed at the dumbest stuff. Period day 3: migraine but different bc it was across both eyes, not just eitheor, no aura. This was also earliest I’d had one during a period. I maxed out on Sumatriptan, spacing out as prescribed. Period day 4: woke up w/right side facial numbness, was advised to go to ER. I did, but they quickly surrounded me to do a stroke check, I got very overstimulated, then they sent me back to lobby to wait. I became very restless again and ended up leaving when I couldn’t sit still but was somehow also too exhausted to pace to release the feeling. Tests since: Brain: MRI without, later with, contrast; MRA and MRV = all normal Blood (all normal): ANA, thyroid, thyroid antibody, sedimentation rate, CRP, complete blood count, metabolic panel, magnesium level, ACE, Lyme antibody Cervical MRI w/contrast: bulging discs and foraminal stenosis at all points between C3 and C7; mild and moderate spinal stenosis at C3-4, 5-6, 6-7; facet disease at C7-T1. Scheduled: routine EEG Symptoms: -twitching in neck and face -muscle tightness, but not like anything I’ve felt before - can feel like energy is coursing through the front of my neck, has gone as far up as my eye(s), is usually on right side but occasionally switches for very short time and even more occasionally is on both sides… something I haven’t seen anyone say about muscle tightness: I usually have a low amount of pain at all times, but when this happens, pain is less or gone -blurry eye(s), usually just right side, or inability to focus eye(s) without facial twitching or pain behind them, and is sometimes accompanied by eye dryness -overstimulation, way beyond my normal for my adhd, primarily with sounds & light, sounds being most frequent -after never having more than two migraines/month, had four in one week, and what feels like migraines, but shorter, more frequently -migraines now worse when changing positions, worst is going into laying down and best is sitting up -new headache type that best matches what I’ve seen called “ice pick” -sound most similar to waves crashing in my ears (started as occasional ringing, but changed to this, happens especially with headaches or when laying down) -difficulty finding words; my primary noted it as describing words, as opposed to knowing them. This has been weird bc I’m a communications professional; happened spoken first, now writing just as frequent; once lost ability to verbally speak for a few minutes (got stuck on the “s” sound) -difficulty organizing thoughts & work (this, & word difficulty, causing me to take hours on tasks I’ve done in 15 minutes) -switching words/letters: I didn’t notice this at first but others pointed it out and I’ve seen when I’ve gone back to review my notes -short, intense mood bursts: remind me of during a migraine, but more frequent and w/o headaches -getting overheated, especially w/attempt to exercise beyond walking 1/4 mile (it’s been 50-60 degrees F) -forgetfulness: that “why’d I walk in here” feeling but, when it’s bad, happens on repeat and can happen in the time it takes to grab a pen to write down what I wanted to remember -restlessness that comes for a day or two at a time and has been bad enough that I wake up after 3 hrs, even w/ Flexiril + gabapentin + trazadone -Occasional nervousness that I don’t know how to describe bc it’s unlike any I’ve felt before Timing: Initially symptoms were around for 2-3 weeks, then mostly gone for a couple, but I’ve only had 2-3 days of less symptoms in March. -symptoms don’t seem to follow patterns, but some seem more likely to be present with certain others, I.e. twitching w/ tightness and forgetfulness w/ disorganization, but have occasionally had other mash ups or many at once Family history: My mom refused the next steps tests, but stiff person syndrome is suspected; confirmed she has low dopamine but Parkinson’s ruled out; Paternal grandpa: per my dad - his dad was diagnosed with MS, but it was later ruled out and, as far as he knows, my grandpa never received a final diagnoses, then he lived into his 70s - I recall him also having heart issues. My dad and at least 1 of my 2 brothers have had migraines, my brother mentioned he’s had some very intense visual auras
TL/DR I have a history of pretty common diagnoses that I’ve had for varying lengths, but my brain has felt broken since December and referall and keep following through

/ Putting a warning here because of suicidal thoughts. I also mention CSA and issues with my sexuality, but nothing too graphic so i left out the nsfw tag? /
FtM, 5yrs T > 2mo E (currently). Top 2019, hys 2020.
I hate myself so fucking much. I'm genuinely happy for those who refuse to see themselves as "damaged" or "ruined", or are otherwise able to find peace with their altered bodies. But I'm not. I hate that I've had my breasts removed, and it gets worse every time i break down because of it.
It always comes back to haunt me eventually. I'm lucky if can manage to distract myself for a bit, but that only ever works for as long as I can manage to forget about my entire sexuality and sexual identity along with it. Which, at the moment, sorta comes naturally as I've been feeling more repulsed and apathetic about sex (i assume it's due to my extreme mood swings and worsened depression/suicidality since i went back on E).
My "sexual identity" as i like to call it has always been a mess, but i think it might also partially be a result of my CSA trauma. Being in intimate or sexual situations with other people has never not been stressful for me, not only because of my past but also because of my gender. I never.. "felt like a man" in those scenarios. I'd even go as far as saying that viewing myself as male would feel plain wrong under those circumstances. Not because i have some kind of internalized transphobia or whatever, but because it just does. I would feel extremely uncomfortable if i was being intimate or having sex with someone that sees me as a man. I never understood it, but at least i can put it into words now.
Due to my CSA, touching my breasts/nipples would cause either anxiety- or whole panic attacks, even if it felt good. When i tried telling my mom about it, she dismissed it as "child's play" and "nonsense" — i assume that's why i never thought of my problems as serious and didn't even try to find help for them. This coupled with the insane sexist bullying and general alienation from other kids because of it made me turn to the internet. Specifically Tumblr. Eventually i ended up getting top surgery because i 100% believed that I'd just overall be better off without breasts that would only ever cause me anxiety and panic anyway.. and i hate that i did it so much.
I've been planning to meet someone I've known for a while to maybe establish a "fwb" kinda relationship. The feeling is mutual, it's really just that there never seems to be any time to meet up. But maybe that's good, because thanks to this i was able to get started on my detransition process and "find myself" more. And yet i am so awfully stressed and anxious. About myself. About my body. About what i gave up, what i lost. I feel gross, i feel disgusting, i feel like I'm only half of a person. The person in question knows of my "problem", they're aware I've had surgeries etc. so it's not like I'm scared about them "finding out" or anything. I'm just. Scared of not being enough, while at the same time hating myself because I'll never be able to experience sex the way I'm supposed to. The erogenous zones in the breasts are part of a woman's sexuality, they were part of my sexuality. It's like a part of it has just been scooped or carved out, and now all that remains is an ugly, flat board that just doesn't fucking live up to what it once was. It can't.
The surgeon back then even asked me if i wanted them to try and keep the nerves intact. IT WAS AN OPTION. And i fucking said no. I had the choice and i rejected it. All just because i was a dumb fucking idiot who genuinely believed this would fix me and my stupid issues. If i at least had the sensitivity anymore, maybe I'd be alright. But i don't, and I'm not. I'm never going to be. It's gone. I'm never going to be whole again. I want to die.
I want to meet my friend, but i also dread it. I never liked myself, i always thought of myself as unattractive and ugly. I keep thinking about what could have been, what kind of things i could have experienced had i not made that stupid decision years ago. I can't stop obsessing over my lack of breasts and how disgusting and disfigured i must look to someone else. I don't care if they don't mind, it doesn't help my self perception. There's no way to fix this and I can't fucking deal with it anymore, i want out.

TL;DR PD-1/PD-L1 works best in MSI-High (also called deficient MMdMMR) which means many mutations; Selinexor works best in Wild Type p53 meaning few mutations

MSI-H/dMMR explained

From Dr. DD SVB Quick Feedback February 16 2023

• Jonathan Chang SVB Analyst paraphrased: Endometrial cancer - how are you thinking about the opportunity with this drug (selinexor) and how that could be impacted by checkpoint inhibitors (PD-L1/1) and the evolution of this treatment landscape
  
  • Reshma paraphrased: 50% of these patients and this is a substantial population.. driving towards approval for drug and companion diagnostic. Physicians want more biomarkers to select patients who will best benefit from these therapies. Checkpoint inhibitors have shown benefit in MSI-high.
    • Dr. DD teaching Opportunity - MSI means Microsatellite Instable, MSS means Microsatellite Stable. So MSI - H or MSI - High means very very instable and a high number of mutations. Additionally some people are born with hereditary reasons for being MSI-H like Lynch Syndrome. These patients before checkpoint inhibitors died very quickly, but because checkpoint inhibitors essentially help the immune system attack tumor cells that are different than regular cells (more mutations = more antigens = more different!) then these patients do very well on therapy. However MSS is like the opposite of many mutations! WT p53 (Wild Type means not mutated) aka the patients who super-responded in SIENDO1 are MORE likely to be MSS. Why? WT p53 = less mutations. So when the analyst says - hey there's this new treatment that is really making waves in Endometrial Cancer - checkpoint inhibitor - you really need to explain - these patients are part of the 50% we are not going after. There are 14,000 patients every year diagnosed with Advanced Endometrial Cancer. Some of those patients will benefit from pembrolizumab for sure, however there's still 50% that only get 6.6 months PFS 2nd line, and our first study showed that patients with WT p53, who are likely to be MSS (not candidates for PD-1/PD-L1) get 20.8 months PFS! GREATER THAN FRONTLINE CHEMO DOUBLET! /endrant
    • This is an area I could see Reshma expanding on, because it is difficult to understand, I do not believe that most investors / analysts if you mention just that Selinexor likely works better in MSS will even know what MSS stands for. Or just send them to my write-ups, I don't mind... 😉
    • If you want further reading, and see how I instantly realized and wrote this up the day of SIENDO1 release and the disease state and treatment landscape, please read these two write-ups!

What is p53? (likely pMMR or proficient MMR)

Your DNA is a blueprint in order to make proteins. DNA is two strands, RNA copies are made, the RNA goes to ribosomes, amino acids are linked to become a folded protein.
So what happens when DNA gets damaged? This happens all the time, and DNA can have a single break, or a double strand break. When this happens cells have many ways to fix it. One of those ways is a tumor suppressor p53 which rapidly increases in the presence of DNA damage. Tumor suppressor p53 signals other genes to either help repair the DNA or cause permanent arrest / apoptosis (cell death by blowing up - pretty metal). It can also help regulate cell cycle by stopping cell from going into S Phase (stopped in G1 Phase) allowing time for there to be DNA repair if p53 is functioning.
Your DNA is constantly being damaged, everything from your diet, sunlight, environmental toxins, and just regular use. However most of the time the cell is repaired. If it is not repaired and it continues to replicate (mutation), there is a possibility for a tumor to develop. Many of those mutations are well known as of the past decade or so.
Wild Type p53 = Functioning p53; Mutant p53 = not working. If you have a cancer cell that has mutant p53 it is much different from a normal, working, non-cancerous cell. The cell is more likely to proliferate with this advantage, leading to more and more mutations and metastasize.
Why do we care about mutations?
Mutations make a specific kind of treatment very preferable called immunotherapy. You may have heard of PD-1/PD-L1. When you have a high number of mutations because DNA is not being repaired it can be called Microsatellite instability High (MSI-H) or deficient Mismatch Repair (dMMR). Essentially the more different the tumors are from host tissue helps this type of therapy work. If you read the Ultimate Guide to Endometrial Cancer you read

This is really terrible for patients, and the preferred relapse 2nd Line treatments currently are essentially→ Non MSI-H is Lenvatinib + Pembrolizumab has Grade 3 or higher side effects 88.9%, 6.6 months PFS (2.8 months benefit over chemo comparison arm), and 17.4 months Overall Survival (5.4 months benefit). MSI-H Pembrolizumab is the preferred regimen with Grade 3 or higher side effects 12%, median PFS 13.1 months, and OS not currently reached.

So for MSI-H, or high DNA mutation, patients you will likely choose to start Pembrolizumab as soon as possible when there is detected relapse. 13.1 Months median PFS is great, and Grade 3 or higher adverse effects only being 12% is great.
If you are non MSI-H, so low mutations, or as referred to in the Lenvatinib paper as proficient MMR (pMMR) then when you relapse you can go onto therapy - and have 6.6 months PFS (2.8 months better than chemo, but also extremely toxic Grade 3 or higher adverse effects - 88.9%. This discontinuation rates were

18.7% with pembrolizumab, 30.8% with lenvatinib, 14.0% with both, vs 8.0% with chemotherapy. Treatment-related grade ≥ 3 events were seen in 88.9% and 72.7%, respectively.

How many patients could this be?
For all Solid Tumor types WT p53 is about 50%%20(good%20article%20worth%20a%20read). However depending on the tumor type / location it can fluctuate. The SIENDO study had 39.1% WT p53 prevalence.

Cross Comparison Table (can't cross compare - different lines of therapy and different trials, but idc - reddit accidently deleted my write-up going into more detail, so this is quicker)

Company	Merck	Merck	GSK	GSK	Karyopharm
Study	NRG-GY018	NRG-GY018	RUBY	RUBY	SIENDO
Line of Therapy	Frontline	Frontline	Frontline	Frontline	Maintenance/Second Line
Agent	Pembrolizumab	Pembrolizumab	Dostarlimab	Dostarlimab	Selinexor
Chemo?	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	No
MSI?	MSI-H/dMMR	pMMR	MSI-H/dMMR	pMMR	WT p53/pMMR
PFS	not reached at 12 months	13.1 months	24 months was 61.4%	24 months was 28.4%	20.8 months (11/22 update - likely to improve)

The reporting for RUBY is honestly kind of weird. However they did report OS in treatment arm - Overall survival at 24 months was 71.3% (95% CI, 64.5 to 77.1) with dostarlimab and 56.0% (95% CI, 48.9 to 62.5) with placebo (hazard ratio for death, 0.64; 95% CI, 0.46 to 0.87) [Note- placebo is platinum chemo doublet]. One other fault of the reporting - they buried the pMMR and tried to kind of present Overall Population (including the MSI-H/dMMR super responders).

Dr. DD thoughts

Again these patient populations don't really overlap, and even if they did, selinexor is killing it in maintenance/second line.

Thoughts for the company

• Dr. Mansoor Mirza who is part of $KPTI leadership as he is on the Board and was a clinical consultant since 2010. Dr. Mirza is also Primary Investor for RUBY (GSK). He would be seen as pivotal on establishing the fact that these patients do NOT overlap and explaining as I have done in the above writing.
• Enroll faster on SIENDO2
• Have Med Info/Medical Affairs focus on educating gyn/oncs especially at trial sites
• Create materials with Roche/Foundation Medicine differentiating
• Only use Nov 22 update of SIENDO in all posters/materials going forward (older data used for SGO 2023 WT p53 PFS Feb 2022 =13 months vs 20.8 months in November 2022 update)
• If possible publish additional update to SIENDO as the results can only improve (no new patients enrolling so patients lasting LONG time on one agent - selinexor!)

NFA and biotech is risky, yada yada, do your own DD
Let’s Ride!
Dr. DD
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Disclosures: I have bought stock, like a lot, I am biased and obsessed because I truly believe this is the biggest opportunity for turnaround in biotech right now, I even created a subreddit for it.
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After playing hundreds of games, here is my opinion on tier 2 heroes in Slice & Dice
Trapper: An upgraded version of Scoundrel, who is a very good tier 1 orange, but the sides with vulnerable are still 1 pip, just have more sides, making them not a very useful tier 2 orange.
Ranger: Really strong, all sides have ranged which can avoid on-hit passives and hit back-row enemies directly, not to mention left side is pretty much 4 damage.
Juggler: Really bad hero, cantrip damage is not great since they are spread out, cancelling engage damage sides, not to mention their vulnerability to enemies with spiky passive. Not recommended tier 2 orange.
Rogue: Decent tier 2, cantrip is a downside (explained above) but other sides are good to make up for it. Poison is extremely strong since even though it is only 1 damage on turn 1, it can deal 4-5 throughout the fight.
Dabbler: Solid orange, Heal 4 is a downgrade from Dabble but other sides have higher to make up for it.
Spellblade: Also a bad hero, all sides are only 1 pip, thus the spell is useless because you have to spend 1 mana just to get +1 pip on damage side, making it very inefficient to cast.
Ninja: Very situational orange, great if you Collector to copy keywords, but is very bad otherwise because they are no more than 1 damage dealer which is what a tier 1 hero does.
Gambler: Same problem with Thief, 3 blanks make them a coin flip hero but 5 damage sides are really good to make it for it so they are a solid tier 2 hero.
Berserker: Worst tier 2 yellow, same problem with Cultist and Fiend (Pain sides are so bad, these heroes need serious buff on other sides to be usable). Having basically 4 blanks and left and middle side being mediocre make them an avoid-at-all-cost hero.
Brute: Even though the 2 damage self-shield sides are great for both offensive and defensive, other sides aren’t good enough to make up for it. 3 damage but Heavy is a huge hinderance (A 3 damage side is just mediocre for a tier 2 yellow, why need to have Heavy on it?). Stun side is not useful either because you waste a turn not attacking enemies.
Soldier: An upgraded version of Fighter, sides are decent but 6 hp is terrible for a tier 2 hero. Buff suggestion: HP 6 -> 9.
Gladiator: Very strong hero, 2 damage engage is basically 4 damage (if you don’t have Juggler or Rogue), 2 damage self-shield is strong, basically a reliable damage dealer.
Scrapper: Decent tier 2 yellow, but the Steel sides rely on shield to work, which means you will have to spend shield on steel side instead of shielding the hero that is in danger.
Collector: Best tier 2 yellow, each sides has their own purpose to fight enemies as effectively as possible, not to mention no blanks is very great for consistency.
Whirl: Also a solid yellow, the damage sides are basically 3+ damage, and they go really nicely with heroes that boost sides such as Enchanter or Fey.
Sinew: Second best yellow, 4 damage is great with the downside being exerted next turn which is why they are powerful if you can defend them on the turn that they are exerted. Left side is also powerful and shield sides are really handy to have.
Warden: Powerful grey, lots of shield sides for defending, 2 damage sides are also decent for a grey.
Armorer: Not a very good grey, 3 damage but Heavy is a huge downside, Shield 1 cleave is also not good against single-target attacks, and Shield 1 smith is only situationally useful (e.g. with Whirl or Trapper). Buff suggestion: Shield 1 cleave -> Shield 2 cleave; Shield 1 smith -> Shield 2 smith
Knight: Also powerful grey, an alternative version of Warden.
Monk: Really good grey, Redirect sides and self-shield 3 is great for defensive play and Shield 2 cleanse is very great for reducing negative effects that the enemies have inflicted. Ability to cleanse poison can prevent a lot of damage on your team.
Bard: Decent grey, Shield 1 to all is good against Area of effect attacks, Gain 1 reroll is nice for consistency, Shield 2 charged is good if you have good heroes to generate mana such as Evoker. The 2 mana is nice but single-use makes it so much worse. Buff suggestion: +2 mana single-use -> +2 mana
Statue: Terrible grey, useless without items, and they aren’t many items that work with Statue. You basically only have 4 heroes if you choose Statue. Buff suggestion: Give statue some real sides.
Cleric: Very powerful tier 2, Heal and shield 2 is very valuable for a grey and Shield 2 cleanse is essential for surviving.
Guardian: A solid grey, shield 2 engage is basically shield 4 if you can fully heal your heroes with a good red hero. Shield 2 cleave is also powerful for prevent cleave attacks.
Herbalist: Great tier 2 red, Heal 1 regen is very good for surviving fights (Basically a 4-5 heal overall), 2 mana sides is also decently good. Spell is not very good since Burst exists and it is not more efficient than Burst.
Druid: Powerful red, Heal 2 cleanse is great to have (Same reason as Shield 2 cleanse). 2 damage growth and Shield 2 growth can increase in pip very fast, making them very powerful after a few turns. Spell is also good, 3 mana to deal 1 damage to all enemies and heal 1 to all allies is very efficient to cast.
Vampire: Solid tier 2, 2 damage self-heal is great for attacking and surviving, middle side has a downside but is worth to use to grant allies more hp, and Heal 5 has insane value for survival. Spell is also good as heal 2 to all allies for 3 mana is really worth to cast.
Fey: Terrible red, aside from the boost side being useful for a small number of heroes. All sides are 1 pip, and very minimal healing, not to mention being 5 hp making them much worse than other other reds. Weaken is good against summon sides and Area of effect attacks but terrible otherwise. Spell is decent for defending. Buff suggestion: 1 damage weaken -> 2 damage weaken, Heal 1 boost -> Heal 2 boost, HP: 5 -> 7
Disciple: Also a solid red, Heal 2 double-use is basically a Heal 4, 2 mana is good and Revive top-most hero is overpowered. Spell is also good if you happen to low roll into blanks.
Medic: Best tier 2 red, all sides are too good for surviving, spell is great if your heroes at at low hp. Overall a hero that other reds should be.
Priestess: Also similar power as Medic, but the spell is worse since it requires heroes to be dying and it is not very efficient to cast.
Enchanter: Decent red, but some sides are slightly underpowered. Left and 2 right sides are a bit weak, and not great for defensive play. Buff suggestion: Heal and shield 1 mana-gain -> Heal and shield 2 mana-gain, Heal 1 boost -> Heal 2 boost, Heal 1 cleanse -> Heal 2 cleanse.
Sparky. Decent blue if you have a red that generate mana. 2 damage mana-gain is great to have as it is basically 2 damage and 2 mana. Spell is also very good to deal with Slates.
Fiend: No doubt the worst tier 2 blue, same problem as Cultist. Spell also hurt your own team, but this time, it hurts all heroes, making them even worse than Cultist’s spell. Also an avoid-at-all-cost hero.
Seer: A hero that would be powerful if not for the fact that middle column sides are single-use. 1 mana growth is valuable for long fights. Spell is great as it is basically multiplying mana.
Caldera: Decent hero, left side is bad with single-use but other sides are decent. 1 damage mana-gain is underwhelming for a tier 2 hero. Spell is good only if you have other heroes that can deal damage to multiple enemies such as Ranger or Whirl.
Evoker: Good mana gen, but 3 blanks is a huge downside. Spell is not good since you can’t target the enemy you want to kill. Buff suggestion: Right and rightmost sides become +2 mana.
Myco: A good hero, mana sides have decay is terrible but top and bottom sides have growth to make up for it, and revive top-most is overpowered. Spell is terribly inefficient because not only do you have to spend 1 mana just for +1 pip, it also inflict decay keyword which makes that side much worse later in the fight.
Glacia: Second worst blue, all sides are underwhelming (They look like tier 1 blue sides), spell is also terrible because it is 2 mana just to weaken 2, thus it is single-cast so this hero doesn’t even have a spell after turn 1. Buff suggestion: All sides become 2 pip.
Jester: Decent blue, 3 mana is very good mana gen, gain 1 reroll cantrip is good for consistency, and dodge all enemy attacks is also good. The downside being 1 mana single-use is really bad for a tier 2 hero. Spell would be good if it doesn’t have cooldown. Buff suggestion: +1 mana single-use -> +1 mana, remove cooldown from spell.
I will give my opinion on tier 3 heroes in later post.

By intentional design by fromsoftware and GRRM, this topic will undoubtedly draw more negative attention than positive. Please hold your reflexive reactions till the end, if you make it.
There is no tl;dr for this. Because if i just dropped the bomb, you wouldnt believe it.
and what a bomb it is..
*edit Pro tip: If you dont want to read this, you dont have to let me know. you can just.. not read it
No reason the first flood of comments should be a gank of insults about how, yes, indeed, this is a long one..
___________________________________________________________________________
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The phenomena of religious conviction is ubiquitous among our species. One might even say A defining trait.
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Our tendency to prop up certain ideas and the figureheads that represent them as being beyond criticism or reconsideration, for the reason alone that we Want the things they represent to be true.
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As fromsoft understands, we want a benevolent savior, an altruistic empathetic leader, who will rescue us from the worst of the conditions life has to offer.
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We want a smart charismatic leader who tells us what we want to hear in the way we want to hear it, and who quells our fears and our doubts.
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once we have found someone who we believe fits the mold, we Hold onto this with all we are, and criticism and re-evaluation, become unthinkable; hostile, even.
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Worst and most heretical of all becomes contemplation of the possibility that we have and are being Fooled.
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This is the story of Miquella, as i understand it; and the story of how a company called Fromsoftware fooled the majority of its community into worshiping a god of manipulation, by abusing our all to human predilection for the desire for a loving god.
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__________
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part 1: obfuscation and vague neutral language.
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__________
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Throughout the descriptions of Miquella we find in game, we are met with an air of primarily mystery, as well as a plethora of neutral statements that are - by design - easiest to think of at first glance as being of benevolent intention.
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“My brother will keep his promise. He possesses the wisdom, the allure, of a god – he is the most fearsome Empyrean of all.” - Melanias helm
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"The Empyrean Miquella is loved by many people." - bewitching branch
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In one sense we can interpret these as descriptions of an empathetic character- in fact most have.
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However the prime examples of Miquellas goodwill are rooted in assumptions about his intentions towards the Rot, the Deathblight of Godwyn, and those who worship him, from quotes like those mentioned and those soon to follow.
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Yet nowhere is empathetic intention explicitly implied.
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Wherever empathy is supposedly being implied, we find statements like 'Oh brother, lord brother, please die a true death' on the golden epitaph or 'he abandoned fundamentalism when he realized it could do nothing to contain Melanias rot' on the Radagons rings of light incantation.
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For the former, many interpret this as being a prayer for mercy, when it could equally be interpreted as sinister, or even cold and calculated; As if the true death of Godwyn were necessary for a larger plan. Additionally it is also stated on the golden epitaph that the sword was 'made to commemorate the death of Godwyn the Golden, first of the demigods to die.' - a statement like this is equally ambiguous.
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For the ladder statement regarding Melania.. On the one end, there is the apparently obvious surface level interpretation; that he merely wants to cure his sister;
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but to me the significance of this lore is more in the fact that it highlights the revelation Miquella had that The Rot Within Melania is Literally a more powerful force than anything contained within the golden order.
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This is the point at which he realized he needs to learn and study something else if he is to control the will of the rot- the most powerful force in the lands-
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The point at which he decided to create his own order. Afterall, 'Even the demigods, despite their nigh godhood, could do nothing to stave off the effects of the rot'
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In fact, the same incantation states this as the beginning of unalloyed gold, the beginning of his attempts to control the rot.
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Additionally, The Sacred Crown Helm says "Who is it that Miquella shall bless, if not the low and the meek?"
This, as the previous statements, is ambiguous as best, and sinister at worse. Afterall- are the meek and the low not, in some light, a massive army that is being neglected and unutilized?..
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It is not uncommon for proselytization to target the weak and the unfortunate under the guise of aid and support.
Those in crisis make for the best devotees.
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The main reason for the belief that Miquella is Good, is that it seems to be what people want to believe. We gravitate towards the interpretation that casts him in a good light.
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______
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part 2: Love and Will
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______
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When examining lore around the 'love' people have for Miquella, we cannot escape the eerie nature of that relationship as it is described.
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In fact it is stated within the other half of the bewitching branch quoted earlier that this capacity to invoke affection and worship is something he has spent time and mind on cultivating;
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How to best manipulate
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As the full quote of the item states: "The Empyrean Miquella is loved by many people. Indeed, he has learned very well how to compel such affection"
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This quote, in tandem with Melanias dedication to him as stated in her armor set, implies to me that Melania might be entirely subject to the Will of Miquella. His first and most successful test of the perfected bewitching branch - the Unalloyed Gold Needle.
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This interpretation becomes even more clear when we look into the ingredients that compose the bewitching branch.
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The fact that she is clad in unalloyed gold, and has had the golden needle within her, leads me to believe that not only was the will of the rot within her being contained, but indeed Melania herself had become subject to the bewitching allure of Miquella.
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This lends new perspective to when she calls him the most fearsome empyrean, as well as alluding to a possibility that he learned to compel affection so successfully by having first bent his sibling empyrean demi-god, and her godly rot, to his will.
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In fact Miquellas use of unalloyed gold might revolve entirely around his goal of controlling the wills of those present in the lands between. Greater, and lesser.
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An aspect of this control happens to involve the capacity to ward off the unwanted effects of these wills-
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But Importantly, this is not a property of unalloyed gold alone
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____
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part 3: Blood and Gold
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____
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Miquella is said to have watered his haligtree with his own Blood.
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As stated in the description of the Haligtree knight armor:
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"Though watered with Miquellas own blood since it was a sapling, the Haligtree ultimately failed to grow into an Erdtree."
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Why is this significant?
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The Bewitching Branch is crafted using 2 items. One of the items is Miquellas lily, who's description states "A delicate water lily of unalloyed gold" and "Thought to be beloved by the Empyrean Miquella in his youth."
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The branch happens to be the only thing that can be crafted with this item.
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The second ingredient in the bewitching branch is the only other item in the game that speaks to the act of someone tending to plants with their own Blood. The Sacramental Bud.
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We learn in the description of these buds that they were long ago "cultivated with youthful, sacramental blood." - Just as the haligtree was.
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and this Youthful blood combined with the unalloyed gold within Miquellas lily, compels wills.
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This realization leads one to multiple conclusions, one of which being that the haligtree itself could potentially be a beacon of will domination of sorts; being grown of his blood, and braced in a structure of unalloyed gold.
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This particular revelation also sheds light on the role Mohg has to play within Miquellas larger scheme.
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Mohg is an unwanted omen demi god, discarded into the leyndell sewers at birth up until he was elevated by the mysterious 'formless mother'.
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Miquella was a prodigy who studied closely with his father and God Radagon and was powerful enough to invent a technology capable of controlling the scarlet rot, and a tree likely intended to take the place of the erdtree as the central governing force of life and death in the lands between.
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Yet somehow Mohg was able to obtain Miquellas body without any resistance whatsoever, without ever even having been seen?
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More specifically, his 'sacred flesh' as a ghost in the consecrated snowfields puts it, as if to put emphasis on the fact that this is likely Just his body, not his soul.
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Furthermore, and somewhat tangentially, in the opening of the game we see Miquellas soulless body being transported by Mohg, yet importantly, it is cocoonless. Meaning the cocoon we find him in with Mohg is one he formed around himself in his new environment. Willingly.
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And we know this was him, not Mohg, because it is a perfect match to the cocoons lying in wait at the haligtree.
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Additionally we learn from the 'lord of bloods exaltation' talisman, that this cocoon has a literal thirst for blood. as it states "render up your offerings of blood; Drench my consort's chamber. Slake his cocoon's thirst."
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All this is to say that Mohg is a part of Miquellas larger scheme.
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We know Miquellas empowered empyrean blood plays a central role, nd that seems to be central to Moghs part in this.
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admittedly this aspect of the theory, Mohgs involvement, is the aspect that to me still has the most mystery to it.
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Regardless, the blood of Miquella, plus unalloyed gold, is what grants him the capacity to compel the wills of others.
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____
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part 4: The Rot Tree, and 'Gowry'
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____
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The following presumes Gowry's questline, with Either ending, to be cannon.
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If betraying Millicent is the cannon outcome to his questline, then there are 3 scarlet aeonia in the base of the haligtree.
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If it is not, then there are 2- and the second, Melanias, has been pierced by the needle.
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A single one of those blooms caused Caelid to happen. Does this not have massive implications for the future of the haligtree?
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No matter what outcome 'Gowry's questline has, it's seemingly all going according to plan.
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What plan?
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The first time you see Gowry, he asks you to cross the aeonian swamp.
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A tarnished on foot could do no such task. Yet, torrent, who's summoning ring is made of unalloyed gold, is unaffected by the rot. We know this is the case because the ring does not burn in the frenzied flame ending. But more importantly;
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How does Gowry know we have Torrent? Or that torrent possesses this ability?
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We have recently learned from the DLC reveal photo that Miquella was quite possibly torrents previous owner- and that torrent just happened to choose 'us' - the most probable candidate for success.
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Before coming to a conclusion on these points I'm throwing up in the air, lets continue.
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Gowry asks you to cross the lake of rot in aeonia- why? to retrieve for him a Broken Unalloyed Gold Needle.
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But how does he know of the existence of this item? and how does he know it is there?
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When we retrieve it for him, he then asks us to leave him be in private so he can Repair it
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How does he Know how to repair one of the most advanced pieces of technology in the lands between? Designed specifically to combat the wills of outer gods.
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Or what it even is? or does?
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We return to find he has repaired it, and once repaired, it has a Tiny Blood Red Spot in the center.. Blood, and Gold.
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He then tells us to please give it to Millicent because He Just Knows Exactly what the needle is for, and how to use it.
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How?
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Lets continue.
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We approach Millicent with the needle, and she seems surprised and skeptical that a random needle would cure her rot- as if its capacity to do so is far from common knowledge. She then Immediately falls asleep, and awakens with a sudden urge to go to the Haligtree.
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We talk again to Gowry and he acts as though this is All According to Plan.
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Sending Millicent to Bloom in the Haligtree.
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saying 'now she TOO can begin her journey' - admitting that he is likely the cause for the other bloom we see at the bottom of the haligtree.
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Furthermore he knows by exactly what mechanisms Millicent can be made to bloom into the most potent bomb for the haligtree.
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How would he know that? and Why the Haligtree?
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Throughout the quest he also demonstrates knowledge of events in Millicents quest before having been told of them, as though he is somehow keeping tabs through the unalloyed gold
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Again, How?
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It's time we ask, Who is Gowry?
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what do we 'know'?
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He appears at a glance to be a heretical sage from Selia, offering us sellian spells and insights into the town.
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He insults the worshipers of the rot as being 'witless', to then Later proclaim to be himself a worshipper of the Rot.
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finally, he claims to be father to Millicent and her sisters.
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that is more or less all he lets on, but it is not all we know.
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It is my belief that in most of the things he tell us, he is Lying, and ultimately It is my conclusion that Gowry is actually Miquella, possessing pests in spirit form.
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Upon hearing this, skepticism is appropriate.
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However it is important to avoid that subtle trap of mind that moves us to proclaim 'it cannot be', as this gut level reaction is rooted in the reality that we love the idea of loving Miquella. We cannot help it, he was written as such.
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In this, we have been bewitched.
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If we follow the path of logic laid out by this conclusion, it leads to many insights as to the larger scheme of this would be god.
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In my understanding, Melania has been subject to the will of Miquella for as long as she has been known as his blade.
​
We never learned or even got a hint as to why she would go off and fight in the shattering.
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It is my hypothesis that she did so under influence of the will of Miquella, for multiple reasons.
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First off, the shattering was potentially seen as an opportunity to test out the full power of the rot, as well as a chance to implement his desire for godhood and the creation of new life, his daughters of the rot.
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And second, Miquellas plans for the deathblight of Godwyn might well have been bound up in the stars, which Radahn had halted.
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We learn in 'cleanrot knight finlays ashes' that after the initial caelid bloom, Melania fell into an immediate Slumber.
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It is stated in Finlays ashes that She was then carried back by this random knight clad in unalloyed Gold in an 'unbelievable' feat - Unbelievable that is, unless we realize that Finlay was likely under miquellas influence.
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it is my belief that the feat is described as such to draw attention to the fact that this was something abnormal. And this in addition to the term 'slumbering' leads me to conclude this was Miquellas doing.
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As we find her in game, Melania is at the base of the haligtree, slowly acclimating it to the rot. As Miquella would well know, plants suffer shock if their environment changes too quickly.
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This way, once the blooms develop, they will be developing within an environment already prepared for them. A hollowed core awaiting the eruption of scarlet vines, with a supporting brace structure already in place.
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It is a large part of Gowry/Miquellas ultimate plan to have the haligtree become an erdtree of the strongest force in the land- scarlet rot.
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With him alone capable of controlling it, his rule would be absolute.
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With this in mind we realize that when he calls Millicent and her sisters his daughters, it is because he engineered the circumstances of their birth.
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He knows that betraying her will cause a more magnificent bloom because, perhaps, he has done the same thing to Melania to cause caelid, ultimately creating her and her sisters-
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Regardless, the logic is consistent.
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He pretends to 'worship the rot' allthewhile knowing that without the technology he has to control it, it eats things away to nothing.
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Who would know what an unalloyed gold needle is? Miquella.
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Who would know that there was one in the Aeonian swamp where Melania bloomed? Miquella.
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Who would know that we could survive the swamp of rot with our spectral steed Torrent?
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Who would know how to fix a broken unalloyed gold needle?
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Who would know how to use an unalloyed gold needle?
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Who would know what circumstances need to arise for a perfect scarlet bloom?
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Who compels influence through unalloyed gold?
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Gowry is Miquella.
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____________________________________________
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Honestly the layers of lies Gowry tells to distract from the reality of his identity are hilarious once you see it.
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The slip ups are funny too.
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Like when you first give him the needle and he talks himself up 'ah yes this must have been made my a true artisan visionary' - or when he laugh suspiciously after saying 'i must be getting old' like he thought he never would.. Or how when you deny his initial request he says 'I'm used to being patient'
​
Also, i cant emphasize enough how much of a red flag it is that Gowry just knows how to repair the needle, and is sure it will work to control the most powerful force in the lands between, the scarlet rot. A power that even the golden order was unable to combat. Almost like he has done this kind of thing before..
​
Some tangential notes:
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The haligtree is covered in depictions of what is likely an older Miquella wielding a giant golden needle. I believe this will likely be used to kill the erdtree, Godwyn corruption and all. Or, perhaps, control it.
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Ordina is the same architecture as Selia- and is covered in depictions of miquella.
hence Miquellas awareness and associations with Selia, as Gowry.
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Miquellas body is in the cocoon with Mohg, but his soul is scheming. And much like ranni or shabriri, he uses possession to enact his will directly when needed.
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Miquella has empowered youthful blood. the formless mother wanted him from the start. He knew it, and planned for it. He plans to control the will of the blood god just as he plans to control the will of the rot god. Perhaps with the unalloyed golden ring on his body?
The formless mother is to miquella as the rot is to melania.
He seeks control of Both.
​
Castle sol was a project of Miquella, and on the ash of war of the prized possession of the castle, the eclipse shotel, it states "Set the lusterless sun ablaze with the Prince of Death's flames, inflicting the death ailment upon foes" - an Explicit intention to weaponize Godwyns deathblight.
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I do not have the full picture, but i have enough to understand that the narrative we have developed as a community- the faith held in Miquellas supreme goodness- might well be a sign that we have been profoundly fooled about him, his intentions, and motivations.
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____
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Conclusion:
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____
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I believe the story of Miquellas haligtree is not a tragedy, and his plan has not failed.
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In fact, we played right into it.
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It is a cautionary tail of unexamined unquestioning faith in a narrative for the reason alone that one would prefer it be true.
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The oracles in the haligtree herald the coming god, but its not Melania.
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The Truest tragedy of the game is Melania, who never had a chance between the rot within and the manipulation of her brother demigod who sought only to use her rot to seek dominion over the lands between.
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____
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Fromsoft has cultivated a mentality within their community around the idea of Miquella, the empathetic and Just, benevolent savior of those unblessed by grace, tragically abducted; plans halted or uprooted
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But the actual story at play seems to be far more sinister, and also, far more human.
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One version of the story is emotionally appealing and easy to see at a surface level glance,
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While the other is unpleasant and unnerving, and requires more in-depth reasoning to discover.
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In this, they have successfully convinced the majority of the playerbase, including those who proport to communicate the lore, that this most fearsome and compelling of gods is Exactly who he'd like you to think he is- a god worth worshiping unquestionably- because that is the story that we in large want to believe
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So much so that much like with real world figures of worship, many cant even comprehend being wrong in their placement of their faith, because to do so would mean to admit that someone once praised was never worthy of praise at all,
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and may indeed have been manipulating all along your desire for something worthy of worship.
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Allthewhile those who question the faith held in the belief that Miquella is good, are met with the same reactions of ostracization and scorn as those who dare criticize the religious figures of real life.
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Honestly the metanarrative behind this aspect of the game has blown me away. The success with which they have deceived us into believing in a false idol, while also putting the information that undoes them right before our eyes.
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building such a masterful illusion of benevolence around a character who is truly a horror-
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Yet after over a year since the games release, the community still has not realized; because in large part, they don't want to.
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Classic fromsoft.
​
this really is the best game I've ever played.

It does so many different things for me that I’m just blown away. My sleep has improved, my skin is looking smoother, my mood has been better, my mind has been clearer, I have so much more energy through the day especially after meals, I’m more social, and libido and performance in bed have been great. I did expect it to be more in your face with energy, it is a bit on the subtle side, but its definitely there. I think this could replace a lot of things in people’s stacks. I’ve always been a fan of learning about vitamins/minerals and B vitamins have always been that magical group I found hard to nail down because it’s such a large group. But they have such a widespread effect on a number of areas of health that I’m so glad ND made this. This is one I want to share with family and friends!

I had health anxiety well before fibromyalgia but this is a whole new monster. When I’m not in a flare, I’m constantly wondering are these actually fibromyalgia symptoms? Or is there something more wrong with me. No matter how many tests come back normal. I always question it. When I’m in a flare it’s horrible. My muscles twitch like crazy, the brain fog is insane, constantly worrying that something deeper is going on something more serious and much more sinister. This worrying has caused me to be homebound a few times and I’m so worried that I’m going to end up back in that place. It’s a very dark place to be and I don’t ever wanna go back there again. Does anybody else struggle with this? I’m in a fibromyalgia support group, and it seems like nobody talks about the mental effects of fibromyalgia, and I just feel so alone.

Frost collected on the windows as we drove further into the woods. Next to me, my wife of eight years and bringer of many headaches. Now I'll be fair, I contributed to some of those headaches for her as well. But let's face it, we were having marital problems. I know, a cliche sort of story, but a common one in today's modern society.
We were heading to my grandparents' old cabin up north. My aging ancestors said that it would be the best place for us to "reinvigorate the romance" as they put it. Lovely.
But that's not why I'm recording these papers. No, it was something far graver than a failing marriage.
It was 2012 and we had our typical routines. I was an entrepreneur, investing in the stock market with the hopes of making it big. To make the money in this risky scheme of mine, I had to work a regular job just like everyone else. I worked in a factory for cars while my wife, Cassie, was trying to become a hairdresser.
The topic of money was always a strenuous issue for us. Constantly we fought about where the money should be going. Cassie believed that we should save as much as we can, while I was more willing to take the plunge into the market and try to milk this capitalist engine for all its worth.
As you can see, putting those two together created a nasty scenario where two people who wanted to have the best of youthful intimacy, slowly got destroyed by the years of conflicting interests. I still thought she was the most beautiful woman in my life, but the way that she stood in the way of my goals for a better life was starting to make me question this relationship to go on. Hence the cabin.
Now it is December and it's getting close to that date everyone seems to be obsessed over. The end of the world. What a load of baloney.
So that's a little background as to why we're going out to the woods.
But the drive itself was unbearably quiet. Not once did Cassie say anything. She didn't put up much of a fight either when I suggested that we go out to the cabin. Deep down, I think a part of me wondered if maybe she thought this was all in vain and wanted to get it over with. I believe a part of me believes that as well. Perhaps this is all a wasted effort and the ending result will be our inevitable divorce.
But who knows, there's always that slim chance. And when I looked up at the sky, I saw that there was a meteor shower already happening above.
"Hey Cassie, look," I said with childish delight.
She looked up from her window with a stoic expression. But I noticed a slight twinkle in her eye. From what I could tell, she was surprised to see such a glorious display from the beauty of the stars above. Although astronomy was always more of her thing, I still found joy in the little things.
"I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that."
"Right, and once we're at the cabin, we could—"
It just hit me when I realized it. I had no plan going forward. My goal was to get her out of the house. What are we supposed to do the moment we get to that cabin? It's not like I'm going to ask to be intimate right then and there. You got to work things up to stuff like that; especially with how strained our relationship is.
This was going to be more debilitating than I thought. No matter what scenario I thought of, nothing seemed appropriately timed. Make her dinner, watching TV sounded kind of stupid considering that we did that a whole lot back at the house, and frankly I'm not the most creative when it comes to trying to mend a relationship.
"You want to go for a walk later?" she cooed.
My eyes drifted over to her. Looking at her as she fidgeted with her long, light blonde hair.
A small smile grew on my face. At least she was trying to make an effort too. Perhaps there is hope after all. "Sure thing Cassie. I don't mind."
Once we arrived at the cabin, it was within no time that we settled in. Although fully furnished, there was dust everywhere. Surprisingly few cobwebs, so spiders weren't going to be an issue. The old, cabin-like aesthetic with furniture that looked like it dated back to the 1800s and was handcrafted made the entire home feel like it was holding some dark secrets of a mysterious past.
Thankfully my grandparents had been smart enough to remove any food from the house before we arrived. The last thing I'd want is to see year-old spoiled food everywhere, forcing the two of us to clean up any more than we had to.
The only thing I was concerned about was that I spotted something in the closet of the bedroom. My grandfather's guns.
"Couldn't you buy a gun safe old man?"
Cassie peeked over my shoulder and said, "Ugh, why is that even here?"
"Hey, my grandpa was a gun lover. What did you expect to find here?"
"Those things should be melted down."
My wife, though I still love her, was heavily against guns. She believed that they could all be taken away from the civilian population.
Frankly, I thought the exact opposite. I believe that it should be every person's right to get one. Maybe not a semi-automatic or shotgun, a good pistol or revolver would be satisfactory enough for me.
I quickly moved her away from the stash and we returned to our usual business, not thinking about anything else.
The walk would have to happen tomorrow morning. And after driving for the last ten hours, I can safely assume that we wanted to sleep in.
As we were getting ourselves ready for bed, I looked at my wife with hopefulness bubbling in my heart. She always tried to do everything So graceful, considering she came from a family that was quiet, elegant, and frankly made more money than I could ever hope to. Why she wants to become a hairdresser, I had no idea. Perhaps a change of pace or out of spite for her parents.
I thought about saying something to remind her that I still loved her. But before the words could even escape my mouth, there was a flash of a bright light coming from the window.
She looked up and our eyes widened with a fearful stare.
I turned around, wondering what was causing that. It was too bright for me to even see out the glass. Then a loud bang followed afterward, making me believe for a moment that something disastrous was going on. Was it a nuclear war? A random volcano? A freak storm? My mind was racing with every possible scenario. But as quickly as it came, both the sound and the light vanished into the woods.
"Are you okay?" Cassie said, hunkering down behind the bed.
"Yeah— I was afraid I was going to go blind there for a moment."
"I tried to look away as quickly as I saw it. But I was afraid I might go deaf from that sound."
Despite it being freezing outside, I opened the window and looked around. There was no smoke anywhere. Nor was there even a remnant of the light flickering somewhere off in the distance.
I caught the smell though. It smelled like burning rubber. Or perhaps it was more like plastic burning. Either way, it was awful and I quickly shut the door, not wanting any of that to get in.
"That was weird,"
My wife agreed and surprisingly, she wanted me to come to bed. This was a bizarre turn of events for me considering that she never once cared. But perhaps it was because she was scared. Reasonable response.
The next morning, we went about our habits and freshened up. After eating a light breakfast, we finally managed to put on some snow clothes, and go for that walk.
The brisk air and gentle breeze was more than I expected to handle. But I feel like the nervous tension was definitely keeping us warm. I never realized how hard it was to talk to her.
"Cassie... what do you think was that strange light last night?"
Another brief moment passed before she replied, "I don't know. I couldn't get a good look."
Oh well, at least we got to go on this nice walk. Thankfully both of us wore boots because the snow was unusually high.
Not too far down the road though, we spotted a house. There was already a family outside. A man, a woman, and three kids. Two boys, one girl. They were playing in the snow, building snowmen and forts. They waved to us, and it was a bit of a bitter reminder about how we had squandered our marriage with our short-term goals in mind.
Cassie had this longing in her eyes. I could tell she wished that we would have done the same. And if I'm honest with myself, maybe parenthood would've been something nice.
We waved as we passed by, but neither of us wanted to talk about the matter.
Moving further down the road, I could spot some smoke rising from deep within the forest. I looked at Cassie, but she hadn't noticed it yet. I pointed it out to her and we were both curious about what could be causing a fire in the woods?
"Want to check it out?" she asked.
"Only if you want to?"
"Do you or do you not?" she said more forcefully.
"Yes! God all right," I replied back in my own angered way.
I led the way, she followed behind as we trudged through the snow away from the road.
As we got closer, I could smell that horrible stench again. Now I was certain we were getting close to whatever it was that caused that late last night. Perhaps it was a meteorite or a satellite.
Finally, we cleared past the last batch of pine trees and saw what it was. But a huge crater with something metallic in the center.
"Is that a ball?" Cassie remarked from behind.
I moved closer to the edge of the crater, looking down at it. Every time a snowflake touched the metallic surface of the orb, it instantly turned into steam.
I decided to circle the edge of the crater, willing to see if there was a way to get a full view of what it was. Just out of curiosity. I wasn't sure what it was actually; it was a gray orb, no unique details other than that it was 6 ft tall I believe, and that was it.
Well, that's what I thought until I moved over to the other end of the orb and saw that there is an opening to the inside. It looked like a seat. Which made me come to the conclusion that it was a space pod.
"Does NASA build space pods, Cassie?"
"Not to my knowledge. I don't keep up with space stuff."
As I kept inspecting the pod, I noticed that there was some green liquid that was trailing off into the snow up to the crater until it vanished into the woods.
"What in the world?"
Suddenly the piercing sound of children screaming as well as a man and a woman broke through the forest, causing my heart to beat erratically like a pounding drum. Those are sounds I never want to hear.
Cassie's face ran white like the snow around her. She looked almost like she was about to faint just from how sickening those screams were. They had such an oppressive fear behind them, something that may my blood run like freezing water through my veins.
I went back to Cassie and wrapped my arms around her as we kept looking around frantically. Both of our minds raced about what could have caused that sound. But then I remembered that the other cabin was not too far from us. The one with the family.
I managed to convince Cassie that we needed to run back to the house. But in actuality, I just want to get over to the other cabin to make sure that family was safe.
We kept running as fast as we could until finally when we reached near that cabin, I saw with all my despair-inducing horror why they made such a tormented display of shrieks.
Bile came fast up my throat, and I had to hold myself back from throwing up by the horrific display.
My wife also gave way to shrieking, so loud it was that it was actually more irritating for me but I couldn't blame her.
The poor family. That poor, poor family...
We moved on but I couldn't stop thinking about how every single one of them had been torn apart like mincemeat. Scattered about and indistinguishable. There was a hand here, a few toes there, something had shredded them until they were nothing more than a gruesome display of carnage.
We quickly left the scene.
When we got back to the house, I quickly decided to call 911. I told them everything about what we had seen and they said they would send over a squad car to the house.
But that wasn't the whole truth that I gave them. All I told them was about the massacre that happened over at that family home. I didn't tell him about the spherical thing that we found in the woods.
My wife was still anxiously walking around in circles, checking every window as she went.
I ran out to the car, thinking that it would be better if we just left right now. I tried starting the car, but it just kept sputtering but no life. Something was wrong, the car should work, I gave it a full tank of gas.
I got out and noticed that there were some bolts and scraps of metal half-buried in the snow. When I bent down to look underneath, I saw that the entire fuselage had been torn open. Something had deliberately destroyed the car.
Running back inside, I slammed the door shut, and locked it. I went even further to place a chair and wedge the doorknob. Now I was desperate. We had no car, and there was no way I was planning on walking out there again. All we could do was wait for help. At least I was able to make that call on a cell phone because when I went to turn on one of the lights, there was no electricity flowing through. The wires had been cut as well. Whatever did this, it was smart and it was targeting us.
Cassie had at this point started breaking down into tears. She was scared. I was scared. But I knew that I needed to be there for her. Even though our marriage isn't so good right now, there's no way I could leave her in such a vulnerable state.
I felt that maybe I should do something to comfort her, what else could I do? What could either of us do? The only thing that we were able to do was to wait for assistance.
I stretched my hands out to her and pulled her in towards my chest. She didn't even try to fight back, but rather she buried herself. This was probably the most affection I've gotten from her in a long time.
Hopefully, the police can handle this. I wasn't too sure if we could make it all night. Every little cracking sound from the cabin was enough to get my hair standing up. Nothing seemed to have been damaged, so I had to come to the conclusion that whatever "it" was didn't come inside.
It would seem that we were in for a night of no sleep.
The next day, there was a knock on our door. I was disturbed from my rest on the couch with my wife next to me.
I tried my best to get up without disturbing her and made my way towards the door. But I stopped before I went to open it.
"Who's there?"
"Police," a voice said weakly.
I took a deep breath and exhaled. How reassuring.
I opened the door and I saw that a bloody police officer was standing in front of me. He had his hand covering over his abdomen which was dripping with it.
"Geez, what happened to you?"
He was practically about the stumble over until I caught him. Wasting no time, I brought them over to the armchair and I knew my wife would not like to wake up to this.
"Cassie wake up," I ordered, panicking.
When she opened her eyes and saw who was sitting near her, she just about screamed but I quickly covered her mouth, much to her shock until she saw it was me.
"Ben, what is going—"
"No time to explain yet, I need you to go and get me some water!" I cut her off.
As much as I hated bossing her around, time was of the essence. I didn't want to say anything to her but I didn't think this poor fella was going to last.
She quickly got up and ran to the kitchen, faster than I would've expected her. Perhaps it was just the adrenaline rush.
I turned to the poor guy who was wheezing and coughing blood.
"Hey, pal listen, I'm going to need you to tell me what happened?"
"Don't worry, I know this looks bad but I didn't walk all the way over here for no reason. I need you to warn the station,"
"About what?"
Cassie came in with some rags that were soaked and gently pressed them onto his abdomen.
He winced quite loudly, but we both knew this was the best.
"Tell them it's a code Protectorate situation— I... me and my partner, we went to the house as instructed. When we got there, we both nearly lost our sanity. It was so gruesome what we saw.
I could relate to what he's describing. It was a messed up sight and I wished I could unsee that.
"When we went into the house to investigate, something lunged out from the darkness. It cut clean through my partner before he could even have time to react. I fired eight shots into that thing. It was so mortifyingly alien."
"So we're dealing with an alien?"
"I don't know if you can count that thing as one. It was so savage, so brutal. Naked and abominable. I quickly got out of there but that thing managed to get me in the stomach. I fired one more shot near its head and that seemed to scare it away. Then I came here."
Both my wife and I were awestruck. So there really was an alien in our area. And it's killing people, how original. But my biggest concern at this moment was the fact that we were now caught in the middle of it.
The cop coughed a few more times— drips of blood coming down his chin.
My wife quickly rushed over with the cloth to try to clean it out so that he could breathe properly, but he just grabbed hold of her wrist, and through more agitated coughing, he choked, "Leave if you can,"
His eyes quickly went lifeless and he fell limp in the armchair.
His hand released my wife and she quickly backed up into me. Held her in my arms as we both stared at the lifeless man who gave us the only advice I think he could say to us.
But I had to honor what the fallen cop had asked me and I got back in touch with the police to tell them that the cop died after investigating the murder scene. I gave them his name and they were ready to send more help until I cut the lady off and told her that he requested Protectorate. They cut the line after that and I had to deal with questions I had no answers to.
But then a new voice answered, " Please evacuate the area. Your area has been labeled by the Protectorate Extermination Committee as a targeted zone. You have less than one hour to comply with this direct order."
Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.
No sooner after hearing those words, Cassie ran back to the kitchen and started washing the blood off of her hands. I took a blanket and covered the officer. But I was going to heed his words.
I went upstairs and quickly started grabbing what I could and throwing them back into our bags. We were leaving and that was not up for any discussion. Thankfully Cassie was on the same page as me.
After about ten or twelve minutes had passed, I finished packing, only to hear the pounding beat of a rotor. That was a helicopter flying overhead.
Quickly I went outside and tried to get a good look at it. It was a Blackhawk helicopter flying rapidly.
Out of desperation, I started waving my hands, hoping that maybe they'd land and get us out of here much sooner than what my car could manage for us, but they flew off. I know they saw me, but they simply ignored me.
Cassie came out of the house and asked, "Did they just leave? I heard them flying by and thought that maybe they'd land?"
"I don't think they're looking for survivors. They don’t look like any military group that I recognize."
"What did they look like?" her voice trembled.
"I don't know who they are, but their helicopter was painted black and there was a symbol on the side. It looked like a shield with six wings coming out from the side and an eye in the center of the shield."
We heard the sound of distinct gunfire off in the distance. Whatever it was, I doubt it was military engagement. There was only one firing and it was followed by deafening screams of a man. Only to be drowned out by something unnaturally low and clicky. But this roar boomed across the land.
That was coming from another cabin not too far from us. Whatever it was, surely we were going to be next in the line of fire for this thing. It must have been going around destroying people's vehicles if there were still people around after what happened to that first. I can't imagine all of our neighbors still being here willingly.
I ordered Cassie back in the house, knowing full well that something bad was about to go down when I saw three more of those Blackhawks flying into one single location.
I shut the door again and told Cassie to get down as low as she could. I didn't want a stray bullet hitting either of us, but I couldn't help but remain curious to see if they could get it.
I was expecting them to rain down machine-gun fire, but instead, I saw three huge plumes of fire shoot out from each of the choppers. They were trying to burn this thing. They were hitting it hard too. The amount of flames coming down at such a rapid speed made me think that it could catch the entire woods on fire. Thankfully it's winter, so I don't think a forest fire is likely to happen.
But they never stopped firing and it also seems like they were chasing after whatever it was. My eyesight's not so good, so I wasn't able to get a visual of what it was. But I saw something running on all four, darting through the woods as the Blackhawks chased after it.
"What's happening!" Cassie cried.
I had forgotten about her. I was expecting bullets but I guess it wasn't so dangerous after all.
"They're trying to burn that sick monster."
"Is it working?"
I didn't have the heart to tell her that I think the thing is getting away. Whatever it was, it was weaving fast enough to where the helicopters couldn't keep up. But at least it seems like it couldn't hurt them either.
"They're driving it away. It's moving far away from us. Maybe we could leave right now."
Cassie started panicking and stuttered, "We— we are not going out there,"
"Cassie don't be stupid, we have to get out of here. That creature might come back for all we know—"
"And I don't want to be outside all vulnerable when it gets here!"
That was always something I hated about her. Once she made up her mind on something, there was no way you were going to get her to change her mind.
"It's always about your issues, it's always going to be your way! Don't you realize that there is something that we cannot handle, running around willy-nilly, we've got helicopters outside blasting it with fire that doesn't seem to be doing too much, and you want us to stay here like a bunch of sitting ducks because you're too scared to try and Escape like the officer who died for us, said so!"
"YOU THINK I WANT TO STAY HERE AND GET TORN APART BY THAT SAVAGE!" she got up from her hiding place and pushed me as hard as she could.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't fall down to the ground, but when she gets angry, she's a little extra forceful than you would expect.
She tried doing it a second time, but I caught her arms and threw her back, but not hard enough to make her fall.
"How about you calm down, and THINK!" I shouted back at her with increased ferocity. I was at my limit and I was having thoughts of leaving her here. We were on the verge of divorce anyway and the last thing I should care about is someone who will become a stranger to me and no time.
"I did, I want to hide and not be an open target!"
"And I don't want to sit here like an all-you-can-eat buffet for that thing!"
Before the argument could continue down this heated path, one of those flamers happened to be coming by, burning everything nearby. Thankfully it didn't hit the house or even the yard for that matter, but it was enough to leave me with a shaking stomach.
We both dropped to the ground but I was still curious about what was happening outside.
I crawled up to the front window again and my eyes went wide as I saw one of the helicopters blasting its flamethrower down. Inside the inferno, that creature was walking about untouched by the heat.
I whispered to myself, "It's immune to the fire? How?"
The flames eventually stopped raining down. I think they got the idea too.
I looked up at them as one of the soldiers was changing their weapon of choice from a flamethrower, to something a little more ballistic...
"Run!" I ordered. "To the bathroom!"
Both of us got up and as we got into the first-floor bathroom, the sound of explosions rained down from above. Small-scale explosives were now being used against this alien. It let out another one of those guttural bellows, apparently, this actually hurt it more. I also could hear the constant firing of bullets raining down.
But this was all that I could interpret. Cassie and I were both huddled in the bathtub, praying to whatever God exists that we don't end up being shredded by bullets in the process.
Already I could hear parts of the house getting hit by stray bullets as it seemed like the helicopters were moving more erratically as they chased after this creature again. At least it seems like they were moving away from us, but those were the most intense 30 seconds of my life.
Finally, everything fell silent other than the distant explosions that slowly toned down.
Both Cassie and I were breathing heavily, I even found myself wrapping my arms around her instinctively.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
She wouldn't quit crying. She never responded to my question. Granted it was a stupid question. Nothing about this was okay.
I decided to concede. Perhaps we should just hunker down and hope for the best. Although I was still completely on board with up and going, Cassie was partially right. We would be caught out there in the open and there was no guarantee that these people who were fighting the monster were even going to care about civilian casualties. They certainly didn't mind incinerating entire sections of the woods away, regardless of whatever houses happened to be nearby.
"Cassie, we'll stay here tonight. But I'm using my grandpa's guns."
"I don't care, I want that thing dead. I'll take one myself."
Well, this was a sudden change of heart. Someone who is always against this stuff suddenly wants one. Though I should have known better when I saw her only pick up the pistol.
"If you fail, I would much rather be able to take the easy way out of this mess."
Honestly, I'd rather have that option as well. But I have to try. Plus, if I was to die today, at least I can go down with this beautiful shotgun in hand.
So that would be the update so far. A black ops group is currently leveling the area as best they can to try and kill this thing, my wife is ready to do what she can to avoid a painful way of dying, and I've got a shotgun, scared out of my mind as I wait for this thing to eventually try and get us as well.
And thus began another long night of no sleep.
The clock had now turned to 12:43 p.m. I was dead tired and the exhaustion of staying up for two days without getting any consistent sleep was starting to take its toll.
Thankfully the sun had come up and this creature did not attack during the night. I'm telling you, that is probably the most luck we're ever going to get out of this.
Cassie was getting more sleep than I was, but she refused to leave the bathroom. She stayed in that tub the entire night, while I made myself a little pillow fort in the living room. And before you start getting judgemental of childish behavior, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die in comfort.
All throughout the night, I heard the occasional bursts of gunfire far off in the distance. I tighten my grip around the shotgun, preparing myself for whenever I would need it.
This particular shotgun was a special type that my grandfather was obsessed over. And it packed quite a wallop. A Browning BPS. With sleek, black metal, this high-powered shotgun is all that stands between a ravenous, deadly alien that came from outer space, and me getting torn in half.
And so began the wait.
Hours were going by. Every moment that I heard them chasing that thing out there, was another moment that told me that it wasn't over yet.
I was drenched in sweat, despite the temperature getting increasingly cold with every passing hour. How we managed to survive this whole time is beyond me. I guess the tension alone was enough to make sure that we stayed warm throughout the whole thing.
Then I heard a rumbling sound outside. Then I heard multiple rumblings. And then suddenly a blast of sound exploded so loud that it shattered all of the glass in the house. I was so scared that I almost fired off a shot.
I quickly got up from the pillow fort, Cassie was looking out the bathroom door. She was as confused as I was.
"What are they doing now?"
When I took a look outside, I had a surge of hope. Outside were 8 tanks, as black as the Blackhawks. They were firing off at a distance, firing off their machine-gun fire at the same time as they tried to destroy whatever this thing was with cannon fire from their turrets.
When I peered further out at the patch of woods that were being shredded to pieces by the barrage, I saw that the alien was moving as quickly as they could to avoid. But it kept stumbling around, and explosives kept burning away layers of its skin. There were more helicopters outside that were trying to flame it as well as firing explosive rockets at it.
I was cheering them on. The creature was definitely taking a beating from the constant attacks and it was only a matter of time before that thing would get too worn down. Already I could see parts of its flesh burning off.
"Come guys, get 'em!" I shouted instinctively by the hype of us actually winning. Maybe I would get out of this alive.
From my distance, I had to wear my glasses to get a better view. But my god the battle was intense.
"I think they've nearly killed it!" I shouted in early triumph.
Cassie came out of the bathroom and crawled next to me, wanting to join me and watching as they finally killed that alien. We both watched with anticipation as they finally seemed to be destroying its tough outer exterior.
The animal looked disgusting. That barbaric creature had two long arms with five fingers that looked about as long as a human forearm, it had a triangular-shaped head, rounded around the edges. I distinctly remember seeing it have bluish-gray skin earlier, but I guess after all of the flaming, bullets, and bombings, now it was reduced to a muscular frame.
It staggered after getting hit for over a day's worth and I was surprised that they were willing to keep pounding this thing so hard for that extended time.
Suddenly the sky overhead had a long, loud engine noise burst through the sound barrier.
We both looked up and my heart sank into what felt like ice-cold water because those were F-22s coming down fast from the sky.
I looked over to Cassie who looked like she had frozen over. Without much rational thought, I grabbed hold of her and we both ducked low to the ground.
The glass exploded above us as I heard missiles coming down, explosion after explosion detonating and leveling everything nearby. They were going to keep hitting this thing till it was either ash, or the entire area had been left in ashes.
Cassie kept crying but I also felt a huge overwhelming feeling of dread laying on top of me. I hugged her tightly, wanting to give myself some warmth from the otherwise cold, apathetic attack that we had found ourselves stuck in.
She kept whispering through choked up words, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"
"Cassie, listen, we're going to be alright. You hear that! We are going to live!"
The last explosion was so close to our house that I think part of it was coming apart at that point. The whole house shook violently and Cassie and I were even momentarily lifted off of the ground by how much power was behind that last explosion.
I slowly got back to my feet, my ears ringing exceedingly loud. I can barely hear whatever Cassie was saying to me. I still had the shotgun in hand. I was clutching that thing as my life depended on it.
Everything was a blurry mess, I was so dizzy I couldn't even focus entirely on anything.
Cassie was trying to tell me something. She kept pointing around me, her face full of fear.
Finally, things were going back to normal quickly and I was able to understand what she was trying to say.
"IT'S COMING THIS WAY!"
My eyes widened and as I turned around, the entire wall exploded inwards. I found myself being tossed over the couch and Cassie was quick to try and crawl back to the bathroom. I think she left her pistol there.
When I got a good look at it, I realized it was at death's door. It was all bloody, muscular, one of its eyes had fallen out. And it had this blood-filled shrill escaping from his mouth that made your skin curl in itself. Frankly, it sounded like no animal on Earth.
Bullets started raining in, a little too close for comfort for me.
I had to make a decision, the thing was eyeing down my wife. She turned around towards me, her eyes filled with tears.
Without much hesitation, I pumped the shotgun and unloaded an entire blast into its chest while it was distracted.
It screamed out in a horrific shrill, probably more stunned that a simple firearm is enough to finally get this thing injured at this point.
I kept blasting, pumping, blasting, pumping, repeatedly doing this while screaming as I kept shooting that sick animal. It swung its broken fingers at me, cutting a bit of my leg in the process. I fell down for a moment, but I knew I had to get back up for Cassie. It didn't do so well when I finally was able to get close enough to it, point the double-barrel right at its head, and blast straight into its mouth.
Strangely enough, that wasn't even enough to kill it. It fell back, squirming around in writhing pain, and I was shocked when I saw Cassie come out with her pistol and unload all eight bullets into the creature as well. I joined her in the attack, and we kept shooting at it until it finally stopped moving.
We both were out of breath, completely in shock, and frankly just wanting to go home. Maybe even see a therapist.
I rested on the floor next to Cassie who had lost her strength as well. We were just too tired to even run and I had no intention of getting out on my own.
Through the smoke, four soldiers in full body armored gear painted black entered through the gaping hole in the wall.
I was so tired I was sure I'd lose consciousness. Sure enough, everything faded to black. I could briefly hear the chatter of radios, but what they said I could not remember.
When I woke up, I was sitting in a hospital bed. I looked around in frantic movements, wondering where Cassie was— where my wife was?
I saw her completely passed out in the bed next to me. I was so relieved to see her safe and sound.
When I looked around, I saw that we were in a military infirmary tent. It was still snowing outside, but thankfully these tents know how to keep you warm.
But as I was about to get comfortable in my bed, two guys in suits- not black suits, thankfully they weren't going to be so cliche— walked in with two guards in uniform behind them.
The man who appeared oldest, complete with a bald head and big, bushy, gray mustache said, "Good morning soldier."
I chuckled a little bit. "Soldier? I wouldn't say I'm a soldier."
He had a charming laugh that I could tell you enough that he was more of a ladies' man in his spare time when he wasn't working to be some high-up government official.
"Ah, but weren't you the one who managed to kill that extraterrestrial?"
Clearly, he knew what I had done, so there was no point in lying. "Yes sir,"
"That makes you a soldier I guess. You may be just a civilian, but anyone who has the guts to take on something that took tanks and Blackhawks an entire day's worth of fighting to kill is deserving of such a title."
"I'm honored," I responded with unease.
"Well, I feel like it's the least we can do considering that even though we did most of the work, the fact that you managed to kill that thing with a shotgun and revolver is my definition of bravery. So we will be needing you to do a few favors for us in return for some added benefits for your heroism today."
I was well-versed in this kind of stuff. You watch enough movies, read enough books, you learn a little bit about what they're going to tell you next. Of course, I had to sign the documentation that neither of us would ever talk about what we had seen today. We were to never acknowledge any information that was related to what had happened today. And we were to tell anyone we came across that we had a lovely second honeymoon trying to rekindle our marriage.
But in return, I did get some financial help from these guys. They gave me a reward of $100,000 each. Although I'd like for more, I'm not going to pester them with that feeling. Beggars can't be choosers, right?
Although after all of that happened, I and Cassie did manage to recover somewhat of our marriage for the time being. What happened that day wasn't going to save it though. In 2018, we decided to go our separate ways. But we still get together occasionally to talk about what happened on that fateful winter day in 2012. She says that she still has nightmares of that thing chasing after her. I don't suffer from the nightmares of that thing, but I can understand where she's coming from.
The recent events have changed that. After everything that happened and now that I've been a single man for quite some time now, I recently became more interested in what's going on above us.
I started collecting information about aliens, thinking that they were nothing more than little gray men and the occasional giant monster creature. Oh, how I was wrong. I was extraordinarily wrong about what was really going on in the stars.
But I suppose that isn't relative to this story. Despite all of the horror that I experienced, the horrors I experienced now are far worse, but I think it's time I sign off on this message. And so I will go back to a night of no sleep.

It’s a really long story in all and no way to fit the entire melting pot of all facets but I’ll do my best on an honest summary. My Basic background history that formed who I am today is very relevant to this story so I’ll begin there. I grew up with, in my opinion, the best parents one could ask for. Amidst growing up with wonderful parents, I also endured an extreme amount of sexual abuse and assault, beginning at age 5 and continuing through my early 30’s as well as enduring the passing of my first child at age 30 days due to this abuse rather directly. As one could imagine, I have developed very unfortunate side effects from these traumatic and life changing experiences. Upon leaving the last abusive relationship, I met and married a wonderful, gentle and patient man, began seeing a therapist for the first time, began medication to aid me in symptom control and started my life over with my daughter, my new found soulmate of a husband and his two children that I love as my own. Two children are teens and live at home, one is grown and has married. We live a very blessed life currently and through that and therapy, I am thriving despite a CPTSD diagnosis. I’ve gotten my emotional and mental health mostly under control and I have learned to handle the nightmares, the flashbacks and the depression symptoms that haunt my healing brain. Some of my physical scars will never heal and I feel as though some on my soul may never either. However, in healing there are steps. My most recent step has been to learn to vocalize boundaries that are a hard limit for me. I do have reaction to certain stimuli that are very adverse. A major trigger for me is anything of a sexual nature outside of what is finally now, a mostly normal healthy intimate relationship with my husband. These triggers include, nudity of most any kind, scantily clad individuals such as skimpy bathing suits, perverse conversation or jokes,(especially the laughter that comes with that) and just a variety of things, but all along those lines. My husband and I are a united team, we are both committed to keeping those things out of our lives and marriage. We together came up with what our boundaries to protect our marriage and my healing process would be. That went great. However vocalizing those boundaries to family members outside of our home has not gone so great. They are aware of my past, and our road we choose to travel in our marriage but have trouble understanding that these boundaries apply to them as well as strangers in public or on tv. Recently, I asked a “ in law “ family member to please not show either of us their bikini photos as we were just not comfortable seeing those, but that we’d love to see all the others from their vacation. They did not respond well at all, and were very offended at the request. Despite asking the question in private, very softly spoken and kind and as well, very kind and loving messages and conversations since, I am the bad apple to them. They feel as though I should be over all of this “CPTSD stuff” by now and I’m only letting my abusers win by setting these boundaries and that I’m trying to change who they are as individuals by asking them to not show us what we find to be inappropriate pictures or videos or just unnecessary lewd conversation. I understand this isn’t the norm for most couples, however I feel we as a couple have the right to take a polite stand for what is healthy for us at this point in our lives. This has caused an enormous divide amongst our blended family. Honestly they have been very cruel to me throughout all this as well as very demeaning of a disability that I simply cannot help, did not choose, and am trying my best to cope with daily. I suffer a lot with this but I still pick myself and go to work every day and mother my children and care for my family and so much more. I give it everything I have. But for them it’s not enough. So, am I wrong for vocalizing these boundaries for my own mental health?

If Scarfield the talking horse who hates Wednesdays sounds familiar, then you are one of my players and should skip this one for potential spoilers.
​
Hey fellow DMs,
I was wondering if those with some greater experience in designing classes or subclasses for their table could have a look through this subclass and tell me if there is anything that stands out as drastically incorrect so that I can adjust accordingly in my first few sessions.
While starting my most recent campaign I decided to design a new Warlock subclass that better fit the backstory of one of my players. The character is a Level 6 Pact of the Blade Warlock who is a tiefling that resides from Stygia. They really liked the visual of a frontline fighter with a focus on ice and cold spells, and wanted a greatsword made out of ice, which we decided could be formed from the river Styx itself (no issues here, but it led to the design of the subclass). Both the Hexblade and Fathomless subclasses had pieces that fit the theme, but both had features that didn't go too well with their design, so here we are.
The main focus was around their family's home plane of Stygia from the Hells, and is designed to be a resilient frontline fighter surrounding their greatsword. Reading up on the Styx, it has a few capabilities that involve luring victims into itself, so the class has both combat related effects and some manipulation or necromantic utility.
Hopefully asking for some assistance here doesn't go against the guidelines, but if it does I will adjust as needed. Any feedback on the design or balance is welcome, and thanks for any help in advance!
​
Expanded Spell List
Your connection to the Styx lets you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a warlock spell. The following spells are added to the warlock spell list for you.
​

• 1st: Create or Destroy Water, Ice Knife
• 2nd: Blur, Web (appears as water from the Styx)
• 3rd: Speak with Dead, Spirit Guardians
• 4th: Compulsion, Ice Storm
• 5th: Cone of Cold, Modify Memory

​
Traveler of the Styx
At first level, your connection to the Styx has granted you gifts to ensure your safety as you travel, and that others do not forget the fear of its embrace.
​

• You learn the Shape Water cantrip.
• You gain a swimming speed equal to your walking speed.
• You can change the damage type of any cantrip you cast to cold damage.

​
Shard of Stygia
At 1st level, you gain a weapon forged out of a shard of Stygian ice known as the Stygian Shard. You choose the form that this melee weapon takes when you gain this feature. You are considered proficient with the Stygian Shard while you wield it, and it can be used as a spellcasting focus for your Warlock spells. When you attack with the Stygian Shard, you can use your Charisma modifier, instead of Strength or Dexterity, for the attack and damage rolls, and it deals cold damage instead of its original damage type.
​
If you later gain the Pact of the Blade feature, the Stygian Shard immediately becomes your pact weapon as if you performed the ritual described within the feature, and you cannot change your pact weapon.
​
You gain a number of Stygian charges equal to your proficiency bonus that you can expend on a variety of effects while you are wielding the Stygian Shard, regaining all charges on a short rest. If an effect includes a save, its DC is equal to your spell save DC. If an effect deals damage, it deals damage equal to your Stygian die, which is 1d6 at 1st level. You can only use one effect per turn.
​

• Wrath: When you hit a creature, you can expend a charge to cause it to make a Strength saving throw. On a failed save, the target takes additional necrotic damage equal to your Stygian die and is knocked prone. On a successful save, the creature takes half the damage and isn't knocked prone.
• Drown: You can expend a charge as a bonus action to target a number of creatures within 30 feet of you equal to the number of d6s in your Stygian die. Until the end of your next turn, those creatures have their speed halved, cannot make opportunity attacks, and opportunity attacks against them have advantage.
• Flow: When a creature hits you with a melee weapon attack, you can expend a charge as a reaction to cause the creature to make a Dexterity saving throw. The creature takes necrotic damage equal to your Stygian die on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. You gain a number of temporary hit points equal to the damage dealt.

​
Stygian Adaptability
At 6th level, you become increasingly resistant to the allure of The Styx, and learn to guide others through the dangers similar to the Stygian realm for a period of time.
​

• Your Stygian Shard gains a +1 to attack and damage rolls, and your Stygian Die increases to 2d6.
• You gain resistance to cold damage.
• You can cast Water Walk once per long rest. In addition to its effects, all creatures you target with the spell gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your Stygian die, and can take the Dash action as a bonus action while walking on a body of water.

​
Soul of the Styx
At 10th level, your understanding of the Styx and its movements has allowed you to manipulate your spells and Stygian Shard to replicate its power.
​

• Your Stygian Shard gains a +2 to attack and damage rolls, and your Stygian Die increases to 3d6.
• When you would deal cold damage, you can change the damage type to necrotic instead, and vice versa.
• Once per short rest, when you deal cold or necrotic damage, you can expend a Stygian charge to deal additional damage equal to the maximum value your Stygian die. If the triggering spell or attack targets more than one creature, you choose one of them to be affected. Additionally, you can use this feature to enhance the Flow effect from your Shard of Stygia, causing it to affect twice as many creatures.

​
Master of the Styx
At 14th level, your understanding of the Styx has become a part of your being, allowing you to traverse it at will and disregard its pull to the Hells altogether.
​

• Your Stygian Shard gains a +3 to attack and damage rolls, and your Stygian Die increases to 4d6.
• You gain immunity to cold damage, and resistance to necrotic damage.
• Once per long rest, when you would be reduced to 0 hit points but not killed outright, you can drop to 1 hit point instead, gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your Stygian die, and regain all Stygian charges.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. ^{Some of these resources have been previously posted on this subreddit and are also included in this list.}

Mental Health Services

Boynton Mental Health Office and Service Hours: Monday – Friday 8:00am - 4:30pm ^{Depending on location, clinic may have limited hours or not be open on Thursdays}
Boynton Mental Health provides individual, couples, and group therapy both in-person or by telehealth, as well as psychiatric treatment or medication management for students.
• Office Number: 612-625-8400 • Appointment Line: 612-624-1444 • 24/7 Crisis Connection Counselors: 612-301-4673 or Text "UMN" to 61222 • 24/7 Nurse Line: 612-625-7900 • Email: boynton.umn.edu
Student Counseling Services (SCS) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00am - 4:30pm
Offers non-crisis support through individual counseling services (at this time, students can anticipate, on average, up to a 1-2 week wait for brief consultations) and can provide other on-campus and off-campus resources right for you.
• Office Number: 612-624-3323 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Also offers:
Let's Talk - a free drop-in service that offers informal, confidential consultations for U of M students throughout the academic year.No appointment is necessary, so a student can select from in-person and virtual drop-in options during the scheduled times. Learn to Live - an online therapy program that is available and free for students (code “UMN”). Programs are confidential and accessible anywhere with the following topics: depression, insomnia, social anxiety, substance use, stress, and worry.
Disability Resource Center (DRC) Office and Service Hours: Monday – Friday 8:00am - 4:30pm
Helps provide accessibility and reduce barriers on campus to improve access for disabled people through consulting on strategies to provide access and inclusion, implementing reasonable academic, workplace, and guest accommodations, and partnering with University offices to support meaningful physical and technological access.
• Office Number: 612-626-1333 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Offers 24/7 crisis-lines related to suicide, counsuling for emotional distress related to a disaster, and free treatment referral and information services.
• 24/7 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 • 24/7 Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 • 24/7 National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357
Hennepin County Acute Psychiatric Services (APS) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Sunday 7:00am-11:00pm ^{For Walk-In appointment and other lobby services}
Provides emergency services, counseling, assessments, and referrals to persons experiencing mental health crises including psychosis, depression, violence or suicide, and other crisis situations.
• 24/7 Crisis Counseling: 612-873-3161
Human Development Center (HDC) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides services for children, teens, young adults, and adults including case management, mental health services, therapy services, eating disorders treatment, an employment connection program, chemical dependency treatment, and many more topic-specific services.
• Minnesota Crisis Line: 218-728-5126 • Wisconsin Crisis Line: 715-395-2259
Birch Tree Center (BTC) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides counseling and residential crisis stabilization to adults experiencing a mental health crisis or emergency. This includes programming designed to enhance psychiatric stability, personal and emotional adjustment, and the necessary skills to return to a more independent setting.
• 24/7 Crisis Response: 218-623-1800
Essential Health Mental Health In-Patient Services Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides mental health inpatient programs for children, adolescents, and adults. Services provided are medication evaluation, medication management, indivudual and group therapies, as well as other patient-focused services to help manage and maintain mental illness and mental health related issues.
• Miller Dwan (Duluth, MN): 218-727-8762 • St. Joseph's Medical Center (Brainerd, MN): 218-829-2861

Other Health Services

University Recreation and Wellness (RecWell) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Thursday 5:45am - 11:00pm ^{Weekend hours are: Friday 5:45am-10pm, Saturday 8:00am-9:00pm, and Sunday 9:00am - 10:00pm}
Offers a wide range of programs, services, and facilities designed to aid in the prevention of stress, anxiety, and depression-related challenges as well as promote and enhance physical, mental, and social wellbeing.
• Office Number: (612) 626-9222 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Boynton Health ^{(After Hours Care}) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides resources for many different medical and health needs.
• For more information: Click here
Planned Parenthood Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides primary care, birth control, HIV/STD testing and services, transgender healthcare and hormone therapy, and more
• For more information: Click here
WE Health Clinic Office and Service Hours: Monday ‐ Thursday 9:00am ‐ 4:30pm, Friday 9:00am ‐ 4:00pm
Provides, advances, and advocates for evidence-based reproductive and sexual health care for all.
• Office Number: 218-727-3352
Youth and Aids Project (YAP) Office and Service Hours: N/A
A non-profit organization housed in the University of Minnesota's Department of Pediatrics—offers HIV testing, HIV/AIDS medical case management, HIV prevention services, and sexual health education programs for young people living in the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area.
• Phone: ‭651-231-4849‬ • Email: ​[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Know The Dangers Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides information about opioids and provides support and recovery treatments to those who struggle with mental health, substance use, and gambling addictions.
• Opioid and Substance Use Treatment Information: Click here • Narcan/Naloxone Finder: Click here • Gambling Hotline: 1-800-333-4673
Clinic 555 Syringe Exchange Office and Service Hours: Monday and Wednesday 1:00pm - 4:30pm ^{Other hours are Tuesday and Thursday are 1:00pm - 6:30pm, and Friday from 12:00pm - 3:00pm}
Anonymous syringe exchange and disposal.Various syringe sizes available for injecting medications, substances and hormones. Narcan (overdose reversal medication). Wound care. HIV and Hepatitis C testing. Vaccinations. Connection to community resources.
• Office Number: 651-266-1295 • Ramsey County Public Health Center: 555 Cedar Street Saint Paul, MN 55101 ^{(Walk-in at Ramsey County Public Health Center during syringe exchange hours only. No appointments.})

Sexual Assault Programs

^{UMN POLICY: Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault, Stalking and Relationship Violence}
The Aurora Center Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00am - 4:30pm
Provides free and confidential crisis intervention for victims of sexual assault, relationship violence, stalking and harassment.
• Office Line: 612-626-2929 ^{(office hours only}) • Text Line: 612-615-8911 ^{(office hours only}) • 24/7 Helpline: 612-626-9111 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:aurora.umn.edu)
Sexual Violence Center (SVC) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 9:00am - 5:00pm
Provide support through crisis lines, in-person and virtual counseling services, support groups, and help in navigating the medical and legal processes.
• Minneapolis Office: 612-871-5100 • Savage Office: 952-448-5425 • 24/7 Crisis Line: 612-871-5111 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Ramsey County SOS Sexual Violence Services
Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides 24-hour crisis counseling, information and referrals for victims of any sexual violence and for friends and families.
• 24/7 Crisis Line: 651-266-1000
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Offers telephone and online-chat crisis intervention services to support communities with crisis intervention, empathetic listening, and warm handoffs to designated local service providers. Most services are available in English and Spanish
• Crisis Line - 800-656-HOPE • For RAINN Crisis Online Chat - Click here
Program for Aid to Victims of Sexual Assault (PAVSA) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30AM - 4:30PM
A nonprofit rape crisis center located in southern St. Louis County that helps area residents cope with the aftermath of sexual violence. Services include various options for people who have been victimized, ranging from immediate crisis intervention to long-term counseling.
• PAVSA Office Line 218-726-1442 • 24 Hour Helpline 218-726-1931
MN Day One Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides emergency shelter and safe housing, a crisis line, and other resources including support groups, transitional housing, legal advocacy, and culturally specific services.
• Crisis Hotline: 1-866-223-1111 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MNCASA) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Provides sexual assault information, locations and telephone numbers of other sexual assault programs in Minnesota
• For MNCASA Public Directory: Click here

Domestic Abuse Support Services

Family Pathways (Carlton County) Office and Service Hours: Monday – Friday 8:30am - 4:30pm
Provides support services for victim-survivors of sexual and domestic violence including hospital advocacy, 24 hour crisis line, and advocacy in the criminal justice system.
• 24/7 Crisis Line: 800-338-7233
Safe Haven Resource Center Office and Service Hours: Avalible 24/7
Emergency shelter, legal advocacy, safety planning, support groups, and community education for victim-survivors of domestic violence in Duluth and Northern Minnesota.
• Office Number: 218-623-1000 • 24/7 Crisis Line: 218-728-6481
Dabinoo’Igan Shelter Office and Service Hours: Monday - Sunday 8:00am - 5:00pm
Dabinoo’Igan is an emergency domestic violence shelter for women and their children. It provides a temporary place to stay while looking at options that will help keep you safe.
• Hotline: 218-722-2247
Advocates for Family Peace Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30am - 3:30pm
Provides free and confidential services to victim-survivors of intimate partner domestic violence including support services, advocacy, assistance filing protective orders, and connecting to resources.
• Office Number: 218-248-5512 • 24/7 Crisis Line: 1-800-909-8336
Violence Free Minnesota (VFM) ^{AKA the Coalition for Battered Women (MCBW}) Office and Service Hours: N/A
A membership organization, with 90 member programs located throughout Minnesota with a strong history of effectively carrying out programming that advances women's safety and security.
• Office Number: 651-646-6177 or 1-800-289-6177 • 24/7 Helpline: 1-866-223-1111

Services for Victims/Survivors of Exploitation/Trafficking/Prostitution

Program for Aid to Victims of Sexual Assault (PAVSA) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30AM - 4:30PM
PAVSA’s Trafficking Program provides supportive services and case management to victims/survivors of sexual exploitation and sex trafficking including crisis services, support groups, counseling, and legal advocacy.
• Office Number: 218-726-1931
Breaking Free (St. Paul) Office and Service Hours: N/A
Breaking Free provides advocacy, direct services, housing, and education to women escaping systems of prostitution and sexual exploitation.
• Office Number: 651-645-6557
Life House (Sol House) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 11:00am - 6:00pm
Sol House, a program of Life House, is a 24hr supportive staffed house for up to 6 youth ages 15-20 who have experienced commercial sexual exploitation.
• Office Number: 218-722-7431 (For Sol House, dial ext. 113)

Homeless Services

United Way Office and Service Hours: N/A
Offers free and confidential information about a wide range of health and human services including basic needs, health care, income support and employment, individual and family life, mental health, and criminal justice.
• St. Cloud Office Number: 320-252-0227 • Central Minnesota Number: 211
Life House Youth Center
Life House provides homeless and street youth ages 14-24 with unconditional support, transitional housing, and a safe alternative to the streets.
• Office Number: 218-722-7431
Renaissance Teen Transitional Housing LSS/ Street Outreach
The LSS Renaissance program provides supportive housing in a shared living environment for homeless youth ages 16-21.
• Office Number: 218-723-8052
Spirit Valley Young Mother’s Program
YWCA’s Spirit Valley Young Mother’s program provides supportive housing to young mothers (ages 16-21) and their infants including services such as advocates to help with access to medical care, education, employment and childcare assistance. Other services include case management, parenting classes, money management, self-esteem enhancement, life skills and homework assistance.
• Office Number: 218-722-7425 ext. 116
Damiano Center
Provides hygiene kits, community kitchen, free store, free phones, mailboxes for folks experiencing homelessness, etc.
• Office Number: 218-722-8708
MN Assistance Council for Veterans
Provides assistance to veterans that are experiencing homeless or other life crises.
• Office Number: 218-722-8763

Emergency Childcare

LSS Crisis Nursery
Temporary emergency care of children ages 0-12 for up to 3 days (and nights).
• Office Number: 218-302-6879

Culturally Specific Services

Communidades Latinas Unidas en Servicio (CLUES) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Provides programs and services to connect Latino families to resources, skills, institutions and systems and create an environment for people to be engaged and empowered.
Minneapolis Office Number: 612-746-3500
St. Paul Office Number: 651-379-4200
Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Casa de Esperanza Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00am - 5:00pm
Based in St. Paul, MN, national resource center for Latinas and leader in the domestic violence movement. Offers family advocacy and shelter services. Services offered in English and Spanish.
• Office Number: 651-646-5553 • 24 Hour Crisis Line 651-722-1611
Minnesota Indian Women's Sexual Assault Coalition (MIWSAC) Office and Service Hours: N/A
One of 22 Tribal Coalitions around the country formed to address sexual assault and domestic violence in American Indian Communities, focusing specifically on ending and preventing sexual violence.
• Office Number: 651-646-4800 or 1-877-995-4800 • STRONGHEARTS Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483
The Steve Fund-Crisis Text Line for People of Color Office and Service Hours: N/A
The Steve Fund, through its partnership with the Crisis Text Line, promotes text messaging as a means to improve critically needed access for young people of color to crisis counseling.LGBTQ+ Services
• Crisis Line: Text STEVE to 741741 • Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
American Indian Community Housing Organization Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 10:00am - 5:00pm
AICHO’s operating philosophy is that every American Indian woman and child deserves to live in a safe, non-threatening environment and should be treated with dignity and respect. Runs Dabinoo’Igan Domestic Violence Shelter, transitional housing program, Giiwe Project – social services, and support and safe housing.
• Office Number: 218-722-7225
Fond du Lac Social Services Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00am - 4:30pm
Provides social service programs that are culturally sensitive and responsive to the values of Indiginous clients.
• Social Services Main Line: 218-878-2145 • Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 218-348-1817
ASCEND - Hmong American Partnership (HAP) Office and Service Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30am - 5:00pm
Works with victims and at-risk youth to address the severe harm caused by exploitation and move them towards recovery and independence.
• Office Number: 651-495-9160 • Email for Lead Youth Advocate: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

LGBTQ+ Resources

The Trevor Project Office and Service Hours: N/A
The Trevor Project offers a 24/7 crisis line to offer support to LBGTQ young people.
• Office Number: 212-695-8650 • 24/7 Crisis Line: 1-866-488-7386
Trans Lifeline Office and Service Hours: N/A
Trans Lifeline is a hotline staffed by transgender for transgender people welcoming the calls of any transgender person in need/experiencing crisis.
• 24 Hour Crisis Line 877-565-8860
LGBT National Help Center Office and Service Hours: N/A
LGBT National Help Center is a free and confidential peer-support resource that can also help find local resources available for LGBTQ+ folks.
• National Helpline: 888-843-4564
• Report Violence Online: Click here
Anti-Violence Project (AVP) Office and Service Hours: N/A
LGBTQ+ and gender non-conforming survivors of violence who are experiencing trauma as a result of the current political climate are encouraged to contact this number.
• 24 Hour Crisis Line: 212-714-1141

Legal Services/Reporting Abuse

For Children:
Child Protective Services
To report concerns about child abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse, contact the county or reservation where the child lives during business hours. If the child is at immediate risk of harm, please contact your local law enforcement agency or dial 911.
Minnesota Department of Human Services: 651-431-4661 Hennepin County Family Services: 612-348-3552 Ramsey County Human Services: 651-266-4500 For more county contact information: Click here
For Vulnerable Adults:
Minnesota Adult Abuse Reporting Center (MAARC)
MAARC should be contact if there suspected neglect, physical or sexual abuse, or maltreatment of a vulnerable adult by their caregiver.
• Office Number: 844-880-1574
For Sexual/Domestic Violence and all other crimes:
^{I encourage you to contact any of the above resources that help guide through the legal systems before connecting with these resources. It can be hard to do it alone and there are resources to help you through this.}
University of Minnesota Police Department
• 612-624-2677 • [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) • 511 Washington Ave. SEMinneapolis, MN 55455
St. Paul Police Department
• 651-291-1111 • [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) • 367 Grove StreetSt. Paul, MN 55101
Minneapolis Police Department - Special Crimes Investigations Division (SCID)
• 612-673-2941 • 350 South 5th Street, Room 130, Minneapolis, MN 55415
Ramsey County Sheriff's Department
• 651-767-0640 • 425 Grove Street Saint Paul, MN 55101

Tools and Resources for Self/Friends/Family

UMN Student Counseling Services (Self Help)
The Self Help page on the SCS website provides information and numerous resources such as websites, apps, online screenings, and listed hotlines to help you with your mental health.
• For the Self Help website: Click here
[email protected]
A well-being portal for University of Minnesota students offering tools, dynamic content, and resources built to align with on-campus health and wellness programs and resources. The platform is highly personalized and will help UMN students find the campus and community content and resources tailored to their individual needs and personal goals.
Minnesota Department of Health Sexual Violence Prevention Program (MDH)
Helps people and organizations identify effective ways to prevent sexual violence.
Sexual Violence Center (How Can I Help My Loved One or Friend?)
Provides information to friends/family on how to help support victims and survivors of violence in their lives.
MNCASA Sexual Violence Prevention
Has a prevention team at MNCASA that offers technical assistance, training, resources, networking, and more on the primary prevention of sexual violence.
• For more resources and tools, please visit the MNCASA website https://mncasa.org/tools/

-------------
In light of the recent posts sharing their stories and experiences, I wanted to create a list of resources for students and their loved ones to hopefully get connected and find support through whatever it is they are going through.
I am a volunteer advocate with PAVSA, so some of these resources may be physically located in Northern Minnesota, but I made sure to include local and remote resources as well.
Feel free to contact me with questions or to share some information and I will update this post if I find any other resources.
-------------
Font Converter for Dyslexia

I've been thinking about why I'm so uninterested in everything all the time or always unwilling to leave my house. I think the simple answer is I have depression. I'm not trying to self diagnose but it just makes sense.
It's been like this for a while but I can't tell you when exactly this started. It's more like it just festered over time. It's like when I know I should do something no matter how important I can't bring myself to do it.
I'll wake up on time for school but I can't get myself to walk out the door. It's not even that I don't like school but it just feels unreal and unimportant right now. I don't always have the mental capacity to deal with my friends either. I love all my friends but I don't wanna talk to them.
I don't wanna be around anyone. I just wanna lock myself in my room. in the house with no one to bother me. I want to just sink into my bed and have everyone forget about me. Even now when I should be at school and I know my mom's going to yell at me when she gets home. It doesn't seem to matter.
A couple months ago I went through a rough patch in my mental health. I didn't want to get up and go to school. I didn't want to talk to anyone. It didn't take much anything just to make me break down. I remember crying so much that until I couldn't and everything just seemed void.
The one thing that made it worse were my parents. They don't believe I have anything to really be so upset about. When I missed school they'd tell me that I was just lazy. What did I have to be depressed about. When I told my dad how I felt he just said if I really think I need therapy that bad he'll participate in family therapy.
My dad doesn't "believe" in therapy. He didn't attend our first family session. But he told me I shouldn't go around crying in front of people, being weak. And that I need to suck it up cause I don't have anything to be depressed about.
The one time they let me skip school I had said I needed a mental day. I just needed to be alone for some time. But instead my dad made me go to his house and talk with him and my stepmom. I remember just being over it not even caring to talk anymore.
It's like this feeling comes and goes and now and again. Just when I think I'm better or over it I'm just hopeless again. Sometimes I can't even force myself to get up and eat. I was better for a little bit. But right now I just don't want to see anyone, I don't want to hear anyone else's problems, I don't want to leave my room. I just want to be away from everything.
I've told my parents about how I feel. Why I miss school. And they say that they'll listen but they don't. They give me reasons why I'm lazy and that I never do anything. I guess they could be right. Just yesterday I walked through my neighborhood for the first time in what felt like years. In truth I think it had only been a year maybe two.
But I realized I missed so much. The sound of birds chirping around me, waiting for cars to cross the street, seeing stray cats, feeling the sunlight all over me, having enough space to run until I drop. It makes me feel like crying. I hate that I'm like this.
I really try to do better but I don't think I can. I just don't have room for much else but myself. I don't have the capacity to have empathy for my loved ones anymore. I'm just existing. And now I'm not sure how to change that as this could effect my entire future.
If I don't go to school now I'll either be going to college late like my mom, or not even going and living with a family member due to financial problems like my brother. I don't want to be like that but I can't do anything for my self. I can't do anything about this and I don't know how to overcome it. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward? Or what this might seem like to you?
Anything that you think can help my situation?

First Previous Wiki
"We should get ready," Kawtyahtnakal said. "They're coming soon."
His honor guard was already well-prepared for all of this, with numerous rehearsals of the event. But now was the final stretch, said more in case the Truth Speakers or Regulators needed to get ready. Some of the Patriarchs and, of course, Eyahtni was here as well, wearing armor denoting their ranks or family names and statuses.
Kawtyahtnakal stood, proudly puffing out his chest as the great doors to the throne room swung open.
On the other side, a hard light hologram of Hive Emperor Calanii, Hive Empress Ashnav'viinir, and a host of diplomats and public officials walked. Their shoes echoed loudly in the halls like heralds of the coming prosperity. Already, both the Vinarii Empire and the Hive Union were in a golden age. The business industry was expanding, and public health and consumer spending were up. New shipyards, spaceports, mines, orbital stations, luxury resorts, and technology were rapidly coming online. And that was in spite of the increasingly unpopular war on Galshaskir, which wasn't bearing any fruit.
It was likely that Kawtyahtnakal would set up a shield dome over the planet, one that was self-perpetuating and continuous. That way, he didn't have to send anyone else to die.
The Alliance had sent some soldiers and even more robotic machines, but its assistance had been sporadic compared to the entire planetary front. Kawtyahtnakal sensed that Calanii would also discuss the war with him when they got the chance.
"Greetings, Nest Overlord Kawtyahtnakal. I thank you for your hospitality, and your willingness to accept my request for a meeting."
"You are quite welcome, Hive Emperor Calanii. I am glad to have received it."
Now that the rehearsed theatrics were done, it was time to get to the meat of the discussion. An array of servants and cooks brought in food suitable for both Vinarii and Cawlarian consumption, laced with nutrients and tastes that each found appealing in their own way. Calanii, Eyahtni, and Kawtyahtnakal quickly established a shielded conversation area. A hologram formed around them, blocking their faces and bodies from the view of the others who had come for the meeting. They would have their own discussions while the most important one occurred.
"So. Are you here to discuss the war?"
"Yes. I have machines that would be helpful in alleviating your struggle. In particular, I have a set of sensors that could potentially locate Galshaskir."
"That is good to hear. What will that cost?"
"Only a favor, later on. That favor will not be extreme, like handing over territory or people."
"We will need more of a discussion on that favor," Kawtyahtnakal said. "May I know the nature of it?"
"I would request that you intervene with a group of pirates that is interfering with the border trade. They don't seem to be natural, and are likely based in and supported by an enemy nation."
Kawtyahtnakal nodded. "The Imperium?"
"Our sources are too dubious to confirm whether it's them or another nation posing as them. But it is someone, and somewhat likely to be the Imperium."
"Haven't you normalized relations with them?"
"I did when I came into power. They hated Ashnad'darii and disliked you. I think that they are worried about our continued moves toward cooperation. And they happen to share a direct border with me, though not with you."
"Have you talked to the Eternal Emperor recently?"
"I haven't directly talked to him at all, actually. He hasn't officially discussed matters of importance with the Vinarii Empire ever since our rise to power."
Calanii's antennae bent forward.
"He's building up his fleet, actually."
"He won't attack you with the mutual defense treaty in place. We've still got a massive military, and so do you. In fact, you're modernizing it," Kawtyahtnakal pointed out.
"Yes. But he is likely backed by others, to be so belligerent. And this comes to the third point. He is being aggressive, but support for a war is low. Not zero, but low. I can't declare on him."
"Do you need to?" Eyahtni asked. "Has there been anything that would serve as a casus belli?"
"No. Just increasing anti-Vinarii rhetoric. They killed a small refugee group, only about 30 thousand Vinarii or so. That's too small to declare war. They do not violate our borders officially, and their spy ships seem content to watch without interference."
"How exactly do you wish for me to alleviate this?"
"I want you to express public solidarity with me more often. Open more pacts and corporate collaborations. More sister cities, joint military operations. That sort of thing."
"If that is the favor, than it is acceptable," Kawtyahtnakal said, looking over to Eyahtni. Both of them already planned on doing this, though a little slower than Calanii likely wanted. It was something that would benefit them, with increased experience for their forces as well as better techniques and strategies.
"Yes, it is acceptable," Eyahtni asked. "What of other agreements?"
"We wish to open research agreements with your institutions for their latest advancements."
"That will take some doing, but I don't see why not," Kawtyahtnakal replied. Calanii looked relieved at that.
"And another thing. I would request that your Alliance tone down the anti-Sprilnav actions. It is bringing undue attention to this section of the galaxy. I'm sure you've noticed the number of searches related to your species in foreign data statistics going up. And that your spies are noticing increased chatter in your border states, and the wider galaxy as a whole. If not that, then surely you must have had an increase in contacts recently."
Kawtyahtnakal had noticed that as well. They seemed to have reached a peak recently, likely due to the birth of Edu'frec and also the publicized killing of the Elder that had bombed the Alliance recently. Kawtyahtnakal admired the hasty decision to kill the Sprilnav doing it before it got worse. Because he knew, as did many dead civilizations in the galaxy, that it definitely would have escalated.
To be honest, he'd wanted to establish relations with Edu'frec, and Eyahtni had already petitioned the Alliance for an official meeting. But with the justification that 'he's a child' and 'he doesn't understand diplomacy yet,' they had refused. Of course, both of them knew that it wasn't the Alliance that was actually refusing, but Phoebe. Her security around Edu'frec was surpassed by only a few individuals in the Alliance. And it was the equivalent of what regional governors that controlled multiple systems got in the Union.
"We have noticed, yes," Eyahtni said.
"And has the Alliance given any indication of their preference?"
"No. It does appear that it was both a matter of vengeance as well as prevention."
"The Sprilnav are moving massive fleets in their systems," pointed out Calanii.
"Yes. But they remain in their systems. If the Sprilnav decided to come for us, the whole galaxy couldn't stop them. The ships in their fleets are each the equivalent of battlecruisers and outnumber every civilian and military ship in the galaxy combined. And their Elder ships are so tough that the amount of force needed to crack them even a bit is only possible with the strongest dreadnaught cannons or with planet crackers."
"The Alliance's force projection capabilities are growing at an alarming rate."
"It is not alarming for us, since we are allies. You could always move for reconciliation."
"We don't know how the rest of the galaxy, and especially the Imperium, would take it."
"Well then, that is your risk," Kawtyahtnakal said. "But the longer you wait, the more favorable the terms will get for the Alliance."
"I'm not so sure. They're absorbing population at a high rate, which should start causing huge cultural friction between their constituent races. There's more Wisselen in the Alliance than Breyyanik or wanderers. And if their supposed plans of invading the Guulin are true, then that problem will worsen until they crack under the weight of culture war and political upheaval."
"Phoebe and the hivemind curb much of that. The Alliance's culture specifically preaches understanding and forgiveness for past wrongs. Most of their Wisselen citizens have jobs now, and those that don't are not only surviving, but actually living in houses and with access to free food and water."
"That shouldn't be possible."
"It is, because the elites of the Alliance have manufactured the cycle to benefit everyone, which makes them richer in the process. Money flows from governments into their economy, which goes into circulation, and makes it stronger. Most issues like inflation impact far less severely when food and housing are free."
"You seem to admire them," Calanii observed.
"I do. To go from their humble beginnings to an ascending superpower of the galaxy is no small feat. The Sprilnav don't even enforce their immigration controls on them. They use their advantages to the fullest, whether it's having an entire species linked to a non-predatory and sapient hivemind, to having not one but now two psychic AIs. I admire the resolve of the leaders who represent their people, and their desire to make the galaxy a better place, as best they can."
"They plan to invade a neighbor and have killed a Sprilnav Elder."
"If you killed an Elder, your people would have a year-long party," Eyahtni pointed out. "And they plan to capture and free the slaves of the United Legions, which is driven heavily by the cultural and political influence of the second largest species in their nation, the Guulin. What galactic power do you know that would have granted independence to a people they had annexed, just to make them more equal?"
Calanii sighed. "I suppose that they are the moral side to take."
"Yes, perhaps that is true."
"I'm glad that you see it."
"Do you think they would be willing to help with the Imperium?"
"You should ask them. But the Imperium doesn't have slaves, and doesn't heavily oppress its people, mostly because its propaganda is baked so deeply into its population. So it's a maybe. They won't help you invade, most likely, unless you are attacked. And by attacked, I mean their ships bombing a planet, not shooting at a police vessel."
"I see. Have you also detected the readings from their psychic amplifier bases?"
"We have. However, the Alliance is using the psychic energy predominantly to build shipyards, grow the orbital ring around Mercury, and to expand their production of rare alloys."
"It's incredible how powerful they are, for such a small nation."
"Not really. With Phoebe and the hivemind, they should be more so. Plus the individual known as Equisa should have knowledge that they could use. Though that big gun Phoebe built is certainly up to par with some of our own weapons."
"True. It does cause quite the stir in psychic energy when fired."
The Nest Overlord knew that he was talking about the small amount of psychic energy that all lasers dragged along. It enabled them to be visible to certain sensors even when they missed and when they were high-energy enough to also glow in all directions. Without psychic energy, the lasers would always be invisible in space.
"Yes."
"Well, with that out of the way, I would like to congratulate you on your 86th year of service."
"Thank you. Overlord Day's next week, though."
"I'm aware."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Equisa, it's very good to see you again." Meihala smiled as Equisa hugged her. The relatively thin human woman smirked, saying, "Joshua's in the kitchen, making that beef lasagna that we like."
"Mmm. Yes, we do."
"I'll be right in. Don't you wor-"
A message flashed across her vision.
*Elder Equisa. Your presence is requested.\*
She quickly tapped back a response inside her implants.
*Not yet.\*
*Then we will come to you.\*
"Hang on, I need-"
A hologram appeared next to Equisa, of an older Sprilnav man. Wrinkles were visible over his whole body and most prevalent near his joints and face. His jaws hung slightly agape, a common symptom of not just old age but old design. He was likely one of those Elders who had been alive before most galaxies had been born.
Eyes older than stars looked at her and Meihala.
"Equisa. What is... this?"
"You tasked me to investigate the humans and to provide information pertinent to the cause of the psychic pulse. I did so, and you did not reassign me."
A second Sprilnav appeared next to him. Both of them appeared to be male, though with Sprilnav this old, Equisa could never be sure with her eyes alone. But her implants did the identifications for her, confirming her thoughts.
"Ah, so my suspicions were correct. I can smell it on you."
"Smell what?" Joshua asked, entering the room. His eyes widened upon seeing the three Elders. "Oh, uh, what's your names?"
"Refined Elder Rho and Refined Elder Sai." Elder Sai looked at the human with a confused look. "Equisa, why are you mingling with these... beings?"
"Please don't be racist if that's your thing. We're people. Humans, specifically. I'm Joshua, and this is Meihala." He pointed to himself and then to her. Equisa felt like she was swimming in awkwardness.
"Well then. We have questions for your mate."
"She is an acquaintance," Meihala said.
"Mates and friends are different things. You have mated with this Elder, therefore you are... no, both of you have. Equisa, you didn't have any information about this preference in your file."
"It's not a preference; it's just... something new, alright? Yes, I'm in a relationship. But the operation is over, so there's no need for me to do anything." Equisa tried to move away, but Rho just smiled.
"Don't worry. You're not in trouble. Your body is your own, and your words are true. However, this is about the death of a Secondary Galaxy Elder. There has been expressed displeasure at your actions from the Elders of the Secondary Galaxy."
Equisa was surprised that they were saying all of this in front of the humans.
"Why-?"
"We in the Primary Galaxy had a vote, and in that vote we moved to allow knowledge of us to be spread to trusted individuals. As an Elder and one of sound mind and proper, if strange, judgement, then this applies to your mates."
"So you're saying that... everyone knew about this? Everyone?" Equisa asked.
"Everyone knows, yes. Including your family, since that's likely your next question. Your father actually placed a bet on how you would react when you were made aware of this. He's just become a richer man."
Equisa sighed, knowing that her father's nature had somehow remained the same throughout the long millennia. Ever since his time before the Source War, he'd been a gambler and better. He was prolific and just successful enough to win enough to pay the debts of his losses. But he wasn't a bad person.
"Wow, that's gotta be like, I don't know, really embarrassing," Meihala laughed. "I'm sorry."
"Yes. You're one of the most famous Elders in existence, as the first Elder to mate with a member of another species in... 7 billion Earth years or so? Maybe 8, I'm still not exact on the length."
"You carry the 3, so 8," Rho said. Sai smiled as if not knowing basic math was a running joke between them. Perhaps it was.
"Alright. So what's the consequences for it, then?"
"None. They expressed displeasure, that's all. But they lost the war, so who cares about what they think? Plus, this is way more fun. I'm particularly keen on meeting Phoebe and Penny."
"Penny's single," Rho said. "But too young, especially for you. Age gaps that large are too weird for me."
"Well, Equisa doesn't care," Sai laughed. "She's what, a hundred million times older than these humans here? That's gotta be strange."
"Can you two not pry into my love life? Thank you. I'd prefer that this visit ends quickly," Equisa said. Rho and Sai then changed into forms that were human, though still old.
"Alright. We won't bother you, but we'd be happy to do some sightseeing. Can you take us to walk around?"
"No."
"What if I ordered you?" Sai asked.
"I'd refuse."
"Aw, you're so grumpy now. Good old Equisa. Well, not older than me, is she?" Sai joked, laughing with Rho and slapping his back. He exited Equisa's house, followed by Sai close behind.
"Can you explain this to us?" Joshua asked.
"I... it'll take a while."
"We're not mad, just confused," Meihala added. "I wouldn't exactly want them to know about my love life, either."
"How many Sprilnav are in the Primary Galaxy?"
"About... a septillion of them?"
Joshua laughed. "You're serious?"
"Absolutely. We've got Dyson spheres, ringworlds, and artificial worlds."
"Full spheres?"
"Segmented. But the concept remains true."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Aw, this guy's kind of adorable," Penny heard. She was busy being absolutely destroyed at a game with Edu'frec, who definitely didn't have the skill of a mere ninth grader. Whether that was because of further advancement or because he was an AI was hard to know for sure. But whatever the case, that was what things had been.
Penny's head craned leftward to the sound, strings of psychic energy already starting to form on her fingers. But they stopped when they saw a pair of old men standing at the door. And they weren't just people with grey hair, but really old. Like they were thousands of years old, with hanging jowls, wrinkled faces, and spotted skin. One even sported a wart on his nose.
"Oh, hello there!" one said, waving at her as if he wasn't a person out of a hospital bed. "I'm Sai, and this is Rho. How are you doing?"
"I'm good. How did you get here?"
"We walked, obviously."
"Phoebe has incredibly powerful security, and you just... walked in?"
"Yeah, it looked expensive. But don't worry. We just want to pat him on the head."
"Who are you?" Edu'frec asked. "Don't treat me like a child."
"My name is-"
"Not your names. What are you?"
"I'm not sure what you mean," Rho said.
"You don't walk like humans. Your gait and stance are wrong, as if you're compensating for something that's not there. Like you had four legs before, instead of two. So I'll ask again. What are you?" Edu'frec bared his teeth in a growl.
"Well, isn't it quite obvious? We're Sprilnav. And we're here to-"
An android suddenly walked into the room. Phoebe moved in a blur, her hands rushing forward to slam into both of them. However, she passed through them. A second android pulled back Edu'frec as shields appeared around him thick enough to hide him from view. Penny wasn't sure what to do.
"We're here to pet him."
"I'm not a child," Edu'frec growled through the shield. There was a pulse of something, and then the two old men became Sprilnav. Penny switched into action, standing between them and Phoebe's son. All of them were on a hair trigger.
"Ok, we'll leave," Rho and Sai said. "We're sorry."
"You don't just get to-"
"Yes, we do. I'm not going to be locked in a cage, and neither is my friend here. We're sightseeing."
"How did you get here?"
"Don't worry about it. We won't do any harm to you."
"You need to learn about what to do and what not to, if you're going to remain in the Alliance."
"Sai, they're treating us like we're vermin."
Sai frowned. "Oh. Phoebe, we're not from the Secondary Galaxy. We're here because Equisa hacked a communication device, which resulted in the death of an Elder."
"So you're punishing us?"
"Not at all. We're just seeing the Alliance that we've heard so much about."
"Would you stay and protect us against the Primary Galaxy?" Phoebe asked, calming quickly with the revelation.
"Probably not. Why, are they trying to kill you all or something?"
"Sort of."
"Then why are you still alive?" Sai asked with genuine confusion.
"Come on, you aren't that senile," Rho said. "It's the Source's Servant that's in the mindscape, trying to hide from us."
With that, Rimiaha appeared in the room as if he'd always been there. "What are you trying to do here?"
"We really do just want to do some sightseeing. There's nothing wrong with it."
"How do we know?"
"Just him and I are enough, if that wasn't true."
"What do you mean by that?" Phoebe asked.
"We are enough."
Rimiaha sighed. "I'd still beat you."
"We can block the Source's power from reaching you. All you'd have is your reserves, and they're not enough," Sai said.
"Please. I could smack you into tomorrow, quite literally," Rimiaha retorted.
"We get it," Phoebe said. "You're only using 1% of your power or whatever. But you're getting guards, both for your sake and ours."
"We can become humans again."
Penny sighed. Nilnacrawla ended another psychic energy class, looking at the scene in bemusement.
Are these guys really as stupid as they're acting?
Older Sprilnav are generally smarter, so not likely. And these guys are very old.
Generally?
Generally, it's likely that they are purposely doing this for entertainment.
"Well, you'd do it badly, but yeah," Phoebe replied. "I'm sorry that I got upset. But I'm going to explain this to you. I'm... very protective of Edu'frec. I really love him. So when I saw you two so close to him, and heard what I thought would be a declaration of intent to kill him, I was upset. Very upset."
"Nilnacrawla says that you guys are faking it," Penny said.
"Nilnacrawla? He's alive?"
"Yes, he's in my head," Penny stated dryly. "Do you not know this?"
"I didn't," Sai said.
"First of all, what kind of Elders are you?" Edu'frec asked.
"Refined Elders. Those who were born not only before the Source war, but before the most major of the genetic modifications preparing for it."
"I see. Another title," Phoebe said.
"You can call is Rho and Sai, if you want. We won't make you use our titles."
"You seem a lot more... chill than the Elders in our galaxy," Penny noted.
"Yes. We haven't had much to do, really. Most of us waste away in drug-induced euphoria or implants that do the same."
"That's sad," Edu'frec said.
"Perhaps it is. It is said that their throats are dry as bones from all the laughing they do. But anyway. We will stop acting senile. Rho and I are here to see whether your Alliance is worthy of our attention, after so long in isolation."
"Why?"
"The psychic pulse. It has reached us, and made a number of people very concerned. But upon seeing you, we have decided to ignore that. Given that Equisa's been able to find love among your kind, you are clearly not as hostile to Sprilnav as we were led to believe. For the right price, perhaps a deal can be worked out."
"What deal?"
"Exports, specifically. We'd like some of your food and cultural works."
"The originals?"
"Copies will suffice," Rho said.
"You came all the way here to ask for art and act like this?" Penny asked.
"Yes. And to see if Equisa's father would win his bet. He did."
"So you want to do something fun, huh?" Phoebe asked. "Want to hear about the hard light simulators?"
"We have those where we're from," Sai replied.
"Not like we do," Phoebe grinned. "I'll get you two tickets to the Infinite Skiing Hill, if you want. Think of it as compensation for my earlier actions."
"I would very much like to see this, and to see Rho fail," Sai smirked. "But what is skiing?"

Hey so recently my brother has been taking L - Tyrosine along with these pills called Genius Mushrooms to improve his brain health and whatnot but he had also been smoking delta 8, I was wondering If any combo of these could cause bad side effects because he had been going off on these tangents talking literally like a mad scientist, mentioning things like dimensions and reality and it even got so bad that he agreed to get looked at by a psychiatrist, so if anyone knows anything about taking all of these together that could cause something like that it would be greatly appreciated 🙏

Hi I'm on day 4 of Buspar and noticed when I eat I've been getting upper abdominal cramping. Please tell me I'm not the only one and this goes away with time! Thanks!

Side note: I've added a password, so read carefully. If you message me WITHOUT the password, your messages are automatically IGNORED. tired of getting hit up with people who don't read 😒. It's ridiculous cause I've ignored 5+ chats cause none of them contained the password. Things are written for a reason.
Facts about me:

• I have been roleplaying since 2012. Yes, I got experience under my belt, and yes, my ideas usually have really long reads, but don't let that scare you off! After the starter is off, I may lower myself down to a decent paragraph or two, sometimes three! It all depends on what I've got to work with.
  
• My timezone is EST. I'm awake from 9am - 2am and I'm usually free unless I'm busy doing house chores, out of the house, asleep, or playing video games on my switch. I'm usually become REALLY active at or around 8pm.
  

Rules:
1: if you don't like 50/50 mixture of sex scenes and story, don't bother hopping into my inbox. I'm fine with sex scenes, but when it's constantly back to back, the roleplay itself gets boring.
2: Be literate. No one liners. I like to write..it's annoying when I send a 2-3 paragraph response and I get 3 lines...just...no. I am not accepting people who are just starting out! If you aren't experienced in writing or roleplaying, kindly stay out of my inbox.
3: Be okay with playing canon characters. I'm mainly doing fandom roleplays right now and it's going to be Canon x my oc. No, I'm not doing double ups. Do not even ask, because the answer will be no every time. I do not give a shit if you think that makes me 'lazy' or 'selfish', if you've got a problem, you can simply ignore or block me. Commenting on my post to bitch and whine about me not doubling up will only result in me blocking you. The ONLY time I'll double up, and if I'm confident enough, I'll only do female characters. I suck at males. Got a problem? Not my issue. Block and move on.
4: Roleplay in third person. I can't and won't adapt to first. Don't even bring up the idea of you playing first person and me playing third. Believe it or not, I've been asked this twice and that is just a hell no for me. The only time I do first, is when I'm writing into my book.
5: if you don't know how to share ideas, then don't bother messaging me. I'm tired of carrying the story when the other person doesn't help. If you've got ideas, then PLEASE speak up! Your opinion on the roleplay matters too! I'm an easy going person, and easy to get along with (dispite my rules).
6: DO NOT control my character. I control what she says, does, hears, sees, ect. I don't control yours, so don't control mine. HOWEVER, if it's highly necessary and needed, then run it by me first and ask me. Just leave me some wiggle room so I can make a decent response. Failure to comply by this rule, results in immediate drop of the rp.
End Note:
Yes, I've updated my rules just a tad. I do not care if it makes me sound mean or rude, because I'm neither of these things. I'm just tired of putting these rules down for a specific reason and they go ignored because I can tell when someone hasn't read them, and lied about it. I'm just trying to get my point across and roleplay. I'm a very easy going person who loves to make friends on the side (which I've somewhat given up on making friends...only a selective few have actually gained my friendship).
Do not hop into my inbox with a simple 'hey' 'hi' 'sup', etc and for God's sake, don't message me with a 'rp?'and proceed me to flash me with your talliwhacker. I promise you, you'll get your feelings hurt and I'll be here laughing at ya 😂. Nobody wants a peen on their screen. Do not send me an image of your one eyed noodle. Thank you. The password is pineapple.
Fandoms & Pairings
Pokemon ((MAYBE. Don't be nasty about it either!))
Bridgerton (or something like it. Can be Oc x Oc)
Disney Decedent's (or anything Disney) (oc x oc)
Orange is the new black (this can be oc x oc).
Criminal Minds (REALLY wanna do)
Marvel:
Loki x my oc
Spiderman (Tom Holland) x my oc
Dog The Bounty Hunter (REALLY wanna do):
Dog Chapman x my oc
The walking dead (REALLY wanna do!!):
Daryl X my oc
Batman x my oc
Lucifer (Netflix show series) x my oc (really wanna do)
The Originals: Klaus x my oc (PLEASE !! I REALLY wanna do this one!)
American Horror Story: Tate x my oc (REALLY wanna do)
Dragon Ball Z - Super (vegeta x my oc) (really wanna do)
Naruto: Minato x my oc
Harry Potter (thanks to the wonderful world of rp, the characters will be 18 or older. For me, I'd like it if it was Draco x my oc. REALLY wanna do)
Game Of Thrones (I'm still very early in the show, but I think we could think of something!)
Once Upon A Time:
killian x my oc, REALLY wanna do 🥺.
Avatar the last Airbender:
Zuko x my oc
Twilight:
Jacob x my oc
(Course, our version will be alot better than the movies).
If any of these interests you, message me!
End note part 2:
Congratulations! You've made it to the end. Still interested? You've got the password. Message me and let's get started 😁.