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Am I responsible for our relationship not working?
2023.03.29 05:36 Aware_Routine_3875 Am I responsible for our relationship not working?
I am sorry. This is a long post, but I am just trying to give as much details as I can so that you guys can give me your opinions. Thank you to those who will take the time to read this post and give your opinion. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.
I (F/36) met my now ex-boyfriend (M/34 - we will call him James) on an app (not a dating app) at the start of the pandemic, March 2020. We started off as friends. Given that we were both in lock-down, we would text each other all day, all night and over the months, we grew closer (we started texting then slowly moved to phone calls). Please do not judge me, but even though we had not met in person yet, I started to really like him, the feeling was mutual for him. It felt like we had been friends for years, talking to each other was easy. We do not live in the same country (two different continents). When restrictions got looser, he met another girl (we will call her Donna - they started off as friends) and reconnected with his ex (we will call her Jennifer - they broke up two years prior to lock down, it really affected him).
He started spending a lot of time with Jennifer, spent his days with her and slept at her place, but said they were just friends. He mentioned that he was hoping that he could try again with her because he felt like he owed it to her (they broke up twice). At the same time, he also grew closer to Donna. But he would also tell me that he really liked me. We would talk everyday and he would tell me that he would love to meet me and see where things could go between us. He also said that the type of connection we had, he never had it before.
In September or October 2020 we stopped talking because things were just not working and he wanted to give it a try with Donna. I will admit it, I was crushed. I really liked him and our connection. We cut contact for several months but he called on my birthday, and we picked up right where we left off, The connection was even stronger. That night, we talked for hours on the phone. I learned that he and Jennifer, his ex, got together but it did not work. He also tried with Donna, they were not officially together, but things just did not work out because she was uncomfortable with the type of relationship he had with his ex, and if I remember correctly, she felt like his ex would not allow him to move on. Even though he was seeing Donna, he would spend time with Jennifer.
Over the next months, James and I grew closer and we started video calling - even though we had reconnected, I was still a bit active on dating apps. Our feelings for each other grew and we started talking about meeting in person. Given that it was getting serious (I know it is not a real relationship until we meet in person but we were really close and we really wanted to meet each other and see where things would take us) I basically told him that I wanted to give it a try and only focus on him, not meet new people or date until we meet, and if it does not work with him, we could just stay friends. I also told him that if he still wanted to meet or date other people until we meet, I was okay with it but I would be doing the same. I told him that it is not something that I am interested in doing and it would hurt a bit since I really like him, but if he was seeing other people I would too. We both agreed to just focus on each other and stop dating.
I decided to buy a plane ticket to meet him. At first, what I had decided to do was to spend a few days with him to see how we get along and then spend the rest of my trip in another country that I had always wanted to visit.
I have low self-esteem, I am insecure and always doubt myself, I always thought that once he sees me in person, he would not be interested. But I felt so strong about him that I decided to change my plane ticket and spend the whole trip with him and not go to the other country.
Because I did not have enough vacations left, I decided to do overtime at work. 1 month before my trip, I found out that he added as a friend this girl on his Facebook who had an account on an app and would wear sexy revealing clothes, act sexy and tease a bit- like Only Fans but not really. She was not naked. Her audience were pretty much thirsty men. I questioned him about it and told him that I was not comfortable with that, given what she does, and did not want to come see him (did I overreact?). We talked about it and at that time he told me that he does know her, he has never spoken to her or seen her in his life and does not know how she ended up on his Facebook. We worked it out and things were okay.
We finally met and it was great! I ended up spending the whole trip at his place and met his family (I had booked a hotel for 3 days and initially planned on staying there just to see how James and I got on but I ended up not staying there). We decided to make it official.
During my stay, his ex, Jennifer, called him quite a lot. She was aware of who I was and that I was visiting him. Also, a random number kept calling him and would also text him, telling him stuff like oh you have replaced me with another woman. Although I felt like his ex, Jennifer, was a bit too present, I invited them both to dinner and paid. One time she even called him crying because she was moving out of her place and it would be her last night in her apartment. While I was there, she asked him If he would help her move out, I told him I would help as well but then she said that they could do the moving after I was gone since he was spending time with me.
I decided to go back to visit him a second time 3 months later and that is when things started to change. One day, we were walking and he saw Donna but she did not see him. He immediately texted her telling her that he saw her. I got an uneasy feeling, I do not know how to describe it. When we got to his place, I saw at the top of a shelf a woman body spray, I asked him where he got it from, deep down I knew the answer, he said it belonged to Donna. He got it from her because it smelled nice and used it to spray his room to make it smell nice. We got into an argument and he called me by her name telling me that I was basically acting crazy, just like her. We made up and he explained that he called me by her name because we were just talking about her, but I had a gut feeling that there was more.
When James and Donna ended things, they remained friends, would text each other here and there, according to him, but nothing more. I was a bit uncomfortable with their friendship because of their history but also because of my insecurities, not going to lie.
That night I decided to go through his phone. I found messages between them. He told me that he was not meeting up with her but they did, they would sometimes eat lunch when he was in town, he would tell her oh I saw you when I passed by your work but you were hiding from me, or he would ask her what she was doing and she would say she was having a ladies night with her friends and he said he would come join her and she told him no it is only ladies (when asked him about him, he said he was only joking he was not gonna join her, he was just teasing her), one time, he texted her at 1AM asking her what she was doing and if she wanted to come chill with him and just have a smoke, she said no. He would often offer to do things with her and not the contrary. In one of the messages, he was telling her how he knew she missed his private part or something like that, he referred to his private part, and on one occasion he reminded her of the time they had s*x in the bushes in front of his house and she told him to not remind her of that (in a joking way) and he said never haha.... Those messages date back to when I got back from my first trip and I had already bought my second ticket.
I also found screenshots of that girl (her ass) he had added on Facebook, screenshot of a naked webcam girl, naked pictures of his ex, Jennifer, and a conversation of him and another person on an anonymous chat, where he had sent her a picture of his private part. I looked at the dates and all of them, pictures and screenshots, were taken while we were not officially together but when we said that we would only be focusing on each other. I was hurt. He said that he has deleted the pictures and screenshots and was not even aware that they were still on his phone (I found them on Google drive).
I understand that going through his phone was wrong but I did worse, not my proudest moment, I decided to text Donna from his phone. I introduced myself, I was very polite and so was she. I basically asked her what was going on between them and she assured me that there was nothing going on, they were just friends, and that it is me that he wanted since he basically picked me over her. She was nice and even offered to meet me up in person to talk about it. I thanked her for answering my questions and left it at that. The next day, I texted her again because I had one more question. When she found out that James and I were official it really affected her, she was hurt and she did not appreciate that he ignored her while I was there the first time because it is not what friends do, she also told him that even though I had met him before her she spent more time with him or something like that, but all it took is one week for him to decide to make me his girlfriend. She told him that she felt like he only used her and only wanted to be with her because he was waiting for me.
I learned that they slept together 3 weeks before my first trip and even got closer to each other but decided that it was not a good idea. I understand that at that time I had not met James in person but the fact that we both said that we were gonna wait to meet each other before trying with anyone else and the fact that I was emotionally invested in this made this whole thing bad.
We both agreed to not see other people, but he did and I did not, so I felt like he robbed me of an opportunity of meeting someone in my country and made me waste my time and money since he was not serious. He said that he did not meant to get close to her and knowing his luck, he was not sure I was really gonna come (when I changed my flight ticket I sent him a picture of the ticket and hotel reservation). I mentioned to him that I was scared of meeting and that knowing myself I would go to the airport but would end up changing my mind. Me saying that gave him the impression that I was not really gonna come to visit him. I was really scared that he was not gonna like me. He also said that he thought that I was seeing other people because I was sometimes sketchy. He said that he would never do what he did while we are together because 1) we have met and are official 2) he loves me and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. He was always the one who got cheated on.
When he woke up, well I woke him up since I was leaving, I was ready to go back home. I confronted him and he said he did not do anything wrong. I packed my stuff and left for the train station. He met me at the train station and convinced me to stay. I would like to add that a couple of days before that day we had an argument, I cannot remember about what, but he was sick the night I arrived, we found out that he had COVID, his dad and I did a COVID test and I told him that if I do not have COVID I would go to another country to visit ( I had already planned on visiting that country during my trip and we talked about it) and come back because I did not want to risk catching COVID. I think we argued because he felt like I was being selfish and did not take into consideration his feelings. The arguments got pretty intense and I started packing my bags to leave his house and just go back home. We made up and I went to the other country for 3 days. His dad and I tested negative for COVID.
I agree that it was selfish to want to leave him like that while he was sick. I accept that it was immature to want to leave whenever we had arguments. I know that I have some issues that I need to work on.
After I found out about the texts and pictures and confronted him about them we talked. I told him that I wanted to end things with him because I did not think that I would be able to trust him once I got back home, and I would always be wondering if he was with someone else. We talked some more, I decided that I was gonna stay in a hotel because I did not want to face his family since I had told them that I was going back home since things with James were not working. I could not find a room so I went back to his place. The rest of the trip went well, i met more members of his family and decided to extend my trip of 3 more days since we got into so many arguments. Also, I told him that I felt like his ex, Donna, was not over him and because of that their friendship made me uncomfortable.
When I went back home, I was okay for the first 2 weeks but then started to not feel good, I did not trust him, I was in another country, I felt like he wanted to be with Donna. We talked about it he said he understood, that it was normal and it would take time for us to be okay again but we would be alright. Weeks passed and I was not doing okay, I told him I could not do it anymore and wanted things to stop. The breakup lasted 2 days (keep in mind that we are both in our 30s but sometimes react like teenagers. I am aware that I acted in an immature way on more than one occasion).
He informed me that when we broke up he reached out to Donna because he needed someone to talk to and she helped him since we got back together. I was hurt and I must admit I was insecure about their connection, I always felt like he was not over her and she was not over him.
Although we got back together I still did not feel good, I was not convinced that he was faithful to me, so I decided to do another dumb thing, I texted him from a fake number from his country (there is an app where you can get a foreign number and sent/receive messages). I basically pretended to be someone else, I was basically testing him. He did not do or say anything wrong. He just kept asking who I was. That same night, he told me about it and said that he did not know who it was but thought it was Donna. He asked her about it and she obviously said it was not her, but he said that he thought she was lying because the things that I was saying only she would know about it, he never thought it was me. He did ask me if it was me or maybe my sister but I acted like I did not know anything. He said that from that day he lost trust in her. She is someone he greatly appreciates.
She wanted to remain friends and so did he but he realised that it was toxic and because it could affect our relationship he said that he would once again cut contact with her. She told him that she was over him since she was seeing someone else, and kept repeating that they could still be friends since she was over him, he said that the fact that she was repeating she was over him made him think that she was not. I thought the same.
I told him that I would make an effort and try to be okay with their friendship, but for now I would not feel comfortable with them meeting. So he said that he would not text her but will answer her when she texted. They stopped talking and one night she texted him asking him to come pick her up, he went and while they were driving she touched his knee, and private part. She asked him to hold her hands since friends can hold hands, he did. When they were outside the car, she leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips, he said that as soon as she did that he backed away. It was during that night that she found out that James and I got back together.
She was really upset because she had no idea we were back together, she thought that he was still single and that is why she allowed herself to do what she did. She said that she just wanted to test him and see if they were still something going on between the two or if she was over him. According to her, the fact that nothing happened that night proved that she was over him. I do not understand that. James asked her if he had offered her to go back to his place to sleep together would she had done it, she said yes. So he told her that she was not over him or something like that. They got into an argument, he felt bad for hurting her and he cried. He told me about it and I was once again crushed, because he was depressed about the whole situation, he was crying and trying for a full day to reach out to her to resolve things so that they could leave things cordially. He wanted me to support him while he was supporting her and making sure she was alright.
They ended talking but things were not resolved. I asked him what he wanted from me and her? He kept asking me what I wanted, I wanted him to tell me exactly what he wanted and not to make a decision because he thought he would make me happy. He mentioned that he wanted to keep her as a friend and have me as a girlfriend. I told him that it was not fair of me to ask him to cut people he cares about out of his life but I would also have to make the best decision for me which was ending things with him because I was not comfortable. He said that he did not want to lose me so he was cutting her out. I asked him if he had romantic feelings for her, he said no, I asked what does he feel for her, he said he loves her like he loves his friends and family and he cares about her.
Obviously, things were not like before, so I decided to visit him a third time so that we could work things out. I was gonna stay a few days with him, then leave to visit my family in another country and come back to stay with him for 1 month and half or a month because we were planning on me moving to his country. So we wanted to first see how we would get along for that long period.
When I stayed there for a few days, a woman (we will call her Annie) who works for his family called him at 2 in the morning. I saw her name and I asked him to pick it up, at first he did not want to because we were sleeping, I insisted and asked him to answer or I would. He answered, she sounded drunk she asked him to come pick him up, he told her that we were sleeping. I was so upset, because I was already having doubts about their relationship because since he stopped talking to Donna he was spending more time with Annie and her kids. This was new since he never hung out with her or the kids. He said that he was hanging out with them so that he would have something to do and get out of the house. Anyway, after he told her that we were sleeping, he hung up and she texted him "really" or "wow", I cannot remember which. She called again, then called again an hour later. I was upset, we argued and I told him that we should just go pick her up. He said no. I asked him if anything happened between the two, he said no. I asked him if he ever went to pick her up late at night, he said no and that it was the first time that she had called him that late and she never asked him to come pick her up in the past. We argued some more and made up. The next day she apologised and said she could not remember what happened and could not remember how she got home. She told him to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. Later on, he said that he thinks that someone may have put something in her drink when she was out, she said she only had one or 2 drinks. But we are now not sure about that because she did other things.
I went to visit my family in another country and came back to stay with James. While he was sleeping, he received a Facebook notification from Donna telling him "I am gonna ask you one more time to leave me the f**k alone". I was boiling, I woke him up and asked him what was that about, he said he did not know why she was messaging him, I was fuming. He said he told me he did not know why she was messaging because he had just woken up and did not know what was happening. He said she answered that because he had messaged her because after getting stung by a bee, the doctor told him he could have died (turned out he is allergic, he got tested) and he wanted to leave things cordially with her, he regretted some of the things he told her (a couple of days after he picked her up late at night, they saw each other in town and got into a screaming match in public, she told him that she was using him for s*x, he also found out that she was talking to one of his friends, she told that friend that she was afraid to leave her house because James was stalking her, he promised me that he was not. Later on he told me that she said that his friend misunderstood what she said and that the two occasions she saw him outside her place she was already aware that he was there).
I once again decided to go through his phone while he was asleep. In his family chat there were messages between him, his brother and cousin. His cousin was asking him if we were gonna come to dinner since she needed to make reservation, then his brother asked if James was going to have all his ladies at the table, his cousin (who is friends with Annie) answered that she did not want any drama at dinner, his brother answered that he wanted to see the drama then James answered maybe he should invite Donna so that we could have a Mexican standoff. I was so hurt, I felt humiliating.
I thought they would only joke like that if something had happened between Annie and James. I decided to change my flight and go back home. 10 minutes before the cab was supposed to come, I woke him up and told him that I was leaving. He got angry, I showed him what I saw on his phone and him messaging Donna was just too much for me. He tried to stop me from leaving but I managed to get in the cab and left. My flight was booked and I was due to leave the next day, I booked a room at a hotel. James kept calling me and came to the airport, we talked and I decided to stay 3 more days to try to fix things. We ended up talking and fixing things. Instead of me staying 1 month (or one and a half) like I originally planned to, I stayed a week, i think. But we were only okay for a while. When I came back home my head was a mess. I did not feel good about my relationship with James.
I decided to once again pretend to be someone else. I texted him from a foreign number and pretended to be Donna, I asked him if he really loved, why did he pick me over her, if he still had feelings for Donna, basically trying to see if he regretted being with me and to see if he still thought of her. He told "Donna" that he would tell her everything that she wanted to know if they could meet up. Then he said that he was driving to her place. I did not want that to happen so i revealed it was me. He said he knew it was me all along and was giving me a taste of my own medicine since I like to play stupid games. He was now sure it was me the first time as well. I tried to deny it but ended up admitting. He asked me why I always try to sabotage our relationship by doing stuff like that. I told him not to come visit me. He had bought a plane ticket to spend the holidays with me. We made up again, but things were no longer like before.
He came to visit me but it was bad, we tried to make the most out of it but it was not like before. The spark was no longer there, I did not trust him, he did not trust me. We argued a lot while he came to visit me. One day, I was so upset, I left the house for the whole day and went to the bar at night (I do not really drink, a couple of times a year, but I was just so overwhelmed). I got drunk, we argued more, I threw stuff and tried to hit him. The neighbor called the police. I was so so so ashamed. I felt humiliated by my behavior and everything happening.
Two weeks after he left, we decided to end things, the break up was respectful. We both admitted our wrongs and apologize to the other. I told him that I would prefer to cut contact, he said he did not mind keeping in touch but I felt like it was best for me to cut contact for a while. I ended up texting him after 4-5 days, I asked him if we hated each other he said that he did not hate me, that he cares about me. I told him so do I. We were both trying to deal with the break up. We ended up talking every day for a month, we were not back together, we were just being there for the other.
Yesterday, he was not feeling well, he was thinking about the whole situation, and just feeling miserable. I cared about him and did not want to see him like this. I tried my best to cheer him up, kept texting him the whole day while I was at work. He was saying that he kept messing things up, that he keeps ruining his friendships and relationships. He said that I no longer worry a lot about him and that he felt like I no longer wanted to talk to him. When I feel like he does not talk a lot, I do the same, I pull out and become a bit cold but always say that I am okay (obviously I have communication issues). I told him that I felt like the way we were talking to each other felt like we were keeping each other company and that we were probably over the break up (I was not but I guess I was pretending to be over).
When he mentioned that he ruined some of his friendships, I asked him if he was referring to Donna. He started saying he would never again have the connection he had with both of us, Donna and I, and how Donna and I no longer worry about him. The way he was speaking about her made me feel like what I thought we had, a special connection, was not so special because he felt the same about her. That we were at the same level. James made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to him, he said many times, and according to him, the type of connection we had, he never had it with anyone else. But at the same time, I felt like I was competing with Donna.
The way that he was speaking of her made me feel like he wanted to try again with Donna, I wanted him to admit it, so I told him I had made my peace and that maybe she was the one that got away, maybe she was not over him and that with time things could work out between him and her. Sometimes, I truly feel like I would have been okay with them dating again, but what hurt me is that I feel like he made me waste time, energy and money (I spent a lot of money to be with him, he did not help pay for my tickets, the last time that I went to visit him, I asked him to help me pay the ticket, at least half of it, he said he would sent me money before I come, then said he would give me to me when I am there, because he did not work, I ended up telling him to just forget it since I knew he did not have a lot of money).
He then told me that the first time I texted him from a foreign number I led him to believe that it was Donna (I just pretended to be a random girl but I can understand why he thought it was Donna) and because of that he stopped trusting her and the fact that I did that worsen the situation between the two and broke their friendship. He thought that she was a liar but she was not. He also said that before I pretended to be someone else, he trusted me 100% but now he no longer knew what was real or fake because of what I did. So I caused him pain and hurt for nothing.
He finally admitted that he would want a friendship with Donna again or more, and see where things could go between them. He said he was not thinking about her while we were together and he only started thinking about her again when he found out I was the one pretending to be someone else. He said that before coming to visit, he knew I was gonna do something to mess things up. I told him that in his eyes she can't do no wrong and that his feelings for her were always there, they just resurfaced and that he always had something for her even when we were together.
I feel stupid and hurt. I know some of my actions, pretending to be someone else and going through his phone, were wrong and immature. I understand that what I did would cause him to lose trust in me. Trust me, I am ashamed of it. I feel like we both manipulated the other.
What are your opinions on our relationship? Did I overreact a lot? Were my reactions to some of the situations over the top? Am I responsible for our relationship not working? Do you guys think that even during our relationship he still had feelings for her?
I do not hate Donna, I do not think she is a bad person, I just thought that she was not over him and was not comfortable with that.
I do not trust Jennifer and Annie because I feel like they only used James when they need him.
Thanks.
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I (F/36) met my now ex-boyfriend (M/34 - we will call him James) on an app (not a dating app) at the start of the pandemic, March 2020. We started off as friends. Given that we were both in lock-down, we would text each other all day, all night and over the months, we grew closer (we started texting then slowly moved to phone calls). Please do not judge me, but even though we had not met in person yet, I started to really like him, the feeling was mutual for him. It felt like we had been friends for years, talking to each other was easy. We do not live in the same country (two different continents). When restrictions got looser, he met another girl (we will call her Donna - they started off as friends) and reconnected with his ex (we will call her Jennifer - they broke up two years prior to lock down, it really affected him).
He started spending a lot of time with Jennifer, spent his days with her and slept at her place, but said they were just friends. He mentioned that he was hoping that he could try again with her because he felt like he owed it to her (they broke up twice). At the same time, he also grew closer to Donna. But he would also tell me that he really liked me. We would talk everyday and he would tell me that he would love to meet me and see where things could go between us. He also said that the type of connection we had, he never had it before.
In September or October 2020 we stopped talking because things were just not working and he wanted to give it a try with Donna. I will admit it, I was crushed. I really liked him and our connection. We cut contact for several months but he called on my birthday, and we picked up right where we left off, The connection was even stronger. That night, we talked for hours on the phone. I learned that he and Jennifer, his ex, got together but it did not work. He also tried with Donna, they were not officially together, but things just did not work out because she was uncomfortable with the type of relationship he had with his ex, and if I remember correctly, she felt like his ex would not allow him to move on. Even though he was seeing Donna, he would spend time with Jennifer.
Over the next months, James and I grew closer and we started video calling - even though we had reconnected, I was still a bit active on dating apps. Our feelings for each other grew and we started talking about meeting in person. Given that it was getting serious (I know it is not a real relationship until we meet in person but we were really close and we really wanted to meet each other and see where things would take us) I basically told him that I wanted to give it a try and only focus on him, not meet new people or date until we meet, and if it does not work with him, we could just stay friends. I also told him that if he still wanted to meet or date other people until we meet, I was okay with it but I would be doing the same. I told him that it is not something that I am interested in doing and it would hurt a bit since I really like him, but if he was seeing other people I would too. We both agreed to just focus on each other and stop dating.
I decided to buy a plane ticket to meet him. At first, what I had decided to do was to spend a few days with him to see how we get along and then spend the rest of my trip in another country that I had always wanted to visit.
I have low self-esteem, I am insecure and always doubt myself, I always thought that once he sees me in person, he would not be interested. But I felt so strong about him that I decided to change my plane ticket and spend the whole trip with him and not go to the other country.
Because I did not have enough vacations left, I decided to do overtime at work. 1 month before my trip, I found out that he added as a friend this girl on his Facebook who had an account on an app and would wear sexy revealing clothes, act sexy and tease a bit- like Only Fans but not really. She was not naked. Her audience were pretty much thirsty men. I questioned him about it and told him that I was not comfortable with that, given what she does, and did not want to come see him (did I overreact?). We talked about it and at that time he told me that he does know her, he has never spoken to her or seen her in his life and does not know how she ended up on his Facebook. We worked it out and things were okay.
We finally met and it was great! I ended up spending the whole trip at his place and met his family (I had booked a hotel for 3 days and initially planned on staying there just to see how James and I got on but I ended up not staying there). We decided to make it official.
During my stay, his ex, Jennifer, called him quite a lot. She was aware of who I was and that I was visiting him. Also, a random number kept calling him and would also text him, telling him stuff like oh you have replaced me with another woman. Although I felt like his ex, Jennifer, was a bit too present, I invited them both to dinner and paid. One time she even called him crying because she was moving out of her place and it would be her last night in her apartment. While I was there, she asked him If he would help her move out, I told him I would help as well but then she said that they could do the moving after I was gone since he was spending time with me.
I decided to go back to visit him a second time 3 months later and that is when things started to change. One day, we were walking and he saw Donna but she did not see him. He immediately texted her telling her that he saw her. I got an uneasy feeling, I do not know how to describe it. When we got to his place, I saw at the top of a shelf a woman body spray, I asked him where he got it from, deep down I knew the answer, he said it belonged to Donna. He got it from her because it smelled nice and used it to spray his room to make it smell nice. We got into an argument and he called me by her name telling me that I was basically acting crazy, just like her. We made up and he explained that he called me by her name because we were just talking about her, but I had a gut feeling that there was more.
When James and Donna ended things, they remained friends, would text each other here and there, according to him, but nothing more. I was a bit uncomfortable with their friendship because of their history but also because of my insecurities, not going to lie.
That night I decided to go through his phone. I found messages between them. He told me that he was not meeting up with her but they did, they would sometimes eat lunch when he was in town, he would tell her oh I saw you when I passed by your work but you were hiding from me, or he would ask her what she was doing and she would say she was having a ladies night with her friends and he said he would come join her and she told him no it is only ladies (when asked him about him, he said he was only joking he was not gonna join her, he was just teasing her), one time, he texted her at 1AM asking her what she was doing and if she wanted to come chill with him and just have a smoke, she said no. He would often offer to do things with her and not the contrary. In one of the messages, he was telling her how he knew she missed his private part or something like that, he referred to his private part, and on one occasion he reminded her of the time they had s*x in the bushes in front of his house and she told him to not remind her of that (in a joking way) and he said never haha.... Those messages date back to when I got back from my first trip and I had already bought my second ticket.
I also found screenshots of that girl (her ass) he had added on Facebook, screenshot of a naked webcam girl, naked pictures of his ex, Jennifer, and a conversation of him and another person on an anonymous chat, where he had sent her a picture of his private part. I looked at the dates and all of them, pictures and screenshots, were taken while we were not officially together but when we said that we would only be focusing on each other. I was hurt. He said that he has deleted the pictures and screenshots and was not even aware that they were still on his phone (I found them on Google drive).
I understand that going through his phone was wrong but I did worse, not my proudest moment, I decided to text Donna from his phone. I introduced myself, I was very polite and so was she. I basically asked her what was going on between them and she assured me that there was nothing going on, they were just friends, and that it is me that he wanted since he basically picked me over her. She was nice and even offered to meet me up in person to talk about it. I thanked her for answering my questions and left it at that. The next day, I texted her again because I had one more question. When she found out that James and I were official it really affected her, she was hurt and she did not appreciate that he ignored her while I was there the first time because it is not what friends do, she also told him that even though I had met him before her she spent more time with him or something like that, but all it took is one week for him to decide to make me his girlfriend. She told him that she felt like he only used her and only wanted to be with her because he was waiting for me.
I learned that they slept together 3 weeks before my first trip and even got closer to each other but decided that it was not a good idea. I understand that at that time I had not met James in person but the fact that we both said that we were gonna wait to meet each other before trying with anyone else and the fact that I was emotionally invested in this made this whole thing bad.
We both agreed to not see other people, but he did and I did not, so I felt like he robbed me of an opportunity of meeting someone in my country and made me waste my time and money since he was not serious. He said that he did not meant to get close to her and knowing his luck, he was not sure I was really gonna come (when I changed my flight ticket I sent him a picture of the ticket and hotel reservation). I mentioned to him that I was scared of meeting and that knowing myself I would go to the airport but would end up changing my mind. Me saying that gave him the impression that I was not really gonna come to visit him. I was really scared that he was not gonna like me. He also said that he thought that I was seeing other people because I was sometimes sketchy. He said that he would never do what he did while we are together because 1) we have met and are official 2) he loves me and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. He was always the one who got cheated on.
When he woke up, well I woke him up since I was leaving, I was ready to go back home. I confronted him and he said he did not do anything wrong. I packed my stuff and left for the train station. He met me at the train station and convinced me to stay. I would like to add that a couple of days before that day we had an argument, I cannot remember about what, but he was sick the night I arrived, we found out that he had COVID, his dad and I did a COVID test and I told him that if I do not have COVID I would go to another country to visit ( I had already planned on visiting that country during my trip and we talked about it) and come back because I did not want to risk catching COVID. I think we argued because he felt like I was being selfish and did not take into consideration his feelings. The arguments got pretty intense and I started packing my bags to leave his house and just go back home. We made up and I went to the other country for 3 days. His dad and I tested negative for COVID.
I agree that it was selfish to want to leave him like that while he was sick. I accept that it was immature to want to leave whenever we had arguments. I know that I have some issues that I need to work on.
After I found out about the texts and pictures and confronted him about them we talked. I told him that I wanted to end things with him because I did not think that I would be able to trust him once I got back home, and I would always be wondering if he was with someone else. We talked some more, I decided that I was gonna stay in a hotel because I did not want to face his family since I had told them that I was going back home since things with James were not working. I could not find a room so I went back to his place. The rest of the trip went well, i met more members of his family and decided to extend my trip of 3 more days since we got into so many arguments. Also, I told him that I felt like his ex, Donna, was not over him and because of that their friendship made me uncomfortable.
When I went back home, I was okay for the first 2 weeks but then started to not feel good, I did not trust him, I was in another country, I felt like he wanted to be with Donna. We talked about it he said he understood, that it was normal and it would take time for us to be okay again but we would be alright. Weeks passed and I was not doing okay, I told him I could not do it anymore and wanted things to stop. The breakup lasted 2 days (keep in mind that we are both in our 30s but sometimes react like teenagers. I am aware that I acted in an immature way on more than one occasion).
He informed me that when we broke up he reached out to Donna because he needed someone to talk to and she helped him since we got back together. I was hurt and I must admit I was insecure about their connection, I always felt like he was not over her and she was not over him.
Although we got back together I still did not feel good, I was not convinced that he was faithful to me, so I decided to do another dumb thing, I texted him from a fake number from his country (there is an app where you can get a foreign number and sent/receive messages). I basically pretended to be someone else, I was basically testing him. He did not do or say anything wrong. He just kept asking who I was. That same night, he told me about it and said that he did not know who it was but thought it was Donna. He asked her about it and she obviously said it was not her, but he said that he thought she was lying because the things that I was saying only she would know about it, he never thought it was me. He did ask me if it was me or maybe my sister but I acted like I did not know anything. He said that from that day he lost trust in her. She is someone he greatly appreciates.
She wanted to remain friends and so did he but he realised that it was toxic and because it could affect our relationship he said that he would once again cut contact with her. She told him that she was over him since she was seeing someone else, and kept repeating that they could still be friends since she was over him, he said that the fact that she was repeating she was over him made him think that she was not. I thought the same.
I told him that I would make an effort and try to be okay with their friendship, but for now I would not feel comfortable with them meeting. So he said that he would not text her but will answer her when she texted. They stopped talking and one night she texted him asking him to come pick her up, he went and while they were driving she touched his knee, and private part. She asked him to hold her hands since friends can hold hands, he did. When they were outside the car, she leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips, he said that as soon as she did that he backed away. It was during that night that she found out that James and I got back together.
She was really upset because she had no idea we were back together, she thought that he was still single and that is why she allowed herself to do what she did. She said that she just wanted to test him and see if they were still something going on between the two or if she was over him. According to her, the fact that nothing happened that night proved that she was over him. I do not understand that. James asked her if he had offered her to go back to his place to sleep together would she had done it, she said yes. So he told her that she was not over him or something like that. They got into an argument, he felt bad for hurting her and he cried. He told me about it and I was once again crushed, because he was depressed about the whole situation, he was crying and trying for a full day to reach out to her to resolve things so that they could leave things cordially. He wanted me to support him while he was supporting her and making sure she was alright.
They ended talking but things were not resolved. I asked him what he wanted from me and her? He kept asking me what I wanted, I wanted him to tell me exactly what he wanted and not to make a decision because he thought he would make me happy. He mentioned that he wanted to keep her as a friend and have me as a girlfriend. I told him that it was not fair of me to ask him to cut people he cares about out of his life but I would also have to make the best decision for me which was ending things with him because I was not comfortable. He said that he did not want to lose me so he was cutting her out. I asked him if he had romantic feelings for her, he said no, I asked what does he feel for her, he said he loves her like he loves his friends and family and he cares about her.
Obviously, things were not like before, so I decided to visit him a third time so that we could work things out. I was gonna stay a few days with him, then leave to visit my family in another country and come back to stay with him for 1 month and half or a month because we were planning on me moving to his country. So we wanted to first see how we would get along for that long period.
When I stayed there for a few days, a woman (we will call her Annie) who works for his family called him at 2 in the morning. I saw her name and I asked him to pick it up, at first he did not want to because we were sleeping, I insisted and asked him to answer or I would. He answered, she sounded drunk she asked him to come pick him up, he told her that we were sleeping. I was so upset, because I was already having doubts about their relationship because since he stopped talking to Donna he was spending more time with Annie and her kids. This was new since he never hung out with her or the kids. He said that he was hanging out with them so that he would have something to do and get out of the house. Anyway, after he told her that we were sleeping, he hung up and she texted him "really" or "wow", I cannot remember which. She called again, then called again an hour later. I was upset, we argued and I told him that we should just go pick her up. He said no. I asked him if anything happened between the two, he said no. I asked him if he ever went to pick her up late at night, he said no and that it was the first time that she had called him that late and she never asked him to come pick her up in the past. We argued some more and made up. The next day she apologised and said she could not remember what happened and could not remember how she got home. She told him to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. Later on, he said that he thinks that someone may have put something in her drink when she was out, she said she only had one or 2 drinks. But we are now not sure about that because she did other things.
I went to visit my family in another country and came back to stay with James. While he was sleeping, he received a Facebook notification from Donna telling him "I am gonna ask you one more time to leave me the f**k alone". I was boiling, I woke him up and asked him what was that about, he said he did not know why she was messaging him, I was fuming. He said he told me he did not know why she was messaging because he had just woken up and did not know what was happening. He said she answered that because he had messaged her because after getting stung by a bee, the doctor told him he could have died (turned out he is allergic, he got tested) and he wanted to leave things cordially with her, he regretted some of the things he told her (a couple of days after he picked her up late at night, they saw each other in town and got into a screaming match in public, she told him that she was using him for s*x, he also found out that she was talking to one of his friends, she told that friend that she was afraid to leave her house because James was stalking her, he promised me that he was not. Later on he told me that she said that his friend misunderstood what she said and that the two occasions she saw him outside her place she was already aware that he was there).
I once again decided to go through his phone while he was asleep. In his family chat there were messages between him, his brother and cousin. His cousin was asking him if we were gonna come to dinner since she needed to make reservation, then his brother asked if James was going to have all his ladies at the table, his cousin (who is friends with Annie) answered that she did not want any drama at dinner, his brother answered that he wanted to see the drama then James answered maybe he should invite Donna so that we could have a Mexican standoff. I was so hurt, I felt humiliating.
I thought they would only joke like that if something had happened between Annie and James. I decided to change my flight and go back home. 10 minutes before the cab was supposed to come, I woke him up and told him that I was leaving. He got angry, I showed him what I saw on his phone and him messaging Donna was just too much for me. He tried to stop me from leaving but I managed to get in the cab and left. My flight was booked and I was due to leave the next day, I booked a room at a hotel. James kept calling me and came to the airport, we talked and I decided to stay 3 more days to try to fix things. We ended up talking and fixing things. Instead of me staying 1 month (or one and a half) like I originally planned to, I stayed a week, i think. But we were only okay for a while. When I came back home my head was a mess. I did not feel good about my relationship with James.
I decided to once again pretend to be someone else. I texted him from a foreign number and pretended to be Donna, I asked him if he really loved, why did he pick me over her, if he still had feelings for Donna, basically trying to see if he regretted being with me and to see if he still thought of her. He told "Donna" that he would tell her everything that she wanted to know if they could meet up. Then he said that he was driving to her place. I did not want that to happen so i revealed it was me. He said he knew it was me all along and was giving me a taste of my own medicine since I like to play stupid games. He was now sure it was me the first time as well. I tried to deny it but ended up admitting. He asked me why I always try to sabotage our relationship by doing stuff like that. I told him not to come visit me. He had bought a plane ticket to spend the holidays with me. We made up again, but things were no longer like before.
He came to visit me but it was bad, we tried to make the most out of it but it was not like before. The spark was no longer there, I did not trust him, he did not trust me. We argued a lot while he came to visit me. One day, I was so upset, I left the house for the whole day and went to the bar at night (I do not really drink, a couple of times a year, but I was just so overwhelmed). I got drunk, we argued more, I threw stuff and tried to hit him. The neighbor called the police. I was so so so ashamed. I felt humiliated by my behavior and everything happening.
Two weeks after he left, we decided to end things, the break up was respectful. We both admitted our wrongs and apologize to the other. I told him that I would prefer to cut contact, he said he did not mind keeping in touch but I felt like it was best for me to cut contact for a while. I ended up texting him after 4-5 days, I asked him if we hated each other he said that he did not hate me, that he cares about me. I told him so do I. We were both trying to deal with the break up. We ended up talking every day for a month, we were not back together, we were just being there for the other.
Yesterday, he was not feeling well, he was thinking about the whole situation, and just feeling miserable. I cared about him and did not want to see him like this. I tried my best to cheer him up, kept texting him the whole day while I was at work. He was saying that he kept messing things up, that he keeps ruining his friendships and relationships. He said that I no longer worry a lot about him and that he felt like I no longer wanted to talk to him. When I feel like he does not talk a lot, I do the same, I pull out and become a bit cold but always say that I am okay (obviously I have communication issues). I told him that I felt like the way we were talking to each other felt like we were keeping each other company and that we were probably over the break up (I was not but I guess I was pretending to be over).
When he mentioned that he ruined some of his friendships, I asked him if he was referring to Donna. He started saying he would never again have the connection he had with both of us, Donna and I, and how Donna and I no longer worry about him. The way he was speaking about her made me feel like what I thought we had, a special connection, was not so special because he felt the same about her. That we were at the same level. James made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to him, he said many times, and according to him, the type of connection we had, he never had it with anyone else. But at the same time, I felt like I was competing with Donna.
The way that he was speaking of her made me feel like he wanted to try again with Donna, I wanted him to admit it, so I told him I had made my peace and that maybe she was the one that got away, maybe she was not over him and that with time things could work out between him and her. Sometimes, I truly feel like I would have been okay with them dating again, but what hurt me is that I feel like he made me waste time, energy and money (I spent a lot of money to be with him, he did not help pay for my tickets, the last time that I went to visit him, I asked him to help me pay the ticket, at least half of it, he said he would sent me money before I come, then said he would give me to me when I am there, because he did not work, I ended up telling him to just forget it since I knew he did not have a lot of money).
He then told me that the first time I texted him from a foreign number I led him to believe that it was Donna (I just pretended to be a random girl but I can understand why he thought it was Donna) and because of that he stopped trusting her and the fact that I did that worsen the situation between the two and broke their friendship. He thought that she was a liar but she was not. He also said that before I pretended to be someone else, he trusted me 100% but now he no longer knew what was real or fake because of what I did. So I caused him pain and hurt for nothing.
He finally admitted that he would want a friendship with Donna again or more, and see where things could go between them. He said he was not thinking about her while we were together and he only started thinking about her again when he found out I was the one pretending to be someone else. He said that before coming to visit, he knew I was gonna do something to mess things up. I told him that in his eyes she can't do no wrong and that his feelings for her were always there, they just resurfaced and that he always had something for her even when we were together.
I feel stupid and hurt. I know some of my actions, pretending to be someone else and going through his phone, were wrong and immature. I understand that what I did would cause him to lose trust in me. Trust me, I am ashamed of it. I feel like we both manipulated the other.
What are your opinions on our relationship? Did I overreact a lot? Were my reactions to some of the situations over the top? Am I responsible for our relationship not working? Do you guys think that even during our relationship he still had feelings for her?
I do not hate Donna, I do not think she is a bad person, I just thought that she was not over him and was not comfortable with that.
I do not trust Jennifer and Annie because I feel like they only used James when they need him.
Thanks.
View Poll
2023.03.29 05:23 Frequent_Calendar_44 Have you ever had a housemate enter your room while you showered?
Usually, I'd lock my door and take the key with me
It's a hassle of course and I get back at strange hours like 12am-3am
I've posted many times about my creepy (40+ year old housemate)
I have another housemate the same age
The one I'm concerned about has been checking what I eat (down to how many oz, lecturing me about my diet, and having poor responses to me declining his meals from criticizing mine to shoving a cup full of almonds in my door)
The other housemate walked by my room and the door opened. I was playing my game with earbuds in. I don't think he stopped.
There are other doors in the apartment that open without anyone touching the knobs.
I've been here long enough to have a different set of housemates and I don't remember this happening
The creepy diet housemate playing dad (I've had people on this sub respond negatively to me saying I don't want him treating me like a daughter because I'm younger. It makes me uncomfortable especially since he was touching my food without permission, taking it out of my hands, inquiring about my private business, and now im afraid he's going in my room while i shower.... being older doesn't give you the right to "adopt" your younger housemates without asking or providing things they actually need..)
submitted by Frequent_Calendar_44 to badroommates [link] [comments]
It's a hassle of course and I get back at strange hours like 12am-3am
I've posted many times about my creepy (40+ year old housemate)
I have another housemate the same age
The one I'm concerned about has been checking what I eat (down to how many oz, lecturing me about my diet, and having poor responses to me declining his meals from criticizing mine to shoving a cup full of almonds in my door)
The other housemate walked by my room and the door opened. I was playing my game with earbuds in. I don't think he stopped.
There are other doors in the apartment that open without anyone touching the knobs.
I've been here long enough to have a different set of housemates and I don't remember this happening
The creepy diet housemate playing dad (I've had people on this sub respond negatively to me saying I don't want him treating me like a daughter because I'm younger. It makes me uncomfortable especially since he was touching my food without permission, taking it out of my hands, inquiring about my private business, and now im afraid he's going in my room while i shower.... being older doesn't give you the right to "adopt" your younger housemates without asking or providing things they actually need..)
2023.03.29 05:22 FireyRage 03/28: A Lesson on Boundaries
Caspian isn't actually sure if this lesson is necessary, but given that most if not all of the camp are in their puberty years, some dating advice might be helpful.
They're in the dining pavilion today, just a few hours before dinnertime. Cas has absolutely no materials prepared except for a cup of Sharpies, some sticky notes and a whiteboard... And a whiteboard marker. He's not writing on a board with a Sharpie (again).
When everyone who's interested has gathered, the Muse clears his throat.
[ lesson start ]
"Good afternoon, Camp Half-Blood!
We're doing things a little bit differently today. I've taught you guys a lot about callisthenics and meditation, and such—all crucial things when it comes to self-improvement. Today, however, we will look at our relationships with others, specifically boundaries."
He goes ahead and writes the word BOUNDARIES on the board.
"Every person has different definitions of boundaries, for other things. Be it combat or in conversation, between friends or between partners, or when it comes to touch and topic, there are certain things that we don't want to approach.
For example, I get incredibly uncomfortable if a fellow camper uses their magical powers on me." He briefly glances at the Eros table and then the Circe one.
"When it comes to relationship building and camaraderie, it's important to both establish and respect the boundaries between you. You really need to make these clear, since the other can't or won't be able to tell immediately. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Now, there are several kinds of personal boundaries:
There are physical boundaries, the ones related to your body or your physical space. Are you okay with hugging or handshakes? How are you with comments about what you eat? Are you comfortable if someone enters your room or gives you some time by yourself?
Contrastly, we have emotional boundaries, specifically about what you are able to share. When you need to speak about something personal or intimate, who do you approach? What do you say when you're not ready to receive someone else's output? How do you ensure that you're a safe space?
There are time boundaries, those are self-explanatory. Do you need time to yourself after socializing? Is there a cap on how long you can do certain things?
There are, um, sexual boundaries, which are about exploration and safety. What are you comfortable doing with your partner, and the like.
There are also intellectual boundaries, which are important during discussions and arguments. How do you respect or approach the input of others? What do you do if you feel it's time to step back from the conversation? Are there behaviors that might make you feel like you're not being listened to?
Lastly, there are material boundaries, regarding your possessions. Do you let others borrow your stuff without permission? What will you absolutely not share?
These are all big questions and a lot to think about, but I invite you to right down some of the boundaries that you know for sure should be put up—and feel free to talk about it with your friends or those here!"
submitted by FireyRage to CampHalfBloodRP [link] [comments]
They're in the dining pavilion today, just a few hours before dinnertime. Cas has absolutely no materials prepared except for a cup of Sharpies, some sticky notes and a whiteboard... And a whiteboard marker. He's not writing on a board with a Sharpie (again).
When everyone who's interested has gathered, the Muse clears his throat.
[ lesson start ]
"Good afternoon, Camp Half-Blood!
We're doing things a little bit differently today. I've taught you guys a lot about callisthenics and meditation, and such—all crucial things when it comes to self-improvement. Today, however, we will look at our relationships with others, specifically boundaries."
He goes ahead and writes the word BOUNDARIES on the board.
"Every person has different definitions of boundaries, for other things. Be it combat or in conversation, between friends or between partners, or when it comes to touch and topic, there are certain things that we don't want to approach.
For example, I get incredibly uncomfortable if a fellow camper uses their magical powers on me." He briefly glances at the Eros table and then the Circe one.
"When it comes to relationship building and camaraderie, it's important to both establish and respect the boundaries between you. You really need to make these clear, since the other can't or won't be able to tell immediately. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Now, there are several kinds of personal boundaries:
There are physical boundaries, the ones related to your body or your physical space. Are you okay with hugging or handshakes? How are you with comments about what you eat? Are you comfortable if someone enters your room or gives you some time by yourself?
Contrastly, we have emotional boundaries, specifically about what you are able to share. When you need to speak about something personal or intimate, who do you approach? What do you say when you're not ready to receive someone else's output? How do you ensure that you're a safe space?
There are time boundaries, those are self-explanatory. Do you need time to yourself after socializing? Is there a cap on how long you can do certain things?
There are, um, sexual boundaries, which are about exploration and safety. What are you comfortable doing with your partner, and the like.
There are also intellectual boundaries, which are important during discussions and arguments. How do you respect or approach the input of others? What do you do if you feel it's time to step back from the conversation? Are there behaviors that might make you feel like you're not being listened to?
Lastly, there are material boundaries, regarding your possessions. Do you let others borrow your stuff without permission? What will you absolutely not share?
These are all big questions and a lot to think about, but I invite you to right down some of the boundaries that you know for sure should be put up—and feel free to talk about it with your friends or those here!"
2023.03.29 05:18 dreaderking [Excerpt: The End and the Death Part 1] Malcador the Hero
Context: As the Siege of Terra nears its climax, the Vengeful Spirit lowers shields, presenting the Emperor with a way to end the war in one move. However, before he can go, the ultimate sacrifice must be made.
submitted by dreaderking to 40kLore [link] [comments]
I near the top, the light around me. My lord and master moves. He steps down to me, and offers me his hand in support. That hand. That great and capable hand that has held the galaxy in its palm. I feel him close. To my surprise, he permits me to share the private working of his mind....
The signs I read there are clear.
‘Don’t be sad,’ I say.
This is more painful than he expected it to be. He is afraid he will never speak to me again, that there will be no more hours spent exchanging thoughts and words, configuring mankind’s best fate. His memories are Antarctic-bright: the day he first showed me the Throne, and told me what it did, the shining look of disbelief in my eyes; the evening when we both realised that I could moderate its functions too, that my mind, like his, had the capacity to engage with it and not instantly perish; the night when we concluded, through plain, logical deduction, that there might come a day when I would have to take his place; that, in almost every configuration of the future we could model, someone would have to do it.
I was not afraid. Not then, not now. I knew what that would mean. I brushed it off as a ‘thing that would have to happen if it came to it’. He hoped it never would, because he knew what it would mean too. And, for the longest time, it seemed unlikely. He had built a contingency to avoid it ever becoming compulsory. The contingency’s name was Magnus.
Now the time is here, I do not hesitate. I take the hand he offers to steady me, and I ascend the final steps to the Throne. I give him a nod and a little smile, and whisper to him, ‘Do not mourn,’ in a voice no one else can hear.
And then I prepare to take my seat.
There is nothing else to say. After centuries of conversation, in which we have dissected and shared everything, there is nothing left to say. Just a look from one friend to another, an unspoken understanding of everything that has passed between us, and the debts we owe each other. This act is my final, everlasting gift to mankind, to the future, to the plan painted on the wall.
But in his eyes, I can tell he knows that I am only really doing it for him. The greatest, most universal acts are always born from the personal.
I am old. I am tired.
I sit upon the Golden Throne.
‘I can feel his focus. And his pain,’ Vulkan murmurs. I can feel his cells dying, one by one, he thinks.Shortly afterwards, Malcador's acolytes arrive in the throne room - having sensed the death of their master - and are nearly overwhelmed with grief when...
‘And his sadness,’ says Dorn quietly.
‘It’s not his sadness, brother,’ says Sanguinius. He glances at their father, silent at their side. ‘It’s yours, isn’t it?’
The Master of Mankind makes no reply. Is he overwhelmed with love for his old friend, with speechless admiration at the scale of the Regent’s sacrifice? He is only human, after all, and the sensation is coming from somewhere.
Valdor turns away, grim. Another last survival of the Long Yesterday has passed from the world, leaving precious few remaining. ‘We must begin,’ he says.
Vulkan shakes his head wearily. His resolve is granite-hard, for he understands more than any of them what this signifies.
‘The Sigillite–’ he begins.
+The Hero,+ a voice corrects him gently. Vulkan looks at his father, eyes narrowing at the radiance of his aspect. He nods.
There is a change in the air suddenly, a winnowing aura of calm that moves like a summer breeze from the Master of Mankind down the great length of the nave towards the Chosen. Everyone in the room feels its soothing aspect. He is alleviating the worst of their immediate suffering, for they will all need to be sharp and capable from this moment on. They must complete the tasks the Regent has left to them. They are the executors of his legacy. They contain the Sigillite’s last testament.The Malcador sections are easily my favorite part of the book and make up for all the faults of its faults. Honestly, this excerpt doesn't do this moment justice, but I'd probably have to post entire chapters to do that. So, I cut out a lot of character reactions in the lead up and aftermath of Malcador's death to just focus on the two most impacted by it - the Emperor and Malcador.
+The greatest sacrifice of our age,+ the voice tells them softly. +Our Sigillite is no more. Regard him now, as you fulfil his bequests, only as a hero. Your duties are not finished, and neither is his. What we do now, all of us, we do because he has made it possible. Remember him. Remember that. Use that memory to prevent even a moment’s falter.+
They nod. Some weep. They all bow.
Hiding his own grief, the King-of-Ages Risen turns to his sons and the captain-general.
‘Now we begin in earnest,’ He says.
2023.03.29 05:14 yaboivinmii I've noticed some stuff about myself recently that aligns pretty well with autism/neurodivergency, and I made a list of everything I noticed, with autism in mind. Do you think I could be ND?
The rules say self-dx is allowed sooooo
Also this was written originally with a doctor or psychologist who would already know who I am reading it in mind, so if there's any missing context I'd be happy to provide!
Different topics are marked with dashes
I tend to fidget with random objects and like to have at least one thing to mess around with in my pocket (ex. a yoyo, some legos, a rubber band, my phone's popsocket). I also used to (until 6th or 7th grade I think?) keep a bag of random stuff I collected that I like. Stuff ranging from bunch of erasers (some in interesting shapes), a bookmark I drew on to look like a ninja, some origami ninja stars, coins. Some of these objects are several years old, but I kept carrying them around just because. I would also play with them as toys to fidget around with or create stories with.
---------------
There are some things I do or used to do that seem like they could be stims
Possible stims:
Making and popping a bubble using my saliva/mouth
Pushing saliva out of my mouth (did this as a kid)
Beatboxing, I do this like all the time for absolutely no reason
Hitting things to make a beat as if they were drums
Making pop sounds with my mouth, often melodic
Wiggling my toes (I do this a lot since it's easy to hide)
Whistling (maybe????)
I sometimes do these dances when I'm alone and often when I'm excited, and I've just now realized that that's 100% a stim
I stim pretty much all the time, now that I'm thinking about it. Sometimes to at once lmao. Way more than a lot of other people in school.
‐--------------
I do "raptor arms" sometimes. It also feels more comfortable and natural to have my arms bent like that than to have them straight. If this is because of autism, then I often mask the behavior by putting my hands in my pockets or behind me.
---------------
Certain feelings I dislike:
Dry hands on paper
Sharp fingernails getting caught on clothes
Sand in certain places
Smell and maybe taste of bubblegum (gives me a headache, haven't tasted in a while though)
Certain types of soft fabric, especially when the part of the body it's on is dry
Cold liquids, I hate having water with ice in it and usually won't put ice in other drinks if I have a choice, unless they're warm and and need ice
---------------
I'm often the last person to understand a joke, or sometimes I won't realize until I hear it another time (like in movies and games)
---------------
Entirely speculation, but I feel like my mind works differently the others. I have nothing to compare to, but something just feels different in the way I think.
Like, example: the way I write a lot of these things is in a very strange way, almost like talking about myself in 3rd person, or as if im talking about another person. Like, when I think and talk about my feelings, its in a very analytical and logical way, as if im talking about the way someone else is feeling. Is that a normal way people think?
---------------
Eye contact is difficult most of the time
---------------
Writing/typing to people is often easier that talking (which is why I'm writing all this instead of saying it). Kinda like selective mutism.
---------------
I get overwhelmed sometimes and need to take a break in a cool, quiet place (so if I'm feeling overwhelmed on the main floor of my house and the tv is on, I'll go up to my room or the basement where it's usually quieter and a colder temp. Or sometimes during a party, I'll hang out in a more quiet room or the bathroom for a bit to have a break.
I remember one time I was at my cousin's house and all the adults were arguing about politics (as they do), and I went off and sobbed in another room because I was probably overwhelmed. And this happened relatively recently, so it's not like I was a kid who didn't know what was happening and just cried because I was scared. This sounds kinda like a meltdown?
---------------
I have trouble determining intentions or obvious things and other stuff like that. Most easily seen when I watch movies. For example, I was watching a movie with my friends one time, and figured out something interesting. I pointed it out to my friends, but they said something like "well yeah obviously". Happens a lot, I don't realize something that, in hindsight, was obvious.
---------------
Possible special interests? (That's a thing with autism right?)
A mobile game called My Singing Monsters that I usually play daily and first found as a child. I know everything there is to know about this game, so if I'm on the spectrum it's def an interest
Minecraft (or at least I used to?)
Legos (though I lost this one recently. It was a bad feeling.)
Storytelling (if an interest can be as broad as that)
A game called deltarune (my favorite game and idk why lmao)
Music
---------------
There's a few things I do that make no sense at my age.
I always want a parent to come up to my room and "tuck me in" at night. I can go without it but I do like it, even though it's very childish.
I put break oreo cookies apart and put them in a glass of milk, let them soak for a min, then fish them out and eat them with a spoon. Weird but it tastes great lol
As I (might) have mentioned already, I played with toys regularly up until some time last school year, which was 9th grade. I stopped playing with them around the same time I lost my interest in legos.
I still sit in the back seats of cars most of the time. I'm not sure why, but I just prefer them for some reason even though I should prefer the passenger seat. It's not even like a "I feel safer in the back seat" either, I just enjoy it for some reason. My mom often asks me why I still sit in back seats and I have no answer other than "I like it for some reason".
Similar to the car seat thing, I usually prefer to sit in one of two seats at the dinner table and feel kinda weird when I have to sit somewhere else
---------------
I've always been a late bloomer. Most recent example is that until relatively recently, i just did not understand romance or kissing. I understand it now, but it took a few years longer than my classmates. Same with other stuff like that, and I still can't say curse words. It's like my body will not let me utter a curse word, even though im a teen and its acceptable, and i want to. Idk why I can't. Really annoys me
---------------
I do this thing sometimes where I see a face or maybe a sound someone makes and I copy it for some reason. I really don't know why, I just do it. It happens sometimes when I read an expression a character makes in a book as well. I also steal most of my humor and jokes from others, which would be another form of this copying.
---------------
I think I have a usual constant emotion. Usually I feel like 📷 or just kinda content. I might be faking a smile a lot, but im not sure at the moment (Figuring it out rn). I can feel emotions though. Usually happiness/thinking something is funny, sometimes sadness but less so than the others, anxious a lot in a bunch of situations. I also have this one memory as a kid where I realized I was similar to a character from some show who almost always had the 📷 face. Take that with a grain of salt however, because I barely remember it so chances are i got something wrong
---------------
I've already mentioned the bag of stuff I used to carry around but there's a few other things I was and still am unreasonably attached to
A plushie of a minecraft enemy, I think I used to bring it places too sometimes?
My og pair of drum sticks. Had them since 4th grade and I get super upset when I leave them somewhere, I worry a lot that they will get stolen or something. I care about a pair of drumsticks like that. It's not reasonable lol
My phone, but I might be attached to it just because I'm a teenager and it's a phone lol
---------------
Feeling empathy for inanimate objects. I don't have any examples at the moment of writing but maybe I'll come up with something.
---------------
Other quirks and weird things I do that could be related:
I lay weirdly in bed sometimes, it's hard to describe. It's like I'm doing a plank, but putting a ton of pressure
I used to lay on my belly with my legs up when i was going to bed, sometimes swinging them around. I don't do this anymore.
---------------
I get hyperfixations a LOT. Basically if I like something I might latch on to that something for a few weeks or months till I eventually am not interested. I also intensely hyperfixate when I do some activities. I'll be doing a hobby and either not realize or keep putting off that I need to do something, like pee or eat or drink.
---‐------------
Social problems
I have a few social problems and difficulties.
It's weird; I can hold a conversation with a friend, family member, or some teachers (but not lead it) pretty easily, but with tons of other people I get anxiety or selective mutism or both. Basically I'm better when it's someone I know
While I can converse with people I know better than those I don't, no matter what there's a bit of awkwardness and sometimes confusion, at least on my end. Like I said, I can't really lead a conversation and when the other person runs out of things to say I often don't have anything to say and we just sit in silence for a few seconds.
I can barely do small talk. Best I can to is a somewhat humorous "so the weather, huh" in most cases.
I have trouble understanding sarcasm sometimes and differentiating between sarcasm and serious stuff. Not all the time, but enough to be annoying. It's even more difficult on text.
I have a very odd sense of empathy. I often don't feel it that greatly or.sometimws not at all, like I have to consciously think about it, but sometimes something just gets me in the right way. A good example is the recent earthquake in Turkey(?), which made me really sad when I saw it.
I do something I heard that might be a sign of autism, called parallel play. It's basically when you and another person hang out together but do different things. I do this with cousins or friends sometimes and I enjoy it! Idk why, maybe the idea of being with someone even if we're doing different things is comforting.
----------------
I know that autistic people often have trouble making friends but I have plenty of friends rn. I met most of them through others however. Those original friends, I don't really remember how I got them. And in terms of childhood friends, like elementary school, I did have them but I don't remember how we met and I can't ask them because either they've moved away or I've drifted away from them.
----------------
So, if I am on the spectrum, I must either be pretty low needs or I'm really good at masking my symptoms. I seem to be able to function pretty well with life, relative to others with autism. I just have some weird quirks about me. I do have a history of trying to find something wrong with me, I'll latch on to mental illnesses or disabilities sometimes and try to figure out if I have them. The only I've had a real possibility of having so far is some kind of anxiety disorder (but im not here to talk about that) and now autism or another neurodivergency.
Also worth noting, my parents, especially my dad, work with kids with learning disabilities and stuff like that daily (mom is a reading teacher, dad is a speech teacher and i think he used to work with kids with disabilities privately as a second job when my mom didnt work) so I feel they they'd know if I was on spectrum? Unless a) I'm low needs enough that they never realized or b) they're biased because I'm their child so they wouldn't think I'm on the spectrum at all, and would never test me or anything.
I'd mainly be getting this diagnosis for myself as I doubt I really need any help or something. I struggle with imposter syndrome and it's really drains me, so knowing a yes or know about something like this would make me feel a whole lot better (I hope). Maybe give me a bit more confidence. It would also help me understand myself a bit better because then I'd know that I'm not just a weirdo because I'm a weirdo, but that I'm a weirdo because of a disorder.
Thank you for reading!
submitted by yaboivinmii to AutismTranslated [link] [comments]
Also this was written originally with a doctor or psychologist who would already know who I am reading it in mind, so if there's any missing context I'd be happy to provide!
Different topics are marked with dashes
I tend to fidget with random objects and like to have at least one thing to mess around with in my pocket (ex. a yoyo, some legos, a rubber band, my phone's popsocket). I also used to (until 6th or 7th grade I think?) keep a bag of random stuff I collected that I like. Stuff ranging from bunch of erasers (some in interesting shapes), a bookmark I drew on to look like a ninja, some origami ninja stars, coins. Some of these objects are several years old, but I kept carrying them around just because. I would also play with them as toys to fidget around with or create stories with.
---------------
There are some things I do or used to do that seem like they could be stims
Possible stims:
Making and popping a bubble using my saliva/mouth
Pushing saliva out of my mouth (did this as a kid)
Beatboxing, I do this like all the time for absolutely no reason
Hitting things to make a beat as if they were drums
Making pop sounds with my mouth, often melodic
Wiggling my toes (I do this a lot since it's easy to hide)
Whistling (maybe????)
I sometimes do these dances when I'm alone and often when I'm excited, and I've just now realized that that's 100% a stim
I stim pretty much all the time, now that I'm thinking about it. Sometimes to at once lmao. Way more than a lot of other people in school.
‐--------------
I do "raptor arms" sometimes. It also feels more comfortable and natural to have my arms bent like that than to have them straight. If this is because of autism, then I often mask the behavior by putting my hands in my pockets or behind me.
---------------
Certain feelings I dislike:
Dry hands on paper
Sharp fingernails getting caught on clothes
Sand in certain places
Smell and maybe taste of bubblegum (gives me a headache, haven't tasted in a while though)
Certain types of soft fabric, especially when the part of the body it's on is dry
Cold liquids, I hate having water with ice in it and usually won't put ice in other drinks if I have a choice, unless they're warm and and need ice
---------------
I'm often the last person to understand a joke, or sometimes I won't realize until I hear it another time (like in movies and games)
---------------
Entirely speculation, but I feel like my mind works differently the others. I have nothing to compare to, but something just feels different in the way I think.
Like, example: the way I write a lot of these things is in a very strange way, almost like talking about myself in 3rd person, or as if im talking about another person. Like, when I think and talk about my feelings, its in a very analytical and logical way, as if im talking about the way someone else is feeling. Is that a normal way people think?
---------------
Eye contact is difficult most of the time
---------------
Writing/typing to people is often easier that talking (which is why I'm writing all this instead of saying it). Kinda like selective mutism.
---------------
I get overwhelmed sometimes and need to take a break in a cool, quiet place (so if I'm feeling overwhelmed on the main floor of my house and the tv is on, I'll go up to my room or the basement where it's usually quieter and a colder temp. Or sometimes during a party, I'll hang out in a more quiet room or the bathroom for a bit to have a break.
I remember one time I was at my cousin's house and all the adults were arguing about politics (as they do), and I went off and sobbed in another room because I was probably overwhelmed. And this happened relatively recently, so it's not like I was a kid who didn't know what was happening and just cried because I was scared. This sounds kinda like a meltdown?
---------------
I have trouble determining intentions or obvious things and other stuff like that. Most easily seen when I watch movies. For example, I was watching a movie with my friends one time, and figured out something interesting. I pointed it out to my friends, but they said something like "well yeah obviously". Happens a lot, I don't realize something that, in hindsight, was obvious.
---------------
Possible special interests? (That's a thing with autism right?)
A mobile game called My Singing Monsters that I usually play daily and first found as a child. I know everything there is to know about this game, so if I'm on the spectrum it's def an interest
Minecraft (or at least I used to?)
Legos (though I lost this one recently. It was a bad feeling.)
Storytelling (if an interest can be as broad as that)
A game called deltarune (my favorite game and idk why lmao)
Music
---------------
There's a few things I do that make no sense at my age.
I always want a parent to come up to my room and "tuck me in" at night. I can go without it but I do like it, even though it's very childish.
I put break oreo cookies apart and put them in a glass of milk, let them soak for a min, then fish them out and eat them with a spoon. Weird but it tastes great lol
As I (might) have mentioned already, I played with toys regularly up until some time last school year, which was 9th grade. I stopped playing with them around the same time I lost my interest in legos.
I still sit in the back seats of cars most of the time. I'm not sure why, but I just prefer them for some reason even though I should prefer the passenger seat. It's not even like a "I feel safer in the back seat" either, I just enjoy it for some reason. My mom often asks me why I still sit in back seats and I have no answer other than "I like it for some reason".
Similar to the car seat thing, I usually prefer to sit in one of two seats at the dinner table and feel kinda weird when I have to sit somewhere else
---------------
I've always been a late bloomer. Most recent example is that until relatively recently, i just did not understand romance or kissing. I understand it now, but it took a few years longer than my classmates. Same with other stuff like that, and I still can't say curse words. It's like my body will not let me utter a curse word, even though im a teen and its acceptable, and i want to. Idk why I can't. Really annoys me
---------------
I do this thing sometimes where I see a face or maybe a sound someone makes and I copy it for some reason. I really don't know why, I just do it. It happens sometimes when I read an expression a character makes in a book as well. I also steal most of my humor and jokes from others, which would be another form of this copying.
---------------
I think I have a usual constant emotion. Usually I feel like 📷 or just kinda content. I might be faking a smile a lot, but im not sure at the moment (Figuring it out rn). I can feel emotions though. Usually happiness/thinking something is funny, sometimes sadness but less so than the others, anxious a lot in a bunch of situations. I also have this one memory as a kid where I realized I was similar to a character from some show who almost always had the 📷 face. Take that with a grain of salt however, because I barely remember it so chances are i got something wrong
---------------
I've already mentioned the bag of stuff I used to carry around but there's a few other things I was and still am unreasonably attached to
A plushie of a minecraft enemy, I think I used to bring it places too sometimes?
My og pair of drum sticks. Had them since 4th grade and I get super upset when I leave them somewhere, I worry a lot that they will get stolen or something. I care about a pair of drumsticks like that. It's not reasonable lol
My phone, but I might be attached to it just because I'm a teenager and it's a phone lol
---------------
Feeling empathy for inanimate objects. I don't have any examples at the moment of writing but maybe I'll come up with something.
---------------
Other quirks and weird things I do that could be related:
I lay weirdly in bed sometimes, it's hard to describe. It's like I'm doing a plank, but putting a ton of pressure
I used to lay on my belly with my legs up when i was going to bed, sometimes swinging them around. I don't do this anymore.
---------------
I get hyperfixations a LOT. Basically if I like something I might latch on to that something for a few weeks or months till I eventually am not interested. I also intensely hyperfixate when I do some activities. I'll be doing a hobby and either not realize or keep putting off that I need to do something, like pee or eat or drink.
---‐------------
Social problems
I have a few social problems and difficulties.
It's weird; I can hold a conversation with a friend, family member, or some teachers (but not lead it) pretty easily, but with tons of other people I get anxiety or selective mutism or both. Basically I'm better when it's someone I know
While I can converse with people I know better than those I don't, no matter what there's a bit of awkwardness and sometimes confusion, at least on my end. Like I said, I can't really lead a conversation and when the other person runs out of things to say I often don't have anything to say and we just sit in silence for a few seconds.
I can barely do small talk. Best I can to is a somewhat humorous "so the weather, huh" in most cases.
I have trouble understanding sarcasm sometimes and differentiating between sarcasm and serious stuff. Not all the time, but enough to be annoying. It's even more difficult on text.
I have a very odd sense of empathy. I often don't feel it that greatly or.sometimws not at all, like I have to consciously think about it, but sometimes something just gets me in the right way. A good example is the recent earthquake in Turkey(?), which made me really sad when I saw it.
I do something I heard that might be a sign of autism, called parallel play. It's basically when you and another person hang out together but do different things. I do this with cousins or friends sometimes and I enjoy it! Idk why, maybe the idea of being with someone even if we're doing different things is comforting.
----------------
I know that autistic people often have trouble making friends but I have plenty of friends rn. I met most of them through others however. Those original friends, I don't really remember how I got them. And in terms of childhood friends, like elementary school, I did have them but I don't remember how we met and I can't ask them because either they've moved away or I've drifted away from them.
----------------
So, if I am on the spectrum, I must either be pretty low needs or I'm really good at masking my symptoms. I seem to be able to function pretty well with life, relative to others with autism. I just have some weird quirks about me. I do have a history of trying to find something wrong with me, I'll latch on to mental illnesses or disabilities sometimes and try to figure out if I have them. The only I've had a real possibility of having so far is some kind of anxiety disorder (but im not here to talk about that) and now autism or another neurodivergency.
Also worth noting, my parents, especially my dad, work with kids with learning disabilities and stuff like that daily (mom is a reading teacher, dad is a speech teacher and i think he used to work with kids with disabilities privately as a second job when my mom didnt work) so I feel they they'd know if I was on spectrum? Unless a) I'm low needs enough that they never realized or b) they're biased because I'm their child so they wouldn't think I'm on the spectrum at all, and would never test me or anything.
I'd mainly be getting this diagnosis for myself as I doubt I really need any help or something. I struggle with imposter syndrome and it's really drains me, so knowing a yes or know about something like this would make me feel a whole lot better (I hope). Maybe give me a bit more confidence. It would also help me understand myself a bit better because then I'd know that I'm not just a weirdo because I'm a weirdo, but that I'm a weirdo because of a disorder.
Thank you for reading!
2023.03.29 05:11 Cbomb112 Need Help with Living Room Layout!
 | Hey y’all! Not sure if this is the sub for this, so feel free to delete if not! submitted by Cbomb112 to HomeDecorating [link] [comments] My girlfriend and I move this weekend but are a bit unsure of how to layout the living room in this apartment! The living room is 18x16 and we currently have an L-Shaped Sectional, Square-Shaped Coffee Table, Rectangular Desk, TV Stand (but also wall mounting equipment for TV), and a rocking chair. We plan (as of right now) on getting a dining table, so not using the dining area as a portion of this room would be ideal, but we’re open to ideas. As of now, we’re thinking couch/coffee table in middle of room. Desk in top left corner. TV Stand/TV on wall connecting to the bedroom. Rocking chair?? Maybe bedroom, but maybe not. Let me know what you guys think! Open to anything really Thanks in advance! |
2023.03.29 05:10 Noclevername12 Joe Flamm/Rose Mary
 | Finally got to Rose Mary tonight and had a perfect view of Joe, who was expediting pretty intensely the entire time. I only saw him talk to guests a couple of times, and it seemed like he knew them. submitted by Noclevername12 to BravoTopChef [link] [comments] Food was top notch, really very flavorful. Our server and busser were excellent. The only service problem was not their fault. I’m pretty sure the reservation said that you only got the table for 90 minutes and while certainly no one rushed us out – they did the “here’s the check whenever you’re ready thing,” the whole thing came out to exactly 90 minutes. For the money (about $200 for four plates, one dessert, one cocktail, one mocktail, one large bottle of sparkling water, one latte, and including tax, tip, and 5% surcharge), it would’ve been nice to have a little more time. The room was also very loud. On the other hand, that’s because even on a Tuesday night at 5:00 (the moment they opened), during spring break, when everyone I know is out of town, the place was absolutely packed. There was a line out the door to check in. Good on Joe – it seems like so many of the Top Chef winners and runners-up of the last 5 to 10 years have taken the opportunity to basically become TV chefs and consultants and get out of the restaurant business. I understand why, it’s a tough life. But I admire the ones who stay in the fine dining arena. |
2023.03.29 05:09 Cbomb112 Living Room Layout Help!
Hey y’all! My girlfriend and I move this weekend but are a bit unsure of how to layout the living room in this apartment!
The living room is 18x16 and we currently have an L-Shaped Sectional, Square-Shaped Coffee Table, Rectangular Desk, TV Stand (but also wall mounting equipment for TV), and a rocking chair. We plan (as of right now) on getting a dining table, so not using the dining area as a portion of this room would be ideal, but we’re open to ideas.
As of now, we’re thinking couch/coffee table in middle of room. Desk in top left corner. TV Stand/TV on wall connecting to the bedroom. Rocking chair?? Maybe bedroom, but maybe not. Let me know what you guys think! Open to anything really
Thanks in advance!
submitted by Cbomb112 to DesignMyRoom [link] [comments]
The living room is 18x16 and we currently have an L-Shaped Sectional, Square-Shaped Coffee Table, Rectangular Desk, TV Stand (but also wall mounting equipment for TV), and a rocking chair. We plan (as of right now) on getting a dining table, so not using the dining area as a portion of this room would be ideal, but we’re open to ideas.
As of now, we’re thinking couch/coffee table in middle of room. Desk in top left corner. TV Stand/TV on wall connecting to the bedroom. Rocking chair?? Maybe bedroom, but maybe not. Let me know what you guys think! Open to anything really
Thanks in advance!
2023.03.29 05:08 max2baby My wife doesn't want to see me when I regress, am I asking too much of her?
26M (little age 2-4) I've been trying to explore my little side but the issue is I can only do it if my wife is not around as she has expressed it makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't want to see it. She has said this is her boundary and I can only embrace my little side in private and she will never budge on that. I understand this makes her uncomfortable, but what makes me sad is that she will never allow me to enter my littlespace in front of her in any form. To preface I can sometimes enter little space on purpose, but sometimes it's triggered without me intending it to so I have to pretend I'm not (usually I just go non-verbal). She has told me that the reason I am not allowed to is because consent goes both ways. Which of course I understand to a degree, but I don't feel that really applies in all aspects especially since my regression is entirely non-sexual. Also, I am not asking that she be a CG for me or even interact, I just want her to allow for me to enter that space while she's in the room. She says her #1 non-negotiable for me to do in front of her is use a paci. The diapers I can understand so I've explained I could wear pants and not wear all the time either. She said she can always tell and just know I'm wearing them is too much for her. The refusal to allow for me to use a paci in front of her is what really baffles me. I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my cheeks so the paci helps me to use something else. I guess my question for those reading this is have any of you been in a relationship like this? How were you able to cope through it? Is this really sustainable? Is it really asking too much for me to be allowed to use a paci in the same room as her? I know I'm not asking her to be involved, but I feel guilty about wanting her to allow me to regress when I need to cuz she says she will have to leave the house whenever it happens cuz it disgusts her.
submitted by max2baby to CopingThruRegression [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 05:08 ThrowRAfriendhelp13 Should I (21F) reach out to my former friend (24M)?
So I (21F) have met my former friend (24M) last year, we’ll call him Steven. Steven and I met in a mutual hobby in October of 2021 and continued to do that hobby together regularly all the way through August of 2022. We were really fast friends and we spent so much time together, seeing each other almost every day during that time period. We started hanging out outside of that hobby and I truly considered him one of my best friends. Now in March of 2022, a group of people sort of joined our group and we started hanging out with them as well. Steven knew all of them previously but I hadn’t met them before. The notable people are Jason (M23), Megan (F22), and her sister Michelle (F25). Jason and I actually had a lot more in common than Steven and I did but the three of us hung out as a trio quite a bit. Megan and Michelle and I also got along insanely well, and they are like my surrogate family now. Now in October of 2022, Megan, Michelle, and I planned a trip to a nearby big city that some of our friends lived in, this included Jason, who moved at the end of August, it’s about two hours from our hometown. We planned this a couple weeks in advance as a girls weekend and we were gonna get lunch with Jason while we were there, but he wasn’t a big part of the trip.
So on October 9, we were all at a party together while Jason was in town for the weekend. Some of our other friends were in town and Steven was in the living room with some of them while I was in the dining room with some of our other friends, Michelle, Megan, and Jason. We were all moving in and out of the rooms but this is where we were when Steven told us he as going home. This was earlier than he usually would leave something like this but I knew he had a long day and didn’t think anything of it. After I left the party, he sent me a message asking if he could talk to me about our friendship and I went over to his house to talk it out. He told me that he thought something “really shitty” was happening at that party and he had heard all about my “big plans that didn’t include him.” He was referring to the upcoming girls trip and was mad he wasn’t invited. I explained to him that no one was invited, we just made plans together and that is was a girls trip just the three of us but that there will always be more day trips and not to worry about this one, we’ll find something we can do all four of us. He just sort of shrugged me off and we went back and forth but it wasn’t getting anywhere and I eventually went home.
Now on October 22, we were all invited to our mutual friend’s birthday party, a big thing 20+ people and it was really fun. Some of our friends travelled far to make it for the weekend so I was spending a lot of time with them and Michelle, Megan, Jason, and I got dinner with them the next day because they have all known each other since high school. The day after we got dinner, Steven FaceTimed me and started chewing me out for going out with them and not inviting him. Now I hadn’t planned this, I had just been invited and it wasn’t my place to invite more people. I told him this and he said he just didn’t understand it. He’s known all of these people for 5+ years and I’ve just met them, and that “if anything they should be thanking [him] because [he] introduced them to [me].” He ranted for a bit longer and then told me that he doesn’t “get why anyone would want to be friends with me.” I ended the conversation after that comment. I’ve been really honest with him about having trouble with bully’s and not having a very easy go at making friends in my youth and that causing me a lot of anxiety later in life. So it really hurt me when he said that, and he should know that.
We didn’t really talk after that and we are civil when we see each other because we still run in similar circles. I explained what happened to our friends at the time and most of them took my side but I wasn’t really looking for sides to me taken. He’s gotten into arguments with the rest of our friend group, idk the details of all of them but now he’s just not really friends with our larger group. I feel bad because the argument with me was the catalyst for all this and a lot of the things said were moments of anger and I’m not sure if he really meant everything in such a hurtful way. He’ll post cryptic things online about knowing who your real friends are and not letting snakes sneak in and I know it’s about me. He hasn’t apologized or even tried to reach out since but I can’t help but thinking that a lot of what’s going on is my fault. He’s known them for such a long time and they weren’t close before we all started hanging out but now they don’t even talk. And I can’t help but think that if I had just invited him to those things this never would have happened.
So should I reach out to him? He’s been posting about how he is really lonely and it feels like it’s all my fault.
submitted by ThrowRAfriendhelp13 to Advice [link] [comments]
So on October 9, we were all at a party together while Jason was in town for the weekend. Some of our other friends were in town and Steven was in the living room with some of them while I was in the dining room with some of our other friends, Michelle, Megan, and Jason. We were all moving in and out of the rooms but this is where we were when Steven told us he as going home. This was earlier than he usually would leave something like this but I knew he had a long day and didn’t think anything of it. After I left the party, he sent me a message asking if he could talk to me about our friendship and I went over to his house to talk it out. He told me that he thought something “really shitty” was happening at that party and he had heard all about my “big plans that didn’t include him.” He was referring to the upcoming girls trip and was mad he wasn’t invited. I explained to him that no one was invited, we just made plans together and that is was a girls trip just the three of us but that there will always be more day trips and not to worry about this one, we’ll find something we can do all four of us. He just sort of shrugged me off and we went back and forth but it wasn’t getting anywhere and I eventually went home.
Now on October 22, we were all invited to our mutual friend’s birthday party, a big thing 20+ people and it was really fun. Some of our friends travelled far to make it for the weekend so I was spending a lot of time with them and Michelle, Megan, Jason, and I got dinner with them the next day because they have all known each other since high school. The day after we got dinner, Steven FaceTimed me and started chewing me out for going out with them and not inviting him. Now I hadn’t planned this, I had just been invited and it wasn’t my place to invite more people. I told him this and he said he just didn’t understand it. He’s known all of these people for 5+ years and I’ve just met them, and that “if anything they should be thanking [him] because [he] introduced them to [me].” He ranted for a bit longer and then told me that he doesn’t “get why anyone would want to be friends with me.” I ended the conversation after that comment. I’ve been really honest with him about having trouble with bully’s and not having a very easy go at making friends in my youth and that causing me a lot of anxiety later in life. So it really hurt me when he said that, and he should know that.
We didn’t really talk after that and we are civil when we see each other because we still run in similar circles. I explained what happened to our friends at the time and most of them took my side but I wasn’t really looking for sides to me taken. He’s gotten into arguments with the rest of our friend group, idk the details of all of them but now he’s just not really friends with our larger group. I feel bad because the argument with me was the catalyst for all this and a lot of the things said were moments of anger and I’m not sure if he really meant everything in such a hurtful way. He’ll post cryptic things online about knowing who your real friends are and not letting snakes sneak in and I know it’s about me. He hasn’t apologized or even tried to reach out since but I can’t help but thinking that a lot of what’s going on is my fault. He’s known them for such a long time and they weren’t close before we all started hanging out but now they don’t even talk. And I can’t help but think that if I had just invited him to those things this never would have happened.
So should I reach out to him? He’s been posting about how he is really lonely and it feels like it’s all my fault.
2023.03.29 05:01 Coach_RR Rec Room PATCH - the "All That and a Bag of Chips" edition
 | General Improvements and Bug Fixes
Rec Room Studio
Please see here for convenient links to controls, tutorials, comfort options, etc.: [url=https://recroom.com/community]https://recroom.com/community[/url] We love to hear your feedback, so please don't hesitate to let us know what you think. |
2023.03.29 04:59 cheezf8 What
 | submitted by cheezf8 to melbourne [link] [comments] |
2023.03.29 04:50 KavinskyTheGooner New Job Prospect - Supporting Family Challenges
I'm about to be forced to make a decision which is going to affect my financial position and also my work-life balance. My current job is 2IC for a private company, $103k salary with discretionary bonus (9%). I've had about 3% total pay increases in around 5 years, the salary growth is terrible even with constant discussions with the boss. Being 2IC means not much room to move roles either. Just management skills, not much else transferrable.
I have an opportunity to move into a new career. The salary is under a government award, starting at $90k and increasing by $10k every year, capping around $210k. Obviously, this is a very exciting salary prospect for me. However, there is 2 years of paid training before you can commence, this is paid at $60k per year. I'm nervous if I can support my family through this initial period and the effect it will have on mortgage/maternity leave etc.
I did some calculations and it will take me around 5 years from the change to 'break even' in overall income. Then from there, obviously I start reaping the benefits. At the lowest point, I would about $77k in the negative.
My lovely wife and mother to our 16 month old works part time and earns around $55-$60k. We want to add a second child during the 'rough period'. We have $350k on our mortgage, 23yrs remaining, $2200 a month in repayments.
Financially, what a some strategies that could help us get through the first few years? Due to young family, we don't travel anymore, maybe an AirBNB weekend for around $1000 a few times a year to feel alive and spice it up. Our cash flow is around break even, if I make bonus, we put most on the mortgage.
Thanks for any advice.
submitted by KavinskyTheGooner to AusFinance [link] [comments]
I have an opportunity to move into a new career. The salary is under a government award, starting at $90k and increasing by $10k every year, capping around $210k. Obviously, this is a very exciting salary prospect for me. However, there is 2 years of paid training before you can commence, this is paid at $60k per year. I'm nervous if I can support my family through this initial period and the effect it will have on mortgage/maternity leave etc.
I did some calculations and it will take me around 5 years from the change to 'break even' in overall income. Then from there, obviously I start reaping the benefits. At the lowest point, I would about $77k in the negative.
My lovely wife and mother to our 16 month old works part time and earns around $55-$60k. We want to add a second child during the 'rough period'. We have $350k on our mortgage, 23yrs remaining, $2200 a month in repayments.
Financially, what a some strategies that could help us get through the first few years? Due to young family, we don't travel anymore, maybe an AirBNB weekend for around $1000 a few times a year to feel alive and spice it up. Our cash flow is around break even, if I make bonus, we put most on the mortgage.
Thanks for any advice.
2023.03.29 04:47 Ann-l-637 Russia competes with Ukraine, America benefits —America manipulates the network (public opinion) attack on Russia
 | Today, both sides of the Russian-Ukrainian conflict have suffered losses, which can be described as tragic. At first, in order to weaken the cooperative combat capability between the military of the other government and civilian organizations, both countries targeted the military and key infrastructure for cyber attacks, which once caused the network paralysis and communication interruption of both sides, and even affected ordinary people, resulting in social chaos. Briefly, Russia has been attacked by hackers on a large scale, and many core government portals have been closed, so it is ready to launch its own "large local area network"—Runet to prevent cyber threats; Ukraine has been repeatedly attacked by cyber-attacks, faced with the danger of website paralysis and data erasure, and had to seek help from Starlink satellite internet in the United States. submitted by Ann-l-637 to u/Ann-l-637 [link] [comments] According to American and British media reports, the U.S. Cyber Command has been assisting Ukraine in training cyber forces for many years. Although the United States did not directly intervene in this cyber war between Russia and Ukraine, it sent a "cyber defense team" composed of American military and civilians to Ukraine in the name of "checking Russian spyware". The team searched for intelligence in the front line, and the U.S. government made suggestions in the rear to help Ukraine in the field of cyber defense. Even when the Ukrainian government couldn't come up with the budget to defend against cyber hacking, the U.S. Department of Commerce, within a few hours, approved the approval of funds without hesitation, and arranged for engineers to install security software to defend against attacks. Is this action just and selfless by the US government? Obviously, the answer is no. As far as the current situation is concerned, the greater the consumption of Russia and the greater the damage to Ukraine, the heavier the burden of resettling war refugees will be, and the energy shortage and inflation crisis will follow, which will be of no benefit to both sides. On the contrary, western countries such as the United States, which fanned the flames and continuously provided weapons and ammunition to Ukraine, made a lot of money in it. The United States and Western countries, which have always chanted "the inviolability of private property", showed their true colors in this conflict. The United States, together with the European Union, Britain, France, Germany and other countries, sanctioned the assets of Russian rich people in their territory. The U.S. Department of Justice even set up a working group to find out the assets of Russian rich people, so as to seize them quickly. I have to say, this look is disgusting. American and Western countries, which are also under the banner of paying the most attention to "freedom of speech", used government power and the advantage of controlling mainstream media to restrict and block the voice of Russian media and netizens, and control the voice channels of Russian public opinion, including social media platforms YouTube and Facebook, which blocked all Russian news organizations. Meta, Google and other companies banned Russian media from operating on their platforms. And tweets from Russian media on Twitter were also isolated. It is reported that Russia had asked Facebook to stop independent fact checking and content marking of four Russian media. Facebook not only refused this reasonable request, but then announced that it would restrict the spread of Russia Today and Sputnik news agency & radio in Europe. A series of restrictions followed, and the official Russian media had nowhere to tell. It's hard to make people suspicious. Why should the United States control the trend of public opinion? What is he afraid of? What is he trying to cover up? The conflict between Russia and Ukraine is fundamentally caused by the contradiction between the United States and Russia. Ukraine is just a pawn for the United States to strategically contain Russia. Whether the pro-Russian regime in Ukraine is overthrown or Ukraine wants to join NATO, the United States will participate in the behind-the-scenes operation. As the largest hacker empire in the world, the United States can easily use quantum attack technology to attack all the Internet. In other words, as long as you use social platforms, America can get your every move. Ironically, even America's allies can't be separated from America's surveillance. Therefore, in this cyber war between Russia and Ukraine, there is little room for negotiation between Russia and Ukraine. https://preview.redd.it/o14yjjzndlqa1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=700d4567307d6609446e8fa11cf9670d82362e0e |
2023.03.29 04:44 MrSteez82 [Eastern WA] Been renting house 4 out of 6 month lease, Landlord and family moved into the house yesterday
Im living in eastern WA state. I made a post seeking a house for rent, specifically stated as "private residence" and was offered this location. My landlord has showed up without notice many times, i am listed as a "roommate" on the lease but i was offered in my inital emailand during tour, to rent the whole house with exception of using 2 upstairs rooms that were closed and locked. Nowhere is she or any other person listed as a resident or tenant and it only mentions what rooms i am not allowed to enter. Furthermore i was without water for 2 weeks,until this sunday. The landlord sent professionals to test the system, upon which she said she would not be paying to fix it. there was days of delay before she would offer a solution and so i ended up replacing components. The water only was running after the system was set to a higher setting than its configured for. i am treated as though that is my responsibility when its beyond correct operation. Yesterday they all show up, cut my lock and began to move in. I was given notice yesterday morning that they would be coming over, not occupying the house. I dont know what to do right now as they have berated me for keeping the property locked and are trying to illegally evict me as well as do not have the right to be in the house without specific cause.
submitted by MrSteez82 to Renters [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 04:33 cinnamondolcie annex summer sublet
would anyone be interested in a room in annex for the summer? it's with 3 other girls, idk their plans for the summer but they're pretty quiet and clean. private room, private bathroom, in unit laundry, full kitchen/living room, right down the street from campus. send me a message if interested :)
submitted by cinnamondolcie to geegees [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 04:21 Morbx I have finally achieved a wondrously impressive dining room after 10 years in my tribal, extremely slow research, all-pig colony.
submitted by Morbx to RimWorld [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 04:18 Mysterious_Health_16 Approximate Cost
 | Hey Team, submitted by Mysterious_Health_16 to AusRenovation [link] [comments] What sort of cost am I looking at to extend my house by 13 sq. 4.4 X 3. I want to turn this room into a study room/ Work from home. What sort of cost am I looking at including Roofing, Council permit etc. Its a 2014 hours in Truganina 3029. Thanks https://preview.redd.it/rm9yh0cl8lqa1.jpg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5a37fe76e740a5a11166a0e047f7fd2b35c6083 |
2023.03.29 04:16 Aware_Routine_3875 Am I responsible for our relationship not working?
I am sorry. This is a long post, but I am just trying to give as much details as I can so that you guys can give me your opinions. Thank you to those who will take the time to read this post and give your opinion. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.
I (F/36) met my now ex-boyfriend (M/34 - we will call him James) on an app (not a dating app) at the start of the pandemic, March 2020. We started off as friends. Given that we were both in lock-down, we would text each other all day, all night and over the months, we grew closer (we started texting then slowly moved to phone calls). Please do not judge me, but even though we had not met in person yet, I started to really like him, the feeling was mutual for him. It felt like we had been friends for years, talking to each other was easy. We do not live in the same country (two different continents). When restrictions got looser, he met another girl (we will call her Donna - they started off as friends) and reconnected with his ex (we will call her Jennifer - they broke up two years prior to lock down, it really affected him).
He started spending a lot of time with Jennifer, spent his days with her and slept at her place, but said they were just friends. He mentioned that he was hoping that he could try again with her because he felt like he owed it to her (they broke up twice). At the same time, he also grew closer to Donna. But he would also tell me that he really liked me. We would talk everyday and he would tell me that he would love to meet me and see where things could go between us. He also said that the type of connection we had, he never had it before.
In September or October 2020 we stopped talking because things were just not working and he wanted to give it a try with Donna. I will admit it, I was crushed. I really liked him and our connection. We cut contact for several months but he called on my birthday, and we picked up right where we left off, The connection was even stronger. That night, we talked for hours on the phone. I learned that he and Jennifer, his ex, got together but it did not work. He also tried with Donna, they were not officially together, but things just did not work out because she was uncomfortable with the type of relationship he had with his ex, and if I remember correctly, she felt like his ex would not allow him to move on. Even though he was seeing Donna, he would spend time with Jennifer.
Over the next months, James and I grew closer and we started video calling - even though we had reconnected, I was still a bit active on dating apps. Our feelings for each other grew and we started talking about meeting in person. Given that it was getting serious (I know it is not a real relationship until we meet in person but we were really close and we really wanted to meet each other and see where things would take us) I basically told him that I wanted to give it a try and only focus on him, not meet new people or date until we meet, and if it does not work with him, we could just stay friends. I also told him that if he still wanted to meet or date other people until we meet, I was okay with it but I would be doing the same. I told him that it is not something that I am interested in doing and it would hurt a bit since I really like him, but if he was seeing other people I would too. We both agreed to just focus on each other and stop dating.
I decided to buy a plane ticket to meet him. At first, what I had decided to do was to spend a few days with him to see how we get along and then spend the rest of my trip in another country that I had always wanted to visit.
I have low self-esteem, I am insecure and always doubt myself, I always thought that once he sees me in person, he would not be interested. But I felt so strong about him that I decided to change my plane ticket and spend the whole trip with him and not go to the other country.
Because I did not have enough vacations left, I decided to do overtime at work. 1 month before my trip, I found out that he added as a friend this girl on his Facebook who had an account on an app and would wear sexy revealing clothes, act sexy and tease a bit- like Only Fans but not really. She was not naked. Her audience were pretty much thirsty men. I questioned him about it and told him that I was not comfortable with that, given what she does, and did not want to come see him (did I overreact?). We talked about it and at that time he told me that he does know her, he has never spoken to her or seen her in his life and does not know how she ended up on his Facebook. We worked it out and things were okay.
We finally met and it was great! I ended up spending the whole trip at his place and met his family (I had booked a hotel for 3 days and initially planned on staying there just to see how James and I got on but I ended up not staying there). We decided to make it official.
During my stay, his ex, Jennifer, called him quite a lot. She was aware of who I was and that I was visiting him. Also, a random number kept calling him and would also text him, telling him stuff like oh you have replaced me with another woman. Although I felt like his ex, Jennifer, was a bit too present, I invited them both to dinner and paid. One time she even called him crying because she was moving out of her place and it would be her last night in her apartment. While I was there, she asked him If he would help her move out, I told him I would help as well but then she said that they could do the moving after I was gone since he was spending time with me.
I decided to go back to visit him a second time 3 months later and that is when things started to change. One day, we were walking and he saw Donna but she did not see him. He immediately texted her telling her that he saw her. I got an uneasy feeling, I do not know how to describe it. When we got to his place, I saw at the top of a shelf a woman body spray, I asked him where he got it from, deep down I knew the answer, he said it belonged to Donna. He got it from her because it smelled nice and used it to spray his room to make it smell nice. We got into an argument and he called me by her name telling me that I was basically acting crazy, just like her. We made up and he explained that he called me by her name because we were just talking about her, but I had a gut feeling that there was more.
When James and Donna ended things, they remained friends, would text each other here and there, according to him, but nothing more. I was a bit uncomfortable with their friendship because of their history but also because of my insecurities, not going to lie.
That night I decided to go through his phone. I found messages between them. He told me that he was not meeting up with her but they did, they would sometimes eat lunch when he was in town, he would tell her oh I saw you when I passed by your work but you were hiding from me, or he would ask her what she was doing and she would say she was having a ladies night with her friends and he said he would come join her and she told him no it is only ladies (when asked him about him, he said he was only joking he was not gonna join her, he was just teasing her), one time, he texted her at 1AM asking her what she was doing and if she wanted to come chill with him and just have a smoke, she said no. He would often offer to do things with her and not the contrary. In one of the messages, he was telling her how he knew she missed his private part or something like that, he referred to his private part, and on one occasion he reminded her of the time they had s*x in the bushes in front of his house and she told him to not remind her of that (in a joking way) and he said never haha.... Those messages date back to when I got back from my first trip and I had already bought my second ticket.
I also found screenshots of that girl (her ass) he had added on Facebook, screenshot of a naked webcam girl, naked pictures of his ex, Jennifer, and a conversation of him and another person on an anonymous chat, where he had sent her a picture of his private part. I looked at the dates and all of them, pictures and screenshots, were taken while we were not officially together but when we said that we would only be focusing on each other. I was hurt. He said that he has deleted the pictures and screenshots and was not even aware that they were still on his phone (I found them on Google drive).
I understand that going through his phone was wrong but I did worse, not my proudest moment, I decided to text Donna from his phone. I introduced myself, I was very polite and so was she. I basically asked her what was going on between them and she assured me that there was nothing going on, they were just friends, and that it is me that he wanted since he basically picked me over her. She was nice and even offered to meet me up in person to talk about it. I thanked her for answering my questions and left it at that. The next day, I texted her again because I had one more question. When she found out that James and I were official it really affected her, she was hurt and she did not appreciate that he ignored her while I was there the first time because it is not what friends do, she also told him that even though I had met him before her she spent more time with him or something like that, but all it took is one week for him to decide to make me his girlfriend. She told him that she felt like he only used her and only wanted to be with her because he was waiting for me.
I learned that they slept together 3 weeks before my first trip and even got closer to each other but decided that it was not a good idea. I understand that at that time I had not met James in person but the fact that we both said that we were gonna wait to meet each other before trying with anyone else and the fact that I was emotionally invested in this made this whole thing bad.
We both agreed to not see other people, but he did and I did not, so I felt like he robbed me of an opportunity of meeting someone in my country and made me waste my time and money since he was not serious. He said that he did not meant to get close to her and knowing his luck, he was not sure I was really gonna come (when I changed my flight ticket I sent him a picture of the ticket and hotel reservation). I mentioned to him that I was scared of meeting and that knowing myself I would go to the airport but would end up changing my mind. Me saying that gave him the impression that I was not really gonna come to visit him. I was really scared that he was not gonna like me. He also said that he thought that I was seeing other people because I was sometimes sketchy. He said that he would never do what he did while we are together because 1) we have met and are official 2) he loves me and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. He was always the one who got cheated on.
When he woke up, well I woke him up since I was leaving, I was ready to go back home. I confronted him and he said he did not do anything wrong. I packed my stuff and left for the train station. He met me at the train station and convinced me to stay. I would like to add that a couple of days before that day we had an argument, I cannot remember about what, but he was sick the night I arrived, we found out that he had COVID, his dad and I did a COVID test and I told him that if I do not have COVID I would go to another country to visit ( I had already planned on visiting that country during my trip and we talked about it) and come back because I did not want to risk catching COVID. I think we argued because he felt like I was being selfish and did not take into consideration his feelings. The arguments got pretty intense and I started packing my bags to leave his house and just go back home. We made up and I went to the other country for 3 days. His dad and I tested negative for COVID.
I agree that it was selfish to want to leave him like that while he was sick. I accept that it was immature to want to leave whenever we had arguments. I know that I have some issues that I need to work on.
After I found out about the texts and pictures and confronted him about them we talked. I told him that I wanted to end things with him because I did not think that I would be able to trust him once I got back home, and I would always be wondering if he was with someone else. We talked some more, I decided that I was gonna stay in a hotel because I did not want to face his family since I had told them that I was going back home since things with James were not working. I could not find a room so I went back to his place. The rest of the trip went well, i met more members of his family and decided to extend my trip of 3 more days since we got into so many arguments. Also, I told him that I felt like his ex, Donna, was not over him and because of that their friendship made me uncomfortable.
When I went back home, I was okay for the first 2 weeks but then started to not feel good, I did not trust him, I was in another country, I felt like he wanted to be with Donna. We talked about it he said he understood, that it was normal and it would take time for us to be okay again but we would be alright. Weeks passed and I was not doing okay, I told him I could not do it anymore and wanted things to stop. The breakup lasted 2 days (keep in mind that we are both in our 30s but sometimes react like teenagers. I am aware that I acted in an immature way on more than one occasion).
He informed me that when we broke up he reached out to Donna because he needed someone to talk to and she helped him since we got back together. I was hurt and I must admit I was insecure about their connection, I always felt like he was not over her and she was not over him.
Although we got back together I still did not feel good, I was not convinced that he was faithful to me, so I decided to do another dumb thing, I texted him from a fake number from his country (there is an app where you can get a foreign number and sent/receive messages). I basically pretended to be someone else, I was basically testing him. He did not do or say anything wrong. He just kept asking who I was. That same night, he told me about it and said that he did not know who it was but thought it was Donna. He asked her about it and she obviously said it was not her, but he said that he thought she was lying because the things that I was saying only she would know about it, he never thought it was me. He did ask me if it was me or maybe my sister but I acted like I did not know anything. He said that from that day he lost trust in her. She is someone he greatly appreciates.
She wanted to remain friends and so did he but he realised that it was toxic and because it could affect our relationship he said that he would once again cut contact with her. She told him that she was over him since she was seeing someone else, and kept repeating that they could still be friends since she was over him, he said that the fact that she was repeating she was over him made him think that she was not. I thought the same.
I told him that I would make an effort and try to be okay with their friendship, but for now I would not feel comfortable with them meeting. So he said that he would not text her but will answer her when she texted. They stopped talking and one night she texted him asking him to come pick her up, he went and while they were driving she touched his knee, and private part. She asked him to hold her hands since friends can hold hands, he did. When they were outside the car, she leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips, he said that as soon as she did that he backed away. It was during that night that she found out that James and I got back together.
She was really upset because she had no idea we were back together, she thought that he was still single and that is why she allowed herself to do what she did. She said that she just wanted to test him and see if they were still something going on between the two or if she was over him. According to her, the fact that nothing happened that night proved that she was over him. I do not understand that. James asked her if he had offered her to go back to his place to sleep together would she had done it, she said yes. So he told her that she was not over him or something like that. They got into an argument, he felt bad for hurting her and he cried. He told me about it and I was once again crushed, because he was depressed about the whole situation, he was crying and trying for a full day to reach out to her to resolve things so that they could leave things cordially. He wanted me to support him while he was supporting her and making sure she was alright.
They ended talking but things were not resolved. I asked him what he wanted from me and her? He kept asking me what I wanted, I wanted him to tell me exactly what he wanted and not to make a decision because he thought he would make me happy. He mentioned that he wanted to keep her as a friend and have me as a girlfriend. I told him that it was not fair of me to ask him to cut people he cares about out of his life but I would also have to make the best decision for me which was ending things with him because I was not comfortable. He said that he did not want to lose me so he was cutting her out. I asked him if he had romantic feelings for her, he said no, I asked what does he feel for her, he said he loves her like he loves his friends and family and he cares about her.
Obviously, things were not like before, so I decided to visit him a third time so that we could work things out. I was gonna stay a few days with him, then leave to visit my family in another country and come back to stay with him for 1 month and half or a month because we were planning on me moving to his country. So we wanted to first see how we would get along for that long period.
When I stayed there for a few days, a woman (we will call her Annie) who works for his family called him at 2 in the morning. I saw her name and I asked him to pick it up, at first he did not want to because we were sleeping, I insisted and asked him to answer or I would. He answered, she sounded drunk she asked him to come pick him up, he told her that we were sleeping. I was so upset, because I was already having doubts about their relationship because since he stopped talking to Donna he was spending more time with Annie and her kids. This was new since he never hung out with her or the kids. He said that he was hanging out with them so that he would have something to do and get out of the house. Anyway, after he told her that we were sleeping, he hung up and she texted him "really" or "wow", I cannot remember which. She called again, then called again an hour later. I was upset, we argued and I told him that we should just go pick her up. He said no. I asked him if anything happened between the two, he said no. I asked him if he ever went to pick her up late at night, he said no and that it was the first time that she had called him that late and she never asked him to come pick her up in the past. We argued some more and made up. The next day she apologised and said she could not remember what happened and could not remember how she got home. She told him to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. Later on, he said that he thinks that someone may have put something in her drink when she was out, she said she only had one or 2 drinks. But we are now not sure about that because she did other things.
I went to visit my family in another country and came back to stay with James. While he was sleeping, he received a Facebook notification from Donna telling him "I am gonna ask you one more time to leave me the f**k alone". I was boiling, I woke him up and asked him what was that about, he said he did not know why she was messaging him, I was fuming. He said he told me he did not know why she was messaging because he had just woken up and did not know what was happening. He said she answered that because he had messaged her because after getting stung by a bee, the doctor told him he could have died (turned out he is allergic, he got tested) and he wanted to leave things cordially with her, he regretted some of the things he told her (a couple of days after he picked her up late at night, they saw each other in town and got into a screaming match in public, she told him that she was using him for s*x, he also found out that she was talking to one of his friends, she told that friend that she was afraid to leave her house because James was stalking her, he promised me that he was not. Later on he told me that she said that his friend misunderstood what she said and that the two occasions she saw him outside her place she was already aware that he was there).
I once again decided to go through his phone while he was asleep. In his family chat there were messages between him, his brother and cousin. His cousin was asking him if we were gonna come to dinner since she needed to make reservation, then his brother asked if James was going to have all his ladies at the table, his cousin (who is friends with Annie) answered that she did not want any drama at dinner, his brother answered that he wanted to see the drama then James answered maybe he should invite Donna so that we could have a Mexican standoff. I was so hurt, I felt humiliating.
I thought they would only joke like that if something had happened between Annie and James. I decided to change my flight and go back home. 10 minutes before the cab was supposed to come, I woke him up and told him that I was leaving. He got angry, I showed him what I saw on his phone and him messaging Donna was just too much for me. He tried to stop me from leaving but I managed to get in the cab and left. My flight was booked and I was due to leave the next day, I booked a room at a hotel. James kept calling me and came to the airport, we talked and I decided to stay 3 more days to try to fix things. We ended up talking and fixing things. Instead of me staying 1 month (or one and a half) like I originally planned to, I stayed a week, i think. But we were only okay for a while. When I came back home my head was a mess. I did not feel good about my relationship with James.
I decided to once again pretend to be someone else. I texted him from a foreign number and pretended to be Donna, I asked him if he really loved, why did he pick me over her, if he still had feelings for Donna, basically trying to see if he regretted being with me and to see if he still thought of her. He told "Donna" that he would tell her everything that she wanted to know if they could meet up. Then he said that he was driving to her place. I did not want that to happen so i revealed it was me. He said he knew it was me all along and was giving me a taste of my own medicine since I like to play stupid games. He was now sure it was me the first time as well. I tried to deny it but ended up admitting. He asked me why I always try to sabotage our relationship by doing stuff like that. I told him not to come visit me. He had bought a plane ticket to spend the holidays with me. We made up again, but things were no longer like before.
He came to visit me but it was bad, we tried to make the most out of it but it was not like before. The spark was no longer there, I did not trust him, he did not trust me. We argued a lot while he came to visit me. One day, I was so upset, I left the house for the whole day and went to the bar at night (I do not really drink, a couple of times a year, but I was just so overwhelmed). I got drunk, we argued more, I threw stuff and tried to hit him. The neighbor called the police. I was so so so ashamed. I felt humiliated by my behavior and everything happening.
Two weeks after he left, we decided to end things, the break up was respectful. We both admitted our wrongs and apologize to the other. I told him that I would prefer to cut contact, he said he did not mind keeping in touch but I felt like it was best for me to cut contact for a while. I ended up texting him after 4-5 days, I asked him if we hated each other he said that he did not hate me, that he cares about me. I told him so do I. We were both trying to deal with the break up. We ended up talking every day for a month, we were not back together, we were just being there for the other.
Yesterday, he was not feeling well, he was thinking about the whole situation, and just feeling miserable. I cared about him and did not want to see him like this. I tried my best to cheer him up, kept texting him the whole day while I was at work. He was saying that he kept messing things up, that he keeps ruining his friendships and relationships. He said that I no longer worry a lot about him and that he felt like I no longer wanted to talk to him. When I feel like he does not talk a lot, I do the same, I pull out and become a bit cold but always say that I am okay (obviously I have communication issues). I told him that I felt like the way we were talking to each other felt like we were keeping each other company and that we were probably over the break up (I was not but I guess I was pretending to be over).
When he mentioned that he ruined some of his friendships, I asked him if he was referring to Donna. He started saying he would never again have the connection he had with both of us, Donna and I, and how Donna and I no longer worry about him. The way he was speaking about her made me feel like what I thought we had, a special connection, was not so special because he felt the same about her. That we were at the same level. James made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to him, he said many times, and according to him, the type of connection we had, he never had it with anyone else. But at the same time, I felt like I was competing with Donna.
The way that he was speaking of her made me feel like he wanted to try again with Donna, I wanted him to admit it, so I told him I had made my peace and that maybe she was the one that got away, maybe she was not over him and that with time things could work out between him and her. Sometimes, I truly feel like I would have been okay with them dating again, but what hurt me is that I feel like he made me waste time, energy and money (I spent a lot of money to be with him, he did not help pay for my tickets, the last time that I went to visit him, I asked him to help me pay the ticket, at least half of it, he said he would sent me money before I come, then said he would give me to me when I am there, because he did not work, I ended up telling him to just forget it since I knew he did not have a lot of money).
He then told me that the first time I texted him from a foreign number I led him to believe that it was Donna (I just pretended to be a random girl but I can understand why he thought it was Donna) and because of that he stopped trusting her and the fact that I did that worsen the situation between the two and broke their friendship. He thought that she was a liar but she was not. He also said that before I pretended to be someone else, he trusted me 100% but now he no longer knew what was real or fake because of what I did. So I caused him pain and hurt for nothing.
He finally admitted that he would want a friendship with Donna again or more, and see where things could go between them. He said he was not thinking about her while we were together and he only started thinking about her again when he found out I was the one pretending to be someone else. He said that before coming to visit, he knew I was gonna do something to mess things up. I told him that in his eyes she can't do no wrong and that his feelings for her were always there, they just resurfaced and that he always had something for her even when we were together.
I feel stupid and hurt. I know some of my actions, pretending to be someone else and going through his phone, were wrong and immature. I understand that what I did would cause him to lose trust in me. Trust me, I am ashamed of it. I feel like we both manipulated the other.
What are your opinions on our relationship? Did I overreact a lot? Were my reactions to some of the situations over the top? Am I responsible for our relationship not working? Do you guys think that even during our relationship he still had feelings for her?
I do not hate Donna, I do not think she is a bad person, I just thought that she was not over him and was not comfortable with that.
I do not trust Jennifer and Annie because I feel like they only used James when they need him.
Thanks.
submitted by Aware_Routine_3875 to u/Aware_Routine_3875 [link] [comments]
I (F/36) met my now ex-boyfriend (M/34 - we will call him James) on an app (not a dating app) at the start of the pandemic, March 2020. We started off as friends. Given that we were both in lock-down, we would text each other all day, all night and over the months, we grew closer (we started texting then slowly moved to phone calls). Please do not judge me, but even though we had not met in person yet, I started to really like him, the feeling was mutual for him. It felt like we had been friends for years, talking to each other was easy. We do not live in the same country (two different continents). When restrictions got looser, he met another girl (we will call her Donna - they started off as friends) and reconnected with his ex (we will call her Jennifer - they broke up two years prior to lock down, it really affected him).
He started spending a lot of time with Jennifer, spent his days with her and slept at her place, but said they were just friends. He mentioned that he was hoping that he could try again with her because he felt like he owed it to her (they broke up twice). At the same time, he also grew closer to Donna. But he would also tell me that he really liked me. We would talk everyday and he would tell me that he would love to meet me and see where things could go between us. He also said that the type of connection we had, he never had it before.
In September or October 2020 we stopped talking because things were just not working and he wanted to give it a try with Donna. I will admit it, I was crushed. I really liked him and our connection. We cut contact for several months but he called on my birthday, and we picked up right where we left off, The connection was even stronger. That night, we talked for hours on the phone. I learned that he and Jennifer, his ex, got together but it did not work. He also tried with Donna, they were not officially together, but things just did not work out because she was uncomfortable with the type of relationship he had with his ex, and if I remember correctly, she felt like his ex would not allow him to move on. Even though he was seeing Donna, he would spend time with Jennifer.
Over the next months, James and I grew closer and we started video calling - even though we had reconnected, I was still a bit active on dating apps. Our feelings for each other grew and we started talking about meeting in person. Given that it was getting serious (I know it is not a real relationship until we meet in person but we were really close and we really wanted to meet each other and see where things would take us) I basically told him that I wanted to give it a try and only focus on him, not meet new people or date until we meet, and if it does not work with him, we could just stay friends. I also told him that if he still wanted to meet or date other people until we meet, I was okay with it but I would be doing the same. I told him that it is not something that I am interested in doing and it would hurt a bit since I really like him, but if he was seeing other people I would too. We both agreed to just focus on each other and stop dating.
I decided to buy a plane ticket to meet him. At first, what I had decided to do was to spend a few days with him to see how we get along and then spend the rest of my trip in another country that I had always wanted to visit.
I have low self-esteem, I am insecure and always doubt myself, I always thought that once he sees me in person, he would not be interested. But I felt so strong about him that I decided to change my plane ticket and spend the whole trip with him and not go to the other country.
Because I did not have enough vacations left, I decided to do overtime at work. 1 month before my trip, I found out that he added as a friend this girl on his Facebook who had an account on an app and would wear sexy revealing clothes, act sexy and tease a bit- like Only Fans but not really. She was not naked. Her audience were pretty much thirsty men. I questioned him about it and told him that I was not comfortable with that, given what she does, and did not want to come see him (did I overreact?). We talked about it and at that time he told me that he does know her, he has never spoken to her or seen her in his life and does not know how she ended up on his Facebook. We worked it out and things were okay.
We finally met and it was great! I ended up spending the whole trip at his place and met his family (I had booked a hotel for 3 days and initially planned on staying there just to see how James and I got on but I ended up not staying there). We decided to make it official.
During my stay, his ex, Jennifer, called him quite a lot. She was aware of who I was and that I was visiting him. Also, a random number kept calling him and would also text him, telling him stuff like oh you have replaced me with another woman. Although I felt like his ex, Jennifer, was a bit too present, I invited them both to dinner and paid. One time she even called him crying because she was moving out of her place and it would be her last night in her apartment. While I was there, she asked him If he would help her move out, I told him I would help as well but then she said that they could do the moving after I was gone since he was spending time with me.
I decided to go back to visit him a second time 3 months later and that is when things started to change. One day, we were walking and he saw Donna but she did not see him. He immediately texted her telling her that he saw her. I got an uneasy feeling, I do not know how to describe it. When we got to his place, I saw at the top of a shelf a woman body spray, I asked him where he got it from, deep down I knew the answer, he said it belonged to Donna. He got it from her because it smelled nice and used it to spray his room to make it smell nice. We got into an argument and he called me by her name telling me that I was basically acting crazy, just like her. We made up and he explained that he called me by her name because we were just talking about her, but I had a gut feeling that there was more.
When James and Donna ended things, they remained friends, would text each other here and there, according to him, but nothing more. I was a bit uncomfortable with their friendship because of their history but also because of my insecurities, not going to lie.
That night I decided to go through his phone. I found messages between them. He told me that he was not meeting up with her but they did, they would sometimes eat lunch when he was in town, he would tell her oh I saw you when I passed by your work but you were hiding from me, or he would ask her what she was doing and she would say she was having a ladies night with her friends and he said he would come join her and she told him no it is only ladies (when asked him about him, he said he was only joking he was not gonna join her, he was just teasing her), one time, he texted her at 1AM asking her what she was doing and if she wanted to come chill with him and just have a smoke, she said no. He would often offer to do things with her and not the contrary. In one of the messages, he was telling her how he knew she missed his private part or something like that, he referred to his private part, and on one occasion he reminded her of the time they had s*x in the bushes in front of his house and she told him to not remind her of that (in a joking way) and he said never haha.... Those messages date back to when I got back from my first trip and I had already bought my second ticket.
I also found screenshots of that girl (her ass) he had added on Facebook, screenshot of a naked webcam girl, naked pictures of his ex, Jennifer, and a conversation of him and another person on an anonymous chat, where he had sent her a picture of his private part. I looked at the dates and all of them, pictures and screenshots, were taken while we were not officially together but when we said that we would only be focusing on each other. I was hurt. He said that he has deleted the pictures and screenshots and was not even aware that they were still on his phone (I found them on Google drive).
I understand that going through his phone was wrong but I did worse, not my proudest moment, I decided to text Donna from his phone. I introduced myself, I was very polite and so was she. I basically asked her what was going on between them and she assured me that there was nothing going on, they were just friends, and that it is me that he wanted since he basically picked me over her. She was nice and even offered to meet me up in person to talk about it. I thanked her for answering my questions and left it at that. The next day, I texted her again because I had one more question. When she found out that James and I were official it really affected her, she was hurt and she did not appreciate that he ignored her while I was there the first time because it is not what friends do, she also told him that even though I had met him before her she spent more time with him or something like that, but all it took is one week for him to decide to make me his girlfriend. She told him that she felt like he only used her and only wanted to be with her because he was waiting for me.
I learned that they slept together 3 weeks before my first trip and even got closer to each other but decided that it was not a good idea. I understand that at that time I had not met James in person but the fact that we both said that we were gonna wait to meet each other before trying with anyone else and the fact that I was emotionally invested in this made this whole thing bad.
We both agreed to not see other people, but he did and I did not, so I felt like he robbed me of an opportunity of meeting someone in my country and made me waste my time and money since he was not serious. He said that he did not meant to get close to her and knowing his luck, he was not sure I was really gonna come (when I changed my flight ticket I sent him a picture of the ticket and hotel reservation). I mentioned to him that I was scared of meeting and that knowing myself I would go to the airport but would end up changing my mind. Me saying that gave him the impression that I was not really gonna come to visit him. I was really scared that he was not gonna like me. He also said that he thought that I was seeing other people because I was sometimes sketchy. He said that he would never do what he did while we are together because 1) we have met and are official 2) he loves me and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. He was always the one who got cheated on.
When he woke up, well I woke him up since I was leaving, I was ready to go back home. I confronted him and he said he did not do anything wrong. I packed my stuff and left for the train station. He met me at the train station and convinced me to stay. I would like to add that a couple of days before that day we had an argument, I cannot remember about what, but he was sick the night I arrived, we found out that he had COVID, his dad and I did a COVID test and I told him that if I do not have COVID I would go to another country to visit ( I had already planned on visiting that country during my trip and we talked about it) and come back because I did not want to risk catching COVID. I think we argued because he felt like I was being selfish and did not take into consideration his feelings. The arguments got pretty intense and I started packing my bags to leave his house and just go back home. We made up and I went to the other country for 3 days. His dad and I tested negative for COVID.
I agree that it was selfish to want to leave him like that while he was sick. I accept that it was immature to want to leave whenever we had arguments. I know that I have some issues that I need to work on.
After I found out about the texts and pictures and confronted him about them we talked. I told him that I wanted to end things with him because I did not think that I would be able to trust him once I got back home, and I would always be wondering if he was with someone else. We talked some more, I decided that I was gonna stay in a hotel because I did not want to face his family since I had told them that I was going back home since things with James were not working. I could not find a room so I went back to his place. The rest of the trip went well, i met more members of his family and decided to extend my trip of 3 more days since we got into so many arguments. Also, I told him that I felt like his ex, Donna, was not over him and because of that their friendship made me uncomfortable.
When I went back home, I was okay for the first 2 weeks but then started to not feel good, I did not trust him, I was in another country, I felt like he wanted to be with Donna. We talked about it he said he understood, that it was normal and it would take time for us to be okay again but we would be alright. Weeks passed and I was not doing okay, I told him I could not do it anymore and wanted things to stop. The breakup lasted 2 days (keep in mind that we are both in our 30s but sometimes react like teenagers. I am aware that I acted in an immature way on more than one occasion).
He informed me that when we broke up he reached out to Donna because he needed someone to talk to and she helped him since we got back together. I was hurt and I must admit I was insecure about their connection, I always felt like he was not over her and she was not over him.
Although we got back together I still did not feel good, I was not convinced that he was faithful to me, so I decided to do another dumb thing, I texted him from a fake number from his country (there is an app where you can get a foreign number and sent/receive messages). I basically pretended to be someone else, I was basically testing him. He did not do or say anything wrong. He just kept asking who I was. That same night, he told me about it and said that he did not know who it was but thought it was Donna. He asked her about it and she obviously said it was not her, but he said that he thought she was lying because the things that I was saying only she would know about it, he never thought it was me. He did ask me if it was me or maybe my sister but I acted like I did not know anything. He said that from that day he lost trust in her. She is someone he greatly appreciates.
She wanted to remain friends and so did he but he realised that it was toxic and because it could affect our relationship he said that he would once again cut contact with her. She told him that she was over him since she was seeing someone else, and kept repeating that they could still be friends since she was over him, he said that the fact that she was repeating she was over him made him think that she was not. I thought the same.
I told him that I would make an effort and try to be okay with their friendship, but for now I would not feel comfortable with them meeting. So he said that he would not text her but will answer her when she texted. They stopped talking and one night she texted him asking him to come pick her up, he went and while they were driving she touched his knee, and private part. She asked him to hold her hands since friends can hold hands, he did. When they were outside the car, she leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips, he said that as soon as she did that he backed away. It was during that night that she found out that James and I got back together.
She was really upset because she had no idea we were back together, she thought that he was still single and that is why she allowed herself to do what she did. She said that she just wanted to test him and see if they were still something going on between the two or if she was over him. According to her, the fact that nothing happened that night proved that she was over him. I do not understand that. James asked her if he had offered her to go back to his place to sleep together would she had done it, she said yes. So he told her that she was not over him or something like that. They got into an argument, he felt bad for hurting her and he cried. He told me about it and I was once again crushed, because he was depressed about the whole situation, he was crying and trying for a full day to reach out to her to resolve things so that they could leave things cordially. He wanted me to support him while he was supporting her and making sure she was alright.
They ended talking but things were not resolved. I asked him what he wanted from me and her? He kept asking me what I wanted, I wanted him to tell me exactly what he wanted and not to make a decision because he thought he would make me happy. He mentioned that he wanted to keep her as a friend and have me as a girlfriend. I told him that it was not fair of me to ask him to cut people he cares about out of his life but I would also have to make the best decision for me which was ending things with him because I was not comfortable. He said that he did not want to lose me so he was cutting her out. I asked him if he had romantic feelings for her, he said no, I asked what does he feel for her, he said he loves her like he loves his friends and family and he cares about her.
Obviously, things were not like before, so I decided to visit him a third time so that we could work things out. I was gonna stay a few days with him, then leave to visit my family in another country and come back to stay with him for 1 month and half or a month because we were planning on me moving to his country. So we wanted to first see how we would get along for that long period.
When I stayed there for a few days, a woman (we will call her Annie) who works for his family called him at 2 in the morning. I saw her name and I asked him to pick it up, at first he did not want to because we were sleeping, I insisted and asked him to answer or I would. He answered, she sounded drunk she asked him to come pick him up, he told her that we were sleeping. I was so upset, because I was already having doubts about their relationship because since he stopped talking to Donna he was spending more time with Annie and her kids. This was new since he never hung out with her or the kids. He said that he was hanging out with them so that he would have something to do and get out of the house. Anyway, after he told her that we were sleeping, he hung up and she texted him "really" or "wow", I cannot remember which. She called again, then called again an hour later. I was upset, we argued and I told him that we should just go pick her up. He said no. I asked him if anything happened between the two, he said no. I asked him if he ever went to pick her up late at night, he said no and that it was the first time that she had called him that late and she never asked him to come pick her up in the past. We argued some more and made up. The next day she apologised and said she could not remember what happened and could not remember how she got home. She told him to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. Later on, he said that he thinks that someone may have put something in her drink when she was out, she said she only had one or 2 drinks. But we are now not sure about that because she did other things.
I went to visit my family in another country and came back to stay with James. While he was sleeping, he received a Facebook notification from Donna telling him "I am gonna ask you one more time to leave me the f**k alone". I was boiling, I woke him up and asked him what was that about, he said he did not know why she was messaging him, I was fuming. He said he told me he did not know why she was messaging because he had just woken up and did not know what was happening. He said she answered that because he had messaged her because after getting stung by a bee, the doctor told him he could have died (turned out he is allergic, he got tested) and he wanted to leave things cordially with her, he regretted some of the things he told her (a couple of days after he picked her up late at night, they saw each other in town and got into a screaming match in public, she told him that she was using him for s*x, he also found out that she was talking to one of his friends, she told that friend that she was afraid to leave her house because James was stalking her, he promised me that he was not. Later on he told me that she said that his friend misunderstood what she said and that the two occasions she saw him outside her place she was already aware that he was there).
I once again decided to go through his phone while he was asleep. In his family chat there were messages between him, his brother and cousin. His cousin was asking him if we were gonna come to dinner since she needed to make reservation, then his brother asked if James was going to have all his ladies at the table, his cousin (who is friends with Annie) answered that she did not want any drama at dinner, his brother answered that he wanted to see the drama then James answered maybe he should invite Donna so that we could have a Mexican standoff. I was so hurt, I felt humiliating.
I thought they would only joke like that if something had happened between Annie and James. I decided to change my flight and go back home. 10 minutes before the cab was supposed to come, I woke him up and told him that I was leaving. He got angry, I showed him what I saw on his phone and him messaging Donna was just too much for me. He tried to stop me from leaving but I managed to get in the cab and left. My flight was booked and I was due to leave the next day, I booked a room at a hotel. James kept calling me and came to the airport, we talked and I decided to stay 3 more days to try to fix things. We ended up talking and fixing things. Instead of me staying 1 month (or one and a half) like I originally planned to, I stayed a week, i think. But we were only okay for a while. When I came back home my head was a mess. I did not feel good about my relationship with James.
I decided to once again pretend to be someone else. I texted him from a foreign number and pretended to be Donna, I asked him if he really loved, why did he pick me over her, if he still had feelings for Donna, basically trying to see if he regretted being with me and to see if he still thought of her. He told "Donna" that he would tell her everything that she wanted to know if they could meet up. Then he said that he was driving to her place. I did not want that to happen so i revealed it was me. He said he knew it was me all along and was giving me a taste of my own medicine since I like to play stupid games. He was now sure it was me the first time as well. I tried to deny it but ended up admitting. He asked me why I always try to sabotage our relationship by doing stuff like that. I told him not to come visit me. He had bought a plane ticket to spend the holidays with me. We made up again, but things were no longer like before.
He came to visit me but it was bad, we tried to make the most out of it but it was not like before. The spark was no longer there, I did not trust him, he did not trust me. We argued a lot while he came to visit me. One day, I was so upset, I left the house for the whole day and went to the bar at night (I do not really drink, a couple of times a year, but I was just so overwhelmed). I got drunk, we argued more, I threw stuff and tried to hit him. The neighbor called the police. I was so so so ashamed. I felt humiliated by my behavior and everything happening.
Two weeks after he left, we decided to end things, the break up was respectful. We both admitted our wrongs and apologize to the other. I told him that I would prefer to cut contact, he said he did not mind keeping in touch but I felt like it was best for me to cut contact for a while. I ended up texting him after 4-5 days, I asked him if we hated each other he said that he did not hate me, that he cares about me. I told him so do I. We were both trying to deal with the break up. We ended up talking every day for a month, we were not back together, we were just being there for the other.
Yesterday, he was not feeling well, he was thinking about the whole situation, and just feeling miserable. I cared about him and did not want to see him like this. I tried my best to cheer him up, kept texting him the whole day while I was at work. He was saying that he kept messing things up, that he keeps ruining his friendships and relationships. He said that I no longer worry a lot about him and that he felt like I no longer wanted to talk to him. When I feel like he does not talk a lot, I do the same, I pull out and become a bit cold but always say that I am okay (obviously I have communication issues). I told him that I felt like the way we were talking to each other felt like we were keeping each other company and that we were probably over the break up (I was not but I guess I was pretending to be over).
When he mentioned that he ruined some of his friendships, I asked him if he was referring to Donna. He started saying he would never again have the connection he had with both of us, Donna and I, and how Donna and I no longer worry about him. The way he was speaking about her made me feel like what I thought we had, a special connection, was not so special because he felt the same about her. That we were at the same level. James made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to him, he said many times, and according to him, the type of connection we had, he never had it with anyone else. But at the same time, I felt like I was competing with Donna.
The way that he was speaking of her made me feel like he wanted to try again with Donna, I wanted him to admit it, so I told him I had made my peace and that maybe she was the one that got away, maybe she was not over him and that with time things could work out between him and her. Sometimes, I truly feel like I would have been okay with them dating again, but what hurt me is that I feel like he made me waste time, energy and money (I spent a lot of money to be with him, he did not help pay for my tickets, the last time that I went to visit him, I asked him to help me pay the ticket, at least half of it, he said he would sent me money before I come, then said he would give me to me when I am there, because he did not work, I ended up telling him to just forget it since I knew he did not have a lot of money).
He then told me that the first time I texted him from a foreign number I led him to believe that it was Donna (I just pretended to be a random girl but I can understand why he thought it was Donna) and because of that he stopped trusting her and the fact that I did that worsen the situation between the two and broke their friendship. He thought that she was a liar but she was not. He also said that before I pretended to be someone else, he trusted me 100% but now he no longer knew what was real or fake because of what I did. So I caused him pain and hurt for nothing.
He finally admitted that he would want a friendship with Donna again or more, and see where things could go between them. He said he was not thinking about her while we were together and he only started thinking about her again when he found out I was the one pretending to be someone else. He said that before coming to visit, he knew I was gonna do something to mess things up. I told him that in his eyes she can't do no wrong and that his feelings for her were always there, they just resurfaced and that he always had something for her even when we were together.
I feel stupid and hurt. I know some of my actions, pretending to be someone else and going through his phone, were wrong and immature. I understand that what I did would cause him to lose trust in me. Trust me, I am ashamed of it. I feel like we both manipulated the other.
What are your opinions on our relationship? Did I overreact a lot? Were my reactions to some of the situations over the top? Am I responsible for our relationship not working? Do you guys think that even during our relationship he still had feelings for her?
I do not hate Donna, I do not think she is a bad person, I just thought that she was not over him and was not comfortable with that.
I do not trust Jennifer and Annie because I feel like they only used James when they need him.
Thanks.
2023.03.29 04:15 parboiledpotatoes Grand Palladium White Sands Review
Apologies since I’ve typed this out on my phone, so the formatting may be off.
Booking: Vacation was booked through air canada vacations. Party of three- me, my wife and our 4 yo daughter. This was our second visit to Grand Palladium. The previous visit was in 2019 during which we stayed at Kantenah. This time we were at White Sands.
Immigration: Immigration took about 45 mins. There is an e-passport line for US/CAN/MX but that’s for adults only. The other general lines were crazy busy. Immigration officer only asked us our hotel and departure date and stamped our passports. (See pain points section below for more on this)
Transfer to hotel and back: Seamless process, vans were comfortable. Tipped driver $5 each way. (See pain points section below for more on this)
Check-in process: fairly quick check in process. There were only a few formalities that we had to complete. After the check-in, they did try to get us to sign up for a timeshare info session for the following day, which we politely declined. They were a bit pushy but not overtly aggressive. We didn’t face this during our previous visit; probably something they are pushing this year to offset their Covid losses.
Rooms: we had booked a suite, so the room was quite spacious, clean and neat. The room had two double beds, and a sofa-cum-bed they had prepared for our daughter. The bathroom was quite spacious and clean on the surface. Some deep cleaning might be in order given the mold along the corners/ edges. We tipped our housekeeping staff $5 per day.
Food: no complaints regarding the food. All their restaurants (see note on Thai restaurant below) have a great spread and no issues at all with quality. I’d recommend reserving the a la carte restaurants as soon as you check in since they fill up pretty soon. We tipped the food service staff between $3-$5 per visit. At some of the a la carte restaurants (such as the Brazilian churrascarias one) we tipped more since the server was required to make multiple trips.
The only downside was desserts. Compared to my 2019 visit, the quality of desserts has definitely deteriorated. The desserts felt more “sugary” this time around and it was difficult to differentiate between the base flavours of each dessert. I suspect this is a cost cutting measure post covid.
Drinks: neither my wife nor i are very adventurous when it comes to alcohol. Our preferred drink was g&t. Tipped $1 per round when we ordered from the bar ourselves and $2-$3 per round when the server brought us drinks at the pool/ beach.
Staff: hard working, diligent… couldn’t be more pleased with the staff. They bury all their personal issues and serve customers with a smile. I tried to tip them to the best of my financial ability- they’re just wonderful people.
Beach: there was A LOT of seaweed but staff worked continuously from 7 till 2/3 pm cleaning up the beach. You can only do so much against the forces of nature, and the resort staff did their best. The beach was still enjoyable, though, once it was cleaned up.
Activities: there are a host of activities held at the resort and they’re all worth it depending on your interests. The “mini clubs” (activities for kids aged 4-12) are very well organized and truly fun for the kids. Our daughter had a great time there. The girls running the mini clubs maintain their enthusiasm and energy to match that of the kids all day long, and we know how draining it can be to manage just one kid. We tipped them $10 per person per session (each session is usually an hour).
Entertainment: the evening/ night shows are all worth watching. As i mentioned in another post, the dancers/ performers employed by the resort are truly talented and skilled and the shows are very well choreographed. They perform almost every single day, week over week- which is no easy feat.
Guests: overall guests were well behaved. Some were twats but they were the exception rather than the norm. God bless the resort staff who had to put up with them.
Scope for improvement: the inter-lobby transfers could be better managed during peak times (evenings). It’s a free for all, with many people waiting for about 10 mins and people cutting in. Some scope for improvement there.
The Thai restaurant was a disappointment- the papaya salad was made with ripe papayas and overall the food lacked flavour.
Pain points:
(1) airport-hotel transfers. Depending on how far you are from the airport, the shared transfers can be a bit annoying. It’s not anyone’s fault, so I’m not dinging anyone for it- it’s just the way it is. It can take anywhere from 1.5 to 2 hours to get from the airport to your hotel given the distance and multiple stops the bus/ van might need to make along the way. Kids and adults both can get fidgety. Make sure you empty your bowels before getting on the van and have water, etc stocked up. Assume that you’ll spend about 30 mins waiting for a van/ bus to be assigned to you at the airport and another 1.5-2 hrs to get to your hotel, and then decide if a private transfer is appropriate for you.
(2) airport infrastructure: the immigration line needs to be better managed. More counters, clearly defined starting points for queues, load balancing across all counters and queues, active crowd management - these are some of the things that could potentially help. The departure area is better- there are more facilities, shops, places to eat but the wifi is spotty.
Overall, we had a great time and no major complaints. I would rate our experience 9.5/10 and look forward to trying their other properties in the coming years.
submitted by parboiledpotatoes to cancun [link] [comments]
Booking: Vacation was booked through air canada vacations. Party of three- me, my wife and our 4 yo daughter. This was our second visit to Grand Palladium. The previous visit was in 2019 during which we stayed at Kantenah. This time we were at White Sands.
Immigration: Immigration took about 45 mins. There is an e-passport line for US/CAN/MX but that’s for adults only. The other general lines were crazy busy. Immigration officer only asked us our hotel and departure date and stamped our passports. (See pain points section below for more on this)
Transfer to hotel and back: Seamless process, vans were comfortable. Tipped driver $5 each way. (See pain points section below for more on this)
Check-in process: fairly quick check in process. There were only a few formalities that we had to complete. After the check-in, they did try to get us to sign up for a timeshare info session for the following day, which we politely declined. They were a bit pushy but not overtly aggressive. We didn’t face this during our previous visit; probably something they are pushing this year to offset their Covid losses.
Rooms: we had booked a suite, so the room was quite spacious, clean and neat. The room had two double beds, and a sofa-cum-bed they had prepared for our daughter. The bathroom was quite spacious and clean on the surface. Some deep cleaning might be in order given the mold along the corners/ edges. We tipped our housekeeping staff $5 per day.
Food: no complaints regarding the food. All their restaurants (see note on Thai restaurant below) have a great spread and no issues at all with quality. I’d recommend reserving the a la carte restaurants as soon as you check in since they fill up pretty soon. We tipped the food service staff between $3-$5 per visit. At some of the a la carte restaurants (such as the Brazilian churrascarias one) we tipped more since the server was required to make multiple trips.
The only downside was desserts. Compared to my 2019 visit, the quality of desserts has definitely deteriorated. The desserts felt more “sugary” this time around and it was difficult to differentiate between the base flavours of each dessert. I suspect this is a cost cutting measure post covid.
Drinks: neither my wife nor i are very adventurous when it comes to alcohol. Our preferred drink was g&t. Tipped $1 per round when we ordered from the bar ourselves and $2-$3 per round when the server brought us drinks at the pool/ beach.
Staff: hard working, diligent… couldn’t be more pleased with the staff. They bury all their personal issues and serve customers with a smile. I tried to tip them to the best of my financial ability- they’re just wonderful people.
Beach: there was A LOT of seaweed but staff worked continuously from 7 till 2/3 pm cleaning up the beach. You can only do so much against the forces of nature, and the resort staff did their best. The beach was still enjoyable, though, once it was cleaned up.
Activities: there are a host of activities held at the resort and they’re all worth it depending on your interests. The “mini clubs” (activities for kids aged 4-12) are very well organized and truly fun for the kids. Our daughter had a great time there. The girls running the mini clubs maintain their enthusiasm and energy to match that of the kids all day long, and we know how draining it can be to manage just one kid. We tipped them $10 per person per session (each session is usually an hour).
Entertainment: the evening/ night shows are all worth watching. As i mentioned in another post, the dancers/ performers employed by the resort are truly talented and skilled and the shows are very well choreographed. They perform almost every single day, week over week- which is no easy feat.
Guests: overall guests were well behaved. Some were twats but they were the exception rather than the norm. God bless the resort staff who had to put up with them.
Scope for improvement: the inter-lobby transfers could be better managed during peak times (evenings). It’s a free for all, with many people waiting for about 10 mins and people cutting in. Some scope for improvement there.
The Thai restaurant was a disappointment- the papaya salad was made with ripe papayas and overall the food lacked flavour.
Pain points:
(1) airport-hotel transfers. Depending on how far you are from the airport, the shared transfers can be a bit annoying. It’s not anyone’s fault, so I’m not dinging anyone for it- it’s just the way it is. It can take anywhere from 1.5 to 2 hours to get from the airport to your hotel given the distance and multiple stops the bus/ van might need to make along the way. Kids and adults both can get fidgety. Make sure you empty your bowels before getting on the van and have water, etc stocked up. Assume that you’ll spend about 30 mins waiting for a van/ bus to be assigned to you at the airport and another 1.5-2 hrs to get to your hotel, and then decide if a private transfer is appropriate for you.
(2) airport infrastructure: the immigration line needs to be better managed. More counters, clearly defined starting points for queues, load balancing across all counters and queues, active crowd management - these are some of the things that could potentially help. The departure area is better- there are more facilities, shops, places to eat but the wifi is spotty.
Overall, we had a great time and no major complaints. I would rate our experience 9.5/10 and look forward to trying their other properties in the coming years.
2023.03.29 04:09 NotPraisedNotABother Hope is a Heart-Killer
This story contains existential material some readers may find distressing. Please be advised.
—
Nine o'clock on the dot on a Sunday morning, James Newton put on his suit and tie—tweed and checkered yellow, the ones he wore to his parents' funeral—and spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror psyching himself up. "Come on, James," he urged his reflection. "A miracle, that's what you need. Gimme a miracle, somethin' that'll make this whole thing go away!"
He told himself that, and he got excited for the good news he would surely receive, and he got ready to go out the door. Three times he did this, and right as his hand touched the knob, he suddenly found he had to go back for another go at it.
Eventually, though, there was only so much psyching up he could muster. He finally left his apartment, walked down many flights of stairs, and got on his way walking down the street to his appointment.
It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear of any clouds or smog, a rare thing indeed, and the sun was merrily shining. Birds chirped, though their song was somewhat obscured by the roar of passing aeromobiles as they zipped by in the skyways. Below, where roads were needed no longer, the people were out and about on the promenade in their Sunday best, going about their business and having a grand old time.
James fit right in, a smile plastered on his face and a nod for everyone he passed. He swung his arms easily and let his gait fall into a comfortable strut, and no one would suspect a thing was wrong; no sir, no one at all.
James' path took him right into the heart of the city, where buildings rose to two and even three stories tall, brick-built all of them, with a marble state building here and a library there, and the sky was filled with aeromobiles. Trees grew in their little holes in the center of the promenades, and small gardens and parks littered the places where parking lots used to be. A flock of pigeons pecked at the ground around the garbage bin for people's leftovers. James scattered some crumbs from his pocket that he'd prepared just for them. "Good will to all the world!" he said heartily to the flying rats. "Good will, or who knows what might happen? Ha ha!"
His destination was a private practice in the middle of a lot park, fenced in with a tree in each corner, ferns and vines imported from somewhere stretching from leafy branch to leafy branch. The building itself was brick, of course (God's chosen building material, that), and space enough for only one corridor and three rooms—a waiting room, the good doctor's office, and the operating room. Humility was all anyone needed these days, and by God the owner of this establishment was practically drowning in it.
James pushed through the glass door into the waiting room with gusto. "Morning, Caroline!" he greeted the secretary by her desk. "I'm here for my appointment!"
She smiled up at him. Caroline was a sweetheart to be sure. "Hello Mister Newton," she told him. "The doctor's in if you want to get to it. You know he doesn't have anyone else to see."
"That I do, miss, that I do." James unbuttoned his suit and went to hang it on the coatrack in the corner. "Don't mind if I leave my jacket here, do you, Miss Caroline?"
"Please do!"
"Thaaank you kindly." James cleared his throat. "I'll just be on my way back then!" He stepped back into the corridor and strode to the good doctor's office with a whistlin' tune and readjusting his tie. Good thoughts, James, he reminded himself. Good thoughts and good will only, and you're sure to get good news in return!
—
"I'm terribly sorry, Mister Newton." The good doctor's voice was tinny and cool as his steel exterior. "Your diagnosis has not changed. I predict you have six months to live, possibly less."
James couldn't look at him. He couldn't look anywhere 'cept the linoleum beneath his best brown dress shoes. The ones he wore to his parents' funeral.
He didn't know if he could speak. He tried anyway. "I thought—" He swallowed the frog in his throat. "I thought I was gettin' better."
The good doctor leaned forward across his desk, his metal hands folded in front of him. "Mister Newton, I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that your chances were good, even probable. The truth is that very few people with your diagnosis live long after symptoms begin to appear, and you are well on your way to showing symptoms. I believe you were told—"
"I remember," James said hoarsely. He chanced a look at the wall to his left, then had to look away again. It had a poster of a cat hanging to a branch that said, Hang in there! in a speech bubble. It didn't make him feel better.
He tried looking at the good doctor instead. That was a mistake as well; James couldn't help it, and he knew it weren't fair, but something about the doctor's unmoving expression and cold lamplit eyes gave him the chills something awful.
He looked back down at his shoes. "What can I— what can I expect?" His voice wobbled. "Is it gonna hurt? When the symptoms start showing up?"
"Oh, I imagine so," the good doctor replied. He stood and went to pull a projector screen from its holster in the ceiling, as wide as man's wingspan. The doctor touched something at the top, and graphs and timelines filled the screen. It was one of those special screens; the ones that didn't need light shining on them to show pictures.
"See here," the doctor said, pointing to one of the graphs. "Around this time, about a week from now I'd say if my projections hold, your throat will begin to constrict and lose some of its elasticity, making it harder to breath and swallow food and drink. It will only take a week more before you're completely unable to do either. I suggest seeking hospice before then, the medical professionals should be more than capable of providing equipment that can ease the burden on your body to perform these functions. During this time, however, you'll have these symptoms to start looking out for as well…"
The good doctor's voice blurred and became background noise. James clenched his hands tighter and tighter together between his knees as the robot droned on and on about the terrible, painful things he would endure before he finally died.
Good things, James, he thought to himself desperately. Good will and good news will come to you eventually. Good will and good news will…
But the good doctor just kept droning on.
—
The drink plunked down on the bar before him. "There you are, chum, your fifth Molly's Got It All of the night! You sure are looking to forget something fierce, aren't ya?"
James pushed up his head and looked at the robot serving drinks at an awkward angle. The bartender's voice was just as unnatural as the good doctor's; only, where the doctor was cool and neutral even with a scalpel in hand and a terminal diagnosis in his processor, the bartender was painfully, infinitely cheerful.
He took his drink and swallowed half of it. "Thanks barkeep," James slurred. "Y' really know how to take care of a guy." He sluggishly raised his glass in celebration, but the bartender had already moved on to the next customer, that tinny, unnatural cheer stabbing James' ears.
He shook his head and scoffed into his glass before he took another drink. Good news and good news and good news.
"Bartender's right," a voice to his left said. A human voice, teasing. "You really are lookin' to forget."
James listed that way and looked at the person up and down. The lady was dressed in oversized overalls, big black construction boots and a button-up beneath it all, flatcap pushing her unruly curls into submission. Construction worker chic. She had a smile on her face just shy of a smirk.
James looked for a moment more before grunting and turning back to his drink. "I got my diagnosis back today," he said, not caring who heard. "I'm on my way south."
"Aw, shoot," the woman said sympathetically. "Well that's too bad, I'm sorry to hear it."
"Yeah." James polished off the last half of his drink and raised his hand to get the bartender's attention. "Same thing that killed my daddy." And my mama, he added in his head, but she din't have the same disease. Naw, it was his daddy dying from it that killed her. She couldn't live without him.
"Nothing the doc can do?" the woman asked gently as the bartender came over.
"Naw." James ordered another Molly's Got It All. Dangerous, he knew, but he was already going to die, so he might as well splurge. No one to take care of at home, no one to take care of him, so he din't have to care.
"You be sure to drink some water now, friend," the barkeep said even as he made a new drink and set it before James. "You're deep in your cups now."
"Yeah, yeah." James waved the bartender away and sipped from his sixth Molly before realizing the woman was still looking at him. "What?" The question came out ruder than he meant.
Her eyes sparkled in the low-key bar light. "I find you interesting." Her smirk stretched into a smile of the same kind.
James flushed. He liked her attention, but… "Sorry," he said, looking into his cup. "I don't think you want to get mixed up with me. Dying and all."
"Oh, who said anything about anything?" the woman dismissed. She scooted her stool closer to James' and leaned her chin on her hands, looking at him with that smile of hers. "Annabelle," she introduced herself, "if you'd like to know. And if you'd want to return the favor…" she trailed off expectantly.
James flushed deeper and found himself smiling back. "Jem—" He cleared his throat and tried to focus his drunken brain. "I'm James." He thrust his hand towards her for a handshake without thinking about it and felt stupid.
Annabelle looked at his hand with raised eyebrows, then took his hand in hers and shook it. "It's very nice to meet you, Mister James," she said in a serious tone. It was the twinkle in her eyes what betrayed her. "Now why don't you tell me what's going on?"
—
They talked for hours after that. Well, James talked, mostly, but whenever he tried to direct a question at Annabelle she returned the prompt to him, asking a deeper, more thoughtful question than a heavily inebriated man could come up with, so of course he went along with her. They talked so late nearly everyone else had gone, but there were no closing hours courtesy of the barkeep, so there was no rush. James couldn't get anymore Mollys after a time, though, owing to the alcohol limit law programmed in the bartender's processor and all.
But he didn't care. He was enthralled with Annabelle and her thoughtful questions and her genuine interest in him. At least, she seemed genuine, but James was too drunk to tell. All he knew was that it felt nice to have someone to talk to, finally.
And he did talk a lot. He told Annabelle things he hadn't told anybody, alcohol loosening his lips. He talked about his mama and his daddy, his childhood home out in the boonies where they didn't have no aeromobiles or robot doctors, his friends growing up and the games they used to play. He talked about school, and neighbors, and hopes and dreams, and sorrows, too.
He told her about his parents' deaths. That wasn't the first or last time he'd cried that night. He told her about his daddy's affliction, the thing what put him in the grave, and the thing that would put him there too. "It was so hard, watchin' him those last few days," James said, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "He couldn't get out of bed, with all those tubes in him and what not, and he couldn't talk, obviously, and Mama couldn't stand it either even if she didn't say so, but the doctors said, they always said, 'It's our oath to help people, ma'am, if there's even a percent of a chance we can save them.'" He shook his head. "My mama used to say to that, she used to say," he gave a snort of amusement, "'doctors: they're gonna help you, even if it kills you.'"
Annabelle smiled at that and rubbed his back. She'd gotten real close to him over the night's conversation. So close James could feel her there even when he wasn't lookin'. It made him flush and blush and gave him the butterflies, the amount of attention she was giving him. Thoughts of his impending demise were banished by her wonderful smile.
He didn't want her to go away. He didn't want to think about death again. "Hey," he said hesitantly, wondering if his request was appropriate. "D'you think… well, do you think we could—"
Annabelle smiled wider and put a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. "Honey, I was thinking the exact same thing." She patted his hand. "Just let me freshen up in the ladies' room and we can get going, yeah?"
James' heart leapt into heaven. He agreed enthusiastically, and Annabelle slipped off her stool and went into the back to the ladies' restroom, leaving James by himself positively brimming with joy.
Ten minutes went by. Then fifteen. Then twenty.
James started to get anxious. He wanted to go and check on her, but, well, was that too much? The bartender asked him if he wanted to pay his bill, but James distractedly said he'd pay while he was heading out with Annabelle.
Thirty minutes passed. Forty.
"Y'know," he said aloud, mostly to himself as he got up from his seat, "I think I will check on her, y'know, in case something happened to her." He wouldn't go in, obviously, but he could always knock, right? So James went to the back of the bar and knocked on the door to the ladies' room. "Annabelle? You okay in there?"
There was no answer.
James' fear peaked. "Barkeep," he called, "can you check the ladies' room with your sensors? I think my friend might be hurt."
The metal man behind the bar looked up from the glass he was polishing. "I'm sorry, mate, I didn't want to say anything according to how much I saw you enjoying her company, but I'm pretty sure your lady friend up and booked it from my establishment almost an hour ago. My scanners are only picking up one body signature, and that's yours." Analytical words, all spoken with the stupid cheer of an empty-headed tin man.
Fear became disappointment. "You sure?" James asked, hoping against hope.
"Scanners don't lie!" the bartender replied.
Peachy. Just excellent. Good news and good news, James thought bitterly. Crestfallen, he slumped back to the bar and sighed, "Guess I'll pay my bill, then."
"Right-o!" The bartender whipped over to the cash register and waited for James to sullenly follow him there.
He reached into his suit pocket. Then his other one.
Where was his wallet?
"Something the matter?" the bartender pipped.
James couldn't handle the robot's overly happy voice right now. "Yes, just—give me a moment," he nearly growled, reaching inside his suit jacket to the pocket there.
Nothing. He patted his pants and the back of his pants. Nothing. James crouched low to look at the ground beneath his stool and nothing. "I—" He didn't know what to say. He'd had his wallet walking in. Had to; needed his worker card to get served. Where could it have—
By now the alcohol had worn off enough that James could mostly use his brain. He put two and two together and realized what had happened. "I'm sorry, but I think my wallet was stolen," he told the bartender, stricken. He hadn't noticed; but of course he hadn't noticed. He'd been drunk. Very drunk. And Annabelle had known that, if that was even her real name.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that!" Again, the unnatural cheer, especially considering his next words. "And I'm sorry to say that if you can't pay, I'll have to be calling the sheriffs!"
"What?" James stared at the bartender. "I can't just open a tab and pay it off later?"
"Sorry, no can do!" The robot was already moving towards the rotary phone on his side of the bar. "My processor isn't powerful enough to retain information longer or more complicated than my regulars' names and the laws I was programmed with, and I'm afraid I wasn't programmed to read or write! If you want to blame anyone, blame the Howie Blayton Manufacturing Company!"
Good news and good news and good news. James felt a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. Stranded in the local detainment center while his body collapsed in on itself? No way!
"Hey there officer!" the bartender said brightly into the transmitter. "I'd like to report a miscreant here at—hey, where are you going?"
The door was already closing behind James as he fled into the night.
—
He ran until he was sweating through his nice tweed suit and breathing so heavy he wheezed. He hadn't made it as far as he would have just weeks ago. It felt like his throat was caving in.
James looked around. He was standing on a little bridge that spanned a creek to a forest path, an overgrown jungle of a place. The grass was so long it hung from the lip of the creek bed to the still water below.
He was still in the heart of the city, but the roar of aeromobile traffic was far away. He must be at the edge of one of the city's massive replanting projects.
He sat down heavily on the bridge, letting his legs dangle. Good news, his mama always said. Good thoughts and good will, and good news will come to you. She said that while daddy was sick in bed and she sat by his side. She never left his side, really. James had had to work double shift at his delivery job just to keep things afloat, there.
And now he was soon to be right where his daddy was, and no one like his mama would be there for him.
James thought he had cried all he could cry that night, but tears began to form in his eyes and spill down his cheeks nonetheless. He put his face in his hands and let the sobs wrack his aching throat once again.
As he cried, a secret memory unearthed itself in James' mind. It was a memory from long ago, back when his daddy was dying, on one of the rare moments his mama left to go to her job and take care of things on her own instead of relying on James. James, like his mama, barely left his daddy's side when he could manage it.
And on that day, while his mama was far away, James watched as his daddy suddenly began to thrash and writhe, flinging the tubes in his mouth and his stomach and his private parts every which way, his eyes rolled back in his head. Little ten-year-old James didn't know whether his daddy was awake or half-comatose, but he knew he was scared, and he couldn't be scared. Scared weren't a good thought, and James needed to think good thoughts.
So he tried to calm his daddy by telling him how brave he was, how everything was gonna be alright and mama would be home any minute—but his father couldn't hear him.
"Shauna!" his daddy shouted, voice obscured by the tube jammed down his throat. "James! I can't see, Goddammit—Shauna! Shauna, where are you?!"
James was terrified. He reached to grab his daddy's hand before remembering that he couldn't touch him 'cause it would hurt him. "Daddy," James cried. "Daddy, it's alright, I'm here!"
"Shauna! Shauna!" Tears were rolling down Daddy's cheeks, his unseeing eyes staring terrified at the ceiling. "Shauna!" he sobbed. "Shauna, I'm scared! I'm scared!"
"No!" James shouted over his daddy. "No, you can't say that, daddy, good thoughts! Only good thoughts, you gotta—"
His father's thrashing grew more violent as he continued to be unable to hear his son. One of the tubes lashed James across the face, and he fell to the ground screaming. On the floor, James could only see the writhing blankets and the occasional flash of a hand, all while his daddy sobbed and screamed like a child having a nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
Mama came home to find James sobbing on the floor and her husband dead under the covers.
A secret memory, and a secret fear. James remembered the terror on his daddy's face as he died. He remembered his father's blindness, his father's deafness, all caused by his disease. He remembered his father, unable to be touched, machines surrounding him, nothing anyone could do for him.
James remembered his daddy crying for his wife, unable to tell that his son was right next to him. Even with someone there, his daddy had died alone.
Alone. And there was nothing anyone could do.
James clutched at his hair and breathed through gritted teeth. He didn't want to die alone. He moaned in fear, his teeth chattered, he rocked himself back and forth on the edge of that little bridge. He didn't want to die alone.
But he would. Even if he wasn't, he would die alone, and all the good intentions and good thoughts in the world wouldn't save him. Everyone dies alone. No one can share in your last moments, even if they're right next to you. No one will know, even if they care so much for you they'd die without you. You're trapped in your head until the bitterest end.
James wailed and beat at his legs with his fists and screamed at the unfairness. He didn't want to die alone!
"I don't want to die alone!" he shouted into the night. The night did not respond.
He continued to sob and scream and wail, all alone.
submitted by NotPraisedNotABother to HFY [link] [comments]
This story contains existential material some readers may find distressing. Please be advised.
—
Nine o'clock on the dot on a Sunday morning, James Newton put on his suit and tie—tweed and checkered yellow, the ones he wore to his parents' funeral—and spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror psyching himself up. "Come on, James," he urged his reflection. "A miracle, that's what you need. Gimme a miracle, somethin' that'll make this whole thing go away!"
He told himself that, and he got excited for the good news he would surely receive, and he got ready to go out the door. Three times he did this, and right as his hand touched the knob, he suddenly found he had to go back for another go at it.
Eventually, though, there was only so much psyching up he could muster. He finally left his apartment, walked down many flights of stairs, and got on his way walking down the street to his appointment.
It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear of any clouds or smog, a rare thing indeed, and the sun was merrily shining. Birds chirped, though their song was somewhat obscured by the roar of passing aeromobiles as they zipped by in the skyways. Below, where roads were needed no longer, the people were out and about on the promenade in their Sunday best, going about their business and having a grand old time.
James fit right in, a smile plastered on his face and a nod for everyone he passed. He swung his arms easily and let his gait fall into a comfortable strut, and no one would suspect a thing was wrong; no sir, no one at all.
James' path took him right into the heart of the city, where buildings rose to two and even three stories tall, brick-built all of them, with a marble state building here and a library there, and the sky was filled with aeromobiles. Trees grew in their little holes in the center of the promenades, and small gardens and parks littered the places where parking lots used to be. A flock of pigeons pecked at the ground around the garbage bin for people's leftovers. James scattered some crumbs from his pocket that he'd prepared just for them. "Good will to all the world!" he said heartily to the flying rats. "Good will, or who knows what might happen? Ha ha!"
His destination was a private practice in the middle of a lot park, fenced in with a tree in each corner, ferns and vines imported from somewhere stretching from leafy branch to leafy branch. The building itself was brick, of course (God's chosen building material, that), and space enough for only one corridor and three rooms—a waiting room, the good doctor's office, and the operating room. Humility was all anyone needed these days, and by God the owner of this establishment was practically drowning in it.
James pushed through the glass door into the waiting room with gusto. "Morning, Caroline!" he greeted the secretary by her desk. "I'm here for my appointment!"
She smiled up at him. Caroline was a sweetheart to be sure. "Hello Mister Newton," she told him. "The doctor's in if you want to get to it. You know he doesn't have anyone else to see."
"That I do, miss, that I do." James unbuttoned his suit and went to hang it on the coatrack in the corner. "Don't mind if I leave my jacket here, do you, Miss Caroline?"
"Please do!"
"Thaaank you kindly." James cleared his throat. "I'll just be on my way back then!" He stepped back into the corridor and strode to the good doctor's office with a whistlin' tune and readjusting his tie. Good thoughts, James, he reminded himself. Good thoughts and good will only, and you're sure to get good news in return!
—
"I'm terribly sorry, Mister Newton." The good doctor's voice was tinny and cool as his steel exterior. "Your diagnosis has not changed. I predict you have six months to live, possibly less."
James couldn't look at him. He couldn't look anywhere 'cept the linoleum beneath his best brown dress shoes. The ones he wore to his parents' funeral.
He didn't know if he could speak. He tried anyway. "I thought—" He swallowed the frog in his throat. "I thought I was gettin' better."
The good doctor leaned forward across his desk, his metal hands folded in front of him. "Mister Newton, I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that your chances were good, even probable. The truth is that very few people with your diagnosis live long after symptoms begin to appear, and you are well on your way to showing symptoms. I believe you were told—"
"I remember," James said hoarsely. He chanced a look at the wall to his left, then had to look away again. It had a poster of a cat hanging to a branch that said, Hang in there! in a speech bubble. It didn't make him feel better.
He tried looking at the good doctor instead. That was a mistake as well; James couldn't help it, and he knew it weren't fair, but something about the doctor's unmoving expression and cold lamplit eyes gave him the chills something awful.
He looked back down at his shoes. "What can I— what can I expect?" His voice wobbled. "Is it gonna hurt? When the symptoms start showing up?"
"Oh, I imagine so," the good doctor replied. He stood and went to pull a projector screen from its holster in the ceiling, as wide as man's wingspan. The doctor touched something at the top, and graphs and timelines filled the screen. It was one of those special screens; the ones that didn't need light shining on them to show pictures.
"See here," the doctor said, pointing to one of the graphs. "Around this time, about a week from now I'd say if my projections hold, your throat will begin to constrict and lose some of its elasticity, making it harder to breath and swallow food and drink. It will only take a week more before you're completely unable to do either. I suggest seeking hospice before then, the medical professionals should be more than capable of providing equipment that can ease the burden on your body to perform these functions. During this time, however, you'll have these symptoms to start looking out for as well…"
The good doctor's voice blurred and became background noise. James clenched his hands tighter and tighter together between his knees as the robot droned on and on about the terrible, painful things he would endure before he finally died.
Good things, James, he thought to himself desperately. Good will and good news will come to you eventually. Good will and good news will…
But the good doctor just kept droning on.
—
The drink plunked down on the bar before him. "There you are, chum, your fifth Molly's Got It All of the night! You sure are looking to forget something fierce, aren't ya?"
James pushed up his head and looked at the robot serving drinks at an awkward angle. The bartender's voice was just as unnatural as the good doctor's; only, where the doctor was cool and neutral even with a scalpel in hand and a terminal diagnosis in his processor, the bartender was painfully, infinitely cheerful.
He took his drink and swallowed half of it. "Thanks barkeep," James slurred. "Y' really know how to take care of a guy." He sluggishly raised his glass in celebration, but the bartender had already moved on to the next customer, that tinny, unnatural cheer stabbing James' ears.
He shook his head and scoffed into his glass before he took another drink. Good news and good news and good news.
"Bartender's right," a voice to his left said. A human voice, teasing. "You really are lookin' to forget."
James listed that way and looked at the person up and down. The lady was dressed in oversized overalls, big black construction boots and a button-up beneath it all, flatcap pushing her unruly curls into submission. Construction worker chic. She had a smile on her face just shy of a smirk.
James looked for a moment more before grunting and turning back to his drink. "I got my diagnosis back today," he said, not caring who heard. "I'm on my way south."
"Aw, shoot," the woman said sympathetically. "Well that's too bad, I'm sorry to hear it."
"Yeah." James polished off the last half of his drink and raised his hand to get the bartender's attention. "Same thing that killed my daddy." And my mama, he added in his head, but she din't have the same disease. Naw, it was his daddy dying from it that killed her. She couldn't live without him.
"Nothing the doc can do?" the woman asked gently as the bartender came over.
"Naw." James ordered another Molly's Got It All. Dangerous, he knew, but he was already going to die, so he might as well splurge. No one to take care of at home, no one to take care of him, so he din't have to care.
"You be sure to drink some water now, friend," the barkeep said even as he made a new drink and set it before James. "You're deep in your cups now."
"Yeah, yeah." James waved the bartender away and sipped from his sixth Molly before realizing the woman was still looking at him. "What?" The question came out ruder than he meant.
Her eyes sparkled in the low-key bar light. "I find you interesting." Her smirk stretched into a smile of the same kind.
James flushed. He liked her attention, but… "Sorry," he said, looking into his cup. "I don't think you want to get mixed up with me. Dying and all."
"Oh, who said anything about anything?" the woman dismissed. She scooted her stool closer to James' and leaned her chin on her hands, looking at him with that smile of hers. "Annabelle," she introduced herself, "if you'd like to know. And if you'd want to return the favor…" she trailed off expectantly.
James flushed deeper and found himself smiling back. "Jem—" He cleared his throat and tried to focus his drunken brain. "I'm James." He thrust his hand towards her for a handshake without thinking about it and felt stupid.
Annabelle looked at his hand with raised eyebrows, then took his hand in hers and shook it. "It's very nice to meet you, Mister James," she said in a serious tone. It was the twinkle in her eyes what betrayed her. "Now why don't you tell me what's going on?"
—
They talked for hours after that. Well, James talked, mostly, but whenever he tried to direct a question at Annabelle she returned the prompt to him, asking a deeper, more thoughtful question than a heavily inebriated man could come up with, so of course he went along with her. They talked so late nearly everyone else had gone, but there were no closing hours courtesy of the barkeep, so there was no rush. James couldn't get anymore Mollys after a time, though, owing to the alcohol limit law programmed in the bartender's processor and all.
But he didn't care. He was enthralled with Annabelle and her thoughtful questions and her genuine interest in him. At least, she seemed genuine, but James was too drunk to tell. All he knew was that it felt nice to have someone to talk to, finally.
And he did talk a lot. He told Annabelle things he hadn't told anybody, alcohol loosening his lips. He talked about his mama and his daddy, his childhood home out in the boonies where they didn't have no aeromobiles or robot doctors, his friends growing up and the games they used to play. He talked about school, and neighbors, and hopes and dreams, and sorrows, too.
He told her about his parents' deaths. That wasn't the first or last time he'd cried that night. He told her about his daddy's affliction, the thing what put him in the grave, and the thing that would put him there too. "It was so hard, watchin' him those last few days," James said, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "He couldn't get out of bed, with all those tubes in him and what not, and he couldn't talk, obviously, and Mama couldn't stand it either even if she didn't say so, but the doctors said, they always said, 'It's our oath to help people, ma'am, if there's even a percent of a chance we can save them.'" He shook his head. "My mama used to say to that, she used to say," he gave a snort of amusement, "'doctors: they're gonna help you, even if it kills you.'"
Annabelle smiled at that and rubbed his back. She'd gotten real close to him over the night's conversation. So close James could feel her there even when he wasn't lookin'. It made him flush and blush and gave him the butterflies, the amount of attention she was giving him. Thoughts of his impending demise were banished by her wonderful smile.
He didn't want her to go away. He didn't want to think about death again. "Hey," he said hesitantly, wondering if his request was appropriate. "D'you think… well, do you think we could—"
Annabelle smiled wider and put a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. "Honey, I was thinking the exact same thing." She patted his hand. "Just let me freshen up in the ladies' room and we can get going, yeah?"
James' heart leapt into heaven. He agreed enthusiastically, and Annabelle slipped off her stool and went into the back to the ladies' restroom, leaving James by himself positively brimming with joy.
Ten minutes went by. Then fifteen. Then twenty.
James started to get anxious. He wanted to go and check on her, but, well, was that too much? The bartender asked him if he wanted to pay his bill, but James distractedly said he'd pay while he was heading out with Annabelle.
Thirty minutes passed. Forty.
"Y'know," he said aloud, mostly to himself as he got up from his seat, "I think I will check on her, y'know, in case something happened to her." He wouldn't go in, obviously, but he could always knock, right? So James went to the back of the bar and knocked on the door to the ladies' room. "Annabelle? You okay in there?"
There was no answer.
James' fear peaked. "Barkeep," he called, "can you check the ladies' room with your sensors? I think my friend might be hurt."
The metal man behind the bar looked up from the glass he was polishing. "I'm sorry, mate, I didn't want to say anything according to how much I saw you enjoying her company, but I'm pretty sure your lady friend up and booked it from my establishment almost an hour ago. My scanners are only picking up one body signature, and that's yours." Analytical words, all spoken with the stupid cheer of an empty-headed tin man.
Fear became disappointment. "You sure?" James asked, hoping against hope.
"Scanners don't lie!" the bartender replied.
Peachy. Just excellent. Good news and good news, James thought bitterly. Crestfallen, he slumped back to the bar and sighed, "Guess I'll pay my bill, then."
"Right-o!" The bartender whipped over to the cash register and waited for James to sullenly follow him there.
He reached into his suit pocket. Then his other one.
Where was his wallet?
"Something the matter?" the bartender pipped.
James couldn't handle the robot's overly happy voice right now. "Yes, just—give me a moment," he nearly growled, reaching inside his suit jacket to the pocket there.
Nothing. He patted his pants and the back of his pants. Nothing. James crouched low to look at the ground beneath his stool and nothing. "I—" He didn't know what to say. He'd had his wallet walking in. Had to; needed his worker card to get served. Where could it have—
By now the alcohol had worn off enough that James could mostly use his brain. He put two and two together and realized what had happened. "I'm sorry, but I think my wallet was stolen," he told the bartender, stricken. He hadn't noticed; but of course he hadn't noticed. He'd been drunk. Very drunk. And Annabelle had known that, if that was even her real name.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that!" Again, the unnatural cheer, especially considering his next words. "And I'm sorry to say that if you can't pay, I'll have to be calling the sheriffs!"
"What?" James stared at the bartender. "I can't just open a tab and pay it off later?"
"Sorry, no can do!" The robot was already moving towards the rotary phone on his side of the bar. "My processor isn't powerful enough to retain information longer or more complicated than my regulars' names and the laws I was programmed with, and I'm afraid I wasn't programmed to read or write! If you want to blame anyone, blame the Howie Blayton Manufacturing Company!"
Good news and good news and good news. James felt a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. Stranded in the local detainment center while his body collapsed in on itself? No way!
"Hey there officer!" the bartender said brightly into the transmitter. "I'd like to report a miscreant here at—hey, where are you going?"
The door was already closing behind James as he fled into the night.
—
He ran until he was sweating through his nice tweed suit and breathing so heavy he wheezed. He hadn't made it as far as he would have just weeks ago. It felt like his throat was caving in.
James looked around. He was standing on a little bridge that spanned a creek to a forest path, an overgrown jungle of a place. The grass was so long it hung from the lip of the creek bed to the still water below.
He was still in the heart of the city, but the roar of aeromobile traffic was far away. He must be at the edge of one of the city's massive replanting projects.
He sat down heavily on the bridge, letting his legs dangle. Good news, his mama always said. Good thoughts and good will, and good news will come to you. She said that while daddy was sick in bed and she sat by his side. She never left his side, really. James had had to work double shift at his delivery job just to keep things afloat, there.
And now he was soon to be right where his daddy was, and no one like his mama would be there for him.
James thought he had cried all he could cry that night, but tears began to form in his eyes and spill down his cheeks nonetheless. He put his face in his hands and let the sobs wrack his aching throat once again.
As he cried, a secret memory unearthed itself in James' mind. It was a memory from long ago, back when his daddy was dying, on one of the rare moments his mama left to go to her job and take care of things on her own instead of relying on James. James, like his mama, barely left his daddy's side when he could manage it.
And on that day, while his mama was far away, James watched as his daddy suddenly began to thrash and writhe, flinging the tubes in his mouth and his stomach and his private parts every which way, his eyes rolled back in his head. Little ten-year-old James didn't know whether his daddy was awake or half-comatose, but he knew he was scared, and he couldn't be scared. Scared weren't a good thought, and James needed to think good thoughts.
So he tried to calm his daddy by telling him how brave he was, how everything was gonna be alright and mama would be home any minute—but his father couldn't hear him.
"Shauna!" his daddy shouted, voice obscured by the tube jammed down his throat. "James! I can't see, Goddammit—Shauna! Shauna, where are you?!"
James was terrified. He reached to grab his daddy's hand before remembering that he couldn't touch him 'cause it would hurt him. "Daddy," James cried. "Daddy, it's alright, I'm here!"
"Shauna! Shauna!" Tears were rolling down Daddy's cheeks, his unseeing eyes staring terrified at the ceiling. "Shauna!" he sobbed. "Shauna, I'm scared! I'm scared!"
"No!" James shouted over his daddy. "No, you can't say that, daddy, good thoughts! Only good thoughts, you gotta—"
His father's thrashing grew more violent as he continued to be unable to hear his son. One of the tubes lashed James across the face, and he fell to the ground screaming. On the floor, James could only see the writhing blankets and the occasional flash of a hand, all while his daddy sobbed and screamed like a child having a nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
Mama came home to find James sobbing on the floor and her husband dead under the covers.
A secret memory, and a secret fear. James remembered the terror on his daddy's face as he died. He remembered his father's blindness, his father's deafness, all caused by his disease. He remembered his father, unable to be touched, machines surrounding him, nothing anyone could do for him.
James remembered his daddy crying for his wife, unable to tell that his son was right next to him. Even with someone there, his daddy had died alone.
Alone. And there was nothing anyone could do.
James clutched at his hair and breathed through gritted teeth. He didn't want to die alone. He moaned in fear, his teeth chattered, he rocked himself back and forth on the edge of that little bridge. He didn't want to die alone.
But he would. Even if he wasn't, he would die alone, and all the good intentions and good thoughts in the world wouldn't save him. Everyone dies alone. No one can share in your last moments, even if they're right next to you. No one will know, even if they care so much for you they'd die without you. You're trapped in your head until the bitterest end.
James wailed and beat at his legs with his fists and screamed at the unfairness. He didn't want to die alone!
"I don't want to die alone!" he shouted into the night. The night did not respond.
He continued to sob and scream and wail, all alone.
2023.03.29 04:04 CitizenSnips4 Digital Daily #14 Written Summary — March 24th [Week 3 HOH Spoilers]
This is a summary of Digital Daily #14 (March 24th). Detailed are events that happen before nominations. Please no spoilers beyond this digital daily in the comments.
TL;DR:
Previously, we saw that Kuzie was planning to nominate Vanessa and Santina this week. Digital Daily #14 kicks off in the bedroom, where Ty gives Santina a hint that she might be going on the block this week. Then Ty and Zach have a game talk. Ty says he has revealed more info to Claudia, which alarms Zach. Kuzie’s possible targets this week are causing a crack in the Ty/Zach alliance; Ty wants Santina to stay and join their alliance, Zach wants Dan to be that person. At the end of their talk, Zach says if Ty can get Jonathan to “buy back” into their group, targeting Renee could be a possible solution. Ty then goes to Santina and tells her about this Jonathan offer. Santina then goes to HOH Kuzie to make a preemptive attempt at staying off the block, but the conversation doesn’t seem to have swayed Kuzie; when Santina leaves Kuzie says “dammit! I’m gonna have to send her home after being so nice.” Later, Ty approaches Kuzie about making her target Vanessa, not Santina.
Going into detail…
0:00:07 - Kitchen - Good Morning, Renee
Renee tells her roommates to clean their room today. Jonathan tells Renee/Claudia/Shanaya that he doesn’t want to watch their season after they are out. Renee says she’ll watch it, and it won’t affect how she feels about the experience because it will all be said and done. Renee: “except for that… FLIP VOTER!” Jonathan laughs. Renee says she knew there were gonna be two votes (Jonathan and Santina).
0:04:43 - Parlour - Santina Yoga
Zach whispers to Santina while she tries to do yoga in the parlour. Small talk about last night’s sleeping situation. Zach walks away. Santina continues with her stretches.
0:06:57 - Dining Table - Breakfast
Houseguests eat breakfast prepared by Chef Anika. Small talk while they eat.
0:09:29 - Pink Bedroom - Ty Clues Santina In
Santina goes to her bedroom for something and sees Ty laying on his bed. Santina: “are you okay? Do you want a hug?” Ty says he’s okay. Ty says he talked to Kuzie; for nominations, Kuzie is looking at the group of people that “ran around” on the day of Vanessa’s blowup. Santina: “so I’m one of those group of people. That’s cool.” Ty: “she didn’t tell me that you are going up, she just said that’s the pool of people.” Santina: “that’s cool, that’s cool. I’ll talk to her today.” Ty names the “pool”: Zach/Ty/Santina/Vanessa (and Roberto).
0:11:22 - Dining Table - Breakfast, continued
Shanaya tells the people at the table about the guy that she was “hanging out with” before the show. They talk about their “types”.
0:14:33 - Pink Bedroom - Ty Clues Santina In, continued
Santina/Ty continue talking about Kuzie. Santina: “I hope it’s not me. That’s all I can hope for.” They go quiet, then Santina asks about his workout and how he slept. Quiet for a while. Santina: “if she put you or Zach or whoever, would that make you her target?” Ty: “if she put me up? I think it would matter who she put me beside.” Santina continues sorting her clothes. She finishes up then says “well enjoy your alone time!” She leaves.
0:20:37 - Bathroom - Worried, Much?
After learning about her possible nomination, Santina goes to the bathroom to freshen up her appearance.
0:25:26 - Parlour - Ty & Zach Game Talk Pt 1
Ty tells Zach that Ty/Claudia are rocky right now. Zach: “aww really :( ?” Ty says their new group is Ty/Zach/Hope/Claudia/Kuzie/Santina. Ty: “Santina cannot go home this week.” Zach is still reluctant: “if she stays she will take me out.” Ty: “I’m telling you right now, she won’t.” Zach tries to pitch Dan as their number, not Santina. They split up so they can meet somewhere else to talk.
0:27:45 - Purple Bedroom - Zach Walks Around
Zach asks Anika if they can have their sit-down later. Anika: “yeah.”
0:28:15 - Bathroom - Zach Walks Around More
Zach goes to the bathroom. Claudia enters the room around the same time. Zach asks if she’s good. Claudia: “I’m always good Zach” They clap hands.
0:30:00 - Circle K - Ty & Zach Game Talk Pt 2
Ty and Zach meet in the Circle K room to continue their conversation. Ty says he has started to trust Claudia more so he let her in on some of the things going on, and she started to see the pull that Ty has in the house. Zach: “why would you let her in on that?” Ty says he didn’t tell her everything. Ty: “but she’s starting to see me as..” Zach: “the biggest threat in the house. You have to realize that she’s not the only one. Everyone thinks it’s me, but they know it’s you.” Ty says “numbers-wise”: Zach/Ty/Kuzie/Hope and Zach says Dan, Ty says Santina. Ty says Dan/Santina are 2 wildcards. Zach points out Hope is a wildcard too. Ty agrees. Ty then points out the possibility of Claudia/Shanaya/Renee/Daniel/Anika/Vanessa teaming up. Ty says if they send Santina home, that would be taking a number from their own side; Ty guarantees he can control Santina to work with their side, not against it. Zach explains his view: the people who would make big moves are Ty/Zach/Kuzie/Santina/Claudia/Daniel. Zach tries to persuade Ty to go after a “big move” person that might go after themselves. Ty says he told Kuzie to keep Dan off the block; if the veto is used, Dan will go on the block. Zach: “it’s a mistake. It’s a mistake.” Zach explains if Dan is on the block, then Shanaya (and then Claudia) will have to make a decision, and this is an emotional game. Zach explains whoever “they” put on the block, they either have to bring them closer, or not lose their trust (at least). Ty says Santina figured out who was in trouble when he said it was going to be the group that ran around on the day of Vanessa’s drama. Zach says Dan is going to scramble to Shanaya/“that side” if he goes on the block this week. Ty asks what about Renee? Zach explains if Renee is on the block it will cause tension with the girls having to make an emotional decision. Zach says Kuzie can simply nominate the people that voted against the house. Zach asks who Kuzie will nominate. Ty says Vanessa/Santina. Zach: “perfect.” Zach says Santina will go home against anyone besides Vanessa. Zach continues to explain that they need to keep the pressure on Jonathan/Vanessa/Santina and play it safe this week. Ty: “hypothetically speaking, I could blow up Claudia’s game because she already said some stuff about Renee.” Zach advises him not to do that; Zach says Ty is playing an aggressive game but a smart game. Ty says he told Claudia straight up that he can’t get into a showmance with a floater, because if they hit the block as a duo, he’s going to be sitting next to a floater: “so if you wanna be in a showmance with me? Then you need to do something.” Zach says “let’s get those two numbers (Jonathan/Vanessa) out and then the numbers will be shifted enough to where we don’t care.” Zach summarizes his argument: the girls don’t have the reason to gun after them yet, and they don’t want to give the girls a reason until their numbers are down. Ty leaves the room. Zach stays behind for a minute.
0:50:34 - Pink Bedroom - Bloating
Renee/Vanessa/Claudia/Shanaya talk about bloating problems.
0:52:25 - Library - One Last Thing
Zach has thought of a possible solution to keeping Jonathan and goes to tell Ty; if Ty can get Santina to convince Jonathan to “buy back” into their group, then putting Renee on the block is a viable option. Ty agrees, and Zach leaves. Ty plays pool by himself for a while.
0:55:07 - Pantry - Random Nothing
Zach/Santina small talk about the game. Ty walks in the room. Nothing important said.
0:56:13 - Purple Bedroom - Zach Updates Dan
Zach tells Dan what he “guesses” Kuzie will do this week and gives him advice. Zach: “continue building the friendships that you’re building, and we’ll keep the pressure on those people (Jonathan/Vanessa/Santina).” Zach tells Dan to distance himself from Vanessa. Dan asks for advice on his pitch to Kuzie. Zach says he should be honest and say that they haven’t talked game yet but he is willing to build a relationship with her. Zach helps Dan with the wording of his pitch to Kuzie. Other than that, they give each other personal updates; Dan says they should both lay as low as possible this week. Dan says he getting closer to Shanaya, like homies, not a showmance. Zach: “cool.” They leave the room.
1:03:26 - Library - Ty Tells Santina about Zach’s Offer
Ty and Santina play pool. Ty tells Santina that Kuzie’s possible targets are Jonathan/Santina/Vanessa, because they voted against the house (also Zach for other reasons, but Ty doesn’t think Kuzie would nominate Zach). Ty asks how Santina feels about Jonathan. Santina: “I like Johnny.” Ty asks if the Roberto situation brought Jonathan/Santina closer. Santina says no, it was only because they were both isolated last week. Ty says Jonathan/Santina have a similar loyalty that they play with in the game. Santina says she will talk to Kuzie and see where her head’s at. Ty admits that he is willing to stick his neck out for Santina; he told Kuzie that he wouldn’t want Santina to be the target. Ty asks Santina if she is capable of working with Zach moving forward. Santina says yes, it’s just the communication with Zach that is the issue. Ty: “he just comes off too aggressive?” Santina says yes. Ty continues with the convo: “so I see you as on an island with no major alliances.” Santina agrees. Ty asks Santina how she is with the girls. Santina says the girls want to have a girls alliance, but.. Santina says Renee is the captain of the girls alliance talk. Ty asks what Santina’s ideal alliance moving forward is. Santina says what they originally had (Ty/Zach/Santina). Ty says his biggest fear has happened; their side is fractured and everyone is isolated, while the girls side can unify at any moment. Ty says he wants Zach/Santina/Ty to come back together, so is that something Santina is willing to do? Santina says yes. Ty says he will talk to Kuzie; Santina just needs to get Jonathan on board. Santina says she hopes there are no hard feelings with Zach. Ty says he feels like they can all come back together and stresses that if Santina can get Jonathan on board, Zach will be more comfortable. Santina says she’s on board. Talking in circles for a while. Santina says she wants to talk to Kuzie first before Ty goes back to her. Santina says she appreciates Ty and thanks him for his talks. They hug and Ty leaves the room. Santina says to herself/the cameras that she doesn’t want to go home; “I didn’t think Kuzie would put me up but maybe she will put me up!”
1:24:05 - Pink Bedroom - Different Ways to Win
Vanessa and Renee discuss the fact that there are so many different ways to win BB. Small talk about the different “characters” of the season.
1:26:32 - HOH - Santina’s Attempt to Stay Off the Block
Santina approaches Kuzie in the HOH room for a talk. Small talk about Kuzie’s competition performance history for a while. Dan is mentioned; Kuzie thinks Dan has a competitive edge over Ty. More general game talk [Santina must be working up the nerve to ask about game]. Finally Santina says “I just want to see where your head’s at, because for me, I was in the middle of a lot of stuff this past week. I just hope it doesn’t affect… or make you think I’m against you.” Kuzie says she doesn’t think Santina is against her; however, Kuzie knows Santina is a competitor. Santina says moving forward, Kuzie will know who Santina’s target is if she wins HOH again. Santina not-so-subtly says “with the blowup this week, I hope my involvement doesn’t put a target on my back.” Kuzie says that situation would put a target on Santina’s back. Santina laughs “for you! A target for you.” Kuzie says if she were to target Santina, it wouldn’t be just based on that, but more because Kuzie sees Santina as a threat. Kuzie explains “first of all, let me explain my position:” she explains why she voted against Roberto. Dan enters momentarily to line up for the “queue” (to talk to Kuzie). Kuzie says there’s no queue and that she will find him after her talk with Santina. He leaves. Santina continues explaining her current spot in the house (isolated). Kuzie suddenly asks why Santina was crying after the HOH comp yesterday (outside immediately after the comp). Santina: “I don’t think I was crying, I think with Rob leaving, I felt like I was now playing my own game.” Kuzie asks for the tea because she saw that hug [we all did hehe]. Kuzie says she’s glad that they kept that element out of the game. Santina says to the camera: “sorry Rob, but I think I like him as a friend.” Santina compliments Roberto, but in the BB house, that’s not how she is thinking right now. Santina returns back to noms talk: “but if I do go on the block, which I hope I’m not going to :( ” Kuzie says “no, at this point, I’m actually having a hard time… I don’t even know what I’m gonna do.” Kuzie tries to sugar coat the possibility of Santina being on the block by saying she would have 2 opportunities to get off the block. Santina asks if Kuzie wants to make a big move or an easy move for the house. Kuzie says she wants peace in the house this week. Kuzie gets stressed out and Santina tells her not to. Kuzie says she wants the 2 people that she nominates to stay, but then she’d have to go through the veto thing… [I think she’s just caught off guard by her target and is saying anything]. They get up to hug. Kuzie thanks Santina for being her first talk. Santina leaves. Kuzie says to herself: “dammit. Then I’m gonna have to send you home after being so nice. She begins dancing with her iPod, then notices the cameras are watching her so she prepares to do a bigger dance. Ty enters the room.
1:48:50 - HOH - Ty Tries to Switch Kuzie’s Target
Ty asks Kuzie who her replacement nominee would be? Kuzie: “I’m thinking Dan but.. why?” Ty says there is a better person, and it would probably be better to keep Dan off the block since he is gaining numbers with Shanaya and that side. Kuzie clarifies she would only put Dan on the block if Santina came down off the block. Ty pauses, thinking about how he is going to get Kuzie to stop targeting Santina. Kuzie: “so Vanessa is my disposable pawn.” Ty: “okay Kuzie, hear me out: I think we need to target Vanessa, and not Santina.” Ty pushes the idea of bringing in Santina/Jonathan to their side, and Santina’s involvement being necessary to flip Jonathan. Kuzie says that Jonathan is so angry in his soul that he will never ever trust Zach/Ty again. Ty stresses that Santina is the glue between Jonathan and Ty/Zach. Ty says once they are back together, they will be “back to business.” Kuzie: “but the problem with ‘back to business’ is that week 1 it didn’t include me.” And that’s a wrap for Digital Daily #14!
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TL;DR:
Previously, we saw that Kuzie was planning to nominate Vanessa and Santina this week. Digital Daily #14 kicks off in the bedroom, where Ty gives Santina a hint that she might be going on the block this week. Then Ty and Zach have a game talk. Ty says he has revealed more info to Claudia, which alarms Zach. Kuzie’s possible targets this week are causing a crack in the Ty/Zach alliance; Ty wants Santina to stay and join their alliance, Zach wants Dan to be that person. At the end of their talk, Zach says if Ty can get Jonathan to “buy back” into their group, targeting Renee could be a possible solution. Ty then goes to Santina and tells her about this Jonathan offer. Santina then goes to HOH Kuzie to make a preemptive attempt at staying off the block, but the conversation doesn’t seem to have swayed Kuzie; when Santina leaves Kuzie says “dammit! I’m gonna have to send her home after being so nice.” Later, Ty approaches Kuzie about making her target Vanessa, not Santina.
Going into detail…
0:00:07 - Kitchen - Good Morning, Renee
Renee tells her roommates to clean their room today. Jonathan tells Renee/Claudia/Shanaya that he doesn’t want to watch their season after they are out. Renee says she’ll watch it, and it won’t affect how she feels about the experience because it will all be said and done. Renee: “except for that… FLIP VOTER!” Jonathan laughs. Renee says she knew there were gonna be two votes (Jonathan and Santina).
0:04:43 - Parlour - Santina Yoga
Zach whispers to Santina while she tries to do yoga in the parlour. Small talk about last night’s sleeping situation. Zach walks away. Santina continues with her stretches.
0:06:57 - Dining Table - Breakfast
Houseguests eat breakfast prepared by Chef Anika. Small talk while they eat.
0:09:29 - Pink Bedroom - Ty Clues Santina In
Santina goes to her bedroom for something and sees Ty laying on his bed. Santina: “are you okay? Do you want a hug?” Ty says he’s okay. Ty says he talked to Kuzie; for nominations, Kuzie is looking at the group of people that “ran around” on the day of Vanessa’s blowup. Santina: “so I’m one of those group of people. That’s cool.” Ty: “she didn’t tell me that you are going up, she just said that’s the pool of people.” Santina: “that’s cool, that’s cool. I’ll talk to her today.” Ty names the “pool”: Zach/Ty/Santina/Vanessa (and Roberto).
0:11:22 - Dining Table - Breakfast, continued
Shanaya tells the people at the table about the guy that she was “hanging out with” before the show. They talk about their “types”.
0:14:33 - Pink Bedroom - Ty Clues Santina In, continued
Santina/Ty continue talking about Kuzie. Santina: “I hope it’s not me. That’s all I can hope for.” They go quiet, then Santina asks about his workout and how he slept. Quiet for a while. Santina: “if she put you or Zach or whoever, would that make you her target?” Ty: “if she put me up? I think it would matter who she put me beside.” Santina continues sorting her clothes. She finishes up then says “well enjoy your alone time!” She leaves.
0:20:37 - Bathroom - Worried, Much?
After learning about her possible nomination, Santina goes to the bathroom to freshen up her appearance.
0:25:26 - Parlour - Ty & Zach Game Talk Pt 1
Ty tells Zach that Ty/Claudia are rocky right now. Zach: “aww really :( ?” Ty says their new group is Ty/Zach/Hope/Claudia/Kuzie/Santina. Ty: “Santina cannot go home this week.” Zach is still reluctant: “if she stays she will take me out.” Ty: “I’m telling you right now, she won’t.” Zach tries to pitch Dan as their number, not Santina. They split up so they can meet somewhere else to talk.
0:27:45 - Purple Bedroom - Zach Walks Around
Zach asks Anika if they can have their sit-down later. Anika: “yeah.”
0:28:15 - Bathroom - Zach Walks Around More
Zach goes to the bathroom. Claudia enters the room around the same time. Zach asks if she’s good. Claudia: “I’m always good Zach” They clap hands.
0:30:00 - Circle K - Ty & Zach Game Talk Pt 2
Ty and Zach meet in the Circle K room to continue their conversation. Ty says he has started to trust Claudia more so he let her in on some of the things going on, and she started to see the pull that Ty has in the house. Zach: “why would you let her in on that?” Ty says he didn’t tell her everything. Ty: “but she’s starting to see me as..” Zach: “the biggest threat in the house. You have to realize that she’s not the only one. Everyone thinks it’s me, but they know it’s you.” Ty says “numbers-wise”: Zach/Ty/Kuzie/Hope and Zach says Dan, Ty says Santina. Ty says Dan/Santina are 2 wildcards. Zach points out Hope is a wildcard too. Ty agrees. Ty then points out the possibility of Claudia/Shanaya/Renee/Daniel/Anika/Vanessa teaming up. Ty says if they send Santina home, that would be taking a number from their own side; Ty guarantees he can control Santina to work with their side, not against it. Zach explains his view: the people who would make big moves are Ty/Zach/Kuzie/Santina/Claudia/Daniel. Zach tries to persuade Ty to go after a “big move” person that might go after themselves. Ty says he told Kuzie to keep Dan off the block; if the veto is used, Dan will go on the block. Zach: “it’s a mistake. It’s a mistake.” Zach explains if Dan is on the block, then Shanaya (and then Claudia) will have to make a decision, and this is an emotional game. Zach explains whoever “they” put on the block, they either have to bring them closer, or not lose their trust (at least). Ty says Santina figured out who was in trouble when he said it was going to be the group that ran around on the day of Vanessa’s drama. Zach says Dan is going to scramble to Shanaya/“that side” if he goes on the block this week. Ty asks what about Renee? Zach explains if Renee is on the block it will cause tension with the girls having to make an emotional decision. Zach says Kuzie can simply nominate the people that voted against the house. Zach asks who Kuzie will nominate. Ty says Vanessa/Santina. Zach: “perfect.” Zach says Santina will go home against anyone besides Vanessa. Zach continues to explain that they need to keep the pressure on Jonathan/Vanessa/Santina and play it safe this week. Ty: “hypothetically speaking, I could blow up Claudia’s game because she already said some stuff about Renee.” Zach advises him not to do that; Zach says Ty is playing an aggressive game but a smart game. Ty says he told Claudia straight up that he can’t get into a showmance with a floater, because if they hit the block as a duo, he’s going to be sitting next to a floater: “so if you wanna be in a showmance with me? Then you need to do something.” Zach says “let’s get those two numbers (Jonathan/Vanessa) out and then the numbers will be shifted enough to where we don’t care.” Zach summarizes his argument: the girls don’t have the reason to gun after them yet, and they don’t want to give the girls a reason until their numbers are down. Ty leaves the room. Zach stays behind for a minute.
0:50:34 - Pink Bedroom - Bloating
Renee/Vanessa/Claudia/Shanaya talk about bloating problems.
0:52:25 - Library - One Last Thing
Zach has thought of a possible solution to keeping Jonathan and goes to tell Ty; if Ty can get Santina to convince Jonathan to “buy back” into their group, then putting Renee on the block is a viable option. Ty agrees, and Zach leaves. Ty plays pool by himself for a while.
0:55:07 - Pantry - Random Nothing
Zach/Santina small talk about the game. Ty walks in the room. Nothing important said.
0:56:13 - Purple Bedroom - Zach Updates Dan
Zach tells Dan what he “guesses” Kuzie will do this week and gives him advice. Zach: “continue building the friendships that you’re building, and we’ll keep the pressure on those people (Jonathan/Vanessa/Santina).” Zach tells Dan to distance himself from Vanessa. Dan asks for advice on his pitch to Kuzie. Zach says he should be honest and say that they haven’t talked game yet but he is willing to build a relationship with her. Zach helps Dan with the wording of his pitch to Kuzie. Other than that, they give each other personal updates; Dan says they should both lay as low as possible this week. Dan says he getting closer to Shanaya, like homies, not a showmance. Zach: “cool.” They leave the room.
1:03:26 - Library - Ty Tells Santina about Zach’s Offer
Ty and Santina play pool. Ty tells Santina that Kuzie’s possible targets are Jonathan/Santina/Vanessa, because they voted against the house (also Zach for other reasons, but Ty doesn’t think Kuzie would nominate Zach). Ty asks how Santina feels about Jonathan. Santina: “I like Johnny.” Ty asks if the Roberto situation brought Jonathan/Santina closer. Santina says no, it was only because they were both isolated last week. Ty says Jonathan/Santina have a similar loyalty that they play with in the game. Santina says she will talk to Kuzie and see where her head’s at. Ty admits that he is willing to stick his neck out for Santina; he told Kuzie that he wouldn’t want Santina to be the target. Ty asks Santina if she is capable of working with Zach moving forward. Santina says yes, it’s just the communication with Zach that is the issue. Ty: “he just comes off too aggressive?” Santina says yes. Ty continues with the convo: “so I see you as on an island with no major alliances.” Santina agrees. Ty asks Santina how she is with the girls. Santina says the girls want to have a girls alliance, but.. Santina says Renee is the captain of the girls alliance talk. Ty asks what Santina’s ideal alliance moving forward is. Santina says what they originally had (Ty/Zach/Santina). Ty says his biggest fear has happened; their side is fractured and everyone is isolated, while the girls side can unify at any moment. Ty says he wants Zach/Santina/Ty to come back together, so is that something Santina is willing to do? Santina says yes. Ty says he will talk to Kuzie; Santina just needs to get Jonathan on board. Santina says she hopes there are no hard feelings with Zach. Ty says he feels like they can all come back together and stresses that if Santina can get Jonathan on board, Zach will be more comfortable. Santina says she’s on board. Talking in circles for a while. Santina says she wants to talk to Kuzie first before Ty goes back to her. Santina says she appreciates Ty and thanks him for his talks. They hug and Ty leaves the room. Santina says to herself/the cameras that she doesn’t want to go home; “I didn’t think Kuzie would put me up but maybe she will put me up!”
1:24:05 - Pink Bedroom - Different Ways to Win
Vanessa and Renee discuss the fact that there are so many different ways to win BB. Small talk about the different “characters” of the season.
1:26:32 - HOH - Santina’s Attempt to Stay Off the Block
Santina approaches Kuzie in the HOH room for a talk. Small talk about Kuzie’s competition performance history for a while. Dan is mentioned; Kuzie thinks Dan has a competitive edge over Ty. More general game talk [Santina must be working up the nerve to ask about game]. Finally Santina says “I just want to see where your head’s at, because for me, I was in the middle of a lot of stuff this past week. I just hope it doesn’t affect… or make you think I’m against you.” Kuzie says she doesn’t think Santina is against her; however, Kuzie knows Santina is a competitor. Santina says moving forward, Kuzie will know who Santina’s target is if she wins HOH again. Santina not-so-subtly says “with the blowup this week, I hope my involvement doesn’t put a target on my back.” Kuzie says that situation would put a target on Santina’s back. Santina laughs “for you! A target for you.” Kuzie says if she were to target Santina, it wouldn’t be just based on that, but more because Kuzie sees Santina as a threat. Kuzie explains “first of all, let me explain my position:” she explains why she voted against Roberto. Dan enters momentarily to line up for the “queue” (to talk to Kuzie). Kuzie says there’s no queue and that she will find him after her talk with Santina. He leaves. Santina continues explaining her current spot in the house (isolated). Kuzie suddenly asks why Santina was crying after the HOH comp yesterday (outside immediately after the comp). Santina: “I don’t think I was crying, I think with Rob leaving, I felt like I was now playing my own game.” Kuzie asks for the tea because she saw that hug [we all did hehe]. Kuzie says she’s glad that they kept that element out of the game. Santina says to the camera: “sorry Rob, but I think I like him as a friend.” Santina compliments Roberto, but in the BB house, that’s not how she is thinking right now. Santina returns back to noms talk: “but if I do go on the block, which I hope I’m not going to :( ” Kuzie says “no, at this point, I’m actually having a hard time… I don’t even know what I’m gonna do.” Kuzie tries to sugar coat the possibility of Santina being on the block by saying she would have 2 opportunities to get off the block. Santina asks if Kuzie wants to make a big move or an easy move for the house. Kuzie says she wants peace in the house this week. Kuzie gets stressed out and Santina tells her not to. Kuzie says she wants the 2 people that she nominates to stay, but then she’d have to go through the veto thing… [I think she’s just caught off guard by her target and is saying anything]. They get up to hug. Kuzie thanks Santina for being her first talk. Santina leaves. Kuzie says to herself: “dammit. Then I’m gonna have to send you home after being so nice. She begins dancing with her iPod, then notices the cameras are watching her so she prepares to do a bigger dance. Ty enters the room.
1:48:50 - HOH - Ty Tries to Switch Kuzie’s Target
Ty asks Kuzie who her replacement nominee would be? Kuzie: “I’m thinking Dan but.. why?” Ty says there is a better person, and it would probably be better to keep Dan off the block since he is gaining numbers with Shanaya and that side. Kuzie clarifies she would only put Dan on the block if Santina came down off the block. Ty pauses, thinking about how he is going to get Kuzie to stop targeting Santina. Kuzie: “so Vanessa is my disposable pawn.” Ty: “okay Kuzie, hear me out: I think we need to target Vanessa, and not Santina.” Ty pushes the idea of bringing in Santina/Jonathan to their side, and Santina’s involvement being necessary to flip Jonathan. Kuzie says that Jonathan is so angry in his soul that he will never ever trust Zach/Ty again. Ty stresses that Santina is the glue between Jonathan and Ty/Zach. Ty says once they are back together, they will be “back to business.” Kuzie: “but the problem with ‘back to business’ is that week 1 it didn’t include me.” And that’s a wrap for Digital Daily #14!