Random Nighttime Wilderness Encounter Table

• At the beginning of each night/long rest, roll a d20. On a result of 12-20 a nighttime encounter occurs. Roll a d100 and consult the table based on the party's current location
• Roll a d4 (reroll 4s) to determine if the encounter occurs on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd watch of the night
• Once they have their first nighttime encounter, the d20 range shrinks by two for every future nighttime encounter thereafter until they reach the next settlement, upon which, the range resets. This is to prevent there being an encounter every single night they're on the road and not bogging down gameplay. Feel free to adjust these DCs if you want less or more random encounters.
  • After first nighttime encounter, new range = 14-20
  • After second nighttime encounter, new range = 16-20
  • After third nighttime encounter, new range = 18-20
  • After four nighttime encounter (and every encounter after) a Nat20 must be rolled to receive a new encounter

Encounter Table Notes:

• A single abominable yeti ambushes the party hungering for flesh and blood. If the party manage to defeat this yeti, there is a 30% chance that 1d3 regular yetis show up after battle, drawn in by the sounds of combat and the scent of blood

• You can choose between bandits or barbarians for this encounter based on the location and frequency of previous encounters
• Bandits:
  • 1 bandit captain and 3d6+2 bandits
  • Mounted on riding horses
  • 25% chance they attack without warning
  • Promises the party not to attack if they 'pay a toll' (no less than 100gp of treasure)
  • Is this a potential way to introduce the 'Happy Fun Ball'?
  • Treasure: Each bandit carries a pouch containing 1d10gp. The bandit captain’s pouch holds 2d10gp and 1d6 gems worth 100gp each
• Uthgardt Barbarians:
  • Hostile group of Uthgardt barbarians made up of 4d6 tribal warriors, and 1 Uthgardt shaman (Appendix C). If the total number rolled is great than 20, add 1d3 berserkers and a tribal chieftain (berserker w 90hp)
    • If dealing with the Gray Wolf tribe, use the werewolf stat block for all berserkers and chieftains (+90hp) and add 1d4 wolves as animal companions
  • Uthgardt Barbarian General Info
    • Black-haired and blue-eyed people
    • Take their name from Uthgar Gardolfsson, a hero chief who battled giants and conquered much of the North before ascending to godhood
    • Currently 11 tribes scattered across the north
    • They speak Bothii (their own language) and most speak common
    • Their spirit mounds are sacred as it's a place where tribe members gather to revere Uthgar, honour their ancestors, make sacrifices to their totem animal spirit, and choose a new Great Chief
    • Uthgardt fear magic so much so that they attempt to kill and dismember any spellcasters they meet
    • Tribal shamans aren't attacked because their power comes from spirits of their dead ancestors
    • Tribes will unite against a common enemy, like a giant (whom they hate most of all)
    • Each tribe consists of 1 Great Chief, 2-5 chieftains, and 1-3 shamans depending on the size of the tribe
    • Use the "Reghed Chieftain" stat block for a Great Chief
• Uthgardt Tribes and Locations
  • Black Lion Tribe
    • Northern Silver Marches and the Druarwood
    • Spirit mound - Beorunna's Well
    • Great Chief - Stellok Kolraavi (male - wears armour made of orc hide)
    • Shaman - Tysis Kolraavi (Stellok's younger sister)
    • Hate diplomacy and civilisation
    • Avoids settlements in the Silver Marches
  • Black Raven Tribe
    • Icy foothills west of Mirabar including the ice lakes and Spine of the World north of Mirabar
    • Spirit mound - Raven Rock
    • Great Chief - Ojin Voninsdottir (female - orc-skull helm)
    • Prey on caravans travelling via Northern Means or Blackford Road
    • Often ride Giant Vultures into battle
  • Blue Bear Tribe
    • Believed to be extinct but have been spotted throughout the Delimbiyr Vale (from the Nether Mountains to the northern tip of High Moor)
    • Spirit mound - Stone Stand
    • Great Chief - Kriga Moonmusk (female - old and travels in a fur-draped chair carried by 4 tribal warriors)
    • Stays hidden while travelling to preserve the myth of their extinction
  • Elk Tribe
    • Wanders the Evermoors and the plains between Flint Rock and the Dessarin River
    • Spirit mound - Flint Rock
    • Great Chief - Rond Vaarson (male - old)
    • Rond has spilled so much blood in his past, he no longer craves it
  • Gray Wolf Tribe
    • Located throughout the North, as far west as the Sword Coast and as far east as the Delimbiyr Vale
    • Spirit mound - None
    • Great Chief - Recently slain Syken Nightblaze
    • Syken was slain by adventurers from Neverwinter
    • His daughter, Envir Sykensdottir, now controls the pack and plans to attack Neverwinter to prove she should be named the next Great Chief of the tribe
    • Potentially run a surprise encounter if the party ever goes to Neverwinter
    • The tribe roams in packs with ordinary wolves
    • Will hunt down and kill those who survive their attacks to prevent the spread of lycanthropy to non-tribal members
    • The only members of the tribe who possess lycanthropy are the chieftains and berserkers. The rest of the tribe are regular tribal warriors
    • In an encounter have all barbarians start out in human form, then have them use their 'Shapechanger' action on their first turn to turn into a Hybrid or Wolf form and freak the party out
    • Lycanthropy Cure: Can be cured with a 'Remove Curse' or 'Greater Restoration' spell
  • Great Worm Tribe
    • Based themselves at Great Worm Cavern and strike out occasionally to defend their territory (surrounding mountains, Feel Pass, Frost Hills, Lurkwood, and the northern reaches of the Silver Marches)
    • Spirit mound - Great Worm Cavern
    • Great Chief - Wormblod (male - brutal and hoards treasure)
    • Venture into the Crags and its southern plains when food is scarce
  • Griffon Tribe
    • Located throughout the North, as far west as the Sword Coast and as far east as the Silver Marches. Never going further south than Triboar and Yartar in the Dessarin Valley
    • Spirit mound - Shining White
    • Great Chief - Halric Bonesnapper
    • Tribe is dwindling as they have made too many enemies of late (still 300 strong though)
    • Different from all other tribes as they have established a permanent settlement (Griffon's Nest)
  • Red Tiger Tribe
    • Found throughout the Silver Marches but have recently begun moving into its surrounding forests, including elf-controlled regions of the High Forest
    • They are trying to find the Grandfather Tree and lay claim to it
    • Spirit mound - Beorunna's Well
    • Great Chief - Seriska Hungermaw (female - ruthless yet cautious)
    • Often attack settlements in the Silver Marches and prey on caravans travelling on the roads
    • Skilled at avoiding heavily fortified keeps
    • Even known to attack boats on the Rauvin River from time to time
  • Sky Pony Tribe
    • Found near the base of the mountains in the Silver Marches
    • Spirit mound - One Stone
    • Great Chief - Arnzan Vashk (male - orc spearhead sticking out of his chest and he attempts to hide the pain)
    • The tip of the spear is very close to piercing his heart and killing him
    • Was wounded during the War of the Silver Marches
    • His rivals are circling and preparing to unseat him
  • Thunderbeast Tribe
    • Currently hiding in the depths of Lurkwood preparing for a 'stampede' through the Surbrin Hills and the Dessarin Valley to the south
    • Spirit mound - Morgur's Mound (hasn't been visited in years)
    • Great Chief - Harthulk Hornspear (male - towering man with a terrible scowl and cracked, tough skin like dinosaur leather)
    • Their stampede won't stop until their people or their enemies are dead
  • Tree Ghost Tribe
    • Share the High Forest with the native elves
    • Spirit mound - Grandfather Tree
    • Great Chief - Boorvald Orcbane (male - honourable and a protector)
    • Declared themselves the protectors of the Grandfather Tree after years of conflict with other tribes and the elves of the High Forest
    • Rarely seen outside of the forest
    • Boorvald hunts orcs and frequently launches attacks against the Iceshield orc-holds along the western edge of High Forest
    • Boorvald has 6 sons and 3 daughters, each of whom was given an "Oathbow" from the tribe's elf neighbours as a gift of friendship
    • The tribe contains tribal warriors from other tribes who came to the Grandfather Tree, gained enlightenment, and forsook their allegiances to pledge to help the Tree Ghosts protect the Grandfather Tree

• Depending on the location, this can be represented as bioluminescent lights or more of a aurora borealis in the night sky
• The party, or person on watch, notices a faint glow coming from nearby in the camp. A small pond (or tree/shrub/etc) is emitting a faint, beautiful glow that seems to be a wonder of nature
• Describe how the lights beautifully dance and shimmer in the night
• The effect is harmless and the party can spend as much or as little time engaging with it as they want

• 2d4+1 vine blights and 2d4+1 needle blights attack the party in the night
• The vine blights move in close and camouflage using their False Appearance ability. Once they're within 20ft, they run forward and use their Entangling Plants ability to subdue the party
• The needle blights then move within 30ft and release a volley of needles at the party from a distance
• Alternatively, the party may happen to set up camp in a congregation of unmoving vine blights who are relying on their False Appearance to strike when the party is caught off-guard. The needle blights join in later in the combat

• A single bodak is drawn to the party's campsite by the light/noise, following its mission from Orcus to spread death across the Material Plane
• Any non-war trained animals will flee right before this encounter takes place
• If it fits in your narrative, the bodak can be a fallen NPC that one of the players used to know. It is seeking out all allies and enemies from its past life to wipe them from existence
• Increase the HP if a single bodak doesn't pose much of a challenge

• 3d4 dire wolves encircle and ambush the party at night
• The wolves won't attack outright. They will surround and then slowly close in on the party, giving anyone a chance to do something that might scare them off before combat begins (PC Intimidation check vs Wolves Insight check)
  • Potentially nominate a pack leader that will have an impact on how this plays out
• If the party don't do anything or fails to intimidate the wolves, they will attack
• If things aren't going well for the party, you can have the wolves' survival instinct kick in if their numbers are reduced to less than the number of still-threatening PCs

• 1d4+2 displacer beasts ambush the party either for food or just general sport
• One displacer beast might lash out at the party in an attempt to draw them away from the group to a location where the rest of the pack are waiting for a bloodier ambush

• 1d4 ghosts appear and attack the party
• If a 1 is rolled, a solitary, sad-looking ghost appears in the middle of their camp and sings a haunting song, then walks to where its grave is marked by a filthy stone. If the party ignore the ghost or leave the grave alone, nothing happens and the ghost remains suspended in the air looking at the grave until the party leaves. It they clean the grave site out of respect for the dead, the ghost disappears and turns into a shower of 777 silver pieces. If they desecrate or disrespect the grave for some reason, it attacks
  • If it attacks, bump its HP up to 60 so it poses somewhat of a challenge

• 1d4+4 ghouls attack the party led by 1 ghast
• The ghast will give orders to the ghouls to attack who it feels is the strongest party member
• If ghouls are attacked while feasting on a paralysed creature, they will drag their prey their full movement (half speed) away while also continuing to use their bite on their paralysed victim

• 1d4+1 giant constrictor snakes slither into the campsite and attempt to snap up a tasty meal
• You can have the snakes appear and pause, waiting to see the party's reaction, to give your PCs a chance to do something that might prevent this from being a combat encounter

• Tasha's Cauldron of Everything - Magic Mushrooms (pg. 166)
• The party stumbles across a collection of magic mushrooms near their campsite, radiating this magical glow
• Those proficient in Medicine, Nature, or Survival can surmise that these are not naturally forming mushrooms and with a DC12 roll, can recall stories of magical mushrooms and how some can save lives or bestow unusual powers when consumed
• If a mushroom is eaten, roll a d10 to determine its effects:
  • 1: The creature’s skin turns an unusual colour. Roll a d4:
    • 1 - Purple with yellow splotches
    • 2 - Bright orange with tiger stripes
    • 3 - Tree-frog green with red squiggles
    • 4 - Hot pink with yellow spots
    • This change is permanent unless removed by a Greater Restoration spell or similar magic.
  • 2: The creature gains the enlarge or reduce effect (50 percent chance of either) of the Enlarge/Reduce spell for 1 hour.
  • 3: The creature regains 5d8 + 20 hit points.
  • 4: Vocally, the creature can only cluck and croon like a chicken. The creature can also understand and speak to chickens. This curse lasts for 1 hour unless ended by a Remove Curse spell or similar magic.
  • 5: The creature can understand and speak all languages for 1d4 days.
  • 6: The creature gains the benefits of the Telepathy spell for the next 24 hours.
  • 7: The creature gains the benefits of the Speak with Plants spell for 8 hours.
  • 8: The creature immediately casts the Time Stop spell, requiring no components. Constitution is the spellcasting ability for this spell.
  • 9: The creature immediately casts the Detect Thoughts spell, requiring no components. Constitution is the spellcasting ability for this spell.
  • 10: Magical mists pour out of the creature’s eyes and ears, acting as a Fog Cloud spell for 1 hour that is centred on the creature and moves with it.

• An old halfling woman with a small glaive will approach the party's campsite looking for a place to rest and some company to talk to
• The glaive is a custom weapon made for a halfling that she's had since she was a young woman. She's pretty handy with it but getting quite slow in her older age. It's her only form of protection as she travels
• The old woman is really an oni who has used it's Change Shape ability to be able to get closer to its prey
• When the oni feels the party is no longer believing its lies or has completely let their guard down, it will attack
• This attack may begin with a Cone of Cold to surprise the party, and then on its next turn it will transform into its true giant form. Or it could also start with the oni transforming prior to combat, then on its first turn casting Invisibility on itself to create a sense of fear amongst the party

• A loud, deep hooting sound can be heard throughout the night, not close but not too far from the campsite. The hooting sounds like it comes from something much louder than a regular owl
• Players who made a successful DC12 Perception check, notice off in the distance a pack of 5 owlbears slowly moving through the terrain in single-file
• There is a large owlbear at the head of the line, and another large owlbear bringing up the rear. In the middle of them are three smaller offspring
• They don't appear to be hunting at this moment, just moving from A to B
• Unless the party does something to draw the pack's attention, they will move on into the night

• 1d4+1 hunting owlbears will spring into the party's campsite, hunting them for food
  • If a total of 5 is achieved and you feel this encounter is way too deadly for your group, have the hunting pack be a family made up of two adult owlbears and three younger offspring (40hp) who are hunting for their first time (no multiattack)
  • If an offspring is killed, the parents will fight to the death with unbridled fury seeking vengeance
  • If both parents are killed off, the offspring will flee
• If only 2 owlbears are rolled and you feel this encounter too simple, max out their hit points (91hp)

• A glimmering, white pegasus descends from the sky and lands not far from the party's campsite, looking for a place to drink, eat, or temporarily rest
  • If this occurs along a road/trail, the pegasus won't land, but will instead gracefully soar past the party, basking in the night air
• Pegasi are usually quite jumpy, so will immediately take off into the sky if any loud noises are made or it is attacked
• However, if a good-aligned character can quietly approach and succeed on a DC15 Animal Handling check, the intelligent creature will stay grounded and watch the character as it approaches
• Narrate a peaceful interaction between the two before the pegasus takes its leave and flies off into the night
  • If a character tries to mount the pegasus they will need to succeed on a DC25 Animal Handling check
  • A failure will result in the pegasus bucking them and flying off
  • A success, and the pegasus will just stand there, MAYBE briefly trot around, before indicating for the character to get off and then saying goodbye and flying off

• 1 revenant stumbles into the party's campsite, appearing initially like a zombie, but will begin speaking to the party. Very much unlike a zombie.
• The revenant says he has come to seek justice for the wrongs the party did to him, killing him in such a brutal manner and taking the life of his greatest love, Kella. The party will then see past the unfamiliar face and recognise him as the slain leader of the Seven Snakes, Xolkin
• As Xolkin has sworn vengeance on the party, he can now only be completely destroyed by either using a Wish spell when his soul is bodiless, the party just straight-up dying, or the party survives for over a year from when the vengeance was enacted. After one of these has occurred, the Xolkin's body will crumble to dust and his soul will fade into the afterlife
• If Xolkin can't beat them in this first encounter, next time he appears, it will be with weapons and backup (spectres, wights, ghasts, etc). He won't quit until he is successful, making sure each future encounter is harder and more challenging

• The clouds final erupt and the remainder of the night is filled with thundering rain and high winds
  • Rain can be replaced with a blizzard if the party is in the upper mountains or far-north sections of the continent
• Unless one of the party members has a way to avoid/negate the rain and wind (such as Leomund's Tiny Hut for example), the party has a very restless nights sleep
• They gain the effects of a Long Rest but everyone also gains one level of Exhaustion and cannot recover any previous levels of exhaustion

• A single wight leads an undead army to attack the party. The army is made up of 2d6 zombies and 1 ogre zombie
  • If the number of zombies rolled is less than 6, replace the single ogre zombie with 1d4 ogre zombies
• The wight will send the horde of zombies in first while it attacks from range to begin with, then moving in closer for melee

• A figure will emerge out of the darkness, staggering a little. They make no effort to stealth either. They are friendly and will comply with whatever reasonable requests the cautious PCs make
• They will reveal themselves to be a vampire, in dire need of blood. They will ask for a donation, but if refused, will walk away disappointed
• If the player does contribute blood, the vampire will thank them, and next time this encounter is rolled, the vampire may have a gift for them (magic item, gold/platinum, jewels, etc)
• The player may choose to drain some blood into a vial or pot for the vampire to then drink, or they may choose to let the vampire bite them. Regardless of the way, they will take 1d6 piercing/slashing damage (based on how they draw the blood), then 3d6 necrotic damage, and their max HP is reduced by that amount until the end of a long rest
• If concerns are raised, the vampire will assure them that a simple bite isn't enough to turn someone. They must be killed with a bite and then buried in the ground to rise as a vampire
• If the party is very brazen and choose to attack the vampire, it is the DM's choice whether the vampire straight away flees, or decides to bite a character to take some blood by force to teach them a lesson for their rudeness, then flee

• A cluster of 1d6+1 will-o'-wisps appear and start floating around the campsite
• Initially the wisps will appear as beautifully coloured, bobbing lantern lights offering hope and safety
• Eventually the wisps will surround the party and launch a surprise attack
• Alternatively, you can have the wisps attempt to lure the party away from the campsite by somehow beckoning them to follow. From here the wisps will lead the party into some sort of hazardous trap like quicksand pits or monster lairs so they can feed on the suffering of their prey and revel in their death screams
  • If you are considering this option, potentially reduce the wisp numbers to only 1d4

Summary

PROOF w/ my brokerage, 401k, Roth, and Robinhood options

• It’s Robinhood, but actually good for you
• The company is in great shape
• Permabears and bulls have reasons to love it
• The brand is (let me explain) the next JPMorgan Chase

Thesis

• SoFi is actually a great product. Is it the BEST? Fuck no. But it’s like the goldilocks/Anna Kendrick of all apps. The Friday night reliable.
• The company is going for this generation’s next big bank. It is high-interest, chartered (4.3% APY) and offers everything you need under the sun.
• The whole company’s theme is: “Get your money right.” They want to be the one-stop shop for all your MONEY needs and they do it with a bank teller smile.
• SoFi will ride or DIE with you. Student loan refi, your job’s direct deposit, a loan for that cock ring, a credit card for that solo trip to Thailand, a HELOC for that YOLO stock play. It goes on and on.
• They have consumers in mind, and not in a fake old lady See’s Candy kind of way. For example: if you lose your job and can’t pay your student debt, they will pause your payments and help you find a job. No joke. Look beyond the news and you’ll see people are over the moon about their relationship with SoFi.
• They have a few bad spots (dogshit trading platform and ETFs that never move), but they are trying so fucking hard. I could go on and on, but it’s 5:49am (couldn’t sleep, came up with this post in a fever dream) and I have a ton more to write.
• They also have Galileo and Technisys, which are like new PVC pipes for the financial system. I’m literally too smoothbrained to explain this, all you need to know is there is a lot of real interest from banks and companies to use these products. /sofistock has nerds who can explain this to you.

• Okay here comes the boring stuff, so skip this if you don’t care about amateur due diligence.
• Remember when banks used to pay good interest, then you realized they were pocketing it all? People are realizing and going to SoFi. When the bank crisis happened and everyone was moving their money out, SoFi actually GAINED deposits. The company has said they are on-track to add $2B each quarter, and management are known to low-ball their estimates. NINETY PERCENT of their customers use direct deposit for their premium membership SoFi Plus, which will only accelerate the trend. You know how hard it is to change banks with direct deposit. Sticky as shit.

• SoFi has EIGHT fucking quarters of consecutive revenue growth, is EBITDA profitable (whatever that’s worth to you), and is projected to be GAAP profitable by Q4. I think there’s an outside chance this happens in Q3. Dig into it more if you want to Burry it https://s27.q4cdn.com/749715820/files/doc_financials/2023/q1/Q1-23-Investor-Presentation_.pdf
• SoFi is growing WHILE student loans have been paused. Name a better miracle. They replaced it by diversifying their business in financial services (e.g. the shit I mentioned earlier) and other loans.
• While most banks have been selling their loan books at a loss to manage higher interest rates, SoFi have been keeping theirs to maturity and getting a higher return. There is a lot of debate into this, especially around how they calculate mark to market, so again do your own DD about this.
• By the way: “there are many reasons insiders sell a stock, but only one reason to buy.” The CEO Anthony Noto is eating pork and beans like me buying the stock like CRAZY. I mean just look at this degeneracy. He knows he has a chance to become the next billionaire bank CEO Jamie Dimon and has purchased back $13.6m dollars worth of shares (1/5 of his total comp so far lmfao).

• Big picture time. Full disclosure, I’m a permabear. I literally have the worst outlook on things and I metaphorically killed my therapist with my doom and gloom. This country is so levered up to the tits it’s just one gentle breeze away from collapsing.
• But you know who always gets paid? By hook and crook, the banks will get what they’re owed. If not we are all fucked and/or there will be a bailout. If everything is going to shit, banks are the least dogshit shit. Would you rather buy a stock with a tremendous amount of debt super dependent on consumer spending, or something that will make money in a depression?
• I said this was a stock for everyone. For the permabulls, everything is fine and SoFi is growing its metrics like a rocket ship. What is there to lose? The management team has signaled good outlooks and the stock price has gone up consecutively since June 1st.
• For value investors, this stock is still near book value. Most bank stocks are, but considering its fair value by Morningstar ($16) or PT by well-known analysts ($8-12) there are still some mArGiN oF sAfEtY
• Growthies, this is a tech stock BABY. They are the AWS of finance! They use tech to analyze loan risk. They have AIAIAIAI in a chat bot! Upside everywhere
• Oh and by the way, $SOFI is not correlated with its peers. Look at $LC $UPST and other fintech companies in the sector. In my mind it’s becoming the Nubank of America.
• The Fed is expected to “skip” rate hikes next week. Long term that means APY is probably plateauing and on a downward trajectory. But if you know SoFi has done nothing but good and given you the best interest rate, why move?

• Okay let’s start with them suing the government for pausing student loans. The CEO has addressed this multiple times: they support student loan FORGIVENESS, but when it comes to PAUSING payments for borrowers who don’t qualify, they thought the 3rd year was excessive. Yes they shit the bed bad for that, but they’ll recover.
• Aside from the revenue, a big reason they did this is because the CEO has integrity. Like too much integrity to let this go for shareholders. Anthony Noto grew up working class, graduated from West Point, and rose through the ranks in the finance world. Imagine if Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was real and became a banking god.
• His track record is insane. CFO for the NFL during record growth. COO for Twitter where he was putting out garbage fires. He knows how to run shit, and now he’s back in finance after SoFi booted the last CEO for being pervy.
• One downside, he is boring as shit. He won’t talk about who’s a pedo, how Soros is evil or some other drama. He only talks about banking and banking accessories I tell you what. Bank Hill
• Look at his Twitter Likes. https://twitter.com/anthonynoto/likes He knows something is brewing, and he gets a big payday if the stock hits $45.
• Back to the company. At a recent fintech conference hosted by Piper Sandler, Noto announced that SoFi has a Net Promoter Score (how much people like the brand) of 80 for its loan business. For context, American Express has 52. The math says SoFi is literally 54% better.
• Maybe part of the reason is because they have the naming rights to a football stadium in Los Angeles. One where little kids go to see Taylor Swift and grown ass men watch other grown ass men smack into one another. Where it’s mentioned all the time for being state of the art and environmentally friendly in the largest entertainment market. WHERE THEY WILL HOST MULTIPLE WORLD CUP GAMES AND OLYMPIC SPORTS.
• I mentioned the SPAC bagholders. They still exist and have been pounding nonstop about the stock all the way down. There are some stonk flashbacks here that are about to explode.

BUT BUT BUT…

• iTs pRiCeD iN – Wall Street is only getting a taste of this dildo. Once the annual shareholder meeting comes along next week and estimates come in better than expected on earnings, this next door 2 turns into a 10.
• Student loans defaults are coming, you stupid fuck – You think the bank will let you go to Disneyland once they start asking for their money? They will garnish wages and withhold taxes on you plebs. Grow up or move to Vietnam. Or, just maybe, the stock goes up and you use the profits to pay off the ball and chain?
• This is literally your first time posting to WSB – Yes, I’m a fucking worm lurking in the shadows. This will be the one and only thesis I put out.
• Wedbush has a PT of $3, this thing is going down – Go ahead and listen to David Chiaverini, who has a success rating of 35% and has no skin in the game https://www.tipranks.com/experts/analysts/david-chiaverini Or me, who’s about to mortgage everything because he see’s asymmetric risk.
• Why post now? – I genuinely think this will get re-rated with a soft tech valuation of $32, and we’re at the cusp of it happening.
• What will change the price – Market realization, better than expected results coming soon, major deals announced, new product releases planned this year. Literally yesterday they announced “SoFi at Work”, a program to allow employers to help contribute to student loan payments.

In Conclusion