For my own sanity, I took a break from revisiting the lore of Stephen, but now I’m back into it. Ooh, Lordy. These two videos are something.
First up, we’ve got “in JAIL!! what happened?”: https://youtu.be/NB3PDtrmcK8
This video actually talks more about his EMDbinaural beats stuff while teasing the automatic writing than the actual jail story. He’s apparently claustrophobic, so he got panicky at various points during this evening and supposedly calmed himself by mentally channeling the music he’d been working on. He’s also now saying that he’s not claiming he invented it, which is interesting in light of previous comments he’s made about this.
As for the actual jail story, he was arrested for fighting and spent three hours at the police station before they took him to another location for booking. He says that he was standing up for himself after someone pushed him beyond his breaking point, whatever that means. He claims that the police told him he shouldn’t have been the one to be arrested, but he caused the most damage (property damage? it’s unclear). I would highly recommend watching this one or, at the very least, reading the YouTube transcript because he goes on for a bit about “masculine energy”, which is very interesting in light of what’s happening now.
Like a lot of the videos leading up to this, the comments are overwhelmingly expressing worry and concern for him. Here’s the one with the most likes:
I said all this yesterday, but it surely fits here too. Plus since more was divulged, it seems given the alarming story, there's still an attempt to bend the narrative to more of the toxicity mentioned below.
And I'll hammer it home until it sinks in: We're not here to poopoo what you're doing. We're not here to bring negative. We're here to help from our own experience. It truly does seem there's selective blocking. You don't like hearing truth, therefore it's false. You don't like the messages given, because it requires a modicum of personal accountability. And again I must ask, given the blocking, is this how you cope with others close to you when they give you truth? Is this why L said something to the effect of, I had to moderate his emotions and walk on eggshells? Are these the things that others oft shouldered?
I have my own opinions on the "masculine energy" but they're mirrored in other posts below.
"What one has to do I suppose is look at exactly how and why you ended up there.
I'm very tired of the tons of comments in re "you're so positive, it's your journey." Friend, this is worrisome in the extreme. You don't need "yes" men. You need truth friends. And if you've read my previous comments in re being mindful of the ones that depend on you, who loses when you run away, and suddenly stopping meds isn't wise, you'll know there are many folks in your comments who won't throw glitter at things in hopes it right's itself.
The ones giving you difficult truths aren't being mean or negative. We're concerned because we've been there. And toxic positivity can actively hurt people and negate what's actually real and tangible in your life.
Sometimes taking a mirror to yourself hurts. You can't bury the pain. You can't put an ointment of fangirls/boys/theys/thems or too much of a hardcore fan to see the forest for the trees, projects, etc to cover the issue. It'll always find it's way out and lather, rinse, repeat.
Just... be mindful of who's with you at your base right now. I mean, your parents are in CA ffs."
The next day, he releases “WOW!! ok….” (what a title!): https://youtu.be/rCLD_3cEjD4
At the end of the first video, he said there was a part two that he would share in the next video. But since the comments did not go his way, he decided that he didn’t want to because we’re being mean and judgmental about the binaural beats stuff. Except the binaural beats are far from the major focus of the comments. Oh, and don’t say he’s bipolar because two different doctors said he’s not. Again, worth a watch or at least a review of the transcript on YouTube.
More concern and worry in the comments. Here’s one trying to get Stephen to understand that they’re not just being mean:
*Stephen - I’m an autistic adult who also has ADHD. I also used to work in a mental health hospital as a ward supervisor and rehab worker.
Just because someone says they’ve been checked out for things doesn’t mean they have….. the whole trouble with manic episodes is that they convince you that you have done things that you haven’t done.
We are worried Stephen. We’re not being mean - we are deeply concerned from a place of genuine love and care. Just think, if we didn’t give a crap we wouldn’t even bother posting a comment.
You are NOT being judged. You are causing genuine concern and we want you to see a professional, for whatever it is that you have going on. You need them and you need your meds. You’ve stopped taking your meds (you said you wouldn’t!) you’re not eating, not sleeping, not thinking coherently, you’re ‘fine on your own’ - these are all huge red flags. You will hang on to the ‘positive’ moments because your brain doesn’t want you to believe you need help. It’s not about ‘presenting odd’ Stephen - you’re absolutely right, odd is great! But this isn’t just odd - this is truly concerning and be mindful that it is highly uncommon to get a whole bucket load of people on the internet all desperately trying to convey the same concerns. It is because something is happening!
Also be mindful Stephen - not ONE person has said you are nuts. None of the comments you’re referring to have said that at all. You have taken all those concerns and you have translated them to mean what you think people are saying - because that’s what your current state of mind would have you believe. Not in any time or place - if you weren’t unwell - would you refer to those comments as ‘bad comments’ or ‘hate comments’. One day you will look back on this and you will be gutted that you referred to all the people posting genuine concerns as ‘bad commenters’. It will break your heart.
BUT - here we still are. Because we’re so ‘bad’ that we just can’t stop telling you how concerned we are about you and how urgently we want you to not just talk about having seen people in the past, but right HERE and NOW - see a therapist.
Please Stephen. We’re not bad people and we’re not at all trying to knock your confidence - we are the ones who would be the first to lift you up. But we’re also seeing the reality of the situation. And we can’t not say anything, BECAUSE we care too much. ❤

lauraclery #dramen*

But remember, y’all. We’re all just haters.

so when they first started kicking in i had a breif phase at first where i “realized that everything is perfect”. we all just keep putting ourselves through suffering to chase shit when we can all just decide that everything right now as it is, is perfect since after all it is simply our minds that decide what is good and bad. but then that was followed by this really fucking sad and depressing stage that was like if we already have everything that we need right now and we don’t need to do anything then life is meaningless and we all might as well be dead. that was followed by a long depressing “to live is to suffer, and we will suffer no matter what we do. if we realize that everything is perfect as it is, we suffer from not having anything meaningful to do. if we decide to chase something, we suffer in chasing it.”. this lasted till just a little bit ago but then now im like “okay so pain is real and it exists, the universe is not perfect because in it is a lot of pain and suffering. but theres also a lot of good in it as well. existence is the ultimate jack of all trades, with it you get suffering, but you’re also able to comprehend good, something you can’t do if you don’t exist. the ultimate way to deal with the suffering that comes with existence is to accept it. ive been so busy trying to stop suffering, ive been researching possible ways to make MDMA last forever without damaging the brain. i have to realize that suffering is a key part of existing and accept it. because suffering is the price of the existence required to experience good and it is a price worth paying.

My sleepless dream ends with an alarm, the pounding klaxon of mission start. The whirring of servos and pump of hydraulics brings my body to full readiness, ready for one last ticket.
The Woman from Angeri gave us this mission. She gave it to us and us alone. For the glory of all Mankind she said, strike at the heart of the Imperium. Bloody their nose in a way they’ll never forget.
The pilot, a good one from Yord, helps me get into gear. Everything from the combat armor, thrusters, and the ever-important Agamemnon device.
Myself and the rest of my team step into the waiting airlock, turning on the armor seals and tapping into the armor air reserves. The chamber depressurizes before the airlock finally opens. We jump outside the deployment vessel and switch our radios on, waiting for the signal to begin our descent to the world below.
“Mayday, Mayday, this is the Independent Trader Timberwolf,”
“Acknowledged Timberwolf, how may we assist,” came the response from the Imperial highport authorities.
“I don’t know, there seems to be an issue with the jump fuel li-” the captain began to say before the ship suddenly went up in a ball of white. The captain played her part beautifully, and the wreckage would act as our cover to hot drop onto the world.
Thrusters activate and I deploy my heat shield as I gun for the palace. The Coalition will be sorry to lose that pilot, she got us right over target.Now initially the Imps didn’t seem too perturbed. Debris from a ship that small would just burn up in atmosphere, no skin off their back, but they did get worried seeing five little metallic things drop from high orbit right over the palace. We made it to about cloud level before they scrambled fighters. Pretty good all be told.
Jond did his part too, he flipped around and pushed his thrusters to meet the oncoming jets. As he did so I activated the Agamemnon device. Jond got off about four rockets, splashing four of the jets, before he got taken out.
The rest flew around like headless chickens, this hot and heavy device strapped to my back cast out hundreds of false sensor pings for them to follow, blinding them in all capacities except the MK. 1 eyeball.
Even then, we were small, we were fast, and we were refracting light thanks to these cloaks. Imps never knew what hit em as we finally made touch down in the gardens of the palace. Asha, Nargör, and Dekan went to make a nuisance of themselves, sliver guns out and on the bounce.
The shoulder mounted plasma gun took out the main door, and some poor Imp standing behind it. I stormed into a room of Imperial marines, guns in hand, and practically as reflex I washed em out with hypersonic slivers. This ballistic computer was worth every penny of Coalition dime as I ripped holes into Imp after Imp.
One poor bastard even tried to knife me, as if a little knife is going to stop the one-ton steel abomination that is me. I ripped his head off and continued further into the palace. Everywhere I go is decorated with frescoes, paintings, and statues depicting all the glories of Mankind they revere, and everything that drove them to conflict with us. I find it a bit arrogant, but mine is not to question why.
A few Imps try to interrupt my thoughts, but again they are ripped apart by slivers on reflex. They even bothered to set-up a heavy laser emplacement at the end of the hallway, not that it does them any good. They burn through a decent chunk of my left arm as I rolled out of the way and down a side passage. A quick particulate grenade obscures their next shot, and a plas grenade silences the gun. That was a very quick response, clearly not enough though.
Pushing through a few more isolated bands of Imps, I find the rather gaudy throne room with its big golden doors. Left arm is at reduced effectiveness, and I can only guess that most of his personal guard is in the room with him.
Instead of walking through the front door, I push up to the ceiling. Hanging there I bore through it with a breaching charge, and emerge up on the roof. I find a rather surprised team of snipers who are quickly dispatched by my saka after I leap at them.
Dropping down from the skylight I make ready to dispatch the Emperor’s personal guard, only to find none. Just an old man on a gaudy throne.
“My sons and daughters have already evacuated the palace Coalition Man,”
“They were not our target,”
“Truly? You have far more restraint than my generals it would seem,"
“Call it a difference in philosophy,” I said, and at that the Emperor of the Empire of the Mind laughed long and deep.
“I know you find me repugnant Coalition Man, but would you honor a final request?”“Depends,”
“I wish to fall on my sword,”
“Then do it,” I said, to which the Emperor gave a simple nod.
There the Emperor drew from his throne a long blade, and succeeded in his final will. I took his head, and split his spine to ensure there was no recovery.
“Target eliminated. Adiri 1-5, report,”
“War Cabinet eliminated. Adiri 2,”
“Engaging the enemy. Adiri 3,”
“I am near overrun. Adiri 4,”
“Mission success, say your final prayers,”
No Imps come to avenge their emperor. Maybe they’re distracted? Or cowards. Either way, it seems I have a moment. I sit on this throne, this paltry thing of stone and gold that enables little men to end millions. Don’t know what I expected. It's a little vindicating to deliver the death he so flippantly affected back to him and his councilors, each of which could have schemed to prevent this. When my soul goes to Orz, to the living Void, I think he’ll find this all very funny. It's been long enough, I confirm the self-destruct order.
It burns for only a moment.
​
For another perspective of this conflict:
A Chance Meeting
​
Author's Note: If anyone understands why Reddit ruined my formatting three different ways when posting this that would be wonderful.

I've told this story so many times that my larynx hurts. I've dictated it so many times and then had to go back and correct the mistakes I'm working on carpal tunnel as well. Anyway as you can tell I'm at that point of the day where I felt I should share but what's the point? I work in an industry where I'm a painter of sets and such for corporate events and plays and things like that. So out of the blue they decided when you get day to use isisyanite-based primers and paints and we did it over the weekend and I was exposed for close to 16 hours with only a 3M gas mask with a regular filter in it. The sprayed product was called chassis saver. If you want to look up the MSDS you're going to have to type in chassis saver MSDS. It's got a whole smorgasbord of fun like methyl diisocyanate mixed with aluminum flake? That was shot out of an HVLP gun under pressure in a closed Warehouse because it was seemed outside so there was no ventilation for 2 days. I had ... okay let's just quit trying to give anybody to benefit it out here and say I had no protection whatsoever. Cuz if I'm going to mention the 3M mask but not the fact that I need a full body suit gloves full face mask with supplied oxygen and I'm supposed to leave all of my clothes at work including my shoes and not get it on my skin along with proper ventilation? Well none of that was done. First off because we weren't worried about the danger secondly none of that stuff is available to us at work and thirdly I wasn't even the one using the stuff. Didn't matter I still became concerned when the room was a silvery cloud of toxins so after a couple weeks when I realized I was asthmatic and having reactions every time I went to work? My GM had me apply for workers comp and sent me home for 4 days. Then I was asked to come back to work to help and the symptoms started again. It took me a while to figure out what was going on by doing some reading on OSHA and the CDC. Plus all the other articles and case studies. It all lined up it was obvious that I didn't kind of get exposed... I was immersed in it. That includes breathing it having it in my eyes eating after using it no ventilation and wearing the same clothes home along with getting some on my skin when I was helping him clean up afterwards. Poured it on the side of my abdomen because it was in a mixing cup. It felt really good. Anyway, as soon as this hit corporate everything went s*** house crazy. I continue to go to work for 4 weeks and see the doctor that they had sent me to and since I've been self-employed my whole life as a portrait artist? That's my college degree it's a BFA and fine arts. Probably kiss my oil painting career goodbye. So they got rid of the job I had and any other talents I could fall back on. Anyway yeah this is going to be kind of a sarcastic post so enjoy it. What doctor was I send to that was an expert on chemical exposure with isocyanates and occupational acquired asthma? What was the name of that place it's famous like the Mayo Clinic but instead it's everywhere and oh yeah Concentra. You know the place you go to and the doctor runs a stethoscope all over you and says he doesn't hear anything to indicate asthma even though it sounds like there's a kitten stuck in your throat? Then he tricks your blood pressure and says it's normal even though it's rising quickly? He asks you why you're there and nods his head and you can tell in his mind he's going "well that's like a total s*** show. If I do what the insurance adjusters are telling me to do I'm basically sending this guy back to work to die. So let me get on that" I would come in and he would look at me and say so what do you want to do today and I would say I don't know maybe doctor stuff like check me see if I have asthma I don't know what the tests are for us to cyanide exposure? You're the doctor what do you want to do? Oh you want to go okay well be sure and sign that box telling me to return to work because he can't find any injury or evidence of exposure. Thanks. Oh this week you want to do blood work. But you only want to test for the most extreme exposure the kind that would cause neurological damage and okay. So he sends off the blood test tells me it'll be a week. And remind you I'm going back to work every day and getting re-exposed to all the stuff that I'm now allergic to and it's damaging my lungs and I'm coughing so hard my lungs are starting to separate from the wall my back. It's funny it's hilarious you know but at least they're saving money. They get to watch it and hear it but you know... buck up cowboy. You shouldn't smoke. Yeah y'all managed to do more damage to my lungs in 18 hours than I did in 47 years of light smoking. Seriously five cigarettes a day maybe. No history of asthma no history of allergies other than penicillin. I always watched other people just go through miserable seasons I mean just I swollen shut it's not running down their face and I thought how lucky I am. So my job decided that wasn't fair and locked me in the building with a chemical that destroyed a town in India. And they only used it that one time and decided they didn't like the properties of it. Probably cuz it's not meant to be put on wood but that's what the chassis saver was for was to give it sort of a metallic quality so they can roll the what yeah that's right bed truck liner on it that was day two and early the next day. When everybody was at work. When we were applying this stuff they were only two people there me and my supervisor. So if you look at the time clock it tells you when and who was there. If you look at when this stuff was purchased and under what project the stuff was charged to? what client? While we were doing a huge project for caterpillar that they were having out in Las Vegas. Don't know why one of our designers figured that bed liner would be a good idea for some of the staging when you can achieve that with paint and clear coat. But that's what he wanted. So so much for avoiding it just because it's not necessary. In the state of Texas you can't sue your employer for personal injury unless you can prove gross negligence. I would say that kind of falls where we're at. Unfortunately the other thing in Texas is that there aren't many workers comp attorneys because in 1993 they passed some laws that made being a workers comp attorney a tricky thing and you can lose your license really easy. In other words it was a very business friendly law to get companies to move here. Especially when you couldn't get sued for you know sending someone on fire or destroying their lungs and life. So a lot of people can get a worker's comp attorney even if they're a crappy one. But most of them that claim to be workers comp attorneys? They're actually just want to hear your stories so they can see if there's a personal injury lawsuit in there due to gross negligence cuz that's the only way they're going to make any money in this state and if it's a chemical exposure? I've been told by several attorneys who had extreme sympathy for my situation that they couldn't even refer me to an attorney that would take my case hey there's no attorney that's going to touch a chemical exposure case in Texas because it's already tough enough. Well I've been put the ringer lied to followed by a private investigator in the whole time I've been on represented and doing all the paperwork myself which they throw at me everyday usually it's fake stuff or stuff with the wrong date or deadline on it they mess with any attempts I get to find another diagnosis when they know damn well what happened on what day and with what products and who was there and when you know there's just no disputing the fact of what happened and when it happened and that we weren't protected because they don't have that kind of stuff there for PPE. we don't use that stuff so why would we need supplied oxygen masks. If I'm spraying something with metal paint mixed with silo I put on a 3M mask and use it organic filter and keep an eye on when it's starting to wear out even then? I'm not going to get leukemia or brain cancer for another 30 years well after I'm not working for them anymore so they've got that going for them and as do I. And this happened back in February 25th and I was sent home immediately because they were extremely concerned but they be suddenly became unconcerned about 4 days later I guess cuz corporate got involved and told me to come back into work and I spent another four weeks getting worse and worse and worse having the weekends to try and recover but not completely so I would start off at a level of irritation and asthma that was already underway when I returned on Monday. This was fun. Because even though they can see it they would just blame it on my smoking which is hilarious because you know life and for that weekend I wasn't allergic to anything in that building for two and a half years and I'm one of two people in the paint department so it's not a huge crew I'd say there's about 30 people that work there and probably too many people in the front office getting paid too much just sitting air conditioning. I mean they do work but you know if they had the chance they'd probably urinate on your face. That's not fair. They would wait till you run conscious from toxic exposure to gases anyway. Or they would but the workers comp adjusters do that for them. I mean they pay them for a reason and it's not help the employee so? Why am I talking to them again without an attorney oh yeah see above. So yeah they're just having a good old time they're beating me like a pinata making me run around like an idiot and freaking me out with letters and false deadlines that after a while I began to realize it being seriously gas lit I stopped playing nice guy and started recording phone calls and screenshotting text messages to make sure they got saved and save me everything in files and whenever they screwed up and intentionally put the wrong deadline on a Federal form like a FL la form from the Department of Labor anything like that? I would call him about that and record the response. One of my favorites was well that was just a suggested date because you know if you got it done sooner then you would get the paperwork done sooner and everything you get done sooner and you know just faster. Well yeah I understand how that works Einstein thanks I understand the whole concept and time and speed Mass velocity whatever. I swear to God they treat me like Chaka from Land of the Lost. They're all like 30 years younger than me and about to lose their jobs to AI but hey it'll be funny to watch. Won't need all those people running CAD machines and designing stuff after a few years. But let them enjoy it while they can anyway back to my career being ruined so they've just been having a good old time calling me and then they sent out a private investigator to harass me and want to talk to me until finally I just exploded and said what is it exactly you want to talk to me about.? I've been advised by everybody I know who is an attorney who may not be working in workers comp but they are an attorney? That I should never ever meet with a private investigator especially one that's a third party. You know one that's hired and not actually from the company. Cuz then he's not bound by the laws of an attorney or a police officer or an investigator he can do what he wants. Especially since he wanted to just talk to me and fill in the details of what happened that day. You know what caused the accident. I asked him what kind of forum is this going to occur in he said we could meet anywhere you want we can meet at McDonald's but I'm sure you don't want people here in your private information and I told him I don't like McDonald's anyway so I don't know I guess maybe after I get done with this doctor and have a solid diagnosis of asthma and something to stand on I'll be ready to comment. But until then I'm not meeting with you without an attorney in the room and probably even after I'm not going to meet with you without attorney in the room. So now it's come to this thing where I do have a doctor that's helping that was accidentally in their Network because I guess it slipped to the radar that they had an actual doctor that would do spirometry and asthma testing. of course they're messing with her a lot. I get your phone calls I get weird texts everybody has assured me that I'm obviously being observed surveilled. I don't see anything but I don't care either because nothing to see. I'm not at work. Why would I have asthma at home? I'm sure there's some triggers out there but I haven't discovered yet but that'll be fun and something to do in my free time. Anyway they seem to be kind of stuck in this rut where they won't go forward or approve anything unless I meet with the private investigator. Finally I blew my stack and said that I have no obligation to me the private investigator I've made my statement they were two people in the room y'all know what happened y'all know what I'm saying was the result you're not allowing me to explore that so I would think the best way for y'all to fill in the gaps and figure out what happened and what the situation this is letting me go to a f****** doctor that treats me and actually trust me for the things that I claim I have. That way instead of treating me like I'm lying you can prove that I'm lying which won't happen because I'm not lying which is obviously what you know so what is it he wants to ask me about again oh yeah he wants me to fill in the details is he a doctor? No okay well how about you get a doctor to do it instead of somebody who follows people husbands and wives around looking for infidelity. So I still don't have an attorney and I called OSHA reported the exposure and all they did was call my workplace and say "hey, did you have an exposure there?" and they said "yeah, but we got rid of that stuff" and they said "okay great" slow clap into a face palm. Which you know, kind of blew my mind. Because I thought calling OSHA was starting a nuclear war. That they would be in there with clip boards and chemical detectors and wanting to know just what the hell happened here. Because they've been really hard on this chemical and they've been trying to educate the public but evidently calling and just asking if it happened and them saying "well we got rid of that stuff" . That's enough for them. never mind the fact it was an "exposure to isocyanates in the workplace that I was reporting" which is what they told me they were going to check on. I wasn't calling them to tell them that they had harmful materials in a building, so evidently the guy I'm dealing with doesn't understand exactly what the law is or what law I was trying to get them to acknowledge. Cuz that would help my case if there were questions posed by government officials and they had to tell the truth. Either way, if they reported the exposure?great. They followed the law and I would have that an admission that an exposure occurred .....or they didn't report it and it would look really bad and probably cost them some money. But to my dismay, OSHA is obviously a joke. At least here in Dallas. So it's been real fun, yeah it's been one disappointment after the other of people just saying "I know this is my job, but I'm sorry. looking at your situation I'm just not good enough talented or educated enough to take it on. I'm just one of those people takes the easy cases and if something looks difficult? Even if it's a matter of you possibly dying or living on the streets and your whole family getting kicked out and never having a proper diagnosis to have on your medical records to show other employers or people in the situations that you can't be in in the future? I'm going to go over here and handle this easy money case." I'm sure there are some attorneys out there that if they knew about me and my situation it'll be all over it because they like a challenge and realize that there's not much left to do. All the information that I have and phone recordings, some documentation of b******* that has accumulated over the past months. Because normally you know you'd call a lawyer at the beginning of the case and there wouldn't be anything there. But since they figured I was never going to get an attorney? It was just "hey let's whack the pinata guy" . If an attorney were to walk in at this point? We've got enough acts of malfeasance and fraud and deliberate dishonesty, misleading statements and instructions, recordings and plenty of Doom and gloom documents meant to make me quit give up or go away out of fear or exhaustion.....and all I have to do is just hand you this stack and explain to you what's going on and we could probably even find a case that had nothing to do with workers compensation and had more to do with fraud and gross negligence and just have fun doing that. I mean they've had their fun why not? I didn't go into this looking for a cash settlement I just wanted to be taken care of and as the law states it should be. But I'm really just kind of f****** done with the whole f****** thing because everyone I talk to everyone I talk to doesn't want to touch it. When you have workers comp insurance that doesn't have ANY (ZERO) doctors in their Network to handle workplace asthma? which is one of the most common workers comp claims it pretty much leads the pack with all the saw dust and gas fumes out there to breathe in. But no we didn't have any doctors that would treat that or even know how to treat that at all. in fact the ONE that I did find? had retired about 5 years ago. That was funny. it was always a interesting thing to find out that when you finally had an aha moment leading to a hopeful situation? That turned out it was actually just a straw man. Even dealing with the Texas agencies help with people who are going through workers compensation or having difficulties? It depends on how you get on the line there's nothing more extremely helpful to the point where they'll even call the adjuster to make them call you back and help you fill out your forms whereas there were others that are just generally irritated by the fact that you're even calling and don't know what you're talking about. Well believe it or not there are some people in this world that don't do workers comp for living and don't spend their whole time having to deal with it. Especially people that are self-employed portrait artists for most of their lives. I guess this long-winded rambling stream of consciousness is just what's going on in my head and I can tell you right now it ain't a lot of good things and nothing really positive to say about working for anybody under any circumstances and I wouldn't take anything that anybody said they were going to do for you as a fact. It's all good on paper and everything but when it comes down to it it's all about saving money and if it involves an injury that doesn't look good on their records they got to get rid of that and they really don't f****** care what happens to you. You could be dissolving with sulfuric acid on your body and they would tell you to get out of the Sun and quit smoking. And they just watch it happen until you were just a pile of just steaming you know white powder on the ground or whatever happens. Do I sound frustrated? Flippant "whatever. Didn't see that coming". So I guess if you're in Texas and you're an attorney that this work is compensation and you want your entire case handed to you and you can say that you want a chemical exposure case in Texas I've got it right here for you if not fine. If you're from out of state that's fine too if you'd like to file a lawsuit that they beat me with clowns I don't give a carrot to a donkey whether you do that or not. As long as we win the case and they suffer for their behavior. It's not all vengeance. I want but is owed to me by law. And I didn't get that instead I got financial destitution cuz they have not paid me a dime and I'm the runaround which is basically we won't honor your claim until you prove that you were injured on the job. Okay I can't do that unless I prove that I have asthma. So they send me to a doctor that doesn't treat me for asthma now he's my pcp. Finally I find somebody that can treat me what do they do they immediately start pulling the plug on everything saying that my time's up sorry this show's over quick turn off the lights but hold up a minute they were too slow and I was able to get in there and she's doing spirometry tests and everything but you know I know it's not going to be enough because that's why I need to do the super serious testing the kind that definitively says whether you have asthma or not and there's no doubt there's no doubt that these people can try and split hairs and make excuses. Then I get to try and type for the workplace which wouldn't be hard if I had an attorney because this in front of a judge and argue it this is the guy before this is the guy after he's got occupational asthma he worked here for two and a half years and then after that weekend where was the only two days out of the year that that chemical was present and being sprayed? After that he developed severe occupational asthma and an insensitivity to isocyanide due to acute exposure with absolutely no PPE or guidance instruction and now no help no financial help and the guys that I work with here in town that run the show don't talk to me anymore it's all corporate people that were states away and have no idea and don't care what the facts are they just want the positive outcome which is the one that benefits them. But we all know that. We wouldn't be in this form if we didn't know that. Ask for all of y'all that have had better luck congratulations. I am truly happy for you. I don't know where I'm going to be I know obviously you can tell where I am mentally right now and that if another person involved with the adjuster or my employers handed me a form fill out to get the thing that I need that ain't going to happen that they say would happen that won't? I'd wad it up and throw it back in their face without reading it and not worrying about what they say will happen if I don't fill it out. Because they know if I fill it out and sign it or if I don't fill it out and sign it? It wouldn't do a f****** thing. Unless it was an attorney wanting to get with me and get a retainer and all that stuff set up .....and get going. Because nothing.....everything else is just a f****** waste of time, gas and mental energy. It's just that's what it's designed to do... wear you down. You know the truth and you can't prove it and you start feeling like you're living in bad movie like invasion of the body snatchers or something. like I said, it's the ultimate definition of gaslighting. So if you're going through the same thing with workers comp? I feel your pain. I definitely have sympathies if your injuries are more severe or debilitating than mine and you're being treated like this, but something needs to be done about the system because I'm quite aware of what it is now. I've had plenty of time to sit down and parse out what happened and watch videos listen to other attorneys talk read articles on the chemical and how not only companies and workers comp are reacting to it, but also the manufacturers themselves. For instance the CEO that wiped out that city in India? he showed up one day for court in India and then claimed he had to return to the states to take care of some business and never went back. India tried to extradite him for several decades. But instead? he was able to retire with a nice fat paycheck Savage whatever you want to call it and live out the rest of his days in Florida. And I guess he slept well at night knowing what he did. Union carbide. Bought by now Dow? Pretty sure they have never done anything wrong..... I'll have to double check that but I'm pretty sure on they are on up and up right? If they have the good attorney defend the behavior. I mean chemical companies they don't f*** around.... do they? anyway. whatever. I'm not too jaded to where I don't want to accept help or nail these f***. Or just get what I deserve. So take my post as a bit of Comedy or just a rant..... some venting. Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't. Just don't let it scare you cuz your case might be totally different than mine. I have an invisible injury and that's a s** place to be. Just like growing up in Texas. Well I guess it's time to lay down on the couch and play video games. How much is something like that pay?
My apologies if the punctuation spelling of what I've written up there (or actually dictated) has weird words that are completely out of contact in there somewhere. I dictated this because I'm so f****** tired of typing and I'm really tired of going back over what I wrote and fixing the grammar and trying to make it not look insane? It's just fatigue and I just thought I should get this out there in the Reddit forum. I'm a member of some other groups, but you know... first time listener first time caller

I am 27 and have managed to accrue a hefty sum of debt, currently about $500,000 of debt. Debt breakdown: 110k is credit card debt, ranging from 15-28% APR. 235k is unsecured personal loans, ranging from 15-34%. 155k is student loans. I have just graduated and will start paying these back in 6 months. Total monthly debt payment is around $13k and debts range from 7 years old to as recent as 10 months.
I pay $7000/month in rent and have been working with my landlord to try to find a tenant to replace my unit so I can move to a much smaller more affordable unit, but my lease has another year in it and so far nothing.
I earn $335,000/yr
I have about $50,000 in real estate and long term investments (think I Bonds, CDs, etc) which can take quite a while to cash out if needed. I have 2 months worth of rent and utility in short term investments ($20,000) that I can liquidate with a few days notice.
I have $110,000 in my 401k
I do not have any other assets. I do currently have a lawsuit still pending for the total damage of a vehicle I used to own from 2021.
I have let it get too far and really need to take a hard look in the mirror and cut this out, and I’m considering my first option as don’t buy anything except the bare necessities and take out a loan from my 401k to attack my highest interest debts (401k borrowing max of 50k to pay off 50k 34% APR debt). Focus on paying that off and snowballing the rest of my way through my debt, while trying very hard to move out to a 5k lesser apartment. Hopefully my plan is in three years, I’ll have no debt, no loans, and a much more controlled spending habits.
Is there any major pitfalls that come with a 401k loan in this circumstance, anything I may be missing, or anything I should do prior to a 401k loan?
Thanks for your help!

Most of my builds are theme builds that match a captain to a ship matching their species. Today's entry is a Lethean captain who utilizes their dangerous psychic abilities to cripple enemy ships while they fight. Most of the decisions I made on this build were based on representing that in the game, and are, in many cases, very, very not meta. This build will not win any DPS races, so if that is what you are looking for, do yourself a favor and find a different build. Like usual for me, I don't typically inflict my theme builds on other parties or elite content, so they are rarely parsed, but I don't post them until I am largely satisfied with how well they get through content. This one is no exception to that rule, though that doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement, there usually is, even within my theme.
The idea of making a psychic combat ship is taken from the fact that that is how they fight on the ground in the show, at least the one episode I recall them from. I felt that they would want to capitalize on their own strengths in space as well, and this build is designed to represent that. While their psychic abilities on the ground are lethal, this build is focused on placate and confuse mechanics for the most part, since there aren't many actually called out psychic powers for ship combat.
The idea is to hit them with a placate, then give them another target to go after, and then confuse them, so they end up targeting other things, letting you attack with impunity.
The placates the ship uses are Strike From the Shadows, Slippery Target, Failsafe Scrambler, An Explosive Expert doff. Other placate sources were considered, but discarded due to lack of adequate triggers, or wanting to use the slots they would take for other things. The primary method of confusion is Attack Pattern Lambda III, which along with things like eject warp plasma can also mess with their perception, for what little that is worth.
Since I am relying on an attack pattern to deliver confusion, and can deliver placates the same way via Strike From the Shadows, I want my weapons to hit as many targets as possible as fast as possible, so I rely on beams which strike instantly and FAW, Torpedo Spread, and Entwined Tactical Matrices to deliver those effects.
Now, placate and confuse effects also enable a few other things, Abundance of Caution giving me sizable DRR against confused enemies, Strike from the shadows crit bonuses, and Concealed Repairs healing effects.
There are also a number of build elements that encourage me to get close and stay close, for example the debilitating effects of the Bajoran Defense set (which I an counting as debilitating psychic effects in my own mental fantasy of the character. Pretty much any debuff to the enemy on this build can be added to that list as well), Slippery Target's additional sizable DRR bonus, and Painful memories.
Painful memories is one of the few ship based things the game actually calls out as being psychic (via it's flavor text: "Cause a psionic energy resonance with the EPS of enemy ships"), so I felt somewhat compelled to include it, even though it isn't very efficient. It's inclusion on the build compelled me to include the only 2 engineering abilities that are both foe-affecting, and AOE: Eject Warp Plasma and Unstable Warp Field... and ironically they both have a shared 15 second cooldown, so you won't see me using them at the same time... but I largely don't need to.
I paired Eject Warp Plasma up with Coolant Ignition, which does not share a cooldown with each other, but do behave similarly in their deployment. I typically use them with the active rep trait Tethered Non-Baryonic Asteroid, which lets me pull groups of ships behind me in the clouds as they deploy. My ship's turn rate is high enough that I can even be broadsiding them with my beam arrays as I do this.
I paired Unstable Warp Bubble up with Deploy Countermeasures, together handling any small battlefield objects out there, and helping keep me pretty safe. The deploy countermeasures has the additional affect of providing more targets fro enemies to hit other than me when I confuse them.
Speaking of those additional targets, photonic fleet and aceton assimilator both also serve this purpose. However of the three, ideally enemies target the assimilator. Any drain effect it might have is really incidental. It's really there for my confuse effects to get as many enemies hitting it with energy weapons as possible. I have wracked up a surprising amount of damage doing that, even in solo play.

Captain Details

Captain Name	Usgan
Captain Career	Science
Captain Faction	Klingon
Captain Race	Lethean

Space Skill Tree

Rank	Engineering		Science		Tactical
Lieutenant	Improved Hull Restoration	Improved Hull Capacity	Shield Restoration	Improved Shield Capacity	Advanced Energy Weapon Training	Advanced Projectile Weapon Training
Lt. Commander	Improved Electro-Plasma System Flow	Advanced Impulse Expertise	Improved Control Expertise	Improved Drain Expertise	Advanced Targeting Expertise
	Full Impulse Energy Shunt		Control Amplification	Drain Infection
Commander					Advanced Weapon Amplification	Advanced Weapon Specialization
Captain			Advanced Exotic Particle Generator	Advanced Long Range Targeting Sensors	Advanced Hull Penetration
Admiral					Coordination Protocols
					Defensive Coordination
					Offensive Coordination
0 Points Left	10		15		21

Space Skill Unlocks

Purchases	Engineering	Science	Tactical
2	Hazard Emitters III	Science Team III	Tachyon Beam III
5	Battery Expertise	Sector Space Travel Speed	Threat Control
7	Feedback Pulse III	Photonic Shockwave III	Jam Sensors III
10	Maximum Hull Capacity	Maximum Shield Capacity	Projectile Critical Chance
12		Gravity Well III	Tractor Beam III
15		Control Resistance	Energy Critical Chance
17			Viral Matrix III
20			Accuracy

Ship Loadout: Lethean Nemosin Pilot Escort

Slot	Item
Fore Weapon 1	Nausicaan Energy Torpedo Launcher
Fore Weapon 2	Nausicaan Disruptor Beam Array
Fore Weapon 3	Terran Task Force Disruptor Beam Array
Fore Weapon 4	Experimental Romulan Disruptor Beam Array
Fore Weapon 5	Disruptor Wide Angle Dual Heavy Beam Bank
Aft Weapon 1	House Martok Omni-Directional Disruptor Beam Array
Aft Weapon 2	Omni-Directional Disruptor Beam Array
Experimental Weapon	Ravager Shriek Mk XV [CrtX]
Deflector	[Bajor Defense Deflector Array ] Mk XV [CtrlX][EPG]x2
Impulse Engines	[Bajor Defense Hyper-Impulse Engines ] Mk XV [Turn]x3
Warp Core	[Bajor Defense Hyper Injection Warp Core Mk XV]
Shields	[Bajor Defense Covariant Shield Array ] Mk XV [Cap]x3
Devices	Red Matter Capacitor
	Kobyashi Maru
	Deuterium Surplus
2 Engineering Consoles	Console - Universal - Aceton Assimilator
	Console - Engineering - House Martok Defensive Configuration Mk XV
4 Science Consoles	Console - Science - Nausicaan Siphon Capacitor Mk XV
	Console - Science - Exotic Particle Focuser Mk XV
	Console - Science - Exotic Particle Focuser Mk XV
	Console - Science - Exotic Particle Focuser Mk XV
5 Tactical Consoles	Console - Tactical - Vulnerability Locator Mk XV
	Console - Tactical - Vulnerability Locator Mk XV
	Console - Tactical - Vulnerability Locator Mk XV
	Console - Tactical - Vulnerability Locator Mk XV
	Console - Tactical - Vulnerability Locator Mk XV
T6-X Universal Console	Console - Tactical - Lorca's Custom Fire Controls

Officer Details

Bridge Officers	Power
Commander Tactical-Pilot	Kemocite-Laced Weaponry I
Engineered Soldier (Space)	Deploy Countermeasures II
	Attack Pattern Lambda III
	Coolant Ignition III
Lt. Commander Universal	Emergency Power to Weapons I
Engineered Soldier (Space)	Emit Unstable Warp Bubble I
	Eject Warp Plasma I
Lt. Commander Science	Very Cold in Space I
Engineered Soldier (Space)	Photonic Officer I
	Destabilizing Resonance Beam II
Lieutenant Universal	Beam Array: Fire at Will I
	Torpedo: Spread II
Ensign Engineering	Emergency Power to Shields I

Traits & Duty Officers

Trait	Name	Description
Personal Traits	Advanced Rapid Support	Your Career-specific Fleet ability has a reduced Recharge Time. This applies to Engineering Fleet, Tactical Fleet, and Science Fleet.
	Failsafe Scrambler	When your hull drops below 20%, automatically Placate all foes within 10km for 5 seconds and reset Threat vs. all nearby NPCs (max once per 90 seconds)
	Psychological Warfare	+20% Bonus Control Ability Effectiveness
	Fragment of AI Tech	Improves Control Expertise. Improves Energy Weapon Damage based on Control Expertise (maximum 30% at 300 Control Expertise)Many of Control's ships were left behind after the battle, positively riddled with technology gained from its portion of the Sphere data. Despite Starfleet's best efforts, it proved impossible to keep all of these advances under wraps. :+__% Energy Weapon Damage based on Control Expertise (Max +30% at 300 Control Expertise) : +50 [[Skill: Control Expertise
	Particle Manipulator	Improved Criticals for Exotic Damage, based on Particle Generators
	Inspirational Leader
	Abundance of Caution	Space Trait. You are just paranoid enough to protect yourself from surprise engagements, whether they be from confused allies unable to tell friend from foe, or from sudden ambushes of decloaking or suprise enemies that initiate combat while already in close proximity.
	The Boimler Effect	Space Trait. Provides a chance for using Bridge Officer Abilities to recharge all other Bridge Officer Ability recharge times up to their respective Shared Cooldown Categories.
	Intelligence Agent Attaché	Weapon Critical Strikes partially recharge Captain AbilityWeapon Critical Strikes restore a small amount of Captain Ability recharge time. Cannot reduce an ability below its minimum recharge time. Maximum one reduction per 1.33 seconds.Having an observer from intelligence can be taxing, but the advantage in access to information has tempted many Captains into such an arrangement :On Weapon Critical Strike, restore 2% of Captain Ability Recharge
	Photonic Capacitor	Space Trait. This trait causes the activation of your Science abilities to reduce your remaining cooldown on Photonic Fleet by 20 seconds. This effect may only be triggered a maximum of once every 10 seconds, and will only trigger if Photonic Fleet is currently in cooldown.
Starship Traits	Emergency Weapon Cycle	- While this starship trait is active, using Emergency Power to Weapons will also reduce weapon power cost and increase your weapon fire rate moderately.
	Entwined Tactical Matrices	- While this trait is slotted, activating Beams: Fire at Will or Cannons: Scatter Volley causes your next torpedo attack to be a Torpedo Spread. Activating Torpedo Spread causes you to gain Beams: Fire at Will and Cannons: Scatter Volley for a short duration.
	Strike from Shadows	- While this trait is slotted, attacking a foe that does not have you targeted will placate them for a short duration, and you will gain a significant boost to Weapon Damage and Critical Hit Chance, in addition to a decrease to your outgoing threat generation. Additional attacks on any foe who does not have you targeted will refresh the duration of these buffs. You cannot placate the same enemy more than once per 60 seconds this way.
	Slippery Target	- Pilot abilities and Auxiliary to Dampeners grant damage resistance and placate foes within 3km.
	Painful Memories
	Concealed Repairs	When you Cloak or Placate an enemy, Heal and recharge Bridge Officer abilities.
Space Reputation Traits	Precision	Increases your Critical Hit Chance in space combat.
	Advanced Targeting Systems	Slightly increases critical severity in space combat.
	Energy Refrequencer	Heals Hull when Dealing Damage
	Enhanced Rending Shots	Weapon Non-Crits increase Crit Chance
	Enhanced Armor Penetration	Ship weapons have increased Armor Penetration
Duty Officers	Conn Officer	[SP] Recharges Evasive Maneuvers when Emergency Power to Engines is activated.
	Matter-Antimatter Specialist	[SP] Chance to immobilize enemies when activating Eject Warp Plasma
	Space Warfare Specialist	[SP]'''Weapons Expert''': chance on using an energy Weapon Firing Mode I or II to trigger the II or III version instead
	Explosives Expert	[SP] Torpedo Taunt/Placate (based on Threatening Stance)
	Sensors Officer	[SP] Debuff target's offensive damage with Sensor Scan
	Entertainer	[SP] Chance to inhibit target's [[Perception]] on use of beams and cannons

This piece recounts the first time I drank an ancient plant medicine called Ayahuasca. It comes from Amazonian tribes who consider it a sacred plant medicine with healing powers and, given what a hugely beneficial impact it has had on my life, I am very comfortable describing it as medicine.
One Saturday, in the spring of 2016 I was greeted by the medicine man himself with a big hug, let’s call him Blu. I came into his kitchen to be greeted by several women with slightly comical homemade, feather headdresses and couldn’t help but think I’d walked into a kid’s birthday party. In the garden, there was a small festival tent set up which had a hay bale altar with easter decorations.
The ceremony had around 30 other participants and 10 shamans. In the middle of the tent stood the medicine man’s wife, Sun who was very much the master of the ceremony. She had the most daring headdress, flowing orange robes and a rattle in her hand. She spoke to us with warm, friendly humour telling us that we would know the medicine had kicked in once her singing started to sound good!
She advised that each experience is unique and we should try not to have huge expectations, sometimes nothing at all happens the first time. Having waited five years for this day I was quietly confident that this would not be the case for me and boy was I right!
We went around the circle introducing ourselves and explained what we were hoping to get out of the ceremony. Focusing on your intent during a psychedelic experience is meant to help you get what you are looking for.
During my turn, I expressed my desire to regain my self-confidence and passion for the opportunities and women in my life to whom I never seem to be able to fully commit.
Once we had all shared, we learned that it was time to drink.
My heart was filled with profound forbearing and excitement as I went up to receive a small glass of harsh-tasting, brown liquid which certainly tasted like medicine!
I had a basic camping mattress and a duvet laid out for me which I snuggled into before pulling on my eye mask. I was on my back trying not to think too much about the medicine, whether it was working or maybe wouldn’t work while I meditated for an hour.
The shamans started singing and shaking rattles. One of the female shamans, Nubia had an incredibly beautiful soprano voice that stood out from the others. It was while listening to the song of the shamans that I started to feel a warm flow of energy along my limbs. I tried to dismiss it at first, thinking it might somehow be related to my fasting for 40 hours prior.
When I moved my eye mask to let some light into my eyes I saw the tent roof overlaid with a flowing grid of beautiful, metallic, geometric grids with multi-coloured light flowing through the lines. The Individual elements of the grid reflected every colour of the rainbow like oil on water’s surface and I started to feel joyful, like a child rolling through leaves on a warm autumn day.
Nubia started singing to us again and it was like nothing I’d ever heard. It was so beautiful and mesmerizing I didn’t want her to stop.
I could hear the people around me, some giggling and some vomiting or, purging medicine into their buckets. I checked myself, asking if should I purge but I felt a gentle presence speak inside of me saying: ‘No, you’re fine. Just relax.’

They call this presence Mother Ayahuasca. The reason people drink the brew is to speak with and receive her guidance.

My eye mask was back on my face and I turned into the fetal position with the duvet pulled over my head I felt exceptionally comfy with this strange yet familiar presence as I started to explore the un-intimidating hallucinogenic world within my mind. She showed me complex pictures of flowing energy with multicoloured lights in perfect alignment while I was gently gliding along, watching the beautiful colourful spectacle.
It was around this time that Sun asked into the ceremony if anybody would like a second dose. I slowly sat upright and looked around. I checked myself. Truthfully, I was enjoying the experience. I was slightly nervous that having more could take me to a deeper, darker place however I had mentally prepared myself for the full immersion experience.
The presence told me: ‘It’s okay. You can handle it. I’ll be gentle.’
So I pulled on my shoes, got up and slowly walked over feeling slightly wobbly. I was worried Sun might tell me I’d had enough but when I sat in front of her, she gave me a big smile and beckoned me towards her. The second dose was about half the previous one and tasted familiar, not quite as harsh.
After I got up I walked out of the tent into the house. Sitting in the small toilet I saw the walls gently rippling with energy and recognized the phenomenon from previous psychedelic experiences. I’ve experienced mild, LSD-induced hallucinations before but nothing quite as mesmerizing as watching bright sparks of colorful energy emerging from objects and pictures.
Snuggling back under my duvet I listened to the rattles and felt myself floating deeper into the kaleidoscopic universe seeing my own body curled up but instead of my skin and flesh, I saw myself as streaming veins of energy. Millions of thin fibre optic threads pulsated with warm healing energy which outlined my body.
I felt myself lying on the floor in the jungle with mystical symbols and ineffable tribal figures around me. I felt like I was in a different, timeless dimension however I was surprisingly lucid and could snap out of it to check myself with ease. At some point I had to giggle as my boring pragmatist made the smart-ass remark, ‘You’re not lying in the jungle. You’re in a garden less than 100 meters from the Thames estuary!’
I had my eyes closed for most of the afternoon. I was seeing ever richer patterns. When I opened my eyes the patterns were still there but they were overlaid on the reality in front of my eyes. I could change them with the blink of an eye or bring back shapes I had seen previously.
I started thanking this entity for showing me all this beauty and felt the urge to reciprocate. I revealed some personal memories but they looked so very different. It seemed like they had a photo filter applied that filled the memory with golden light as they came alive with breathtaking beauty, streaming with colourful energy. I visited various life moments and it felt like entering into a photo and suddenly being there on that day!
I was there sitting in our garden at home. Once again I was a chubby baby covering my face with baked beans. I was actually there! I was picking the baked beans off my face and pushing them, one by one into my mouth.
They say that Mother Ayahuasca is a deep ancient spirit and I always imagined her as a deeply serious, majestic queen. I started wondering what she might look like… and so she appeared.
She was stern but not an old woman. Aya was young, perfectly matched to my age and exceptionally beautiful. She had long, smooth brown hair and big beautiful eyes filled with power and inspiration. As I looked closer at her exquisite face I realized that her features were constantly changing complexion. Her skin cycled from Amazonian to Latin to Nubian to Oriental and Mediterranean. She was outlined by swirling rainbow-coloured curls of light. The rest of her naked body only came into being when I directly looked at it. I realize that she was not one woman but a combination of every beautiful woman I’ve ever felt attracted to. I wanted her. She wanted me. We kissed and whirled around as we floated through my Entheoverse. My body of swirling rainbow energy flowed into her and hers into mine and this is how we made love passionately.
I had visions of us being on a summer weekend getaway in a stylish city. We lay in luxurious hotel rooms and I remember a cream-coloured clock on the wall, with Roman numerals but no hands to tell the time. I was dressed smartly as I led her by her hand into classy restaurants that had champagne poured, waiting by our table. It was like we were on a never-ending date, teleporting from one experience into the next, eloping while taking our time to enjoy each other’s energy, and passionately loving one another.
Afterwards, she lay in my arms and I asked what else she could show me and she replied; ‘What else would you like me to show you?’ I wasn’t prepared for this and my mind went a bit blank realizing that I could do anything, go anywhere in space and time I wanted.
I asked her; ‘Can you help me find my confidence?’
There was no clear answer. Instead, I had the random idea to become the temple stem of my friend Julio’s glasses. I looked at him from the bit next to the hinge and I could see him put the glasses on in the morning, and take them off at night and in the reflection of his right eye, I saw him coming home and watched his beautiful daughter jumping into his arms. Then I saw on his eyeball the reflection of me walking into the room and a felt warm glow spread through me.
Next, I visited my baby nephew sitting in my brother’s living room, in his red chair. I crossed my hands on my chest like he does and saw my brother and his wife smiling at me giving me warm hugs but more than seeing their faces while they hugged my body I could feel the way they felt when they put their arms around me and press me to their chests.
I saw all my brother’s smiles and happy faces as we jollied about, trying to make each other laugh as we do. I visited all my closest friends, took in their smiles and one by one, as I hugged each of them, I could feel their love for me.

Later I realized that Aya was indeed trying to give me confidence by showing me how much the people in my life care for me

I visited the girl I had just started dating called Anna whose raw energy I find simply irresistible. I came into her new apartment that I’d never visited before. She was standing in sexy lingerie by a floor-to-ceiling window looking down onto the busy Tottenham Court road. I remember her turning her beautiful face as I approached, touching it with ten fingers and kissing her lips passionately as we erupted into rainbow swirls of energy.
I also visited my ex-girlfriend Jo, whose body and spiritual mind I still loved but whose soul is too damaged by the fear of rejection and tough mental armour I never managed to vanquish.
She was asleep in our white room in LA that she had so carefully decorated and I spooned my energy into her little body. She woke and we cuddled and kissed and I said I was sorry it didn’t work out between us and she replied; ‘It’s ok. I wasn’t ready for you…’
I asked Aya if we had made the right decision to stop forcing it and just be friends and felt her nod wisely.
At some point, I remember all three of us lying in bed together but instead of feeling like the king of the world, I felt like a greedy pig.
One of the underlying themes of the whole journey was how slowly gently and unhurried everything felt and I think the lesson I was meant to learn was that it’s ok to not settle right now — I thought I just haven’t found the one, the right woman to share my life with…
Aya kept giving me gentle advice throughout. I asked her about the stimulants I love such as cannabis, coffee and alcohol but instead of the stern telling-off I was secretly hoping to receive she told me; ‘You know they don’t serve you when you abuse them but they are also a part of what shaped you… Take care of the beautiful body you have been given.’
She repeated many times; Take care of yourself more… take care.
I asked Aya how I could find the power to harness my mind which has always been blessed and cursed with a distracting imagination and to keep my lack of attention from killing my dreams.
Instantly, I saw an unreal version of myself.
I was standing in something like a black shiny display window, straight out of a Mercedes advert. This guy was not merely a little bit better than I am now and I realized that the version staring back at me was my best self!
That guy is sharp, he is determined, and he dresses immaculately. That guy knows exactly what he is doing. When he enters the room, people notice his presence from the invisible halo that brightly surrounds him.
I asked Aya, how I could become him and the answer became clear. That guy works. He knows exactly where his energy comes from and all of a sudden I understood — The confident image he projects comes from the love he feels for himself which makes him look loved and successful in other people’s eyes. There is no room for distraction because that guy knows his worth and knows his purpose.
She gave me such a clear image of myself. I can still see myself standing motionless in the black, shiny shop window with rainbow-coloured fibre optic strains lighting the air that gently flowed around me.
How long I lay like that is impossible to say but I guess it was around 5–6 hours but it felt like an eternity of journeying into myself.
But it wasn’t all just warm energy and neon colours. I distinctly remember at some point realizing, it was time to go to the toilet. Afterwards, I walked back into the garden and found the Ewok-faced little terrier yapping at me. I laughed at him as I noticed the blue silver and chrome energy swirls around his head and ears. I couched down to see if I could pacify him but I suddenly became aware that his barking must be interfering with other people’s experiences. I turned to hurry into the tent as one of the shamans came out, to tell off the dog saying; ‘What’s wrong doggy, he’s alright!’ As I walked into the tent there were certainly more people sitting upright than when I had left and I read some irritated expressions on people’s faces, at least three people got up and walked out.
I lay down in shame but all my friend’s energy avatars ran up to me saying ‘It’s fine!’ as they doggy piled on top of me. It made me feel better. I felt them warm the cold shame out of me and I began relaxing again. I played around as before but the energy had markedly changed, it didn’t feel as light-hearted anymore. It was heavier and more serious. I was feeling the effects of the medicine becoming even stronger so I decided to sit up but when I opened my eyes, I saw Nubia hit the deck at my feet on a hastily arranged bed after having just purged into a bucket. I could see vomit in her black wavy hair as I started to think, ‘…oh dear if even the shamans are starting to falter, I’m in trouble.’
I didn’t know what to do. I tried to lie back down again. I asked Aya to help me, as she had several times previously when I’d gotten a little bit frightened but this time I could not sense her presence and I knew why. I had to go through this for myself.
It felt like I was sitting in a shopping trolley, rolling down a steep hill toward darkness, realizing as it picked up speed and bucked to and fro that this had been a bad decision, a dangerous idea and the only way it would end would be for the momentum to collide with suffering.
I needed help so I weakly put up my hand and within a few seconds, one of the shamans sat down next to me. She was wearing a white feather dress and occoured to me like an angel. She helped me sit up and as soon as I was sitting upright I began to retch. She passed me my bucket which I gratefully barfed into…
After I purged I felt better. My angel asked me if I felt okay again and I asked her to stay with me and hold my hand for a while longer, which she did. I gently leaned over and rested my head on her feathery bosom and felt a sense of peace and strength flow back into me. I saw my energy self, the swirling electrons of light curling my limbs as I sat cross-legged, hunched over like a bear cub being cradled by his mother bear.
She helped me lie back down and I started to return to my technicoloured dream state. I asked Aya if we could make love again and she said ‘Of course’ but it felt different, when I opened my inner eye to see the face of the person I was entangled with I saw my own. Aya had taken on my form and this might well be the strangest thing I’ve ever written but I was exceptionally attracted to myself and I realized that this could be how girls who are in bed with me see me. I could feel the burning desire a girl feels when we make love. It felt strange but also good.

They said Ayahuasca show you not what you want to see but rather what you need to see at any specific point in your life.

I visited countless friends, some people no longer in my life becouse we have grown apart and even those whose who have passed away. I visited my German grandparents and told them how much I loved them.
While I cuddled Oskar, the dog I grew up with, and played with him in our garden I looked up to see my dad approach us with tears in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say. When he told me that my grandmother had died I didn’t run away in confusion as I had on that day, instead, I went to hug my mom and for the first time, I empathized with the pain she had felt in that moment of hearing that her mother had passed.
I visited my friend Keith whose passing I have always felt a slight responsibility for since I know he read my travel blog and went to Costa Rica a month after I’d been there where he swam out to sea and drowned. I hugged him tightly and cried gently but he grabbed me firmly by the shoulders and said; ‘It wasn’t you! It wasn’t you…’
I visited my old school friend Alex who I had not been close to but whose misfortune to be on flight 447 still touched me. I told him and his beautiful fiance whom I’d never met that I was so sorry for them having been so frightened when they died but instead of me comforting them, they hugged and comforted me as I lay there silently crying for the people I missed. But it was not painful. Quite the opposite, it felt cathartic, like I was letting out the pain and healing myself.
At some point, while it was still light out Sun said “OK, I know that some of you are still on your journey but we will start having some food soon so if you want to share what you experienced now is the time.” I listened to some of the reports.
Several people said that they had a very rough ride because they had tried to fight it. One girl even said she was convinced she was dying. I felt very lucky and grateful for my gentle, warm ride through my multi-coloured Enthenoverse and wondered if I would ever return…
When it was my turn I said that I had finally been able to see how my friends and family see me and why they think I am awesome which will give me the confidence to finally believe that I am awesome (that got a laugh :). I also shared my new appreciation for how profoundly beautiful my life has been up until now and hoped that it will give me the strength to stop comparing myself to others, to focus on my own path and become my best self.

10 weeks later

My life has undeniably changed over the last 10 weeks.
The following day I drove back to my rented shepherd’s hut in a nature reserve and had an exceptionally rich experience walking through the marshes. The sun was shining and everything seemed so intensely beautiful. I was moved just by watching something as simple as a male and a female bird fly across the water in perfect sync. It made me well up emotionally.
I’ve cried a lot recently and I believe it’s a good thing. I cry on most days.
Usually, it happens when I see someone doing something kind and for a brief moment I get overwhelmed and shed a tear. But again, they are not tears of pain they are usually tears of joy and I feel like I have become much more in touch with my emotions.
It feels like bringing Aya’s female spirit into my awareness has tripped a switch in my brain making me more feminine, hence a more complete human being. I’ve also started to care more about my appearance. My mum commented recently that I looked different and she is right. I’ve been working out more. I get my hair cut more frequently and I’ve even gone and bought new clothes that dress me with more style, even when it’s not particularly necessary.
My work attitude has also changed. I find myself a lot more productive and capable of operating at a higher level while enjoying the entire experience so much more!
I honestly feel more in control of my life. I feel focused on who I am, who I can become and what I can achieve. Previously my decisions in life seemed more vague and fuzzy.
Above all, I feel the happiest that I have felt since childhood. The last 10 weeks have been almost like a too-good-to-be-true dream for me.
I’m also positively influencing the people around me. My grandfather wrote me the following sentence after my most recent visit.
You have this mysterious gift of raising the spirits of people both just by being there and by your gift of empathy.

Epilogue

I have indeed had more Ayahuasca ceremonies since I first wrote this and even though there was a 4 year gap between my 4th and my 5th experience I have felt the effect compound over time. I will be publishing more of my trip reports over on medium and would appreciate your supporting me by following me over there where I also publish contant whihc is not just psychedilic in nature. https://medium.com/@hi_niels

“Pete knows what he saw, Martha!”

“Bunch ‘a frightened children ain’t exactly the--”

A door slammed shut.

Clark Kent, only a young boy, squeezed his eyes shut until it hurt and pressed his hands against his ears until his temples throbbed.

One step after the other. Heavy. Crunching grass.

“You think I’m an idiot, Martha?!”

“Now, I never said that.”

The pained look on Clark’s face softened -- softened, so it could be remolded into a whimper while the rest of his body stiffened.

“He ain’t done nothing wrong, all I’m saying is--”

“All you’re saying is that you’d rather not talk about it!”

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

Then why wouldn’t they stop talking! All of these voices, the thousand-million voices screaming at him, and all Clark could hear were the two arguing over him! Him!

A long, creaking groan. Wood shuddering.

“CLARK!”

The word, his name, knocked the other two sources of dismay from his head, an instant of soothing comfort before the pain took hold again and even more intensely, now as if he were pressing his head against a bass booster. “Pa!” Clark cried out, only to regret it as quickly as he had acted on the impulse.

“CLARK!”

His father called for him again and, judging from what should have been the imperceptible way the wind whistled, began dashing around in search of him; it took nothing less than an eternity for Pa to finally find him and one thunderous thwump after the other to finally lay eyes on him.
Pa pulled down the last barrel of hay -- Clark had stacked some around himself in an attempt to muffle the noise -- before breathing a sigh of relief; little did he know, it was a veritable wind storm to his son. “Remember…” he made sure to whisper, his small crisis finally abetting, if only a little. “This is all you. You’re inside your own head and that’s making it so much worse. You are the one in control.”
Clark’s only response was a strangled noise and to curl up further into himself.
To that, Pa felt his own throat tighten. “So open your eyes, son, get on back to the rest of the world… I’m right here.” He extended his hand, gently nudging Clark.
Again, no response and, again, Pa’s throat tightened, twisting and winding until the strain became too much to bear, and finally snapped loose under the pressure.

“DAMNIT, CLARK!”

He burst out, the sudden snap of tension giving each word a trembling quality as it all came pouring out. And then Clark flinched, like all boys do when they’re scared or hurt or both, and the dam was suddenly closed again, sealed with a silent promise.
“Son, I--” Pa stammered, his voice the sort of wreck so mired with cracks and creaks that it was a miracle it held together at all. “I didn’t--”
It was then that Clark finally stirred, hands at last unwrapping themselves from around his head, which peaked up ever so slightly to look out beyond his hay-fort at his father. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice so small that Pa struggled to hear it.
His body screamed a thousand different things to say, but he knew that just was the last thing Clark needed right now. So, fighting back to the calm, measured tone he had managed just a scant few moments ago, Pa said, “You best not be sorry, you ain’t done nothing wrong,” and pulled his son out from his refuge.
“Seriously?” Clark seemed dumbfounded by the statement, so much so that he even resisted the tug, if only for a passing second. “You seen what’s happening back there?” He jabbed a finger towards the house. “It’s all me. Literally. They’re arguing about me. ‘Cuz I-I’m some sort of freak or something!”
Pa was quick to correct him. “You ain’t no different from any other boy I ever met.”
He was met with a piercing glare from his son.
“You know what I mean, aside from your gifts--”
“How the hell’re these supposed to be gifts!” Clark threw up his hands in his best attempt at exasperation, but even an ear without super hearing could hear how his throat stiffened with each word.
Pa smiled, shrugging. “Able to race the car, leap the barn in a single bound…”
“But I don’t want to do any of that!” he said, voice finally breaking. “And w-when it comes with stuff like… this…! I just wanna be Clark Kent: Pete and Lana’s friend. Your and Ma’s son. Not some freak!”
“Clark--!” A cross of anger and dread flared in Pa’s voice, and he caught himself from pulling Clark into a hug. Swallowing hard, he instead summoned the warmest smile he could, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“You are my son, but you are so much more than that too.”

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DC Next Proudly Presents…!

SUPERMAN: HOUSE OF EL

The Return of Superman - Part 3, Moving at Super Speed
By JPM11S
Edited by ClaraEclair & Deadislandman1
< Next>>
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To say silence hung thick in the air would have been an understatement, because even silence was something more than being frozen in a single, inescapable instant: Kal-El staring down the man clutching his throbbing hand, the man’s friend looking on flush-faced, and the rest of the establishment bracing for whatever happened next. It was a rare thing that Jon Kent found himself slipping into Bullet Time on accident -- a state of heightened awareness where the world seemed to grow still around him -- and an even rarer thing that it should happen when a bright red cape wasn’t slung around his shoulders; simply put, as an instinctual reaction to being threatened, there needed to be, well, something that could threaten him, and there weren’t very many things that seriously could: Kryptonite, which Jon was confident wasn’t in play, and being yelled at, which he couldn’t have even known.
It was then that it dawned on him, so obvious that the muscles and tendons along Jon’s arm tensed in anticipation of slapping himself upside the head before he stopped himself -- a small thunderclap born from his own embarrassment was likely to only make the feeling worse. ‘Just an adrenaline rush…’ Jon explained to no one but himself. ‘Because… you know… watching dad do… that.’ The recently appeared doppelganger of his father had broken a man’s finger to “teach him a lesson” -- something his father most certainly would not have done; what he would have done, and what Jon was currently doing, was take a deep, relaxing breath, easing the stress away so that he could “hit play” on the rest of the world.
It came as something of a mild surprise when… nothing happened; Jon panicked, doing a double take as the terrible thought sprung into his mind: What if this was something else, some time-weapon unleashed just then on the city? Or what if he had failed to slow himself down? Would he be forced to wander the world a waking ghost? Jon shook his head, knocking such silly notions from his mind -- and also getting the attention of Natasha Irons.
“Something up?” she asked, broken from her spellbound trance.
Jon blinked. “Nope. Nothing.” The Ace ‘o Clubs could be a little rough around the edges, so what didn’t even qualify as a minor scuffle at the bar hardly registered with many of the patrons, who merely kept about their business as if nothing had happened -- because, to them, nothing had. Jon shook his head again, chidding himself for thinking that a cursory glance in that general direction had been any real indication of interest; his own bias, he supposed.
Kal-El returned to the table, his sheer weight and size making it known despite the fact that Jon’s attention had been elsewhere. No one said anything, and it took the visitor from another world a few passing seconds to realize that fact -- like they were all waiting for him to do something.
Kal looked up, a look of restrained puzzlement on his face.
Lois’s lips went thin. “What was that?”
“What was… what?” Kal-El’s eyes darted across everyone’s face, searching for an answer.
Irons nudged him gently.
“Wait, really?” he almost recoiled, tilting his chin up and cocking his head, confusion finally overtaking him. “I--”
“Was wrong.” Lois finished the sentence for him. “The hell were you thinking?!”
Jon and Natasha exchanged looks.
Kal-El shrugged it off. Literally. “The way I see it, a broken finger or two isn’t going to impede him in any real way, while also being something he’s not going to just forget.”
“So that makes it alright?!” insisted Lois, leaning forward.
“...yes?” he answered. “Though I feel like that’s… not the answer you wanted.”
“That’s not how we do things here.”
At that moment, with just how each word was frozen in a block of ice, Jon could have swore his mom had spontaneously developed Frost Breath; ironically, that was what inspired him to finally intervene. “You know, mom,” he explained, “In class, the professors always talked about how different all these cultures were from each other: food, clothing, language, medicine, you get the idea… Their sense of justice, how they handled punishments and such… that was one of the big ones too. Judeo-Christian morality versus something like Hammurabi's ‘an eye for an eye.’” He paused, making sure his mom was actually listening. “So, you know, on Kal’s Earth, maybe that was perfectly acceptable. Heck, there’re a lot of people here who would agree with him.”
Lois stopped to consider her answer, though it seemed more an imitation of the action than a genuine attempt. “He’s here now, and that wouldn’t make it right if he wasn’t.”
“Listen, I’m really sorry if--” Kal-El raised his hands in apology.
“No, no,” Jon waved him off, gaze never breaking from his mom. “You can’t just force your values onto another culture.”
“Like he forced that guy’s finger back?” she countered, rising to the bait. “Seems like that’s exactly what you’re talking about.”
“If I was talking about him right now, sure, but I’m talking about you,” insisted Jon. “You’re just doing the same thing you’re complaining about him doing.”
Lois lowered her chin, motioning towards herself. “So, wait, I’m the one who’s done something wrong here?”
“The both of you, yes.”
“So you’re saying it was perfectly alright?”
“I just said it wasn’t.”
“Oh, so you’re not judging him based on your own values?”
Jon shook his head, grinning. “You’re trying to distract from the point!”
“No, I just think the entire argument is flawed, since by criticizing someone like that, you’re inherently impressing your own values on them,” she explained. “You know, the thing you’re taking issue with.”
“But you’re from the same culture as I am: he isn’t.”
“He isn’t sitting right here, yes…” Kal-El groaned.
Lois and Jon kept going like he wasn’t.
“He’s impressing his own cultural values on someone from another.”
“Right, and I agree, but I’m taking issue with you right now, because--”
“Because it’s time for this conversation to end,” Irons finally interjected, much to the audible relief of Kal and Natasha, whose shoulders visibly relaxed. “Seriously, I think I speak for all of us when I say I can hardly follow what you two are going on about.”
“We’re saying--” Jon and Lois began in unison, only to be cut off with a raised hand.
“We’ll manage without it,” he chuckled.
There was a brief lull in the conversation, a time where the most activity was Jon’s eyes scampering about the place and the beat of Kal-El’s fingers against the table. Eventually, Jon’s gaze locked onto something or, more accurately, the lack of something.
With his mouth hung open just slightly, Jon asked, “Hey, did anyone notice Mr. Bibbowski?”
“Yeah,” Natasha spoke up, glancing around the table. “Didn’t you guys’s see?”
She took the blank stares as a no.
“Didn’t you guys catch the sign-note-thing?”
More blank stares.
“Okay, seriously, two of you have literal super senses and the other two are, like, super geniuses.” Nat waved her hands around. “You know what, doesn’t matter. I’m getting off topic. Bibbo’s in the hospital. The sign was about raising money.”
“What?” Lois pressed, immediately leaning forward. “What’s wrong?”
His gaze a million miles away -- or, more accurately, only a few -- Jon answered first. “Lung cancer. He’s in Metropolis General. Room 414.”
Irons chewed his lip, then looked up directly into Jon’s eyes. “First thing tomorrow, you pay him a visit, ‘kay?”
“But I was just going to now…?” Jon cocked his head. “What don’t I know about?”
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In retrospect, the thought that Kal-El would need somewhere to stay really should have occurred to him sooner than it had -- well, that might have been putting it a little too generously: had occurred to him at all. To be fair, though, it wasn’t every day that you met your deceased father from another world, though, also to be fair, he dealt with weirder things on a regular basis.
The Fortress of Solitude, Superman’s icy abode at the top of the world and one of the scant few remaining pieces of Krypton, seemed the most logical place to house Kal while they worked on returning him -- and everyone else -- back to the proper Earth, and it seemed that Jon wasn’t the only one who thought so. Following their malaise-laiden departure from the Ace ‘o Clubs, it was the immediate destination of the not-so-merry band, traveling up across the globe to it’s frosty doorstep, where they needed Jon to heft the Fortress’s giant, golden key above his head and unlock an equally gargantuan front door. The key was made of Supermanium, a metal forged by Clark from the heart of a dying star, and weighed an incalculable millions of tons, the only security measure needed despite it sitting out in the open.
Jon slotted the end of the key bearing the Crest of El into the groove, turning it to trigger the rumblings of icy shards as they peeled back to reveal a wall of blinding, cleansing white light. The group took a step forward, entering into another world -- almost literally: born of materials not of Earth and minds born far from it, the Fortress resembled something best described as an alien, crystalline landscape. The ground was a maze of large, roughly hexagonal spires with smoothly shorn tops, each of which peaked at a slightly different elevation and tapered off in the distance to create a sheer drop; at the edge of that cliff sat a circular array of crystals gently pulsing with light and humming just barely above perception. Placed around what was assumedly the central chamber of the Fortress, judging from the hewn hallway entrances at the perimeter, were trophies and mementos from Clark’s decades-spanning career as Superman, items ranging from the mundane, like Lex Luthor’s shrinking ray, to the absurd, such as psychic sand from the dimension of Quarm, to the profound, like the precious Bottled City of Kandor, a shrunken Kryptonian city rescued from the clutches of the vile Brainiac many years ago.
Kal-El loosed a low whistle. “Wow,” he said, eyes flitting about the place, jumping from the looming pillars that came together to form an arched ceiling, to the large, gaping voids dotted around where the spires didn’t conjoin. “It’s so… clean.”
“Come again?” Jon quirked a brow.
With a flutter of his cape and a look that Jon almost mistook for melancholy, Kal-El raised several inches above the ground and began drifting between the various exhibits on display. “Clean. See, I… I live in my… Fortress of Solitude, so--”
Jon finished for him. “Like a dirty room.”
“Exactly,” Kal looked up from the display and flashed him a subtle smile. “Like a dirty room.”
Lois, unable to fly and wearing shoes ill-begotten for her husband’s arctic-O.S.H.A.-violation, carefully stepped across one hexagonal tile to the next until she finally approached the black-suited Superman. “Little lonely living at the top of the world, no?”
“It is called the Fortress of Solitude.” There was a slight edge to his voice, though Lois could tell it wasn’t one pointed towards her. “Maybe, I wanted to be alone.”
Lois cocked her hip, rested her hand on it, and considered for a long moment pressing deeper, giving in to the gut screaming at her that this was the thing to pick at. Her heart, though… her heart counseled now was not the time, and she had long since learned the wisdom of always following her heart. “If you’re looking for solitude, we might have brought you to the wrong place,” she suggested instead.
In the same manner Jon had not a moment ago, Kal quirked a brow. “What do you mean?”
“A thousand apologies.” From across the room, a voice not unlike his carried, though distorted to an almost unnatural bass and strained with what was best described as someone fighting hard against a thick accent. “If I had been expecting guests, I would have prepared something for you all to enjoy.”
The comparisons to Clark and Kal-El didn’t end with just the man’s voice; while his face and form were the same general shape, his skin was ashen and craggy, like a smooth stone. With every step forward he took, the mass of rippling, coiled muscle underneath his purple-blue Superman t-shirt strained against their confines. “Ah, I see we have another visitor, unless my brother decided death didn’t suit him.” He inclined his head, placing a large hand over his even larger chest. “For now, you can call me Bizarro.”
Natasha, a gleaming smile on her face, chimed in. “We’ve been working on choosing a name!” she said, bounding towards the behemoth and wrapping herself around one of his hulking arms.
Bizarro returned the affection as best he could. “It was Nat’s idea. We were watching Space Trek: Pathfinder one night and--”
“And I was there too,” Jon interjected.
“And Jon was there too,” he chuckled. “But one of the characters was searching for a name and, considering the circumstances, it seemed appropriate that I do the same.”
Floating over towards Bizarro, Kal-El dragged his sight up and down the man, the doppelganger of his enemy from another world, eyeing him with a mix of reservation and curiosity. Eventually, Kal paused on the Crest of El worn on his chest. “You’re not like mine.”
Bizarro nodded. “In one key respect, yes. I’m not as--”
“Dumb.”
“Slow,” he finished, correcting him with a side-eyed glance. “While Jon was working a case with the Flash, Mister Allen devised a way to ‘speed up’ my thought processes.” (Author’s Note: See The Flash #19!) Bizarro paused for several more long moments, looking at Kal like he had to him not a second ago before shaking his head, seemingly perishing the thought. “You’ve met me,” he said, smiling. “Have you had the chance to meet our other housemate?”
Kal cocked his head. “Other housemate?” He threw his eyes behind Bizarro, expecting someone else to enter the chamber, but no one came. “Another reformed villain?”
“Your cousin,” Jon interjected, taking a step forward. “Kara. She got here only a few months ago.”
The spark of joy on Kal’s face lived up to its description: appearing in a bright instant, only to vanish as soon as it came, replaced now by a deeply furrowed brow, emphasizing the lines on the man’s face. “How’s she taking the adjustment? Losing one world, then another, I can’t--” Kal cut himself off when he saw Jon’s eyes widen slightly and his mouth open in response: he didn’t need to wait for the correction he was about to receive. “She’s not from another Earth like me… Where is she? I’d like to meet her.”
Lois shrugged. “She’s busy in National City right now, if I remember correctly, but--”
Irons stepped behind Lois, his hulking form framing her. “But we’d like to wait a minute and figure out how to break the news to her first.”
“No,” Kal said, every muscle in his powerful body visibly tensing, rearing. “She needs my help! You don’t understand what it’s like! You’re not like her! None of you, not really. Only I can understand.”
With a withering look, Irons replied. “You’ve never even met her, how can you know better than her own family?”
“I am her family,” asserted Kal, beginning his ascent into the air. “I helped my Kara through this once already, I can do it again.”
“And you’re the problem! You know how much she’s going through right now?!” Irons shouted up at him. “You died! The person she was sent here to protect! Dead! And now here you are in the flesh and blood! She’s got a lot to process already without that!”
There was a lengthy bout of silence between Kal and everyone else, only coming to an end when the otherworldly Man of Steel asked, “And who’s going to stop me if I try anyway?”
Jon swallowed.
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To be continued in Superman: House of El #4, Don’t Call her Supergirl!

1. Digital Storage (Memory) 12.1. Why digital? The advantages of the digital systems over the analog systems are the reproducibility of the results and accuracy; the ease of design (no special math skills needed to visualize the behavior of small digital logic circuits); the flexibility and functionality; the programmability; the speed (a digital logic element can produce an output in less than 10 nanoseconds) and the economy (due to the integration of millions of digital logic elements on a single miniature chip forming low cost integrated circuit (ICs). 12.2. Digital Memory Terms and Concepts data – stored information address – the location of the data

tracks and sectors – physical location of the data random access – to address quickly and precisely a specific data location within the device sequential access – the function of the random access is not possible here writing – storing a piece of data to a memory device reading – retrieving data from a memory device read-only memory (ROM) – pre-written memory device, that does not allow the writing of new data read-write memory – pre-written or blank memory device, that allows to be re- written volatile memory – an electric power is maintained to the circuit non-volatile memory – no source of power is needed to maintain data storage random access memory (RAM) – volatile electronic memory read-only memory (ROM) – non-volatile memory integrated circuit 12.3. Modern Nonmechanical Memory A very simple type of electronic memory is the bistable multivibrator. Capable of storing a single bit of data, it is volatile (requiring power to maintain its memory) and very fast. The D-latch is probably the simplest implementation of a bistable multivibrator for memory usage, the D input serving as the data “write” input, the Q output serving as the “read” output, and the enable input serving as the read/write control line:
If we desire more than one bit’s worth of storage, we’ll have to have many latches arranged in some kind of an array where we can selectively address which one (or which set) we’re reading from or writing to. Using a pair of tristate buffers, we can connect both the data write input and the data read output to a common data bus line, and enable those buffers to either connect the Q output to the data line (READ), connect the D input to the data line (WRITE), or keep both buffers in the High-Z state to disconnect D and Q from the data line (unaddressed mode). One memory “cell” would look like this, internally: When the address enable input is 0, both tristate buffers will be placed in high- Z mode, and the latch will be disconnected from the data input/output (bus) line. Only when the address enable input is active (1) will the latch be connected to the data bus. Every latch circuit, of course, will be enabled with a different “address enable” (AE) input line, which will come from a 1-of-n output decoder:
In the above circuit, 16 memory cells are individually addressed with a 4- bit binary code input into the decoder. If a cell is not addressed, it will be disconnected from the 1-bit data bus by its internal tristate buffers: consequently, data cannot be either written or read through the bus to or from that cell. Only the cell circuit that is addressed by the 4-bit decoder input will be accessible through the data bus. This simple memory circuit is random- access and volatile. Technically, it is known as static RAM. Its total memory capacity is 16 bits. Since it contains 16 addresses and has a data bus that is 1 bit wide, it would be designated as a 16 x 1 bit static RAM circuit. As you can see, it takes an incredible number of gates (and multiple transistors per gate) to construct a practical static RAM circuit. This makes the static RAM a relatively low-density device, with less capacity than most other types of RAM technology per unit IC chip space. Because each cell circuit consumes a certain amount of power, the overall power consumption for a large array of cells can be quite high. Early static RAM banks in personal computers consumed a fair amount of power and generated a lot of heat, too. CMOS IC technology has made it possible to lower the specific power consumption of static RAM circuits, but low storage density is still an issue. To address this, engineers
turned to the capacitor instead of the bistable multivibrator as a means of storing binary data. A tiny capacitor could serve as a memory cell, complete with a single MOSFET transistor for connecting it to the data bus for charging (writing a 1), discharging (writing a 0), or reading. Unfortunately, such tiny capacitors have very small capacitances, and their charge tends to “leak” away through any circuit impedances quite rapidly. To combat this tendency, engineers designed circuits internal to the RAM memory chip which would periodically read all cells and recharge (or “refresh”) the capacitors as needed. Although this added to the complexity of the circuit, it still required far less componentry than a RAM built of multivibrators. They called this type of memory circuit a dynamic RAM, because of its need of periodic refreshing. Recent advances in IC chip manufacturing have led to the introduction of flash memory, which works on a capacitive storage principle like the dynamic RAM but uses the insulated gate of a MOSFET as the capacitor itself. Before the advent of transistors (especially the MOSFET), engineers had to implement digital circuitry with gates constructed from vacuum tubes. The enormous comparative size and power consumption of a vacuum tube as compared to a transistor made memory circuits like static and dynamic RAM a practical impossibility. Other, rather ingenious, techniques to store digital data without the use of moving parts were developed. 12.4. Historical, Nonmechanical Memory Technologies Perhaps the most ingenious technique was that of the delay line. A delay line is any kind of device which delays the propagation of a pulse or wave signal. The delay line “stores” data on a very temporary basis if the signal is not strengthened periodically, but the very fact that it stores data at all is a phenomenon exploitable for memory technology. Early computer delay lines used long tubes filled with liquid mercury, which was used as the physical medium through which sound waves traveled along the length of the tube. An electrical/sound transducer was mounted at each end, one to create sound waves from electrical impulses, and the other to generate electrical impulses from sound waves. A stream of serial binary data was sent to the transmitting transducer as a voltage signal. The sequence of sound waves would travel from left to right through the mercury in the tube and be received by the transducer at the other end. The receiving transducer would receive the pulses in the same order as they were transmitted:
The next major advance in computer memory came when engineers turned to magnetic materials as a means of storing binary data. It was discovered that certain compounds of iron, namely “ferrite,” possessed hysteresis curves that were almost square: Shown on a graph with the strength of the applied magnetic field on the horizontal axis (field intensity), and the actual magnetization (orientation of electron spins in the ferrite material) on the vertical axis (flux density), ferrite won’t become magnetized one direction until the applied field exceeds a critical threshold value. Once that critical value is exceeded, the electrons in the ferrite “snap” into magnetic alignment and the ferrite becomes magnetized.
Jay Forrester of MIT applied this principle in inventing the magnetic “core” memory, which became the dominant computer memory technology during the 1970’s. A grid of wires, electrically insulated from one another, crossed through the center of many ferrite rings, each of which being called a “core.” As DC current moved through any wire from the power supply to ground, a circular magnetic field was generated around that energized wire. The resistor values were set so that the amount of current at the regulated power supply voltage would produce slightly more than 1/2 the critical magnetic field strength needed to magnetize any one of the ferrite rings. Therefore, if column #4 wire was energized, all the cores on that column would be subjected to the magnetic field from that one wire, but it would not be strong enough to change the magnetization of any of those cores. However, if column #4 wire and row #5 wire were both energized, the core at that intersection of column #4 and row #5 would be subjected to a sum of those two magnetic fields: a magnitude strong enough to “set” or “reset” the magnetization of that core. In other
words, each core was addressed by the intersection of row and column. The distinction between “set” and “reset” was the direction of the core’s magnetic polarity, and that bit value of data would be determined by the polarity of the voltages (with respect to ground) that the row and column wires would be energized with. The following photograph shows a core memory board from a Data General brand, “Nova” model computer, circa late 1960’s or early 1970’s. It had a total storage capacity of 4 kbytes. A ball-point pen is shown for size comparison: 12.5. Read-Only Memory (ROM) Read-only memory (ROM) is similar in design to static or dynamic RAM circuits, except that the “latching” mechanism is made for one-time (or limited) operation. The simplest type of ROM is that which uses tiny “fuses” which can be selectively blown or left alone to represent the two binary states. Obviously, once one of the little fuses is blown, it cannot be made whole again, so the writing of such ROM circuits is one-time only. Because it can be written (programmed) once, these circuits are sometimes referred to as PROMs (Programmable Read-Only Memory).
However, not all writing methods are as permanent as blown fuses. If a transistor latch can be made which is resettable only with significant effort, a memory device that’s something of a cross between a RAM and a ROM can be built. Such a device is given a rather oxymoronic name: the EPROM (Erasable Programmable Read-Only Memory). EPROMs come in two basic varieties: Electrically-erasable (EEPROM) and Ultraviolet-erasable (UV/EPROM). Both types of EPROMs use capacitive charge MOSFET devices to latch on or off. UV/EPROMs are “cleared” by long-term exposure to ultraviolet light. They are easy to identify: they have a transparent glass window which exposes the silicon chip material to light. Once programmed, you must cover that glass window with tape to prevent ambient light from degrading the data over time. EPROMs are often programmed using higher signal voltages than what is used during “read-only” mode. 12.6. Memory with moving parts: ‘’Drives’’ Modern disk drives use multiple platters made of hard material (hence the name, “hard drive”) with multiple read/write heads for every platter. The gap between the head and platter is much smaller than the diameter of a human hair. If the hermetically sealed environment inside a hard disk drive is contaminated with outside air, the hard drive will be rendered useless. Dust will lodge between the heads and the platters, causing damage to the surface of the media. Here is a hard drive with four platters, although the angle of the shot only allows viewing of the top platter. This unit is complete with drive motor, read/write heads, and associated electronics. It has a storage capacity of 340 Mbytes, and is about the same length as the ball-point pen shown in the previous photograph:
An incentive for digital data storage technology advancement was the advent of digitally encoded music. A joint venture between Sony and Phillips resulted in the release of the “compact audio disc” (CD) to the public in the late 1980’s. This technology is a read-only type, the media being a transparent plastic disc backed by a thin film of aluminum. Binary bits are encoded as pits in the plastic which vary the path length of a low-power laser beam. Data is read by the low-power laser (the beam of which can be focused more precisely than normal light) reflecting off the aluminum to a photocell receiver. The advantages of CDs over magnetic tape are legion. Being digital, the information is highly resistant to corruption. Being non-contact in operation, there is no wear incurred through playing. Being optical, they are immune to magnetic fields (which can easily corrupt data on magnetic tape or disks). It is possible to purchase CD “burner” drives which contain the high-power laser necessary to write to a blank disc. Following on the heels of the music industry, the video entertainment industry has leveraged the technology of optical storage with the introduction of the Digital Video Disc, or DVD. Using a similar-sized plastic disc as the music CD, a DVD employs closer spacing of pits to achieve much greater storage density. This increased density allows feature-length movies to be encoded on DVD media, complete with trivia information about the movie, director’s notes, and so on. Much effort is being directed toward the development of a practical read/write optical disc (CD-W). Success has been found in using chemical substances whose color may be changed through exposure to bright laser light, then “read” by lower-intensity light. These optical discs are immediately identified by their characteristically colored surfaces, as opposed to the silver-colored underside of a standard CD

Compilation of all unedited questions and devs answers from DBD Dev Team AMA - June 07th 2023:
Q: In the past, the team had stated that there would only be human/humanoid killers in the game. Obviously with the Stranger Things license, a killer really could not be humanoid, especially given the seasons released at the time. However, with the release of Dredge and now Singularity, we have now gotten a few original monstrous killers. What changed with the design philosophy of DbD that allowed this to happen, and can we expect further creative visual designs like them in the future?
A: Well well, I'm not saying this is a lie, but the fact we said we would only do humanoid was not a design philosophy but more because of technical/scope limitations at that time. If you've been with us for a while, you probably remember us saying we'd put Christine (the car) and Cujo (the dog) in DBD if we could. Every worthy bloodthirsty creature has a space in the world of The Entity!
So what allowed us to do so? We levelled up! The team is bigger, more experienced all thanks to the growth of the community of course! Characters with different structures are definitely going to happen again as we continue to explore more possibilities in DBD.
-Dave
Q: Whatever happened to the promised Twins rework? It was talked about to be the next killer update after Legion/Ghostface though we haven’t heard anything about it and afaik Twins are still plagued by many bugs as well.
A: Due to limited space in each release and the unexpected complexity of the update needed for the Twins, the update has been delayed a LOT longer than we wanted. :D However, it's been designed and we are working on releasing something in early 2024.
-Michael
Q: Hi! Glad you guys came by to answer questions. My question in particular is about map design. I primarily play killer, and sometimes it feels like the outcome of a game is decided before it even starts depending on what map I end up on. Either when chosen via offerings or by RNG.
When designing maps, what, if anything, is done with structure and layout to make maps fair for both sides?
A: The intention when we create maps is not to favor one side more than another.
This is why we currently want to rebalance the maps. We are using data collected and feedback we get from the Community. We have started in the last year to rebalance the maps and we are going to continue and be active when it comes to maps that already exist and same with newly released maps. We want to bring the best experience for everyone to enjoy.
Example: the Raccoon City Police Station , split, the update in the Junkyard and soon Farm maps.
-Andre
Q: What was the real reason you removed Maurice initially? 🤔 I know it’s a pretty unserious question but I’ve always been curious.
A: Honestly, when Peanits saw The Dredge's lobby animation with the suspiciously familiar-looking horse head flopping out, he jumped on the opportunity.
He posted that animation on our social channels with a caption that read "MAURICE NOOO" and the community's reaction was immediately huge. So much so that we decided to to push the joke all the way, removing Maurice from the game. And the rest, as you know, is history.
-Justin
Q: What is it about the new survivor, Gabriel Soma, that makes him stand out from his fellow survivor cast?
A: Gabriel is purposefully designed so that most of us can relate to him, even though he lives in a time period that is very otherwordly to us.
The hardship he faced (even before going in The Realms of The Entity), his resolve and resourcefulness make him a fun character to play. Gabriel is also our first survivor from a possible future, making his wardrobe quite unique and pretty cool if you are into sci-fi pants and space shirts.
His story is not over, there are more unrevealed truths about Gabriel. And he's very good looking: Shirtless Gabriel when?
-Dave
Q: How long, from concept to release, does it take to design a full killer? Not including perks, survivor, or map, but just the killer and their power?
A: It fluctuates (depending on the weather!) but in general about 11-12 months overall from start to finish.
-Janick
Q: Thanks so much for doing this AMA, and happy anniversary!
Out of curiosity, were there any other concepts that the team was considering as powers for the Singularity before deciding on biopods, or was this what they set their sights on right away when brainstorming?
A: The Pods were in the concept from the beginning.
Originally, the Killer had two mechanics it could use: One involved shooting the Pods to teleport to Survivors and the other one allowed it to shoot Survivors to teleport them to its location.
Ultimately, it was deemed exceedingly disorienting on the Survivor side so we removed it and brought back more opportunities for the killer to Teleport later in the creation process.
-Janick
Q: Are there any plans to rework or change freddy in any way?
A: I can't give you any super-secret details but I can tell you that he's on our radar for killers to update.
-Michael
Q: Has there ever been any thoughts on adding alternative game modes or queues? Of course this would be a massive undertaking but I'm curious if it's ever been given any real thought. A ranked mode or mode with different rules like draft picking perks or anything honestly would be really cool to see.
A: It's an idea that has always been in the back of our minds. I can confirm this is something we are actively prototyping. We plan on starting small and doing game modes as limited time modes and building up from there. We are hopeful that we'll have more to share with you all later this year!
-Justin
Q: With the seemingly new trend of original/licensed survivors getting lobby voice-lines, can we expect to see this implemented for previous survivors aswell? So survivors like Dwight, Meg, Claud, David etc.? And would this include the possibility of original survivors interacting with each other similar to the Resident Evil survivors and Renato/Thalita?
A: Never say never. DBD is a game in constant evolution and past content is still living and evolving with it :)
-Dave
Q: Has it been considered to clean up some the more usless offerings on the bloodweb such as the ones that only slightly buff bloodpoints?
A: We are actually exploring the offerings and their system as a whole right now on the design team! I can't give you any hints about what might be changed or where we might end up yet, but we are exploring new effects and actively designing ways to make this system better overall. :)
-Michael
Q: will mobile cosmetics be ported in anytime soon?
A: We will start porting some mobile cosmetics over, starting sometime in the next year.
The first batch will be small, with just 4 outfits (2 killer, 2 survivor). Also worth noting they won't be a 1:1 port. We will make some small colour and/or texture changes before being brought into Dead By Daylight.
Lastly, to manage expectations, there will be some mobile outfits that never get ported over.
-Justin
Q: Is there a reason more survivor emotes haven’t been added yet? It feels like a no brainier since you could make a fortune from selling them and it’s not like it’d break immersion since this game is long past that point now (look at some survivor and even killer cosmetics)
I feel like even small things which could be sold like hand gestures and stuff would be such a nice addition with time however things like dances would be amazing, even better if killer could do them at some point
A: Survivor emotes was an idea we played with many years ago. We even got so far as to implement a few of them in a prototype build. Unfortunately, we found them to often either break immersion, or encourage negative gameplay behaviours. For that reason, we haven't revisited the idea for a number of years.
Never say never, but survivor emotes certainly won't be coming anytime in the near future.
-Justin
Q: Was there anything noteworthy that stuck out to the team when designing The Singularity? I love his design and I would like to get to know more about how he was designed.
A: It was a weird concept and not an easy sell as a great power originally.
(it sound bland on paper)
Although while prototyping we managed to make the pods usable in chases and realised their versitility, that is when it started to shine.
We could see how much fun and potential there was in the concept.
-Janick
Q: The mori for the Singularity is probably the most that a survivor has been actually maimed. It's brutal, disgusting, and I absolutely love it. However, it has been previously stated that moris have to avoid actually doing too much damage to a survivor's body for various reasons. Is this still within those limitations, or did something change that allows the team to make more brutal moris? And can we expect the possibility for some more of that brutality in the future?
A: We're glad you loved the mori, we do too, it was a blast to create! On the level of brutality and gore, there is one thing that we keep in mind except for the actual technical/scope feasibility of an idea. One of DBD's core pillars is that we want to be an horror that is accessible to all. This means many things for different facets of the game, but in this case it means that some brutal actions and level of gore may make the game inaccessible in some regions! We don't want that.
-Dave
Q: Will there be any plans to have more diversity in body shapes of survivors? Would love to see some more plus size representation
A: Inclusivity and representation is very important to us. Body shapes and height is quite challenging at the moment due to technical limitations and gameplay components / metrics. Thank you for letting us know that this is important to you, every voice count.
Q: Are there any plans to make Custom Games easier to set up for tournaments and other events?
It's been years since the introduction of "Custom Matches" and we haven't really had any new settings since. Options to limit item & add-on rarities, options to enforce non-duplicated perks on all Survivors, better spectator controls, etc... Any of these things would REALLY help to make DBD events faster to set up and more viewer-friendly.
A: This is a topic that has recently made it onto our radar, and one we can clearly see the value in. The Custom Matches features has been left untouched for far too long. Unfortunately, it's still too early to give an ETA on when you could expect to start seeing some of these improvements in the game.
-Justin
Q: What caused the sudden shift to add more clutter and obstructions into the new maps and reworks? In my experience it causes nothing more than frustration for both sides.
A: Hey great question! As clutter you might be referring to two different things, so I'll do my best to answer both meanings.
1- Clutter as in more objects making navigation more difficult. As our team grew during the graphical rework, a lot of details were added to make the maps richer. Lots of lessons were learned during those days (and we are still learning) on what elements and metrics makes it difficult for navigation. Our level design team is actively working with the environment artists to make sure each asset found in a map (colliders, vegetation, etc), especially when it comes to navigation, follows game metrics.
2-Finding objectives/visual clutter - As the graphic fidelity evolves in DBD so does our gameplay need to evolve in terms of visual elements, which have not always followed. We are looking into that one now. The idea is to have level of priorities in how easilly perceivable elements are on the screen. This pass will make gameplay elements POP compared to the details that are great, but less important to manage your objective.
-Dave
From the level design perspective, we are in the process of addressing the clutter issue. the focus is clarity, readability and navigation. We had this issue with the Toba Landing in PTB and are addressing that in next week's release. We will revisit all maps and themes and make sure it makes sense for everyone.
-Andre
Q: Regarding individual killer balance, will you start taking feedback from people who have spent countless hours playing them? If at least to see what they want out of their killer without being unbalanced.
A: Our external playtesting methods and processes involve a large variety of player types, all of which range widely in skill level & experience in the game.
Veteran players with many hours in DbD have super valuable feedback, especially when it comes to breaking our rules and exposing balance issues.
It's important to point out though that beginner, intermediate and casual players also have important contributions & insights to share that we need to also take into consideration and use to balance our designs.
-Michael
Q: Thanks for doing this AMA.
In the recent public test build, you guys tested out a buff to Pyramid Head which gave him the ability to torment survivors hit by Punishment of the Damned. You guys understandably walked back this buff as it allowed for some unfun situations for survivors. In the following developer update, you revealed the reason for testing this change was that you were looking for additional ways to let Pyramid Head apply torment. This would lead me to believe that the balance team has been looking to buff certain elements of Pyramid Head's kit.
I also would be kicking myself later if I did not take this opportunity to mention his addons. Pyramid Head's addons, aside from the range addons, do not feel like they impact his gameplay much at all when compared to other killers. His iridescent addons, while unique, are too restrictive in their requirements to get much value out of them. If you're looking to do something to Pyramid Head, which is the impression I got from the recent PTB, it seems that the addons would have been the first thing considered.
So can we expect any more attention for The Executioner going forward, or are you happy with the spot he and his addons are in?
Thanks again
A: You are correct that we initially wanted to change Executioner because we believe he can be improved. :) That hasn't changed and we still want to release an update for him in the future. Your suggestion about looking to the add-ons is noted!
-Michael
Q: Any updates on console to pc cross progression?
A: There's currently no further update unfortunately. We know it's something desired by the community as a whole but we cannot say if/when it will ever be able to be implemented, other than on the platforms we've already confirmed.
Q: What’s the meaning of life?
A: 69 - Mandy
420 - Andre
A great Monty Python movie. -Michael
s̵̘̀à̷̟̭̀̆̏t̶͎̀̾͛͝ǐ̴̘̗͇̜̝͘a̴͉͂̌̒̿͝t̶͍̺̻̾e̷̥̦̔̇̽ ̸̨͇̩̎͗̒͆͠h̵̲̘̫̹͉̀ŭ̵̺̽̎ṇ̴̈́g̵̦̞͆̀̆͊͛͜ȩ̵̤̽̚r̴̛̤͚̘̍̽͝ - Unknown?
Q: New unique items for survivors?
A: It just goes to show how brilliant minds think alike - we've been discussing this very recently! No concrete plans as we're still very early in the process, but we are talking about when and how we could put out some new items in the future. Plan on it (at some point)!
-Michael
Q: As the game continues into its 7th year, I think the community deserves an official comment from the devs on the flagship killer, the Trapper. The character who is on most, if not all advertising, and is perhaps the most recognizable killer in all of Dead By Daylight’s original roster has been the worst killer in the entire game for years, by an increasingly significant margin. Unlike any other killer in the game his power requires full minutes of setup, can be easily countered by good communication, and depending on the map can just entirely cease to function due to no/sparse/thin grass. Most new maps released in recent memory have no grass whatsoever, and are so large that it can add an additional minute or two just retrieving your power, which again, no other killer has anything close to that level of setup time.
All of that to say that for the Trapper, things just seem to get exponentially worse with every update. Does the dev team have any plans on reworking or updating the Trapper, which in my opinion he desperately needs? Or will he stay the undisputed worst killer for years to come?
A: I hear you. It's been a topic of conversation across our teams, but at the moment we do not have significant gameplay updates planned for Trapper. Partly because our data shows that his kill rate is pretty much where we want it to be (on average, even at high MMRs) but also because he holds a very important role as one of the simplest and easiest killers in the game. He's great for onboarding new Killers and we don't want that to change too much.
That said, we do have a small but very fun update in the works for our terrifying flagship killer! Those of you who watched the Anniversary broadcast may have seen the segment about the Naughty Bear Legendary skin coming for Trapper (which will have its own unique Mori). This will ship later in the year, along with a killer update.
-Michael
Q: Can you please hide survivor prestige levels until the end of the match? A lot of killers target and harass high prestige survivors
A: Harassment in game is a topic we are always looking for more ways to tackle, and this has been one of the ideas we've been discussing for some time. I'm going to use this question as an opportunity to re-ignite the topic and opened a new Jira request for it today.
-Justin
Q: All I have to say is thank you making this game because without it, we would not have this unique community
A: Thank you for being a part of it! We feel really grateful to have such an engaged, creative, and supportive community of players.
Thank YOU, you are the Legends!
-Andre
Q: In the past, the team has stated that maps take by far the most development time out of anything else in the game. How long does it usually take to make an original map such as Toba Landing/Dvarka Deepwood, from concept to completion? Also, how difficult is it to modify maps once they are in the game, such as adjusting the strength of loops, changing tile spawn logic, or even changing the size of the map?
A: To answer your first question: Depending on the style of the map, it can take up to 6 months to create.
When it comes to updating and modifying existing maps, we collect data non-stop and are always investigating player concerns. To use Toba Landing as an example, player feedback during the PTB helped us identify & implement certain adjustments on loops and map visibility that will be going to Live servers.
-Andre
Q: For original chapters that take place around different nations (Chile, Japan, Brazil, among others), and even around different periods of time, what’s the process like for the research and implementation of different elements to properly represent that in the lore and even inside of their respective maps?
A: Inclusivity and diversity is always top of mind for us, with a focus on making sure the representation we have in the game is as accurate as possible.
We have multiple steps in our creation process that ensure due diligence in this regard: internal & external consultation with regional partners, extensive research, and immersion are some of them.
A recent example would be with Thalita & Renato characters' cosmetics, which were designed by our very own Brazilian artist!
Fun fact: She's the one who thought of including the Caramelo tattoo on Renato's arm :)
-Dave
Q: Is there going to be an update where survivors can always recover from the dying state (like the one-off with Unbreakable)? Think I remember reading about that once. Cheers.
A: I can tell you're dying to know. (sound of crickets) Nevermind...
No, we are not planning on making that part of the base game.
If you are referring to the Finisher Mori, we tested that in the PTB but it was an early prototype test. There was a lot of feedback and we are still working on that feature, but again - we are not planning on putting Unbreakable in the survivor base kit.
-Michael
Q: Can you tell us a bit about the process the team goes through when deciding to nerf/buff an addon?
It feels so frustrating seeing certain addons getting a nerf for being popular (e.g. Twins: Toy Sword, Nemesis: Marvins Blood, Hillbilly: Engravings) when other addons are so weak/situational they are rarely worth using.
A: This is a question that has been considered heavily within our design team in recent months. We are continually learning where our priorities need to be when it comes to live balance and our process is changing as a result. Recently we have shifted to an approach that rests on three foundations:
Design Intent
Community Feedback
Data and Statistics
We watch for issues on all three of these fronts and prioritize from there. We are also cautious about vetting our changes with the community management team to get a read on how our updates will be received before release.
Some decisions (especially those based more on data or design intent) may not always be 100% clear for everyone, and that's okay. That said, we want to be attentive to the needs of our community and what will be most healthy for the game longterm.
-Michael
Q: Admist the PTB testing there were a few concerns regarding Made for This, particularly in regards to its interaction with Hope allowing survivors to keep pace with 110% killers like hag during the endgame.
Is this something the team is aware of, and will they be continuing to monitor Made For This for balancing purposes when the chapter is live?
A: We are aware that Made for This has had quite an impact.
We're going to be watching out for feedback and data once the community has opportunity to test this.
We already have plans to address Made for This (like we had for Hyperfocus) if and when it becomes a problem.
-Thomas
Q: Will you ever expand the daily rituals to give 1 survivor and 1 killer daily each day? Also would weekly or monthly rituals ever be added for a bigger payout? Thanks.
A: Nothing concrete on the roadmap (get it?) but multiple ideas have been explored to improve the system.
Thank you for your suggestion! We're open to reading the community's ideas and feedback on the topic and will be considering them when discussing next steps.
-Thomas
Q: How does the Entity choose it's victims? Both survivors and killers.
A: Who knows!
-Dave
Meatier alternative - No one knows how The Entity or why The Entity or even when The Entity? Maybe darkness in the life of the survivors and killers grab Its attention, or maybe its the other way around, maybe its the Entity's attention that makes their lives miserable. Or maybe its random! Who knows.
-Dave
Spicy Alternative- The Entity works in mysterious ways.
-Dave
Q: Will the black bubble after hooking someone be adressed soon? I like the effect, but in a ton of scenario's I cannot see if the killer is going towards me, even with the effect of kindred.
A: The intention of the bubble's design is to hide the Killer's exact position after a Survivor's been hooked.
However, it is an old design so maybe it's time for us to review if its use and appearance are still ideal.
-Dave
Q: Will there be a shift away from relying on pure statistics and instead listening to experienced players more/qualitative feedback in general?
The statistics based approach for balancing has been a huge pain point the past 7 years.
A: While data is crucial in balancing in general, it is not a substitute for player or design feedback.
Our approach to balancing is a bit more complicated than this, and I can say it does not solely rest on game design.
-Thomas
Q: Is there any discussion regarding raising killer FOV (or a FOV slider) to help reduce motion sickness for those effected?
A: Short answer: Yes!
Long answer: we have a design that is in development and the release date is in our field of vision. You can expect to see something later this year or early next year.
-Michael
Q: Are there any plans to update earlier licensed killers (Shape/Cannibal/Nightmare/Pig) with their own music tracks as has been a trend with other killers as of late? Given Ghost Face being licensed and receiving a unique chase theme last year, there's been confusion regarding this. Thank you!
A: We would love for all the killers to have this feature, nevertheless licensed content will sometime have limitation out of our control. We might get a track for all of them at some point, but no promise. Shape already as a unique music track! So enjoy that in the meantime!
-Dave
Q: I think many people would agree with me in saying that HillBilly needs some addons adjusted. But also, why is the overheat mechanic still a thing? It's pretty much a "non-factor" and there are addons to increase the overheat limit anyway.
A: I feel you. Billy occupies a squishy (albeit violent) place in all of our hearts, and we've been working on him! An update has been designed for our Billy-boy (including addons). No specific date planned for implementing this just yet, but you can expect news from us sometime in the next year.
Sharpen your chainsaws.
-Michael
Q: What's the process for figuring out general balancing and new perks as the game continues to add in new killers and survivors?
A: The process is naturally data-informed, but the major part lies with the design team, who is aware of what comes next, whether its perks, killers, or any other feature that will impact gameplay and balance.
In short, if a perk is both ubiquitous and powerful, it probably needs to be addressed in the near future.
-Thomas
Q: Do you think we can get outfits based on the later Halloween movies, or does the copy right prevent that from happening? I’ve been wanting an older Jamie Lloyd from Halloween 4 to get in as a legendary skin so bad, I made a petition about it and even asked the actress herself about it. Link to the petition and video
A: Thank you for your passion and dedication. Indeed, working on getting licenses can be a challenge!
-Dave
Q: Question for the art/design team: in the lore for Hux and Gabriel, it mentions that Gabriel damages Hux pretty severely directly before they are taken into the Fog, with flesh melting off his frame. Is the look for The Singularity we see in game the result of that damage, or is that pre-facemelt? If it's the former, is there any chance we might see Hux's original, "perfect" design he had for himself as a skin? Or was the lore even fully complete while you all were working on his design?
A: Hux's look in the trials is post-melt incident! We wanted to make sure we offered a good level of body horror with this character. We might see its "prime" look later, but keep in mind that even this would be horrid, The SIngularity is using flesh in a very wrong way.
-Dave
Q: Could you guys do something like a shirt related to Puppers in honour of him and what he brought to the DBD community?
A: Puppers' passing has been a huge loss for our whole community and has been deeply felt here on the team.
We have seen the discussions amongst players on how best to remember him and honor him, and we've been following it closely, and have been similarly discussing it within the team. While we have a strong desire to do something, it's simply too soon right now to say what we might be able to commit to.
Q: Deleted question.
A: Nothing concrete on the roadmap (get it?) but multiple ideas have been explored to improve the system. Thank you for your suggestion! We're open to reading the community's ideas and feedback on the topic and will be considering them when discussing next steps.
-Thomas
Q: Is it possible to get new moris for killers as a customization option? Not just tied to a skin.
A: Cries in Backlog

• Justin

Q: Why has the map team not advanced substantially in the balance department in the past few years? The community has been clear in that the maps are unbalanced,yet it seems the dev team simultaneously understands the issue i.e Nerfing Eyrie yet released Red Forest 2.0
A: We began the work some time ago, but recently the speed at which we're able to push it forward has been greatly improved thanks to new hires & resources on our team. Now, we're able to tackle urgent day to day tasks while simultaneously making regular progress on live balance for existing maps.
Regarding the Eyrie of Crows, the intention of our balancing efforts there was to address how strongly Survivor-sided it was. We're still monitoring the results though (data and feedback) and we wont hesitate to go back for more tweaks if we feel that they're needed.
When it comes to Red Forest, we frankly just didn't have the ressources at the time for the scope of work required. Now that we do, I've scheduled an update for both Mother's Dwelling and Temple of Purgation that will hopefully address player concerns.
Q: Any plans on improving daily rituals? A permanent 60K BP instead of the 30K we're getting now and the ability to choose between survivor or killer rituals would be nice
A: Nothing concrete on the roadmap (get it?) but multiple ideas have been explored to improve the system.
Thank you for your suggestion! We're open to reading the community's ideas and feedback on the topic and will be considering them when discussing next steps.
-Thomas
Q: The Swamp realm had a unfinished map featuring a village structure, as well as the Bloodwillow tree from the artbook, possibly related to The Wraith back when he was still part of the Swamp Realm. Is there any plans in the future to bring this map as a playable one in Dead By Daylight, maybe with a visual upgrade of The Swamp?
A: The tree will eventually make its return to The Swamp.
However, at the moment, we're focusing our efforts on bringing visual & gameplay updates to existing maps. In The Swamp realm specifically, we're going to remove the generators in the corners of tiles, as well as some elevations that don't have a significant value add gameplay-wise.
-Andre
Q: The Skull Merchant is a polarising character currently. Are you happy with how Skull Merchant turned out? Do you plan on any future revisions for her?
A: Skull Merchant has problems on live and we are very aware of that. We feel the killer is fun and interesting in general, but there are some unfortunate playstyles that make her kit frustrating to play against. 2 things to say here:
She is getting an update. We are currently trying to determine when that can go out - stay tuned. 2. Her most oppressive games tend toward the 3-gen strategy. This is problematic in our game as a whole, but especially against certain killers (Skull Merchant being the most egregious). We are currently working on a systematic solution to deal with 3-gen games, which will ALSO help with playing against the Skull Merchant.
-Michael
Q: Will BHVR fix the visibility issues? My girlfriend is color blind and cant see most colors (no the color blind features don’t help her) so it’s a bit depressing for her to realize that she’s at a significant disadvantage when playing the game. Even for me its hard to see sometimes!
A: We are definitely ramping up our attention to accessibility in our game. It's unclear if/how we will adjust our support for colorblindness in the near future, but I can say we have a dedicated UX designer heading up our accessibility efforts and you can expect to see more accessibility-centered features coming out in the future.
-Michael
Q: Are we going to have sales on characters by the iridescent shards in the anniversary
A: I'm not supposed to say, because it's a secret. But yes.
-Justin
Q: The Shrine of Secrets is used as a way to make all perks accessible to players who do not want to spend additional money for the game other than the cost of the base game, but with over 200 perks in the game now, that system is not a reliable way to acquire specific perks. This leads to arguments that players who are willing to pay extra are given an advantage over others since meta perks can be locked behind that paywall.
What are your thoughts on replacing the Shrine of Secrets with a menu of teachable perks that can be purchased at-will for the same price they currently cost on the Shrine? What are reasons that a system like that would not work?
A: I can definitely say that the problems with the Shrine are no secret.
We are very aware that the system needs an update, however it remains on the backlog for now, which means its on our radar but not being actively worked on yet. We will hopefully get to it sooner rather than later.
-Michael
Q: Are there ever plans to make totally new maps but with the same realm as old locations?
I’d love another map that uses the Snowy theme of Ormond.
A: That's absolutely something i would love to do.
We don't have any plans to do so yet, but i'd love to add maps on a few existing realms. Ormond for sure, Grave of Glenvale comes to mind as well.
-Andre
Q: Are there any plans to unlink currently linked sets for original characters?
A: Short answer: No.
Long Answer: Original characters cosmetics are locked for technical reasons. Having them mix and match would cause bugs and a variety of clipping issues or gaps in their modesl at the waist or neck lines. Unfortunately, for these reasons, we have no plans to make them unlocked in the future.
-Justin
Q: The amount of representation the game gets is great.
But when will we get Ace Visconti actually represent Argentina?
A: Hey, good point! We've had a lot of fun with Ace's personality and used it as the main driveinspiration for his outfits. Some Argentinian representation would be great!
-Dave

Hey everyone,
I've been eyeing the Lenovo Legion Slim 7i Gen 8 for a while now, and I'm curious to know if any of you have had experience with this laptop. I've read some reviews online, but I wanted to get some firsthand opinions from the Reddit community.
If you own or have used the Lenovo Legion Slim 7i Gen 8, I would appreciate it if you could share your thoughts and experiences with the laptop. Here are a few specific questions I have:

1. Cooling and Noise: Does the Slim 7i handle heat well, and is the fan noise noticeable during intensive tasks? Does it get too hot during intensive gaming sessions?
   
2. Battery Life: How long does the battery last during normal usage?
   
3. Any known issues or quirks: Have you encountered any specific problems or quirks with the laptop? Are there any common complaints or issues that potential buyers should be aware of?
   
4. Overall Recommendation: Based on your experience, would you recommend the Lenovo Legion Slim 7i Gen 8 to others? Why or why not?
   

I live in India and The configuration I am looking at for 1900$, right now is : Processor 13th Generation Intel® Core™ i5-13500H Processor (E-cores up to 3.50 GHz P-cores up to 4.70 GHz)
Operating System Windows 11 Home 64 Single Language
Memory 16 GB DDR5-5200MHz (Soldered)
Hard Drive 1 TB SSD M.2 2280 PCIe Gen4 TLC
Display Type 40.64cms (16) 3.2K (3200 x 2000), IPS, Anti-Glare, Non-Touch, 100%DCI-P3, 430 nits, 165Hz, Narrow Bezel, Low Blue Light
Graphics NVIDIA® GeForce RTX™ 4060 Laptop GPU 8GB GDDR6
AC Adapter 230W Slim 3pin AC Adapter - India
Warranty 3 Years Onsite + 1 Year ADP + 1 Year Legion Ultimate Support
Camera FHD with Dual Microphone
Fingerprint Reader Fingerprint Reader with Power Button
Keyboard White Backlit, Storm Grey - English
Wireless Wi-Fi 6E 2x2 AX & Bluetooth® 5.1 or above
Battery 4 Cell Li-Polymer 99.9Wh
I am confused between i5 13500h and i7 13700h. The i7 configuration is 200$ more expensive. I can afford it but my question is, is it worth more money?
I understand that everyone's experiences may vary, but I'm hoping to gather some insights to help me make an informed decision. Any feedback or recommendations would be greatly appreciated
Thanks in advance for your help!

"the shadow acts as a call
this is the end of a thousand lines
hang up the receiver
hang up the receiver
It's 91 hours till midnight
91 hours till the revolt
our pitchforks have been heated
by the coal they poisoned us on
a scheme gone wrong
doesn't matter if we won or lost
the damage was not worth the cost
visionaries gone blind
the canary always dies
carry the coal
the canary was already dead
carry the coal
a warning light
shoved down our throats
time to turn it off
time to turn coal into gold
time to turn it off"
I am very tired, and had some of these sentences pop into my head when thinking about the whole situation. Wrote it all down on a piece of paper, and decided they were cool enough to share here. I hope someone can find my sleep deprived ramblings deep, or insightful in anyway!

I have wanted to cease existing for the past year and a half. I hate being alive. I don’t want to try to kill myself because I’m afraid of a failed attempt (think: brain and/or bodily damage plus what makes me want to cease existing now), I’m afraid of afterlife repercussions, and there’s no guarantee there’s not an afterlife - that death would end my existence.
I’m sick of therapy (11 years and so many modalities and practitioners in), there’s not a job I can think of that doesn’t sound like torture to me, I’m socially isolated and being absolutely nothing positive to the table socially so there’s nothing that’s going to change about that, I have no hobbies or intellectual interests - nothing sounds appealing. I experience very little in the way of emotion other than pain, anger, and anxiety. I am an empty, reluctantly alive human being.
I’m on Latuda, tapering up Zoloft (which is probably not going to improve my mood or outlook, just going to make me manic or psychotic - land me in the hospital and/or prison - or give me more mental health problems and be absolute hell to get off of), and occasionally use Ativan.
I’ve tried DBT, CBT, ACT, EMDR (been a while, did neutralize the pain of some memories), PET, residential care, PHP’s, IOP, and I still feel this way. It doesn’t go up and down, doesn’t wax and wane. The tension of existing when you absolutely don’t want to is infuriating.
I have to force myself to eat. I have to force myself to go outside on walks. I have to force myself to talk to my mom about things other than problems. I have to force myself to go to therapy. I have to force myself to shower. I don’t do any of those things enough.
I don’t think meds are going to help. I don’t think more therapy is going to help. I don’t think there’s a single thing I value about life. I just want it to be over. But it’s not. It just keeps going.
I have thought about seeking psychedelic or ketamine assisted therapy but I don’t know how much stock or money to put into that, even if someone were going to allow me to participate. I don’t seem to have MDD, according to multiple psychiatrists. I just hate life. I just have a personality disorder and anxiety, it seems. It’s not even fully clear which one at this point. BPD was my most recent diagnosis, so we’ll go with that.
I have some interest in Ideal Parent Figures, but I don’t know how much that can really do for me and it’s not covered by insurance. There’s not much clinical data about it out there. I’m just operating on the notion that I might hate life less/experience more joy if I made progress with my personality disorder and I might make progress with the disorder if I did some attachment healing work, assuming attachment wounds are actually at the heart of personality disorders. Could just be ego wounds. Could be I was born this way or my traumatic, pre-mature birth set this off.
I don’t know that addressing traumatic invalidation can actually be done or how. I barely remember my life, so I don’t have much episodic to bring to processing, a la more EMDR. I don’t know if regression therapy would a) send me into full out basket case or psycho killer mode b) actually help me move past stuck stuff c) help me to develop a self even if stuck stuff were moved past
I have no values - those are emotionally based and my emotional range is pretty fucking limited. I hardly even have access to my anger most of the time. It seems to sit inside, repressed. I have ideals and I am so far away from being able to meet them, they may as well not exist.
Anyone relate? Anyone been stuck in a place like this for a long time and find their way forward to something worth waking up each day for? How?

I was driving in a rain storm and went through about a 10” deep ponded area on the road at maybe 15-20 mph. A second or two after the initial spray of entering the water my engine quit and would not restart or even turn over. Water was nowhere near high enough to get in the intake, however the man towing it said I had “gotten a surge of water through my exhaust when I let off the accelerator causing my engine to hydro lock and likely totaling the car.” I did not think it possible to ingest water through the exhaust while the engine was running, let alone enough to seize the engine. Is this possible or is it more likely the spray caused a short of some kind? He said to make a claim and count it as a loss. Is it worth relocating it to get it looked at?

So I was about 16 and working a crap job in the kitchen of a major chain seafood place. We got this new line cook that was a pretty big dick to everyone, but for some reason focused a bit more on me. Not sure what I ever did to him, but anytime he saw me there was a snide remark, or a shitty joke.
I finally got tired of it, and mentioned it to my bf and his friend who worked at a service station (remember those?)
While I was on shift and there was no doubt about where I was, they went out to our parking lot and removed the valve stems from all 4 of his tires. No permanent damage a but a HUGE inconvenience.
We were both off about the same time. I went out the front to wait for my ride, he went out the back door to the parking lot. Next thing I know he is storming out of the kitchen and into the lobby raging at me. Damn near got himself fired, it was a full house. I told him I've been here all day, I didn't know what the hell his problem was.
Now the best part. He took those tires to our friend's service station. The same guy that removed the valve stems put the new ones back in and told him to have a great day.

Im sitting in a Doctors waiting room today, supposed to have a “draw /panel”- an old woman came in with her adult daughter. She sounded like my NM. I stepped away from my NM & bio-toxins 1 1/2 years ago.
My NM died 6 months ago. I didn’t cry. I didn’t attend the funeral. But, no matter how much damage she did to me, I still have some small good memories.
Today was creepy, like someone walking on my grave. I tried my damndest to tune out her voice- watch the nonsense tv, play game on phone, but her voice broke through it all.
Suddenly the tears, the pain, it all came forward. Thank god I had my sunglasses with me, I slipped them on and held myself together the best I could while visions of everything stormed thru my brain.
When the nurse called my name I literally ran like a house on fire, I was so freaked that I started talking nonsense until I calmed down.
The rest of the day was shit. It left me drained, cold, tired, and feeling like nothing will ever help me.

​
Definitely looking for a QE25 or a Qcrit25. I dont mind faster fire in the middle.
I have my entire stash full of random legendaries that are prob worth 3000+ scrip, if scrip is what you want. Some notable things in my stash are:
Qfr Broadsider
QE Gatling gun
AAcrit black powder rifle
Bloodied deathcalw gaunt, 40% less dmg w/pwr attack, vats crit
Bloodied buzzsaw, vats crit, +1 end
Qcrit15c plasma pistol
Qfr gauss rifle (+15 resis while aim
Qlimb15R Radium rifle
VampCrit Chainsaw
Cursed Broadsider (50crt, 25vat, 50 armor)
Exp, 2shot, vat15 railway
Gauss rifle Qfr
Bloodied railway, bash50,stealth
slug buster
UNY BOS , pick lock, 25 cryo
UNY raider +1str, 15less limb
Bolstering raider power, +1Per, 75% reduce damage by 15 while spring
Bolster t-45, 25 enviro disease res, food/drink/chem weight reduced by 20%
UNY marine, +5ap refresh, 5% energy dmg to melee
Plans: circus trailer cage, wendigo tubes, grafton monster lamp, greek letters, safari gorilla, titan plush, radioactive barrel
Junk: 300 ultracite, 56 cobalt flux, 200 spring grears, aluminum, ballistic fiber, lead, bone, adhesive, 70 black titanium
caps: 30k
Hugh_Jackedmen