Matthew berry love hate week 15

For those who love Life-- Carpe Diem

2015.12.10 15:24 Grandpa_Rob For those who love Life-- Carpe Diem

Fat and Happy is for people who love live and want to seize the the day. It is not about body weight but about being happy and accepting yourself and everyone else. Life is too short to worry about calorie counting, what others think of you, what society expects you to be.. Dance! Dance my friends like no one is watching.. Guess what others will join in!!

2016.10.20 16:00 Andis1 Nintendo Switch - News, Updates, and Information

The central hub for all news, updates, rumors, and topics relating to the Nintendo Switch. We are a fan-run community, not an official Nintendo forum.

2023.05.31 19:01 roconn87 Now (ex) boyfriend cheated and left it to me to fix.

Hey y'all this is a repost probably just venting to feel better. Who knows if telling my story to reddit will help. So here ya go!
I (32F) had been dating my boyfriend (29M) for a little over a year. When we met everything was amazing. We met on Hinge (how else do you meet people now 🙄) and hit it off right away. He was caring, sweet, always made time for me, and looked at me like, to quote Juno "The sun shined out of my butt". I was upfront early on of my goal to move to another state to be near family and further my career. I was finishing up my Masters degree at the time and he was incredibly supportive. Fast forward to last October, I got a job offer at an amazing company I had been scoping out for months, I had a month to plan and move. Originally we were going to do long distance until April as he wanted to go to Lineman school. Pretty last minute he decided against it and moved with me, and got a job in my new state right away. We were living together in a small 1 bedroom apartment, also note this was our first time living together. All was decent until about December, he got distant, depressed, and we were arguing, which wasn't something we normally did before. (And I know we probably were still in the honeymoon phase before, conflict is normal). By early January we had decided to take a break and he would be moving out for awhile sometime in February. At the time it was because we didn't have the same future goals on kids.(I don't want them but he said he did) We discussed boundaries and we were together and not seeing anyone until then and to enjoy each other for the time. Fast forward again to end of January, call it woman intuition or something... I had a terrible feeling something was going on. So I did the unhealthy thing and looked through his phone at night. I found messages of him talking to his friends about hating it here, and other things we were not communicating about. Then... I kept looking and found he had a tinder account and had been talking to someone for about a week. Not just friendly but flirty and making plans to meet up with her. I immediately confronted him and a huge argument ensued... he moved out the next day. He says that's the only time he did it and he was lost, alone, and it was a moment of stupidity. Also he never planned on actually meeting up or doing anything with her. Part of me wonders if I hadn't caught it when I did if that's really true.... A few weeks later he got laid off from his job and moved back to his hometown. He kept trying and apologizing. He realized what he had in front of him, all those things. I didn't give in for about 2 months and did my own thing for awhile. But I did love him and gave him another shot. He had come back to work where I lived and got a great job opportunity. We set the boundary of not living together again for awhile so he has his own apartment 15 min away. And we were in couples counseling. I thought we were making progress, and then... on my birthday a few weeks ago. He asked me a very specific strange question. I immediately knew he had gone through my search history, as I had let him over to my house before I got home from work to cook dinner, and knew my computer was sitting in the living room. I have that synced to my phone so anything I do I both is on there. I pressed, and he denied it, a few times. Finally, I got him to fess up to the search history digging. I was angry and very early on I had said (I know its silly) that you can see whatever you want, but my search history is my buisness. I have adhd and anxiety, so my google search is odd... I didn't want to fight on my birthday, so I asked him to leave my key and my apartment. When I got home, I went through my computer logs and saw he had gone through much more. Like all of my socials. I told him to fess up to exactly what he went through and denined, denined, and denided. I mentioned the logs... and he finally fessed up. We argued on the phone, and I drank some wine and cried at my birthday being crap. We argued the next night, and I decided to go no contact for awhile. We stuck to this for the most part. Very small talk here and there. And about 4 days later, he came over, we talked calmly and had a nice weekend. All of that to say... I felt like I was going crazy. I used to be very confident, secure, and happy in the relationship. I worried constantly if he was lying to me, on a dating website, using me. I went full girl feral and tried looking in different ways to make sure he dosen't have a dating profile, see who he follows on socials. I asked him all the time if he's happy, if he wants someone else, if he's in this for the right reasons. I asked him to go through with me, who he follows in instagram and how he knows the girls he follows. He did it but said he was very uncomfortable in doing so and didn't think it was healthy. I brought up if I have a fear he's talking to someone if he would show me who he's been recently talking to. Not the actual conversations just who he's been conversing with. He said he didn't want to do that and it was chipping away at his privacy and he's sense of himself as an independent person. I see what he means, but I didn't think it was way off base. And something I thought as time went on and trust was built again, and security would end. Is that too far? I felt like he had the burden of proof to show his fidelity at this time? Anyway, we broke up last weekend and I found out he's already on dating apps. So I guess that's my answer to everything. I'm mad I have to pick up the pieces of what he did, and try to love myself and trust again before I can even think about a relationship.
Sorry for the long post.
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2023.05.31 19:00 Future_Vehicle_8307 22 Blue in 2022: 'THE QUICK LIST'

22 Blue in 2022: 'THE LIST'

Build Supermajorities of Democrats in the US House and US Senate

Here’s “22 Blue in 2022: ‘A Quick List’”:
  1. Florida 2. Ohio 3. Kansas 4. North Carolina 5. Kentucky 6. Arizona7. South Carolina 8. Georgia 9. Texas 10. Michigan 11. Nevada 12. Pennsylvania13. Missouri 14. Wisconsin 15. Iowa 16. Arkansas 17. Oklahoma 18. Indiana19. Colorado 20. Alabama 21. South Dakota 22. North Dakota
The 2022 Midterm Election is the most important midterm of our lifetime.Democrats must behave as if our lives depend on this midterm, because our future depends on the outcome.
”We the people” must deny the Republican party political power at every level of government for decades to come “in order to create a more perfect union.” With 48 States having some statewide contest(s), November 8th, 2022 is our best chance the Democrats will get to do that for the rest of this decade, at least.
”The List” encourages the election of a Democratic Supermajority in the US Senate in 2022. This is the best chance we will have to create a Democratic Supermajority in both Chambers of Congress for the remainder of this decade. This midterm could be a devastating loss for the democrats if good patriots ignore this election. If Americans of good conscience band together instead, we could could begin the exile of the Republican party from power, not for years, but for decades to come.
“The List” is a set of suggestions about where to focus collective activism today.
The election of Democratic Supermajorities to both chambers of the US Congress is the best outcome we can strive towards in the 2022 Midterm Election for many reasons. Among them: breaking the decade of gridlock in Congress, supporting President Biden’s agenda, and his re-election in 2024. My personal favorite is that this could commence the decades-long political banishment of the GOP from power, which the Republican Party so richly deserves.
The Republican party has proved itself treasonous on many levels. They are traitors to Humanity by supporting Trump. Traitors to the Nation for supporting Putin. Traitors to the government and betrayers of the constitution through their apologies for the 1/6/21 insurrection. To safeguard our country and the world, we must block the Republicans from power at the ballot box, at all levels of government, for at least a generation.
Political game playing may be inevitable among humans. Change the numbers, and then change the rules, if not the game. Cynical refusal to play at this time in history cedes power to NAZIs manipulated by Active Measures. That is a surrender to crypto fascism, not radical thinking, mere cynicism, or hipsterism.
In 2022, Patriots must unify to crush the Republican Party at the ballot box. We can defeat them in every State, at every level. We need the biggest turnout at the voting booth of any Midterm ever. We need to raise more money for candidates and organizations than we did during the entire 2020 campaign season if we are to accomplish this. We need to do this in the next six months.
This is what a “Blue Tsunami” REALLY looks like.
Electing a Democratic Supermajority in Congress is our hope for the future and retribution for America’s enemies. “22 Blue in 2022” is a roadmap to the beginning of that journey. “22 Blue in 2022” is our war plan. ”22 Blue in 2022” is our electoral battle cry. “22 Blue in 2022” is a way forward out of gridlock, a way to non-violently thwart those who would poison the body politic with their hate.
If we don’t try this hard in 2022, Trump will go unpunished and metastasize by 2024.
Resist In Power, my sisters, my brothers, and my others.
Resist Together, and elect a Congressional Supermajority in 2022!
See The “FULL 22 Bue in 2022 List”, With Dozens more links to the organizations and candidates that you can support to help Create a Democratic Congressional Supermajority in 2022!
National Democratic Organizations
Democratic National Committee (DNC): Directly to the DNC: DNC DIRECT DONATIONS
Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC): Directly to the DSCC: DSCC DIRECT DONATIONS
2022 Senate Republican Target Races:

Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC): www.dccc.orgDonate Directly to the DCCC: DCCC DIRECT DONATIONS
Democratic Governors Association (DGA): Directly to the DGA: DGA DIRECT DONATIONS
ALL Links are to party organizations, candidates, voter groups, voting information, and navigation within this site. There may be additions or subtractions over the course of the campaign. No portion of any donations to any of the candidates or organizations listed above goes to “22 Blue in 2022.” We take none of it! All donations through “22 Blue in 2022: The List” will be tax deductible unless otherwise noted at the destination site.
WITH THESE EXCEPTIONS: The “Donate” button at the top right of each page (“Donate” is Substack’s designation, not in my control) AND these links below, which each Support “22 Blue in 2022”:
Buy a $2.22 Weekly subscription and Become a “22 Blue in 2022” Precinct Captain Buy a $22.22 Monthly subscription and Become part of the “22 Blue in 2022” Squad Buy a $222.22 Annual Subscription and join our “22 Blue in 2022” Steering Committee Buy a $2222.22 Annual Subscription and Become a “22 Blue in 2022” Founder
Subscriptions/Donations to “22 Blue in 2022” ARE NOT Tax Deductible!
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2023.05.31 18:58 LadyElfriede LadyElfriede's Reviewless Review Recs of May!

Note: I make fun of books and authors, so if you really can’t take being poked at, Spindle Manor will do the poking for you with their long, sexy legs,

Table of Contents: ctrl + f:

Updates: #
Stats: ^
Recs: *
Conclusion: @
Answers: ~
Theme: Ö


Welcome back to Reviewless Review Recs of May!
A short introduction to this post: Every book is recommended, regardless of how bad it is or not. You have the brain capacity to decide if you like it or not, don’t let a stranger make a decision for you.
I speak in the second POV and describe what the book is actually about, and not the false advertising of publishing companies. I do this with shitty jokes and satire and try to convince you to pick up the book, regardless of how I feel about it.
Unlike Hoover, all books deserve a chance….Sigh, OK, fine, fine, Barbara. Even….Even...Eleventh Cycle.

May was filled with disappointment that a jury vote existed and the king of Finland didn’t win Eurovision. The world unanimously cried, but couldn’t be that mad that Loreen won.
Except this bitch.
I fucking wanted Alika to win so badly. I even voted and paid for the first time to give all my votes to her. Her song spoke to me and touched me that it’s never too late to go back to my work.
If Bomanz from Black Company can become a famous sorcerer at his rickety age, maybe we can too!
My favorites of Eurovision (from music videos only, I feel like every one of my favs bombed someway except Finland, France, and Norway):
Czechia (wtf was that live performance...)

In ACTUAL book news, I’ve been waiting patiently for the library to hand me the newest Mark Lawrence book that I’ve been waiting literally 3 and a half weeks now, but I still get bumped down on Libby...for some reason. Eh.
Also since I managed to finish “She Who Rides the Storm”, I finally started “Elantris”. Was a long time coming but was saving it for a while and thought it was finally time to tackle Sanderson. I started Way of Kings with the paperback version and boy, that was a mistake for my ADHD…
And, that’s why I got a Kindle last year.
Anywho, let’s get started!

Some Updates: #

Stats: ^
Books read this month: 10
Books I started*:* 13
Total amount of words I read (approx): 1,050,508 (-414,261,565) according to last month...I read way more. Not sure why the numbers are this drastic
Books published 2010+ : 8 (N/A)
Mary Sues & John Smiths: 11, give or take (7+)
YA books: 5 (+4)
Good smut scenes: 1 (+1?) I think it was in the Witcher, say what you will about the series, the man knows how to write smut
Light Novels read: 0 (-2)
Books that felt Souls-like: 6 (+2)
Audiobooks: 4 (N/A)
How many brain cells I lost: 529 (+500)
Brain cells gain: 175 (N/A)

What other stats do you guys want to see?

Guessing Game:
Want to know the real rating I gave each of these books anyway, even though the true spirit of this post is to decide for yourself anyway? I know there’s one of you fuckers in here, but here, guess the ratings and the answers are revealed at the end. You anarchist, you.

Reviewless Review Recs: \*

Seven Faceless Saints by M.K. Lobb*:* Read if you're in the ages 14-18, as this is possibly the most edgiest thing you might read about fictional Italy. Two teens are trying to solve a murder mystery in an alternate universe where Catholicism reigns supreme. Wait.
As an adult, this is a living personification of that one prozd video.
If you ever played Phoenix Wright, you’ll figure out the murderer in 5 seconds. If you haven’t, then maybe this would come as a surprise.
Atheism is talked about on the nose, you can't stop thinking about “Friends” because of "Roz" being mentioned every other second, and our intrepid MC goes to horny jail every other second when she's literally fighting for her life and not focusing on a gun that could disembowel her.
PTSD of war is represented by the male MC who probably once could be have been the trope of the “nice guy” in school that you never had had interest in, but 3 years later, because he sported 5 o’ clock shadow and has a barotone voice, he’s automatically hot.
Oh, and there are token bi, POC, and elderly people, but they’re only mentioned for a few pages, so don’t expect that much diversity. You think Archer, Maas, and Lobb could actually be friends with each other given how they write their books. A secret society. cough

Ö Theme: Heat Waves – Lime:
Ö Runner up clip: Moist maker (this sandwich is actually GOAT, made it several times):
Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman :
Read if Percy Jackson wasn’t edgy and dark enough for you and need something similar. Uniorinically, this is actually not satire but an actual (sorta) rec. Structure is similar to Jackson but with none of the jovial themes and tropes. Think “Lightning Thief”, only dark and edgy with grotesque monsters and, not urbanite Greek deities, but evil people from the Crusades era.
You keep thinking you’ll meet the 4th character in the Sanderson reunion tour, but there’s actually only 3 characters that are on this journey, not 4. So that Italian will actually not join us even though you liked his character a ton and curse at yourself at a potential LGBT partner dude. One day.
You will also find yourself crying, not because of how the story ended, but how the epilogue ended and boot up AO3 to fix everything.
You probably should(n’t) give this book to your aunt for reasons you know in the back of your mind but your evil AF. Maybe offer this to at Christmas and explain that it’s a book about a pilgrimage...(which isn’t totally wrong) but you’re a little bastard that is gonna get an ass whopping next Christmas, but it’ll be worth it.

Ö Theme: Alika- Bridges:

Time of Contempt (Volume (???)) by Andrzej Sapkowski (Witcher)
Read if you want to see Geralt turn into a woke ally Boomer, Yennefer going to relationship counseling, and Ciri gets her wish in more ways than one. If you’re comparing Witcher books with each other, quality has gone up since Blood of Elves if that’s what you’re concerned about. We also see the Abyss Watchers making an appearance and then you think of Jerma’s Rat song in your head for inexplicable reasons.
This book is mostly about Yennefer trying to employ questionable (albeit understandable) parenting tactics on Ciri and being caught up in the after math.
As usual, book is dated towards rape, but the only saving grace is it’s “off screen” and not in your face, “Eleventh Cycle”, knock that shit off
Let’s be real, you can’t treat this series as a separate unique book to it’s own, it’s more of a long ass story that Sapkowski decided for marketing reasons to space it out in 300+ page books.
If you ask me what makes this more interesting than the previous books, it will be like asking me which regional orange looks different and bitch, I don’t got energy for that shit.
Ö Theme: Rats Birthday Mixtape

The Curse of the Spectre Queen / The Rise of the Snake Goddess by Jenny Moke
Read if you like to imagine Indiana Jones as a teenage girl, but loves books. Instead of meeting hot girls, we meet hot 1920s men, which you get to decide how good or bad that is.
The BAMF slays and you wish we had her as our Jones instead of our shy book loving MC, but hey, at least this MC has at least one quality to her that has way more personality that anything Shannon can hope to write in her stories. (Yes I know she writes her books as if they were history books, that’s not the point, Meredith)
Spectre Queen’s plot is literally another book that will make you hug trees and will lead our characters across to Ireland. The next book is about a girdle, that you literally had to Google wtf a girdle was. You first thought it was a grill.
You wonder if the publishing agency struck a deal with the Irish and Crete travel agencies.
You also make a startling discovery that these characters are your OC from high school and middle school and your love interest OC from college mashed up into an adventure book that is oddly less erotic than anything Maas could create. You decide how good or bad that is.
Ö Theme: Indiana Jones Theme Song:

Mordew by Alex Pheby
Read if you want to read an MC bland as hard tack inherit powers that don’t make sense till past the 70% mark. You want to read a dark YOUTH ADULT novel. Can’t find anything that’s edgy and dark enough for you? Well, here it is!
Dark mansion with Igor from the Velvet Room with an obvious villain being obvious, befriending a young boy that supposedly wants the best for him.
What can go wrong?
There are Souls-like elements weaved in, but you’re not going to see much of it. It’s mostly a vibe/fart than a plot or atmosphere.
What this book is pretty much: boy wants to help dad, there are weird monsters living in the mud, and a mansion that totally wants to abduct/help kids. Totally. Oh, and be aware, animals die in this book. A lot. An entire species is pretty much annihilated for teenage hormonal reasons that won’t make sense even if you’re still a teen. (Yes, I was one too and I also didn’t go on genocides. Thanks, Dad, you are a gem.). Oh, and someone fucked an anthropomorphized hedgehog along the way. Yeah. That happened.
If you go into this book, DO NOT READ THE BLURB! It ruins the whole plot of the entire book. If you buy/rent it, don’t you dare flip to the back side. Just open to the first chapter and start reading. You’re welcome, Matt.
Ö Theme: La Zarra – Evidemment Unironically, I think this song fits rather well with Mordew

Ö Runner up clip: Running in the 90s: You know why...

She Who Rides the Storm by Catelin Sangster
Read if you like Sanderson and wished he focused more on the characters rather than the world building. You also like the ooey gooey feeling of finding a red/blue ship that you wished was the main pairing, but you’ll have to settle them being the side ship. Oh god, why, every single time?!
While it does have romance tilt to it, this book focuses more on finding a cure for a mysterious illness and two of the characters are refugees from a religious cult that loves sunshine and that one weird horse mount from the Empire Strikes Back that you couldn’t take the auroshees seriously because of that.
Imagine that desert bar scene in A New Hope, but make it a whole book. But make it about a heist as a side plot that is barely touched on until the last 20% of the novel.
You also love doing puzzles in your spare time as you’ll be doing a lot of piecing together of the plot and world building from chapter to chapter. Unlike my problems, this one is pieceable and the last remaining piece is dangled over your head until the next book.
...Sangster is probably going to make you pay $20 for this singular piece, ain’t she?
Ö Theme: First Aid Kit - The Lion’s Roar:
Medium Raw by Anthony Bourdain
Read if you want to have a blunt conversation with Bourdain about food, the faults of the kitchens, what not to do if you want to be a chef, and to be transported to the deepest, darkest alley where you might be knifed, but goddamn, the best chicken heart can be found here.
If you’re a bitch that’s easily spooked by curse words, then this probably isn’t for you. can sneak this to your cook boyfriend if you want to break up, because he already read the fucking book, Berta, I thought you knew him better by now!...Now you can finally segway to break up. Congratulations!
You’ll see the workings of a mind that was suffering. That was the reflection of this entire autobiography. Suffering and food. That’s life in reality, ain’t it?
Don’t expect cohesion or a semblance of logical flow of pacing. This book, like Mr. Bourdain’s mind, was a cluster fuck of erotically describing food, the dark corners and reality of the cooking world, and shitting on people because they were dicks.
He is sorely missed, and this isn’t a bit, but I still mourn his loss to the world. The world needs him again.
RIP to the GOAT.
Ö Theme: Okami – Sei-an (Aristocratic Quarter II) (Because he’s timeless and immortal even beyond death)
Skullduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy
Read if you got tired of everything happy and sunshine in Percy Jackson and wanted blood, death, knives, SKELETONS, AND 12 year olds that are surprisingly self aware of the fact that they’re a teenager. You want less consumerism and capitalism than what Percy Jackson pushed down your throat. Finally, no mentions of those fucking gold arches, Riordan.
Oddly, no parents are dead in this book. In every YA book you read, there is at least one parent dead, gone to get milk, or playing Tears of the Kingdom. Pleasant surprise for this narrator.
You are also a person that hates world building that lastS for pages and pages. There’s none of that in this book. Expect pages of dialogue like it’s a transcript of my parent’s arguments.
Mom, I don’t agree with you. No, I don’t agree with you either, Dad. You fucking little….Just plant the damn fig tree, for fuck’s sake.
From other sources, apparently the book series gets darker as books go on, so take that as you will. Listening to Eminem and Linken Park between books may increase levels of angst in the subsequent books.
Side effects include: angst, a potentially bi-found family that lasts 10 seconds, fear of skeletons, mourning for fictional characters, and teenagers being oddly logical.
Post script: This would actually make an excellent autumnal book cause of spoopy skeletons.
Ö Theme: Lose Yourself – Eminem: (I was yesterday old when I realized “Mom’s spaghetti” lyrics was this song)
Ö Runner up clip: Spooky scary skeletons
The White Rose (Volume 3 of the Black Company) by Glen Cook
Read if you liked having Charm flashbacks of Volume 1, but want a great dopamine rush in Volume 3.
Night Circus got nothing on this book for reasons you’ll figure out later. Expect a lot of weird crack shenanigans such as talking rocks just to name an example. The Lady’s character is fleshed out a lot more than previous volumes. Twists and turns are aplenty and Croacker complaining he’s too old like an old grandpa shopping 10 AM at a Walmart.
Funny enough, Morgenstern is a lot related to this book in more ways than one. Move over, lady, Cook was the original writer of Night Circus, caramel popcorn and candy apples be damned! We’re eating crusty bread and thickened stew, bitch!
You’re not going to be at the edge of your seat until the last percentage of the book, but it’s worth the dopamine rush and emotions that are given in the end, long after you put the book down. You will find yourself wandering around the library wondering how you returned from a reality of flying manta rays and talking old ass Swedes loitering in the lobby, discussing where to fika next.
You’ll need a lot of Monsters to process your emotions tonight.
You also finally figure out where Miyazaki got the inspiration for the Storm King in Demon Souls. All this time, you got mad at Miyazaki for inserting a giant manta ray for disappointing climax reasons. No. He may have understood Black Company more than we thought.
Coleydoesthings is also screaming at the top of her lungs by the end of the book, crying into her body pillow.
Ö Theme: MSR – Lord of the Wolves: (Someone help me on the EX Stages omfg)
Conclusion: @
I’ll be traveling soon, so the books might be on the short side, but my dumbass quality will remain. Just sprinkled with a lot of curry, chapati, and a big helping of obesity.
God, my thighs can’t take anymore of America.
I think I’ll have fun reading Elantris cause it’s literally a love letter to Soulsbourne and I might learn a bit from it! Can’t wait for it!
I know it’s not book related too much, but what were y’alls favorite in Eurovision?
(Did anyone feel like Armenia just spent money to send that girl an expensive Tinder profile?)
Answers: ~
Seven Faceless: 2/5
Between Two Fires: 3/5
Time of Contempt: 4/5
Curse and Snake: 3.95/5 & 4/5
Mordew: 1.5/5
She Who Rides the Storm: 3.9/5
Skullduggery: 3/5
Medium Raw: 4/5
White Rose: 4.5/5
If you have any constructive feedback, I’m open to them! Hope you enjoyed this month’s Recs!
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2023.05.31 18:57 chipsrafferty47 [QCrit] Adult Satire/Fantasy IF A PEACHBOY I MUST BE (77k, version 1) + First 300

Hi Everyone, we (co-authors) have gone 0/15 on our first batch, so wanted to get some feedback. I'm also including the first 300 words and a couple of specific questions at the bottom. Thank you!

Dear [Agent],
Disgraced knight Guy Macklemore is on a legendary quest: he’s traveling across the world to find his lost love and defeat his former master, the Dark Lord Priebus.
At least, that’s what he says he’s doing. He actually seems to spend most of his time drinking and philandering—until an old friend brings dire news from within the Dark Lord’s empire. Priebus is planning to steal three powerful orbs, which he’ll use to subjugate the smelly peasants of Gwongar, and Guy—with his ancestral connection to one of these orbs—may be the only person who can stop him.
Word of Priebus’ scheme spreads quickly, and Guy soon finds himself in a fragile alliance with two other orb-keepers, both of whom betrayed him in days long past. As the three of them race across the realm, on a collision course for Priebus, Guy begins to realize that—to become the hero his kingdom needs—he may need to sacrifice his rampant philandering, tone down his acute narcissism, and ultimately risk his life.
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL meets the adult fiction of Carl Hiaasen in IF A PEACHBOY I MUST BE, a satirical fantasy novel that blends literary and commercial elements. It is complete at 77,000 words. [Custom -- targeting agents interested in humor, fantasy, upmarket.]

If a Peachboy I Must Be
By Author1 (writing as Duffrey Lingonberry) and Author2 (writing as Bartleby Fudge)

By Critically Acclaimed Contemporary Author Joseph Haulitzer
The novel you’re about to read was written in 1913 at the behest of the now infamous Archduke Franz Ferdinand. While it is historically unclear if any version of the manuscript made it into the archduke’s possession before his brutal death at the hands of Gavrilo Princip, If a Peachboy I Must Be would go on to live a fascinating life of its own.
The epic was originally published in the authors’ native tongue in 1914, and it would not be translated to American English until 1939—ironically on the brink of another global conflict. Because of this, historians have often labeled Peachboy a “natural catalyst of war.” For similar reasons, the Hungarian Parents’ Coalition repeatedly tried to ban Peachboy from public schools for decades after its translation. Despite its controversial origins, the novel is now hailed as the greatest pseudo-erotic fantasy epic of the European literary canon. And I, Joseph Haulitzer—critically acclaimed author of Gentle Malaise and Portrait of a Zebra That Is Thirsty—can attest to the novel’s merit on a personal level.
Peachboy sculpted me and many of my contemporaries into the writers we are today. The dual authors’ use of cunning language, heavy-handed sexual subtext, and bizarre, long-winded simile have since become staples of the literary world. When I was in the trenches of research for Zebra, I had nothing but fond recollections of the conquests of Sir Guy Macklemore to comfort me. And when my wife died, just weeks after our wedding, I felt the same pang of forlorn sorrow that Guy must surely have felt for his dear Chrysanthemum—as you’ll soon play chance to hear. It’s a complicated novel. It’s a problematic novel. But like a fine Austrian milk, it is undoubtedly a novel that grows richer with age.

A couple of specific questions:
- We've left out comps on our first 20 queries because we can't find any humor novels from the last five years that match our voice. I'm leaning towards breaking the rules and doing films/tv (e.g., MONTY PYTHON, PRINCESS BRIDE) going forward.
- The Foreword is only 500 words total, and Chapter 1 isn't expository at all. With that said, wondering if it's killing us right now... Unfortunately it's very necessary for the novel because of some enduring metafictional elements. We might just leave it out on a few queries and see if we get any requests.
submitted by chipsrafferty47 to PubTips [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:57 tronn25 Congrats Recent Grads - GL Studying for the Bar

Congrats to all of you recent grads. Studying for the Bar sucks, but approach it like a full-time job so that you don't have to retake it.
I wrote an article on Bar study prep on my Substack, but I see that there's a bright-lined no self-promotion rule. So I won't. Instead, i'll just drop it here. I would love to know what you guys think.
Hey there, aspiring lawyers! So, you’ve decided to take on the ultimate test of mental fortitude and endurance: the dreaded bar exam. Congratulations on voluntarily subjecting yourself to this masochistic journey! But fear not, my dear readers, for I’m here to help you navigate the treacherous waters of legal jargon and sleepless nights with some well-deserved advice. Grab a strong cup of coffee, and let’s dive right into the abyss of bar exam study madness!
I took the bar in early antiquity, or 2010. While we had the same bullshit distractions, including the dopamine-driven social media platforms, they were nowhere near as effective and pervasive as today. I didn’t have as much in-your-face FOMO over non-legal friends’ European getaways, summer pub crawls, or beach barbeques.
If you struggle with phone social media time, do something about it ASAP. Deleting the app is great for those who have the willpower. But if you think you will just re-install then try limiting usage instead. In all of the app’s settings, you can set screen time limits for the day. Start with 10 or 15 minutes and adjust as you see fit. If you’re able to stick to it, you will be amazed by how your relationship with yourself and your friends changes for the better. Personally, I have a daily 30-minute social medial cap that I try to abide by and a no social media Sunday rule. It’s honestly been a godsend for my mental health.
Your mentality should be “One and Done.” Treat studying as a full-time job. You will give everything you have to this draconian profession gatekeeper, you will pass on your first attempt, and you will never do it again.
This is extremely important because your likelihood of passage drops significantly with each attempt (above).
You know how to study for an exam, or you wouldn’t have made it through law school. So I won’t insult your intelligence with common, run-of-the-mill, tips. But the following served as keys to my successful passing on my first attempt:

Keys to “One and Done”

  1. Embrace Your Inner Hermit: To succeed in the bar exam, you must become a recluse. Say goodbye to your social life, bid adieu to those Netflix binges, and break up with your social scene – temporarily. Lock yourself in a room, surrounded by mountains of study materials, and become one with your law books. Trust me, embracing solitude is the only way to survive this ordeal.
  2. Get Your Snacks and Drinks in Order: Bar exam studying is like running a marathon, except you’re not allowed to move from your desk. Fuel up, my comrades, with an arsenal of snacks and beverages. Stock up on energy bars, healthy snacks, and gallons of coffee (or better yet, intravenous caffeine drips). Remember, your success depends on your ability to snack your way to legal enlightenment!
  3. Remove the Booze: I love having brew-cha-chos with the boys as much as the next guy. But for the 2.5 months I studied I cut it out *almost* entirely. I wasn’t worried about getting drunk or hungover, I just wanted my mind to be as clean as possible to process and retain information so I’d never take the Bar again. I sat for the Bar in July, so I allowed myself the 4th of July to get after it. You can’t live on the Newport Peninsula and not give the 4th of July your full attention.
  4. Practice Makes… Well, It Makes You Hate Practice: No one likes practice exams, but they’re a necessary evil. So, buckle up and subject yourself to an endless cycle of simulated hell. Time yourself, endure the mind-numbing monotony, and always remember that practice exams are like exes—they’re only good for reminding you of what you don’t want in life.
  5. Flashcards – Your Brain’s Sidekick: Flashcards are the superheroes of the study world. They come to your rescue when your memory fails you, providing snippets of legal wisdom in bite-sized portions. Make flashcards your loyal sidekick, and take them everywhere. Whip them out during lunch, on the bus, or even in the bathroom (hey, desperate times call for desperate measures). Become a flashcard ninja and let them save you from the clutches of legal oblivion.
  6. Body Karate Glow Up: You will be cut out from society for about 2.5 months, won’t be drinking, and should be nourishing your mind with healthy food. Calendar daily exercise times to get out of the house, see the sun, and work on a revenge-less, revenge bod. The exercise will help your mind and well-being, and serve as something to look forward to each day. It will also keep you looking lean and mean so that when you do emerge from your cacoon, you can jump right into that beach life and turn some heads.
As you embark on this grueling journey to pass a test a bunch of dead men decided was necessary, remember that a dash of humor and a sprinkle of madness can make the unbearable bearable. So, my fellow legal warriors, stay caffeinated, embrace solitude, and conquer the bar exam on your first go.
submitted by tronn25 to LawSchool [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:57 Full-Relationship-21 Former/ current foster kid. Aged out, but am still in contact with my foster parents

I want to start this by saying I love my (foster) parents, and they're amazing. I just need to say that there are certain things that foster parents should realize. We need you to listen and not jump to conclusions. There were times I would be complaining or depressed and all I wanted was for them to listen and not suggest a mental hospital or to call my therapist. You're supposed to be my parent, not someone who pushes my problems onto other people. I understand that some of the issues should be taken care of by a therapist, but most of them are stuff that my parents could have worked on.

I would go to them for stuff they did, but they would tell me that I needed to talk with my therapist about them, that maybe I was the problem. I felt like they didn't want to work on themself, so I had to fit myself around what they wanted. I got there when I was 15.5 years old, and I moved out at 19. While I was there 5 kids ended up leaving. For the longest time, I thought it was the kid, that the kid wasn't changing, and that's mostly true. But there were things that my parents did. We live in Indiana and the biggest rule that many kids abuse and my parents completely break was: if the kid comes with it, especially if the kid's parents give it to them, you can't take it. Many kids would abuse that rule saying "you can't take my phone, I'll call my case worker". My parents would also take their stuff while they weren't looking.
When I got there I had a black jacket that my (now-ex) boyfriend gave me, and I was depressed and "black is a depressing color", so they took it. My parents ended up giving it back a year later because I was asking for it, but it wasn't the right jacket, this one was a different fabric and had a zipper. My parents gave my jacket to my former foster sister and she ended up burning it. My ex asked for it back, and I had to explain that to him. He was rightfully ticked.

I got ticked off and I explained that to my parents and they told me that they can just buy him and me a new one, I said: "no, that was special, his dad gave that to him, and he gave it to me". They ended up telling me that I needed to talk to my therapist. That was the first time they said that to me, and that wasn't the last. I still love them, but geez, sometimes I feel like they don't care about me. I'll even talk to them about problems I'm having as an adult, and I'll be asking for guidance, and they either shut me down, half-explain it, or tell me to talk to my case worker about this. It's like since I've grown up and I'm out on my own, they stopped being my parents. It feels great to have another set of parents stop caring about me.
Edit: I’m one week away from 21, by the way.
submitted by Full-Relationship-21 to Fosterparents [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:54 TrainerTITs310 Official announcement for June

Official announcement for June submitted by TrainerTITs310 to RDRSuperstar [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:52 ConorHermes [Online] [EST] [5e] [Sunday at 7pm EST] Looking For 2 More Players to Join an Existing Campaign

As the title states I am looking for 3 more players to join an existing campaign I am running. We have only completed 2 sessions so far so you will not be missing much context. Currently we already have an Aasimar Twilight Cleric and a Half Elf Lore Bard. We play from 7pm EST on Sunday to 10pm EST though we will sometimes go longer (15-20 minutes). Please only apply if you are confident this time slot works for you and will for the foreseeable future, we will not be changing times as we add new players. Below the line is the original post I used to recruit the 2 existing players, please read through it to make sure you are a good fit for the game.
This post will not be like other posts because this campaign will not be like other campaigns. I am looking for a very particular kind of player so many of you will read through this post and find that the campaign will not suit you, so please read through everything carefully and make sure you are ready to commit to this experience. The post will not include any details about the story of the campaign, this is purely to find a group of players that are compatible with each other, the campaign, and myself. The following is what I am looking for and why.
Unfortunately I suffer from various mental health issues and I’m mentioning it now because it will almost certainly have an impact on the game, I may have to step away from the game at points in order to take care of myself, of course as I ask my players to be respectful of this I extend the courtesy both ways and if you ever find yourself needing a break from the game it will not be a problem.
I will be accepting applications from all types of people, if you are going to be in my game you have to be welcoming to all, being crass and swearing are both absolutely fine but I will not accept any amount of intolerance. We are all adults and are bound to come across topics that we disagree on so I ask that you handle what you say with tact and be ready to hear each other out no matter what. Oftentimes disagreements can be avoided with thoughtful discussion of the subject.
I am specifically looking for the types of players who enjoy taking thorough notes and seeking out lore and plot relevant details dropped throughout the story. My number one expectation from my players is engagement so I absolutely love players who go above and beyond to feel at home in the world and learn more about it and the characters who inhabit it. If you are looking for a casual, beer and pretzels style game this is not the post for you.
There are some content warnings for the campaign. It's 18+ and will discuss topics like addiction, abuse, hallucinations, and mental illness. There will be graphic descriptions of violence and elements of horror. I will be thoughtful when using themes like this and it will not be the main focus of the campaign. The campaign will be very serious in tone and I expect players to match that tone as we play. Joke characters have no place here. You are welcome to play a character that copes using comedy or has other relevant comedic aspects as part of their nature.
You must be experienced with 5e. I ask my players to be ready for challenging combat and staying in character when discussing certain aspects of the game. In order to keep these things at a reasonable pace I expect you to have a fairly high level of experience so that we can minimize moments that take us out of the game or slow down the pace unnecessarily.
I am quite restrictive with homebrew as I believe flavor and small mechanical tweaks can accomplish what most people are seeking from homebrew and that allows me to better control the balance. That being said I am quite open to allowing homebrew content created by Matt Mercer as I have personally playtested quite a bit of it.
I don’t restrict anyone on class choice in terms of party composition, I think the system allows for a massive amount of flexibility but I do ask that your character comes with a clear identity. The best kinds of D&D characters have a clear focus and distinguishing factors, and again the game is flexible enough that a party full of clerics could be incredibly diverse. I also ask that my players optimize their builds, combat will be demanding so your character should be prepared accordingly. That does not mean you have to minmax but the optimization of your character should be one of the many factors during character creation.
I plan for the game to start in about 2 weeks from choosing the group, a week for session 0 and then the first session. This is subject to change. The game will end up being either Saturday or Sunday night starting around 7pm EST.
The ratio of combat and RP depends entirely on the party so if you are looking for a game that is predominantly one of the two instead of an even mix this is not the game for you, most groups I've had tend to lean a bit on the RP side.
The game will have a linear story presented to you but you are open to act as you like. If you choose to ignore or decline a plot point that is totally fine, I never intend to force you into anything unless there is a character attempting to force you into something. (e.g You are wanted criminals, Paladins throwing you in jail is bound to happen, I would not consider that railroading)
The plan is to create in depth characters who bond and journey through the world weaving a tale. This means I'm a bit on the stricter side of metagaming, your character’s stats and abilities should be communicated through RP rather than through players. So instead of saying “I have 20 hit points left, can you heal me on your turn?” you could say something like “My character grunts with pain and asks “Have you got any potions left, I could really use one.”. As well as things like rolling your death saves to only the DM and your character sheets being hidden from each other. I still encourage discussion and planning outside of the game as long as it is feasible for your characters to do so in the moment, you are welcome to theorize and strategize as much as you'd like throughout the week in-between sessions but I would ask to keep it limited if you were separated or in a scenario where time is of the essence at the end of the last session.
My intention for the campaign is to tell a story, although D&D is a game, in my case it is just a storytelling tool. I intend for the campaign to be fun and enjoyable but this should not be viewed as a way to blow off steam or a casual experience. If that’s what you’re looking for I’m not judging you but I do ask that you find another game. I ask a lot of my players and most D&D players don’t enjoy the same style of campaign I do, again that is totally okay, but in this case I’m looking specifically for my style of players who are willing to commit to this experience.
Thank you for reading through everything, I know it is lengthy. If you are interested in joining please message me privately. In your message include at least the following. The more unique your message is the more likely I am to respond.
Your Discord Handle
How long you have been playing 5e
Confirm that either Saturday or Sunday from 7-10pm EST works for you (Sessions may run long occasionally)
I would recommend you read my Player Document before making a character but if you have something vague in mind feel free to include that. If you have something very specific in mind be ready to change it to better suit my world
There is plenty more I have to talk/ask about when we have a call over Discord and in Session 0 but if you’d like to ask me anything feel free. A good question could be a good way to see that we’d be a good fit.
submitted by ConorHermes to lfg [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:50 sh0rtie_xoxo I (17-F) am I sure how to feel about a dream that involves another guy who wasn't my boyfriend (18-M)

I'm still young and I'm still new to relationship. 1(17 F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for almost 5 months now but it's currently me and his longest relationship but he is only my 3rd boyfriend so I dunno much about this stuff. He gets jealous easily and so I don't mention other guys with him much. Last night I had a dream where we were broken up and I was already with another guy and I was talking to my ex (in a friend way) (Side note: I hate this ex with every inch of my body because he told me to unakive myself since I refused to sleep with him while I was 15) I know it's stupid but I feel guilty about it because I feel kinda attracted to the guy from said dream but I love my boyfriend very much and maybe im just being a stupid teenager who doesn't know anything yet but I just feel so guilty about having a dream about another guy. We didn't do anything other than me leaning on him and he asked if I was down to do stuff (iykyk) but I said no because I was still in love with my boyfriend (who was my ex in the dream) Does anyone know what to do or if this is just me being a young kid?
submitted by sh0rtie_xoxo to teenrelationships [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:48 ce_0h Communication and feeling selfish

Background: my partner is in for dual diagnosis, drinking wasn’t every day or even every week but when he drank it would be binging and he would hide it until it became obvious he was drunk. His drinking became problematic after our (now) toddler was born in 2021 and relapsed after 10 months sober following being him being jumped. He has a lot to unpack and I acknowledge rehab is 100% the place he needs to be.
My partner should be coming home 6/9 from treatment. I haven’t gotten to talk to them since this past Friday 5/26 and I’m feeling really frustrated and angry.
I know the lack of interaction with home is supposed to help but it feels so infuriating that I have to be isolated and just miss him and be a single parent. I feel alone and overwhelmed. I wish I could call him and talk to him more than the twice a week for 15-30 minutes… with shitty connection. We don’t get visits. I hate it. I want my partner home.
I hate that I want him home so bad. I know he needs help but my heart feel so selfish and sad. I have life happening around me and I can’t talk to him about it. I just wish there was more support for the families left behind for this period.
submitted by ce_0h to AlAnon [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:47 MostlyUsernames My dog has dementia and won't stop licking the top of her front paw

Baby is a ~15 y/o sheep Dog (spayed); she's been developing dementia over the last ~8/10 months (we evaluated her and she's starting to creep into "severe" territory).
About 4 weeks ago she got a small scrap on the top of her front paw. She started licking it so consistently and aggressively we had to put a cone on her. This has happened before, but after two days or so we could take the cone off and she's good.
This time however, she just won't stop. She's had this cone on for almost 4 weeks. It's not on 24/7- we take it off when she eats, goes potty, and when she's laying/sitting next to us- we just had to keep a close eye on her. For the past few days we can't even do that. She so set on licking/chewing her- now non existent- wound. We take the cone off, and she's immediately back to licking/nibbling her foot. She won't listen to commands to stop- and she's always been a very very well trained dog.
We've tried putting bitter spray on her foot (not on the wound when it was there), and she didn't care. We tried wrapping it, she didn't care. We tried to distract her with a walk- but she won't walk. She just stops as soon as the cone comes off, sits downs, and starts chewing (she will walk with the cone on, though). Also, when she has the cone on, she doesnt bother at all with her paw- she just goes back to being her Babyself.
One thing we thought might be happening- because dogs do things like this out of anxiety- she has dementia so it's reasonable to assume this would stress her out. She's just so confused all the time- but, besides that she has a clean bill of health- a little old in the noggin and hips is all.
If there's any advice on how we can help her we'd love to hear it. We are going to have to go to the vet again if this doesn't stop- but obviously it's expensive and we'd hate to spend money just to have them not help (we have an amazing vet- it's just he couldn't really do much to help besides assesing/dressing the wound and recommending bitter spray and the cone.) We called Monday and was given the advice of distracting her with a walk or something- but like I said it's not working.
Thank you for your time, this has been really hard to deal with- not just the licking issue, but watching her mental fade.. it's so- rough- for everyone.
submitted by MostlyUsernames to AskVet [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:44 ok-veg 5 years after D-Day (he confessed to our EA) and going NC, he’s back and we’re stronger than ever.

I’m so glad I found this community. Sometimes what’s happening in my life doesn’t seem real and it’s such a relief to be able to share and get feedback on this. Mostly I wanted to tell my story in hopes it will give someone encouragement! First time posting on this new throwaway but I hope it won't be the last.

In 2018 we met on a company trip, two remote workers living on opposite ends of the country. During that week we had a few small interactions that weren’t at all untoward or saucy, but for some reason we both returned home from that trip feeling completely overwhelmed with the other. As soon as we got back to our respective home offices, we started constant communication over instant message and rapidly found ourselves falling in love, y’all know the drill.
We are both married but in very different situations. My marriage is 5 years long and was pretty much dead in the water from the start — it’s a long story that I won’t get into, but we have a completely dead bedroom and have slept in separate rooms for years, together for convenience. MM married very young and recently celebrated their 15 year wedding anniversary. They have a 10 year old kid together, hundreds of thousands in education debt for a degree she doesn’t use, as she doesn’t work at all right now and is actually trying to change careers to a completely new field. He’s been unhappy with their dynamic for years but has always seemed very resolved to just live with it.
Meeting him back in 2018 was like unlocking a door to a room in my heart that I never knew existed. I was a completely practical and unromantic person before him, and since him, literally everything makes me cry. Tender, sad, sweet, loving, it doesn’t matter. I feel so connected to everything in life after having experienced him. We were about 2 months deep in our exciting new ‘friendship’ when out of nowhere, he pulled his wife aside and told her he’d gotten unexpectedly close with someone. He didn’t warn me this was happening and with his confession, he went No Contact. I was effectively ghosted. I cannot begin to describe the pain my body and soul went through at that time, having no idea what had happened. It was obvious she found out but I had no idea how. I saw weekly marriage counseling appointments appear on his work calendar, then after a few weeks disappear. I watched him log in and out every day without bothering him. About a month after D-Day he sent me a cease & desist type of message informing me that we were not to have contact unless it was work related. We saw each other in person only one time after that, and we talked for a long time, but nothing physical ever happened between us. It was always clear that in spite of whatever he felt for me, he was choosing his family and the comfort of what he’d always known. I never blamed him for his choices, in some ways seeing him “do the right thing” at the expense of his own pride and happiness made me love him even more.
I found a better job in early 2021 and left that company. Hadn’t seen nor heard from him since. All of his socials are locked or dormant and the only thing I could see for all these years was his Spotify profile and a couple of playlists. I scoured this looking for secret messages or clues for a long time before I eventually gave up and resigned myself that it was over.
Fuck, y’all. One night in March I was feeling sad and dug into his Spotify for the ten millionth time, but for the first time in a long time. One of the playlists I knew he was curating for me back in the day suddenly had A BUNCH OF NEW SONGS ON IT, all added within the last 2 weeks. My eyes were as round as saucers!! Then an hour later I got a notification that he’d looked at my LinkedIn profile. I was SWIMMING. The next day I saw he’d sent me an email and I LOST MY FUCKING MIND. An enormous wall of text with everything I’d ever wanted to hear and more. He thought about me every day. At night he’d look at the moon and talk quietly hoping to send me messages. Most touching, he got extremely into a special interest of mine and during the time we spent apart, we both got hugely into this hobby without having any idea that the other one was too. He invested hundreds of hours and dollars into something that made him feel close to me this entire time.
We picked right back up where we left off without missing a beat. I was very cautious and scared because of what happened last time — what if he started feeling guilty and got spooked again? I was careful. We slowly got to know one another again but we both feel we are soulmates, it’s been loud and clear this entire time. Magnets, attached by an invisible thread, twin flames, however you want to describe it: this is my person and I am his.
He recently granted me access to a security camera in his back yard so I can see him participating in our shared hobby whenever I want. This also means I sometimes catch a glimpse of his wife, or even the two of them interacting together. The first time I tuned in and caught them both standing there together my breath caught in my throat, I was so scared for what I was going to see… but it’s exactly as he described. He has no excitement in his voice for her. He is not warm or affectionate to her. She doesn’t engage or interact with the activities he’s doing. Sometimes she talks about herself or her studies. It’s so clear to me that the love is gone. It has been such a weight lifted off my shoulders to know this is broken whether I am in the picture or not.
He’s integrating me into his life this time. He finds time for us to have phone calls, which never happened in 2018. He’s sent me dozens of videos just talking to me and telling me how important I am to him. It’s overwhelming how much this man trusts me with his entire life, literally — if even 1% of the content I have was shared with his wife everything would instantly implode. No one has ever seen me or loved me like this. He gives me so many gifts in the ways he can. It’s extremely special and delicate and I treasure this time with him so much.
I’m scared as hell. I have never had so much to lose and he talks lately like he might actually be willing to leave one day. My biggest concern is that he doesn’t seem to have a “this sucks and I’d rather be alone” limit when it comes to his marriage — I don’t think he would leave unless he had me to leave TO, if that makes sense. It’s a little flattering but it mostly makes me feel so much pressure. I can’t imagine how he will make it work financially without me, either. He doesn’t disparage his wife, to me it just sounds like they are different people, but every now and again he’ll describe an interaction that he thinks is normal but gives me pause — sometimes I think she’s legitimately mentally ill and I struggle with if that’s true, if leaving her would make him a shitty person. Also… we have barely even hugged. Our connection is incredible but it seems extremely ill advised to pursue a more serious future before we can spend time together alone in person… but what if that causes another shame and guilt spiral that forces him from my life again? I am very much so trapped between loving what I have and desperately craving more.
I’m just trying to relax and be patient and enjoy him while I have him. We both agree we want more and are taking each day as it comes.
submitted by ok-veg to theotherwoman [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:43 moonlapse_vertiqo I had a fight with a Thai girl and ended my friendship

So, let me tell you about this girl I met. At first, she seemed really nice, kind, funny, and let's not forget, sexy and kinky in the bed. We were just keeping things casual, hanging out without any serious relationship plans.
But then, about two weeks later, we got into a discussion about politics. I brought up the infamous events of October 6, 1976, known as "เหตุการณ์ 6 ตุลา" in Thai history.
That's when things took a turn. She insisted that I couldn't truly understand what happened or who was involved without actually living in the country. I argued that I had read up on the topic from various sources, but she brushed it off, saying that only people who experienced it firsthand could truly comprehend.
To top it off, she claimed that those involved were actually terrorists. Can you believe that?
But that's not all. She also had this weird thing against this guy named Pita, simply because he was good-looking. She believed people only liked him because of his looks, which I thought was a bit shallow.
On top of that, she complained about financial problems in the country but still supported and voted for this older military guy, Prayut Chan-o-cha. She had this deep love for her country and whenever I questioned the ruling regime, she defended it by saying it helped the less fortunate.
We even disagreed on the topic of mandatory military service. She said "This "handsome" guy expressed his belief that it should be banned" and she said we need soldiers to protect our country against enemies.
She strongly disagreed with him and me, while I raised concerns about the role of the state and its citizens, questioning their dynamic. She said some of them deserve to die.
As if that wasn't enough, I tried to bring up the struggles in other countries like Argentina, Turkey, Brazil, Iran, and Venezuela. But she dismissed it, saying that inflation and bad things "can happen anywhere", so it's not specific to those countries. And then she had the nerve to say she hated politics!
I was just trying to have a conversation and discuss different perspectives, you know?
Well, when I continued to delve into the early history of her country and questioned the legitimacy of the state and its relationship with the citizens, she had had enough. She gave an ultimatum to me not to talk about her country and politics like that, so I said, "Hell yeah," and walked away, continuing on my own path.
I couldn't ignore the facts:
the honorable Thai people who have shed blood and tears for justice,
the children going to bed with their stomachs empty;
and the Thai intellectuals who are oppressed and can't return home. I refuse to disregard all of that just to suck some big titties. 🤝โลกคือหม้อ เราคือทัพพี. 🤝
submitted by moonlapse_vertiqo to Thailand [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:42 Demon_Frost73 Am I The Jerk For Kicking This Entitled Karen Who Can't Swim Into The Pool.

I'm Harry a 17 year old male for a bit of a back story I have a 9 year old sister who is learning how to swim I used go too but I left a few months ago because of study and other stuff, but she got interested and joined a few weeks ago.
She knows how to float but while swimming cannot put her head in and out of the water to breathe and remember we to a public pool. I just wait outside the pool and watch over her as both parents have a job it's hard for them to manage. The pool is 5 feet deep and my sister is 4'8 so she needs to stand on her toes to walk in the pool. Now here comes the person who we refer to the entitled karen of the story. So the karen is looking over the pool not even swimming.
I go ask her and this is how the conversation goes Me: Hello ma'am aren't you swimming?
Karen: Umm... no I don't know how to swim.
Me: Ok
She looks at me while I'm telling my sister she is doing great at swimming and keep going. And some water goes in to my sister's nose and she panic's and try's to find the nearest edge she could grab onto. I tell her it's ok it had happens to everyone and it has happened to me too. She comes to me and says :
Karen : Oh, your sister can't swim how bad she is and she will never learn.
And oh she should not have said that because my sister starts crying on spot 'cause she got insulted by someone in front of like 50-60 people.
I say: your an adult shouldn't how to swim? Instead of insulting a nine year old who has just started to learn? That shuts her up for a while I tell my sister to ignore her and try her best. She ignores the karen's mean words and continuous to and actually breaks breaks her record to how far she swam in one go. I said "See you tried harder and did better." She gives my a joyful smile and try's to break that record again. After 30 minutes the sir call's everyone for a diving practice they do in the end everyone does 3-4 dives. When it's my sister's turn. She is getting into position and this karen come's and pushes her into the pool and instantly my sister's head hit's the wall and it starts bleeding I scream and get her out of the pool while the karen just sit's there and laugh while saying "that's what you get for insulting me!" I got total rage mode I kick her into the pool and also her phone with her and the phone hit's her on the head. I get very happy I rush to the nearest hospital and the doctor say "She going to get 14-15 stitches on the head she will be in the hospital for 2 days." I go back to the pool and see the shameless karen saying to every employ that i pushed my sister because I told her (karen) that I hate her which is a lie the biggest of all and says that I kicked her and threw her phone 'cause I acted like she was making a scene and the police had arrived and they put me in handcuffs I was so scared i looked around and saw the thing that saved my life. I said "If she is telling the truth check the cameras." The new manger and cop agreed karen turned pale more pale that a zombie. After a few minutes the new manger and police man come out and release me from the handcuffs and put karen in she screams that she will sue all of us and the new manger even told me that she was banned from the pool. But he didn't know 'cause he was new here. The karen get's 6 months of jail 'cause of breaking the law.
Later I found out that my sister had a crack so long story short karen got 1 year and 6months of jail time. I hope anyone won't be dealing with her soon and never does.
submitted by Demon_Frost73 to amithejerkpodcast [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:36 LifeElectrical2996 Am I an AH for not going on vacations with my wife and kids?

I hate vacations. I'm a SAHD and I dread vacations. It's just me doing my job in a new place without any of the tools I need to get it done. I get incredibly stressed out with the money spent, the vacation rules for the kids and just having to be there in the first place.
A couple of years ago I came up with a great plan and decided that I wasn't going to go any more vacations. It's great, wife takes all the kids to the beach, her parents go, they all do whatever and I get to stay home and sleep. I love it, I look forward to my week of sleep, video games, McDonald's and Delta 8 gummies. It's the best.
However. A lot of people give me side eye because of this. They tell me that it's different because it's an experience and the kids will resent me not being there. They make it seem like I'm missing out of some super important detail of my kids life and that I am forcing my wife to take them.
So what's your opinion? Do you think I should suck it in the future and suffer through, or continue doing having my week of freedom?
submitted by LifeElectrical2996 to Parenting [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:36 TheFinalZebra Feel like I'm pursuing the "wrong" kind of work/skills?

I'm 19 years old and going off to college in 3 months after a gap year.
I took the year off initially because I was unhappy with my college option, and I felt like I was rushing into something I wasn't even sure about, average confusing about life teenageyoung adult stuff. I've used my time to mainly focus on freelance 3d graphics/modeling CGI work although I did work a "standard" summer job at a camp last august (hated it.) I also wanted to get better at adulting and felt super naive about the real world, especially due to missing out so much due to covid, and it's been nice to make my own money, learn to drive, travel on my own, gain some maturity. (I did a one-month Amtrak trip around the us and a 2 week interrail of Europe, not sure if I want to travel more) I've also just been driving/taking trains to places on my own.
Over my gap year I've had tons of offers from game studios and larger youtuber clients from word of mouth and my own personal passion project, as well as smaller individual clients here and there and I've been making pretty good money for myself (I think I maxed out at like 8k one month, but its more like 3-4k on average working part-time) And through all these connections I feel as though I set myself up pretty well to be able to make more than minimum wage during college (a college I'm super happy to go to now).
and yet, I'm looking back at this year I'm regretting not taking more "standard" work experiences like interning at local places, despite the fact I would've literally made less money/had less time to develop professional connections useful to my business. I love working freelance, I love the freedom of being able to make money when I need it, and I'd love to expand it into a fully-fledged business with some online friends in the future, something I would've never considered possible until this gap year, and yet I still feel like I'm missing out working with other folks irl in a "normal" job.
I'm super anxious about these next three months, they're my last three months before school, and I want to make them count by maybe trying out some volunteering/interning or something, but I don't know what to do.
submitted by TheFinalZebra to gapyear [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:35 --Clintoris-- NRFI 05/31 - Clintoris - I'm back bitch. This time with AI

NRFI 05/31 - Clintoris - I'm back bitch. This time with AI
Most of you don't know me, or don't care, or want me to jump off a cliff into a bunch of needles (remember that Saw scene? That f'ed me up) but I am back.

I am obsessed with NRFI's, no run first innings.

Max 2 pitchers, max 6 batters per half inning, every pitch matters. It is exciting, stressful and SOMEWHAT predictable other than the BS two out solo homer (F you ketel marte you dick). And with odds of -115, this bet is the equivalent of hitting a 2 point NBA favorite.

So I went on a little reddit run last year parlaying two NRFIs I felt had actual value and not fake value. I had a hell of a run and then an insane cold streak. the cold streak stuck with me because i did not have the advantage in certain situations. Guys would come up to bat and the announcer would say "George Castanza is 9 for his last 12 with 4 home runs" WTF. I was setting myself up to fail.

So I went to twitter to find stats and EVERYBODY SUCKS. Who gives a shit Gerrit Cole is 5 in a row NRFI? It's matchup drives, its pitch driven, its split driven, F you ketel Marte, it's trend driven. We need to be looking at PER AT BAT, not overall. Definition of confirmation bias.

After weeks of looking for people who actually knew how to reasonably try to predict NRFI I decided to do it myself. Literally no one is doing this and I get why, its complicated. It's WAY easier to use confirmation bias to sell picks. I have a full time job and a family and I rob banks on the side so I am busy (JK FBI). But i did it anyways.

So using these pitcher stats:
Overall WHIP
Overall OPS
Overall S/M %
vs LHB Score
vs LHB S/M %
Chase %
In Zone Contact %
Barrel %
Avg Exit Velocity (MPH)
Line Drive %
Recent 5 Starts WHIP

And these batter stats:

S/M %
OPS Against RHP
S/M %
Against LHP
S/M %
Chase %
In Zone Contact %
Barrel %
Avg Exit Velocity (MPH)
Line Drive %
Recent 7 OPS

I then used AI (ChatGPT) to pull historical stats and the weigh these stats (YAWN) with potential to get a hit. It gives me weights, then I weigh batting order based on importance for NRFI then use the algorithm to predict the outcome of a hit occurring in their first AB. Ends up looking like this:
I am not kidding, no one else does this. Anyone else want to take over? My wife is about to divorce me (F you ketel marte). The reason the numbers are so low is because I take the data and create a standard deviation of 1 based on all data (YAWN).
I stayed away from reddit for a minute because I hated losing bets where I wasnt taking in all info. I started a twitter account so i can test it there and I'm up to like 500 followers. I'm not a big social media guy so that's wild to me. @ NRFIusingAI
So long story short (I'm wrapping this up) - here are my odds today for an NRFI occurring:

Texas Rangers
52.66% , Rank 3 
Detroit Tigers
Los Angeles Angels
41.34% , Rank 12 
Chicago White Sox
Tampa Bay Rays
47.22% , Rank 8 
Chicago Cubs
Cleveland Guardians
48.32% , Rank 6 
Baltimore Orioles
Atlanta Braves
49.87% , Rank 5 
Oakland Athletics
Pittsburgh Pirates
52.93% , Rank 2 
San Francisco Giants
Washington Nationals
41.50% , Rank 11 
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Diego Padres
48.12% , Rank 7 
Miami Marlins
Milwaukee Brewers
54.10% , Rank 1 
Toronto Blue Jays
Cincinnati Reds
40.05% , Rank 14 
Boston Red Sox
Philadelphia Phillies
43.27% , Rank 10 
New York Mets
Minnesota Twins
43.68% , Rank 9 
Houston Astros
New York Yankees
50.40% , Rank 4 
Seattle Mariners
Colorado Rockies
40.32% , Rank 13 
Arizona Diamondbacks

I probably lost 50% of you by now, but after the NRFI is calculated, I then look into general team trends and OPS last 15 days to make picks.

For example, MIL/Blue Jays are #1, but Julio Tehran has one great start against a terrible Giants offense so it's skewing his stats. Also Blue Jays are top 3 in OPS last 15 days. PASS
I'll be posting this daily, these are not blind picks, but more helpful stats to help point you in the right direction.

Me? I am riding CLE/BAL NRFI -120, Cleveland 2nd worst offense in MLB last 15 days and Baltimore (other than Adley) has worse splits against LHP vs RHP.

If anyone has any questions or wants a different matchup hit me up. I burned out last year because I feel like I wasnt taking in enough info to be on the right side of NRFI bets. I am not concerned about that anymore. These are not sure thing bets (-110, -115, -120 never are) but watching an NRFI and hearing the announcer say the batter is 3 for last 25 is why I do all this BS.

NRFI resources -

GL today, thanks for all the messages of support asking me to come back. Gives me the motivation I needed to finish this.
submitted by --Clintoris-- to sportsbetting [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:35 Akilia- I have returned 26 [F4M]

I posted here just over a week ago, but for some reason Reddit wouldn’t let me respond or reply to anyone. So I’m back here with another post. For context I’m 26 years old, 5’4 mixed from the Caribbean. I love anime and sports, and I really hate getting my time wasted. There seemed to be a lot of lovely people who messaged me but I just couldn’t reply at the time, but it’s working now so let’s try this again my loves
submitted by Akilia- to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:34 Fast-Worker1757 Just need some advice/support for some things that happened i guess

I dont really know what this post is for I guess I want some advice or just some sympathy. I don't know if this fits in the mental health subreddit but I already posted it on advice and didn't get any answers so I'm just posting it on other subreddits so that it may get more attention. Also I'm not a native english speaker so if I say something thats hard to understand or use words wrong I'm sorry. So, I am 14 (almost 15) and about 2 years ago (early summer 2021) during covid I joined my first public minecraft server. I played alone for some time till a girl who was playing for a longer time helped me a bit and we played together for some time. but that doesnt really matter. what does matter is that I became friends with some ´dude (he was about 16 then i think) and we played together, build a home and a whole city with some other people. the server restarted a few times with a new world and every time we went together and build our home together again. over the span of a few months (half a year or something) we got really good friends and talked almost every day and every hour of the afternoon. By that time in late summer I got 13. around that time he told me he liked me and asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend (ik its weird) but I said no cause I didn't think I liked him that way, I dind't really have any experience in that and I didn't want to lose him as a friend. He accepted it tho and we continued to be friends and he also had another girlfriend. A few months passed again and we were normal friends and I even almost forgot about it. Then he told me he broke up with his girlfriend (she was kinda weird) and told me he still liked me. (That was around novembedecember) I really thought about it and I knew I liked him but like I said I didn't have much 'experience' so I didn't know if I liked him that way or just as friends. I was scared that I'd lose him if I reject him again but also that if we'd break up our friendship would be destroyed. So I said yes cause... yk what could go wrong? and guess what happened? Like a month or two later he told me that 'we dont spend that much time anymore' and that long-distance relationships are complicated and dont work out and asked me how it should go on. So I guess we broke up or something. He said we break up but still be friends and see how it goes. And well it happened what I was scared of. We didn't really talk anymore and the conversations were kinda awkward cause he still called me some 'cute nicknames' and told me he loved me (in a friends way) but it felt weird. So from mid january on we almost never talked and if we did, he'd start the conversation. It feels weird to say that but I was really sad during that time cause yk I just lost a person that I really liked and spent every day for almost a year with. Looking back now I wouldnt call it a realationship cause I mean I was 13 he was 16/17 and I think I felt happy during that time cause I had someone (other than my family) who really liked me for who I was and told me every day. So like I said for a long time (and also now) I felt really sad and didn't play on the server or talk to any of my friends there anymore.
So that was only one part of my hole thing here. A bit earlier in autumn we got some new students in our class. Three girls and a boy. almost directly after that we went on a class trip and the three new girls and some other friends of me got in a room together and through that we all became friends. Some months later a friend of mine whos also in our class told me he had a crush on one of the new girls. Lets call her "Betty". And that crush went on for some time. like half a year later, still while he liked her I also started to develope a crush on her but didn't tell anyone especially not him. He had kinda given up on her cause she liked some other guy in our class and told me he had set them up with eachother and their together now (that lasted for like a week or so). But that just made me realise I liked her more cause I was f*cking jealous of the guy and mad cause he broke up with her because she's "too touchy for him". I'm kind of introverted so while I had a crush on her I started talking less to her or at least less 'flirty' which I did before cause she was also someone who'd flirt jokingly and in a friendly way. I guess I was scared that she or someone else would find out I got a crush on her cause I'm too flirty or I sound too serious or something. Anyways she was sad because that guy broke up with her, the friend of mine who had a crush on her apparently didn't anymore and also didn't want to be friends with her anymore and another friend of mine also had some kind of argument with her and I didn't understand most of it. Now what I didn't mention yet, and I also didn't know for long is that she wasn't really mentally okay. I'm not that sure but she probably had depression and she also selh#rmed. One day after school she send me a text. It just said "your really cool. sorry for everything". That kinda confused me cause she had nothing to apologize for that she did that day and she behaved like always. But it made me worry cause it sounded like some kind of last message. So I immediatly replied and asked what she meant, what she wanted to apologize for and when she didn't reply or answer my calls I knew something was off. She always replied when you wrote her. I texted all of our other friends and asked them if they knew anything from her. The ones who replied me also got a personal message from her apologizing and saying other stuff. One of the friends and I really worried and wrote to our teachers and other people if they may have heard from her and our teacher contacted her mom. But she also didn't know where she was and the police were searching for her. The whole evening I worried about her and just hoped she would come back to school the next day. So at school our friend group was of course very worried about her. We started to think about where she could have gone and someone mentioned she had a best friend outside of our school where she might be. She didn't really have the best relationship with her so we thought she might have just run away and had hope. So after the first lesson I went to one of our teachers (the math teacher) and told her our idea and that we could try to contact her friend. She listened and said she could talk to someone (I dont really know what she said anymore) but she acted kinda weird. The whole break long we just hoped and thought about things to do. Our math teacher let us in the class room but didn't star the lesson. She told the class (mainly the people outside of our friendgroup) that they might have heard that something is up with "Betty". And after that the door opened and our class teacher, co-class teacher, a guidance teacher and the principle walked in. Already when I saw the with tears overflowed face of our class teacher I knew that she didn't run away. And I was right. Our class teacher had to go up in front of the class and tell us that "Betty" had k!lled herself the evening before. And the next two hours were just crying. I remember my math teacher coming up to me, crying, telling me that she was so sorry that she couldn't tell me the truth before when I had told her our theory but she couldn't tell me then. I felt so bad for her. And for the other teachers and the one who had to tell us what happened. And I was mad seeing some other class mates who were looking exaggeratedly (is that a word?) sad. And I was mad that she did that to us. And I just cried. Our whole friendgroup cried for two hours. Now I don't know how to continue this post. There isn't really much more to that part and I don't know if I can bring myself to write more about it.
My newest problem is about another friend of mine. I'm not sure if I like her or not. But I feel bad because of "Betty". That whole thing was in january, so 4-5 months ago and I feel bad because I may already have a new crush. And I'm not sure but I think she also had a crush on the girl I like now and I just hate everything right now. But the main problem with my 'new crush' is she is straight. And she made it very clear that she doesn't like me back. I've been flirting with her as a joke a while ago but everytime I was flirting with her she "rejected" me. But you know everything as a joke. But I think it isn't a joke anymore for me. The problem is, like I said, she's straight. And she's leaving next year after summer to another school so it's useless anyway.
I'm just thinking about everything. Why does everything that I like leave me. god that sounds so dramatic. I have a friend who I told all of this and she said something like "that could be a sick movie" and I can't un-think about that. Why the f#ck is my life a movie? And why can't I like anyone and have a normal relationship or something. This all sounds stupid and like I'm being over dramatic and I can't really express my thoughts without it sounding stupid. Also thank you if you read this and sorry cause its very long
submitted by Fast-Worker1757 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:33 yolkofficial What organizations/people can help me escape my house as opposed to going straight to being homeless?

If you're just going to tell me to get a job, don't bother, I WOULD NOT BE MAKING THIS POST IF I COULD SAFELY LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GET A JOB.
I'm 18, but I can't move out. My mom will find me. She won't let me grow up. She has made me dependant on her. She insists on doing everything for me. I'm living in this lavish mental prison, I can have any material thing or fast food I want at any time, but I can't leave without telling her where I'm going. I can go for a walk outside, but I have a mental boundary to where I start getting guilty and paranoid if I cross it. If I were to try to go straight to being homeless, she would find me. She would track me down. She would yell and cry at me, probably try to hug me to. I'm 18, I want to be an adult, I want friends, I want to be a part of my community, I want to live on my own, I want to take care of myself, and most importantly, I want to do all of that without her knowing where I am. I can't sneak out at night cus she'll find out and freak. She'll call incessantly trying to find me and she won't give up until she does and she will call the cops on me. I'm a prisoner in my own home. She is emotionally codependent on me, and she is delusional and fake.
Another issue is I'm trans, so she's lost her mind over me transitioning, and wants her child back but she isn't talking about me, or even what I was when I was born, she has this completely different mental image of the child she wants, and openly tells me she's mourning the loss of a child as if I'm some complete different person, BUT also keeps begging me to love her and worships the ground I walk on and I can't take it anymore, I need to get out but she'll try to find me and I can't have people over cus she'll question them and try to be buddies with them and try to tell them how much she "cares" about her trans son, I hate her for that, she's fake. She sees me as an object, a doll, a child and she's going crazy off of some empty nest crap, I don't know. I can't talk to her about moving out cus she would yell and cry if I said I didn't want her to help me. I don't want her in my life, she lost that privilege and I'm not sorry. I only fear her. There is nothing left between us.
I need a place to go, but I don't know who to contact, and I can't go to the streets, because she'll easily find me and drag me back home and I won't hear the end of it, and she'll call the family, and they'll come over to shame me. I don't want to live like this anymore. She won't let me be an adult without her being there to "help". She's got my savings account, and while I have my own copies, she has copies of my SS card and birth certificates and she's using them to fetishize this non-existent child she has and I feel sick and I want to take those from her because they're mine, that's my life on those papers and she's got this thought in her mind that she's entitled to keep copies cus she's my mom, but she's already basically disowned me and is living in a delusional world, I want those papers, no one in this whole world but the government should have copies of those documents, please understand me on that part, I don't want her having those copies because she is insane.
I'm in Montana, more specifically the south eastern part, but I'm willing to go anywhere in the state that will accept me. If there's anywhere a queer young adult can go and be safe, I want to know. If someone reading this has room in their house, I would be greatful if you offered it. I've only got a $50 bill, rest of my money is in that account and I don't even know if I'll ever be able to get that money back without my mom flipping out. I can't make it to the bank because I don't know how to drive and if I walked to the bank, which is far away, it wouldn't take long before I get frantic calls and I get tracked down. Help me, I'm 18, and I can't get away. If it wasn't for the many items I treasure and don't want to leave behind, it's I can't leave unless I specifically have somewhere to go, if a place to stay falls through, there's no coming back from it, my life will become more of a hell than it already is. If there's a program that could help, if there's a church that would take me, if there was anything, anything that could help within the next few weeks, it would give me hope. I'm trying to get help with disability and assistance from the state, but they're taking forever and I'm probably stuck on some waiting list, but I can't keep taking this every day.
submitted by yolkofficial to CPTSD [link] [comments]

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submitted by AutoModerator to spidermanPart [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 18:28 Bearbreanna23 I hate being stuck half in denial and this whole process sucks. I wish more people in my life could handle me talking about him.

I hate this. The love of my life died on may 6th 2023. He was almost 22. December 23 would’ve been our fifth anniversary. He said he was gonna throw me a great surprise party for my birthday this December. We were going back to college this summefall. Our cats turn 3 in August. We were planning to get engaged soon, I’m still wearing the pandora promise ring he got me three or four years ago. A few years ago he showed me an engagement ring he wanted to order me, but I wanted to wait until Covid was over and we were financially independent. I want my love back. If I was a writer I could fill a book up with just some of how amazing he is.
I hate the fact that I’m a widow but because we waited too long I don’t get to check that box when I fill out forms. I hate that the only people that immediately recognize me as a widow is other widows. Hell the only reason I’m getting even close to what a widow would get is because of how amazing and loving his family is. I hate I never got to call them in laws.
The last two texts I got from him were him telling me I had nothing to worry about and that our cats were doing good. The last time I touched him while he was still warm I was doing cpr while waiting for ems. I don’t know if he died before or after I found him.
I’m not even sure how he died yet, our best guess before final testing comes back is a freak heart attack. The only thing they saw physically in the autopsy was a severe blockage in his LAD artery (which supplies half of the hearts oxygen). There’s still so many questions we’re waiting for the answers on, which isn’t helping me process any of this at all. I feel like once I have the accurate story of what happened then maybe I’ll be able to work through it better.
The next time I saw him was lying on a table covered in makeup, the embalming made his muscles all stiff and hard. He was cold, colder than I realized he’d be. He didn’t need to be embalmed (his funeral was exactly a week after death and the private visitations were even earlier than that) but that wasn’t my choice, and there was probably some stupid unnecessary local law about it anyways. Even before he died I hated how messed up the funeral industry is. But seeing the person I love most go through it really cements my views. For my loved ones sake I hope that when I die the industry is less predatory and embalming heavy.
I just want my brain to accept what happened and actually feel what I’m feeling. He’s gone but it still feels like I’ll see him in like a month or something. I hate just feeling like I’m gonna see him everyday when I come home or when I wake up in the morning, but then he’s just not there.
Obviously I don’t want this to be real but it is. My therapist keeps saying that my brain and my heart aren’t aligned yet. I just want to feel my grief again, I haven’t felt the grief fully since his funeral.
It’s like everyone else stopped talking about him after that first week and I still have so much to say but so few to say it to. Like everyone’s being cautious with me, but I need to talk and I need to feel the loss. I want people to be direct and ask the hard questions. It’s like they all think if we talk about him I’ll break. I’m already broken, talking about him isn’t gonna make him die again. Without the conversations it doesn’t feel real.
Sometimes I wish he wasn’t cremated so I’d at least have a cemetery plot I could go visit him at. Or if I had seen him before autopsy and embalming maybe that would’ve made it real. Maybe if we had his body instead of his urn at the funeral it might’ve set in, because grieving with others seems to have helped me a lot during that first week.
I hate living in this weird dream-like state. I hate hanging out with him in my dreams and waking up to him not existing anymore. I keep thinking I’ll hear his voice again, have him hold me again, get to play with his beautiful hair, but I can’t and my brain just refuses to understand. I wish I knew how long this fog will last.
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