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I know this is a little late for a Boston recap and very long for a casual read (consider yourself warned). It’s kind-of about the race, but it’s also just a bunch of semi-connected thoughts and feelings about training, injury, and results that have been floating around for me over the last couple months.

Prologue

I started running during the pandemic, transitioning away from my long-time sport of Ultimate Frisbee to try to run a sub-5 mile (report here). I did it, and it was good. And I had caught the running bug. Ready to extend my distances, I declared to my coach that my next goal (after a short hiatus to play one more season of frisbee) was to qualify for Boston. Boston was, in fact, the only marathon I had ever spectated: I remember sitting at Coolidge Corner in 2009, watching runners speed by. I was young and springy then, and had no desire to run farther than 3 miles continuously. But now it was 2021, and time had run out on my fast-twitch abilities: it was time to go long. I wanted to run Boston, which meant I had to run something else - and hopefully just one “something else” - first.
We decided to target Eugene for 2022, to qualify for Boston in 2023. I began building up my base in the fall, testing my weekly mileage limits. I remember a “long run” of 70 minutes the first Sunday after I returned to regular running. I nearly gave up and walked 60 minutes in. But the next Sunday I did 80 minutes, and it was better. By the end of the fall, I was comfortably hitting 50 mpw and 2 hour runs. By the time Eugene came around, I had sixteen weeks of generally healthy training and six 20+ mile runs in my legs. felt ready, and I was: I ran a 2:42. I was a freshly minted 36 at the time, so with the BQ time for my age group and gender at 3:05, I was firmly in the clear.
I want to pause here to say that although I know I’m far from an elite runner, and always will be, I am also keenly aware that many people work their asses off for years to qualify for Boston, and that some never do. I worked hard, too, and my history of sports can’t have hurt, but at the end of the day I know I have some (unearned) talent for running that made my path to Hopkinton easier than it is for many. I will leave it here in saying that I have immense respect for everyone who laces up and puts in the work, regardless of their pace and outcome.

The Build

After Eugene, I had turned my attention away from the roads for about six months. I put the bank of fitness I had developed to work on trails and on mountains. I got to cover (and bonk on) a few of the many thrilling backcountry objectives in British Columbia, and even ran a 50k in Washington. (It went about as well as most people’s first 50k, which is to say that I ran out of food, water, fully supermanned down a trail, cramped every muscle in my lower body, and shuffled it in. Huge success.) But when December came around, it was time to get back to the roads.
Working with the same coach, my road fitness came back surprisingly quickly. I was hitting high-water marks for volume, pushing my average up to the high 60s/low 70s. I felt, well, not good, but I did feel fast. I remember hammering out a 30 minute tempo on the track at 5:41/mi, a workout I never would have been capable of during the Eugene build. I was tired after, but confident and elated. I got compliments from the youngsters rolling 600 repeats around the track, and their coach. I felt like I was on track for a new PR, and not just a PR but a crushingly fast time, maybe somewhere in the mid 2:30s. But somewhere, offscreen, ominous music played. I had my wings on, and I was headed towards the sun.
The sun took the form of a work trip to Bozeman. I flew over Thursday, found a gym to do a tough 60 minute “mountain fitness” workout that evening, ran for an hour Friday morning in the snow, and skate skied 2.5 hours hard on Saturday. Sunday morning, I took on a treadmill workout that was something like 7x(7 min @ 5:41/mi, 2 min off). After two intervals, I knew I didn’t have it. I stepped off the treadmill. I’ve failed workouts in the past, and I’ve been able to move on, but for some reason this one stuck. It stuck, as they say in the South in my craw. Annoyed, I went back to my hotel room and tried to regroup. With my muscles already starting to tighten up with the effort, I resolved to partially salvage the day with an easy run around town. But it didn’t feel like I had salvaged anything. So, after an 8-hour, two hopper flight home, I made another attempt to soothe my bruised ego. With night falling, I hit the pavement, starting out easy but picking up speed. Tired, tight, and without any food or water, I hammered away, deep in the no-man’s land of Zone 3. I had heard the warnings. I paid no heed. I was invincible, and I was going to reclaim the fitness I had missed out on that morning. I ran the distance of a half marathon and got home after dark, and you know what? It felt good, at the time. It felt

The Injury

The next morning, I woke up in a pile of melted wings. My left leg couldn’t take any weight without shooting pain and was tender to the touch around my mid-shin. I felt the dubious benefit of immediate and regretful clarity on what had gone wrong. My ego had let me believe that I could or should try nail a workout on a foreign treadmill at altitude (Bozeman!) after an exhausting couple of days. Failing that, it had convinced me that I should make up the workout with a long, unfueled run. Ego is a hell of drug.
It took several days for me to accept that I was injured. Looking back on my training log, it seems insane, but I ran the next few days on my program, including a track workout. My leg would throb and ache, but I would get through it, only to wake up in more pain that would abate just enough for me to try it out again that afternoon. Eventually, I fessed up to my coach and she immediately sent me to a PT and had me stop running for a week. I thought this was excessive at the time, but in retrospect I think it might have saved the build. The PT I saw said I had a stress reaction, probably brought on by a combination of weak glutes (it’s always the glutes) changing my push off and some good old-fashioned overdoing it.
For the next month, I cross trained with uphill biking, skate skiing, and water jogging. We re-introduced running gradually, starting with once every three days, then every other day, then two out of three days. The shin seemed to get better slowly, and we gradually reached a kind of homeostasis: I knew how far I could push it, and as long as I didn’t overdo it, it seemed to recover slightly faster every time. But the injury had come at a bad time, and missing most of February meant that I couldn’t race the local half marathon I had planned on or a local trail race (though I still participated in them as long runs).
By mid-March, I was feeling mostly better. In addition to Boston, I had also signed up for Chuckanut 50k, a trail ultra renowned for its smooth runnable trails and its timing: it often drew some of the elites of US trail running as an early season opener. I didn’t feel quite ready to hammer the downhills, but if anything, limiting myself kept my quads intact almost through the end of the race. I didn’t tear the roof off, but I ran most of the way and felt pretty good doing it. When I woke up the next day with the usual soreness, but no acute pain in my shin, I knew I was going to finish the build and run an honest race at Boston.
The only problem was that a week’s recovery brought me to March 24: only about three weeks before Boston. With a weeklong taper, shorter than usual by necessity, we really only had two weeks to get into Boston shape. My coach put on a masterclass in programming: she designed workouts that required exactly as much as I could give at the time, while preparing me for the unique qualities of the Boston experience and course. One in particular stands out: 4x(15 min MP effort, 8 min T effort, 4 min jog), but on a route that included a 300-foot hill, which I ended up going up and down 3 times. The key was to maintain effort going uphill, but to not go any faster than 6:10/mile downhill. That and another long run gave me two 20+ milers in the books. That was it.
Going into Boston, I knew I didn’t have the sharpness I had even three months ago. I had started the cycle hoping to PR, maybe by a lot, but before the marathon I set more conservative goals: my C goal was to get to 20 miles (where my mom would be) feeling strong; my B goal was to get under 2:45. My A goal was to PR. I wasn’t feeling brave: I wanted to minimize the possibility of blowing up, while still giving myself a fighting chance at a one-second PR if I was having a really good day.

The Marathon

There’s not much to say about Boston (the marathon) that readers here haven’t read before. The logistics are impeccable, but overwhelming for a first-timer, the fanfare and the fans are legendary, and the course is the running world’s version of the Strait of Messina: athletes must navigate Scylla’s ego-tempting downhills and Charybdis’ ill-timed uphills to survive. While it is literally impossible to make it to the Boston marathon start line without having at least one hundred people tell you to not hammer the downhill at the start, people still do it every single year.
In a way, I was lucky have reckoned with (and lost to) my ego early in the build. I came to Boston healthy but wary of too much self-belief. We set a target and hard limit on the pace I would set through the first 15k: 6:15s would be ideal, but at most 6:10s: I wouldn’t run faster than I had down my training hill. At the start line, a small inspiration struck. Boston sets bib numbers by qualifying time, and my 2:42 at Eugene gave me something in the 1100s. Within my corral, I found the people around my number and then walked about 30 meters back, placing myself closer to folks wearing 1500s. I reasoned that if most people overcooked the start, then I wanted to be with the folks overcooking it at a pace I could be comfortable with.
Once the race started, it was virtually impossible, for the first couple miles or so, to shift my pace much above or below what the people around me wanted to run. If thought at first that I had let myself sit too far back: I ran a 6:35 first mile down the two-lane streets of Hopkinton. But as the crowds thinned a bit, I found a rhythm, and clicked off my first 5k at around 19:14, around a 6:12/mile pace. The next 5k, still downhill but slightly less, was a 19:12. The third was 19:13. Rolling through the small towns that make up the western side of the Boston metro area, I didn’t feel good, exactly, but I also didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t sure what kind of day I was having. That’s the odd thing about the marathon, so far as I can tell: you might know you’re having a bad day early on, but deciding that you’re having a good day is inviting disaster.
A quick aside: it can’t be overstated how impressive the Boston crowds are. There was no point on the course that I can remember where we were without support for more than 25 meters. Wellesley and Boston University are extreme even in that context, though: you actually feel the roar at those points in the course before you hear or see it. Bless you, you drunk and joyful undergraduates.
By 25k, we were through half and quickly approaching the Newton Hills. After a long downhill, we turned at the fire station and started to charge up. I shortened my stride and began to pump my arms, lifting my effort from a 6 to a 7 but no higher. I didn’t look at my watch until the end of the first hill, so you can imagine my shock when I saw that the last mile had been a 6:06. I cruised the lengthy downhill after the first hill (nobody really tells you about those) and regained my composure. The second hill was punchier, and brought me down to a 6:10, but I still felt good, and was starting to pass quite a few people. The third hill was mostly forgettable, which left only Heartbreak. While not objectively a big hill, it’s big enough for that point in a marathon, and you definitely see it coming. I was determined to hold my early race pace through it, though, and pushed the effort up again. I was breathing hard, but I got to the top still holding a 6:11 pace.
Even at the top of Heartbreak, I wasn’t fully ready to believe that this was going to be a really good day. I’m told that much better runners have lost entire races in the so-called “haunted” mile following Heartbreak, and I wasn’t sure what my quads had left in the tank. But while it still didn’t feel good, I kept pouring in gas and they kept responding. The last few miles of the race are a bit of a blur: I remember pushing the pace down to 6:06, then 6:00, then even below 6:00 for a mile or so. There are a couple very short and punchy climbs just before the last turns that took something out of me, but by the time I turned left on Boylston I knew I had enough in the tank. I started sprinting at the turn, only to realize that 600m was a lot more than I had bargained for. Still, I turned in a respectable finish, and at least on the video it looks like I’m booking it. The last mile was a 5:41, exactly what I had worked on maintaining early in the build.
I finished in 2:40: something and negative split by about 2 minutes. It felt good. It felt bad. It poured like crazy 15 minutes after, while I huddled under a restaurant awning. I watched other runners come in. Some, like me, had the elation of a good day to soothe their tired muscles and joints. Some had no such balm, and were left to tangle with the aftermath of a long cycle with a disappointing final result. I was reminded, too, that it’s all relative: as I sat under the awning, I heard a runner near me lament his 2:35, while another came in at 3:15 and was fully elated. Kipchoge had a bad day, and he finished more than half an hour before I did. We are comparison machines, and expectations versus reality is the oldest routine we know.

Epilogue

The marathon is a harsh race, and I feel genuinely lucky to have come out ahead both times I’ve tried. Two months on though, my body still feels beat up: I’m struggling to recover, my knees ache, and my workouts seem to be going the wrong direction. I don’t think I gave my recovery the respect it deserved, so I am once again tangling with my own hubris.
Assuming I can rest enough to properly recover, I also find myself in the position of figuring out what’s next. Boston was a big goal for me, and I didn’t set any real running objectives after it. All I have on my schedule this summer is a couple of local trail and road races. I thought Boston would be my last marathon before I moved entirely to the more forgiving pastures of trail running, but I’m also tempted to see how far I can push the needle on my road running before age claws my aerobic fitness back from me. I’m 37 now, and keenly aware that at some point the PRs will no longer be on the table, but I think that day is still a few years off. If you were me, what would you aim for next?

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[H] Humble Bundle keys [W] Steam wishlist games Have wishlist item ready for offer
((PLEASE DO NOT POST UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE SOME ITEMS ON MY WISHLIST.))
Looking to trade for items on my wishlist:
KEYS ONLY, NO GIFT LINKS!!. NO INTEREST IN TF2 KEYS. NO PAYPAL
https://www.steamtrades.com/trade/3QRL9/h-humble-bundlefanatical-keys-w-steam-wishlist-games-of-similar-value
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/profiles/76561198177786631/#sort=price
Games I have to trade:
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GHOSTWIRE TOKYO
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
ETERNAL THREADS
GRIME
MEEPLE STATION
WARHAMMER 40,000: CHAOS GATE - DAEMONHUNTERS
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
OPERATION: TANGO
WINDJAMMERS 2
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
DEATH STRANDING DIRECTOR'S CUT
LIFE IS STRANGE 2: COMPLETE SEASON
THE LIFE AND SUFFERING OF SIR BRANTE
MONSTER PROM 2: MONSTER CAMP
REVITA
FOUNDERS' FORTUNE
ROGUE LORDS
DEMON TURF
GOLDEN LIGHT
FALLOUT 1
THRONEBREAKER: THE WITCHER TALES
OTHERCIDE
SHADY PART OF ME
SCOURGEBRINGER
FOBIA - ST. DINFNA HOTEL
FIVE DATES
TRIBES OF MIDGARD
ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
CONAN CHOP CHOP
GREEDFALL
BACKBONE
TOEM
WHERE THE WATER TASTES LIKE WINE
BLADE ASSAULT
SUPER MAGBOT
KINGDOMS OF AMALUR: RE-RECKONING - FATE EDITION
SHADOW TACTICS: AIKO'S CHOICE
UNMETAL
NARUTO TO BORUTO: SHINOBI STRIKER
STAR WARS SQUADRONS (ORIGIN)
I AM FISH
DISCIPLES: LIBERATION
MAID OF SKER
EPIC CHEF
RAILROAD CORPORATION
SHAPEZ + SHAPEZ PUZZLE DLC
INDUSTRIA
CROWN TRICK
THE DUNGEON OF NAHEULBEUK: THE AMULET OF CHAOS
IN SOUND MIND
MIND SCANNERS
EMILY IS AWAY <3
OMNO
LEGEND OF KEEPERS
LAWN MOWING SIMULATOR
BANNERS OF RUIN
ATOM RPG TRUDOGRAD
PHOENIX POINT: YEAR ONE EDITION
CALL OF THE SEA
GAMEDEC
SIEGE SURVIVAL: GLORIA VICTIS
SURVIVING THE AFTERMATH
EMBR
IF FOUND...
GENESIS NOIR
ROGUE HEROES: RUINS OF TASOS
SUZERAIN
Tacoma
RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
NEBUCHADNEZZAR
POLICE STORIES
EVAN'S REMAINS
BLACK BOOK
PARADISE LOST
CALICO
THE TEXTORCIST: THE STORY OF RAY BIBBIA
GUTS AND GLORY
Magicka 2
Holy Potatoes! We're in Space?!
Tropico 5
FANTASY BLACKSMITH
GOAT OF DUTY
Rapture Rejects
Aaero
Spy Fox 2 "Some Assembly Required"
Hacknet
Shadowrun Returns
Kingdom: New Lands
Kathy Rain
Dungeon of the Endless
Panzer Corps
Serial Cleaner
Sniper Elite
Sundered
GoNNER
Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered
Little Big Workshop

I have an Asus W680 motherboard that I’ve tried to add a coral card too. It fits in the M.2 E-key.
I have unraid running so trouble shooting means a lot of shutdown time. This is the first computer i have built in probably 10 years so my knowledge is rebuilding.
Long story short, the board doesn’t seem to be recognizing the card. I can’t figure out if it is that the slot is not compatible with other cards then Wi-Fi/Bluetooth or if it’s a bios setting that I missing any suggestions would be helpful.

Been having zoas disappear and most of my soft corals not opening fully and my anemones are acting like the water was toxic. I’ve tested for everything and it was all normal so I decided I would try a dip to fix things. It’s just a waiting game now. Hope I fixed the problem and not made it worse.

Pt 1 If you haven't read it
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Pt 2 If you haven't read it
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Pt 3 If you haven't read it
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Pt 4 If you haven't read it
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To address a point brought up in the comments in Pt 4 about the spread of diseases, since any bacteria or virus would have to evolve to cross the species barrier, the spread of diseases to other species only start to become a concern after prolonged contact, and that's assuming it would even evolve to do that in the first place.
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Hope you enjoy Pt 5 and happy reading!
​
After setting up the sound isolators, Will walked over to the portable synthesizer and used it to print these bottles which he then brought into the bathroom, which he had opened the door for. Along with the strange white opaque bottles he also brought that same pair of shorts that he had worn last night, presumably to change into. I think I much preferred it to a human's sleep. Sure it can be boring at times, and because half your brain is off everything feels kind of funky and you lack depth perception, but I just couldn't imagine what it would like to be totally unaware of my surroundings for so long.
Eventually, not too long after he closed the door, I heard these coughing sounds from the bathroom, I suppose when he took off his shawl to give some of it to me he must've inhaled too much dust. That was a really nice thing he did for me. I heard the toiled flushing and shortly thereafter the shower turn on. Wait a minute. Will had only had one meal today! and I haven't eaten at all! But yet, I'm not hungry, now that I think about it this planet seems to have a much faster day-night cycle, at least a half of what I'm used to. Not too long after he finished using the toilet, he began his shower, which didn't last very long, I just hope it's long enough to get that smell off of him.
He exited the bathroom, his damp skin glistening in the warm glow of the lightbulb. It struck me once more, this time much more so as I was closer to him and the lighting was better, just how tightly human skin hugs the body. Even with no depth perception I could still make out a significant number of the muscle groups. He didn't seem to notice my staring, all he did was sit down at the desk and watch a live feed of Kepler on his communicator, who, for the record I still don't trust. I may trust Will, but not Kepler, I will never trust that thing. Eventually, he got up and walked over to his bed, laying down in between the blanket and the mattress, only letting his head poke out, which faced away from me.
A few hours later, as the warm, red light of Ix crept in through the blinds, and the hunger became too much to ignore, I got up, slowly though as my back was rather displeased by the amount of time I had spent lying down. I stretched, and walked around a bit to try and clear out some of that fogginess that tends to linger after hibernation a bit quicker. Big day ahead. Glancing over at Will I noticed he was still asleep, which looked quite funny, eyes closed, drool was leaking from his mouth, occasionally twitching. He looked quite peaceful, cute even. By the time he had woken up, I had already gotten my UV cleanse done, and since he had taken a shower last night, he would need is paint inspected for any cracking, of which I would have to help with since he lacks proper motor function in his right hand. While I waited for him to be done changing in the bathroom, I used the synthesizer to print me a Nutrition Pack, which of course would remedy my hunger. I also tried to print his breakfast for him but apparently only he is allowed to print the hazardous chemicals, which makes sense I suppose. Instead I read over his report he made, was just detailing local flora and small fauna, infrastructure, weather data, architecture, etc, etc. All things considered I was quite proud of how he did.
"Hey so uhh, I wasn't sure if you noticed but, the day-night cycle here, super short." Will said, exiting the bathroom.
"I was just about to tell you that! Oh by the way I tried to print your breakfast but it refused since it included caffeine."
"Well thanks for trying but we typically eat different things for each meal, the categorization really depends on the person, but personally" he walked over to me and leaned over the table, inputting some numbers into the keypad.
"I really like to go for a BLT, some chips with a glass of water for my lunches." He said as the synthesizer spun into action once more.
"What's that?" I asked
"You wanna try it?" Will responded, side-eyeing me.
"Well.. no."
"Can you just tell me what it is?"
"Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Mayonnaise, Everything bagel seasoning, bread, and some thinly sliced, fried potatoes."
"I think I'm sticking with my Nutrition Packs for now."
Will rolled his eyes, and with time to kill before we had to leave to catch the train we just talked some more.
"So has Captain Reloxyn responded to your report yet?"
"Mmm yeah, she said, let's see.. ah, "Good work, forwarding to Central Command.""
"Best response you can hope for."
"Really? Huh. Was expecting something with a bit more... personality."
"We all do at first, but the Federation is adamant that protocol be followed strictly to the letter in dealing with Pre-FTL societies, don't want to risk them finding out."
"I see, let's just hope I don't try to modify that synthesizer again." Will joked.
"You know, you'd make a great surveyor, you should put in a transfer request."
"Well that's new, usually I'm the one suggesting these kinds of things."
"But no, I think I'm good. I quite like being an engineer."
"Oh will you... looks like you got a little something around your mouth."
"Shit I do." He said straining his neck to glance over into the mirror.
"Eh, no biggie, I'm just gonna wipe it off with a paper towel." He said, inputting a new code for the synthesizer.
"So how's the Nutrition Pack treating you so far?"
"Just as flavorless as ever!" I said with a massive, very Will-like grin on my face.
After double checking all the disguise makeup was all intact, we both got ready to go leave to catch the train to Hl'ix. Once we got into the lobby Will tapped the bell on the check out desk to call for a receptionist, who turned out to be the same woman that checked us in the night prior.
"Leaving so soon! You haven't even gotten a chance to explore!" She said, rounding the corner to face Will.
"Yeah well we have a train to catch in about half an hour so we should probably be heading out soon."
"Well in that case your total is $40!"
Will glanced at me in terror, having entirely forgotten the matter of the bill. I got up bringing all our stuff with me over to the desk so I could manage it. Once I got there I reached into a pouch and pulled out the exact amount requested in local currency. Scouts always keep a very small synthesizer on them to produce currency.
"Here you go." I said handing her the money.
"Well have a great day and good luck on your travels!" Za'ul said as we left the building.
Thankfully the wind had died down, Will released another Weather Sheet for data recording, and gave me the weather run down, though this time much briefer than last time.
"It's nice out." He said
"Great, now which way to the train station?" I asked.
Will turned around scanning his environment.
"There! Look, here's a sign pointing to the train station, see, not that far!"
The sign read 1 kilometer, so it would probably take me about 20 minutes. Zorxians like myself aren't exactly known for our speed.
"Hold on, I'll take your stuff." Will graciously offered.
"Oh thank you!" I responded, handing him my suitcase.
Thanks to Will carrying my things for me, we made it to the station in about 18 minutes.
"Hi, could we have two tickets on the 10:30 to Hl'ix?" Will said to the ticket agent.
"Sure thing, here's your tickets! Enjoy your trip!"
Will walked over to me with the two paper slips in hand.
"Just got a transmission from Captain, a day here is about 16 hours. 8 hours of sun, 8 hours of night." He said, talking quietly as to not arouse suspicion in the waiting area.
"10 minutes until the train gets here." He said once again, though in a much less secretive tone.
We both made our way over to the platform. Will handed me my ticket, which indicated a private cabin was booked so we could discuss things without revealing our identities. The train was nice, with a reddish carpet illuminated by the same temperature lighting as from the hotel. The car we entered had a hallway running along the right side of the car, with about 6 rooms to a train. Each room was separated by a glass door which slid open and closed, and could be locked. I closed and locked the door behind me, and Will placed down the sound dampeners in the four corners of the room. Inside were two long couch like chairs running perpendicular to the window, with a table about 2/3rds the length of the room running down the middle. Above the seating were some racks for luggage, but not wanting to risk forgetting even the smallest of things, we placed our luggage right next to ourselves, as we sat opposite from each other.
"So, we should start going over some of our observations so far for the first full report." I said, pulling my notepad out of one of the pouches on my suitcase.
"Yeah, sure thing." Will responded, doing the same thing as I had just done by taking his notepad out.
"One thing I've noticed is that this planet never developed the use of hydrocarbons. When Earth was at this stage in development, we used them everywhere. Not saying it's a bad thing they don't use them, actually it's a good thing, just something I find strange. Looking at the planet's age one would assume that they'd have access to such recourse."
"Well, we used fossil fuels for a short while, but we ditched them long before we got here, technologically speaking."
"Huh. I wonder if we're an outlier, wouldn't be the first time." Will chuckled.
"How come you stayed with them so long?" I asked
"Weren't you aware of how dangerous they were?" I followed up.
"Oh we were, we know just how bad they could be. Now, this was prior to when we achieved post-scarcity so things were a little... complicated, so I'll try to sum things up. Basically, a very small number of people had amassed massive fortunes off of selling and trading fossil fuels, now at this time corruption was rampant, so they used these fortunes to maintain their dominance without actually needing to do anything. They lied to everyone, they influenced policies, funded denial, and tried to keep the science quiet. Things eventually thought got out of hand and it became impossible to deny, at least, outright denial. So instead they just stalled action, prolonged it, made it less effective, and in some cases, reversed it. Things got really bad. But, humans are resilient creatures, and sure, we caused a mass extinction event in the process, but eventually we picked up the pieces, and slowly but surely, reversed the damage we had done."
I had heard of civilization that had gone down that route before, I had even done a scout mission on one of those worlds before, but all that was left were graveyards.
"That's horrifying..." I responded.
"Yeah... that tends to be the reaction I get when I talk about our history. We did some pretty fucked up shit."
"Why...?"
Will sighed.
"It's just, humans are a diverse species, and you meet, more often than not, just some really wonderful people, but... there's also an astonishingly high number of shitheads. And for most of our history, we had societal structures that rewarded these shitheads."
"Huh."
"I should still include that right... the part about no fossil fuels?" He asked.
"Yeah, but just know it's not that big of a deal." I answered.
"Got it."
My communicator beeped.
"Looks like I'm getting a transmission from the ship."
"What does it say?" Will asked as he craned his neck over to me.
"Well it's a weather model, it looks like those big wind and dust storms happen every couple of days- our days I should say, we just happened to be a little bit unlucky with timing our landing."
"Right, when does it say the next one's coming?" Will sat back down in his seat.
"Not for another 3 us days, or about 5 days here."
"You know, I really wasn't a fan of the whole using the local days for sleeping. I much prefer the 24 hour days I've gotten used to on the ship."
"Yes I too agree, but it would be far too risky to do so."
"Suppose." Will said, turning his head to face the window.
"So could you tell me a bit more about your family?" I asked Will.
"Well, I already told you about Mike, he was just an absolute shithead, you already know that. My sister, Kim, she's wonderful. A few years older than me, my parents adopted her since they weren't sure if it was safe to have another kid after Mike... but here I am! So the doctor got that one wrong! Anyways, she helped me a lot, with school, dealing with Mike's bullshit, friends, she was the first person I told I was gay. I don't know where I'd be without her. My dad, he was an inspector for the Department of Agriculture, so always away stars know where to inspect some farm. My mom was a surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital so always dealing with some kind of medical emergency. That's why Mike was able to make my life so fucking miserable for so long, that and he had all his friends do it for him, plausible deniability and all that shit. When I was 12 my mom got this promotion, which meant my dad could quit and stay home, so Mike stopped but that's when he got his friends to do it for him. Eventually when my mom retired a few years later she found out about the shit he did and got his friends to do it for him and cut him off while he was away at University. It served as a wakeup call for Mike, he's now a maintenance technician, inspecting buildings, roads, train tracks, all that stuff. I'm kind of glad he got his shit together, he did apologize, I know he means well now and I do think he's made a change for the better, but it's just so hard to forgive him. Kim, she works for The Federation too, but as one of their ambassadors at the Lunar Embassy on Shackleton Crater."
Unlike last time I asked him, his eyes didn't well up, but he just kept rubbing his face, making the skin all puffy.
"Oh, careful you don't rub the makeup off." I told him.
"I'm thirsty I... I should get some water."
Will opened up his suitcase to grab the synthesizer, pressing a few buttons and quickly making a bottle of water before quickly putting the synthesizer back. I decided it was wise to do the same, but instead grabbing a Nutrient Drink from the outermost pouch of my suitcase. After chugging down the entire bottle, Will turned to me once more and asked:
"Right Tomō, now you have to tell me more about your family."
"So my parents were both professors at the University of Lenage, my mom was a Professor of Language Development and my dad was a Professor of Anthropology, they would often go on research trips together all over The Federation, and since they went together they would bring me, and eventually my brother, along with them. I suppose that's where I developed my interest in Pre-FTL scouting."
"Damn." Will chuckled.
"You know, I don't really blame my parents, I used to, but they did their best. Mom had a late start to her career, didn't realize she wanted to be a surgeon until she was 28, and my dad quit as soon as he could, plus he kept trying to get transferred to a different department so he wouldn't have to travel. They did everything they could."
"KCHH This is the conductor speaking just wanted to give you all a heads up that we are now on final approach to Hl'ix Central with an ETA of 5 minutes. Please start getting ready to disembark. KCHH"
We both stood up, Will collected his things, and I collected mine. He packed up the sound dampeners and we both did a second inspection of each other's sides to make sure we didn't miss anything. By the time we had finished doing so I unlocked the door to the room, and stood in the line that began to form out the door as the train slowly rolled to a stop.
*ding*
The doors had open and we all began to make our way out the car, we both walked over to the right side of the station marked "EXIT" we made no time to inspect the station hall, as to not arouse suspicion. upon exiting we were greeted by buildings no higher than 15 floors, though much taller buildings could be seen under construction off in the distance. That, and the metro station entrance across the street being marked as "Central Station/Historic Hl'ix" lead me to conclude that they had decided to preserve the older, more centrally located parts of their city, and push the newer developments further away.
"There!" Will said over the sound of the crowded sidewalks and jammed roads
"Hotel!"
"Okay!" I shouted back.
The light to cross the street changed and we made our way across and down the block, arriving at the hotel just a few moments later. Upon entering, the building was far nicer than the one we had stayed at in Urup, and Will darted to the check in desk to get us a room, I followed suit.
"Hi there! My name is Rozca, what can I do for you?" The man behind the desk said to Will as he approached.
"Well we would like a room, preferably one on your top floor."
"Well sir, the top floor only has suites, and suites only have one bed, unless one of you sleeps on the pull-out."
After a few seconds of deliberation Will responded.
"Sure thing we'll take that."
"Alright and for how long will you be staying with us?"
"Just for 3 nights."
"Alright, your total is $3,650."
"Here you go." Will said, pulling the money out of the small pouch I had handed him earlier.
"Your room is 1507, Enjoy your stay!"
After grabbing two keys, one for each of us and handing me my copy, we headed over to the elevator, got in, went up to the 15th floor, walked over to our room and dropped our luggage off. Will gestured for me to come inside.
"So, we need a plan for exploring the city." Will said once he had placed down the sound barriers.
"Now I propose that we take the train over to where all the new development is, and meet back at the metro station over there around dusk to head back here." He said standing back up.
"And we can put these trackers on each other so we know where we are." I said, rummaging through my suitcase to grab the tiny, transparent, tracking beacons that adhere to the skin.
"Found them!" I said holding the labeled baggie.
Carefully taking one out I placed it on his right forearm, which felt strange to the touch as I was able to feel the muscle fibers lying beneath the skin. Then, taking the other one out, Will placed it on my right forearm, which I'm sure must've felt equally strange to his touch, the loose skin sliding around. Afterwards, we took our communicators and paired them to each other's beacons.
We both left the room shortly afterwards making sure to lock the door behind me as I left. Heading out the lobby back into the busy sidewalk we made our way to the metro station, descending into the cool underground tunnel. We both bought our tickets, with the train arriving just moments after we got to the platform. The train itself was quite crowded, and a quick change of gloves made it socially acceptable to grab onto the straps hanging from the ceiling. The ride itself only lasted about 8 minutes, stopping at about 3 places along the way. We got the ticket hole punched on the way out, walked up the stairs and went our separate ways to observe and explore the more modern parts of town.
After about 10 minutes of walking I paused to take in my surroundings, craning my neck upwards to examine the under-construction skyscrapers. Lost in observation however, I failed to notice a vehicle coming my way.
I heard the whirr of the electric motors but it was far too late.
I heard the gravel cracking beneath the spinning tires, but I failed to pay any attention to it.
It was only when I felt the hand grab onto the back of my sweater that I finally, truly, paid attention to what was happening.
And now, I found myself in the back of a van, and a piece of black cloth covering my eyes, with another one stuffed into my mouth.
​
Looks like I'm going to leave it off there on a nice cliffhanger, Pt 6 should be coming out Friday since that one's going to be quite the action packed part. Hope you enjoyed!

I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice and tips on my vacation in New Orleans last week. Thanks to you all I had a blast and was able to pack in a lot more activities than I thought I would. I also got a definite sense of what I enjoy as a traveler (historic homes, art museums, and botanical gardens).
My friend and I both agreed that touring the Longue Vue House and Gardens was the highlight of the trip and it wasn't even something that I had originally planned (it happened to be open on Memorial Day). I genuinely enjoyed everything except for the Voodoo Museum and Museum of Death, but those were my friend's idea so I stuck with them on it (they didn't like them either).
Food-wise, Bennachin was amazing and we had a great meal at the New Orleans School of Cooking! The letdowns were Dian Xin 2 (undercooked boba and weak sauces) and Sofia (undercooked pasta and underseasoned sauces), but on balance we ate well.
I especially want to thank u/mchten who recommended the Go Pass as we used it all day Wednesday and again Thursday morning for the WWII museum.
Here's how the trip went down (timestamps are somewhat made up):
Saturday May 27th
2:00pm – First flight
4:41pm – Second flight to New Orleans
5:14pm – Arrived in New Orleans
5:30pm – Took Taxi to Hotel
6:30pm – Had an alligator po’boy at NOLA Po’Boys on Bourbon Street
8:00pm – Went to Oz Bar
Sunday May 28th
8:00am – Walked to Flora’s Coffee Shop
8:30am – Walked to the Crescent Park Bridge
9:00am – Went to the Jazz Museum
10:30am – Went to the Voodoo Museum
12:30pm – Took the St. Louis Cemetery #1 Tour
1:30pm – Had lunch (muffuletta) at the Napoleon House
3:00pm – Museum of Death
4:00pm – Shopped at the French Market
6:00pm – Dinner at Bennachin
7:30pm – Ghost Tour by Free Tour by Foot
​
Monday May 29th (Memorial Day)
9:30am - Jackson Square
10:00am - Croissant D’Or
11:00am - 3:30pm Longue Vue House and Gardens
5:30pm – Ferry over to the Algiers District
6:00pm – Ate at Barracuda
6:45pm – Ferry back
Tuesday May 30th
10:30am – 12:15pm – Class at the New Orleans School of Cooking (Gumbo, Jambalaya, Pralines, and Bananas Foster)
12:45pm – Coffee at Chicory Coffee
1:30pm – Garden District Tour by Free Tours by Foot (ended early due to rain, had to take a Lyft back to the hotel)
6:00pm – Dian Xin 2
8:00pm - Lafitte’s Blacksmith Bar
Wednesday May 31th
9:30am – Presbytere
10:30am - 1850 House
11:00am - Pharmacy Museum
12:00pm - Croissant D’Or
1:30pm – Creole Queen Cruise to Chalmette Battlefield
5:30pm - MRB Bar for dinner
7:00pm - 30/90 Bar on Frenchman Street
​
Thursday June 1st
9:00am – 3:00pm WWII Museum (had lunch there in the American Sector restaurant)
4:00pm - Ogden Museum of Southern Art
6:00pm - Sofia
9:00pm - Bourbon Pub Parade Bar
Friday June 2nd
9:00am - Cabildo
10:00am - Ursuline Convent
11:30am - Beauregard Keyes House
12:30pm - Croissant D’Or
1:30pm - Botanical Garden
3:00pm - New Orleans Museum of Art
4:45pm - Café Du Monde (beignets!)
5:15pm - Sculpture Garden
7:00pm - Oceana Grill
8:30pm - Golden Lantern Bar
Saturday June 3rd
10:00am - New Orleans Free Collection
5:40pm – Flight out of New Orleans

So this might not belong on this sub (mods lmk, I’ll delete it), but I just really wanted to share it.
For the past few months this guy and I have been talking back and forth for a while. We haven’t made anything official, but went out on more than a few dates. He’s sweet and kinda quiet, but I guess it works out because I’m talkative.
A few hours ago, he and I were on FaceTime and one of my friends messaged me “so I started reading manacled and girl I got to the flashbacks and I’m crying wtf is wrong with you😭💀” And I’m telling you THE WAY I YELPED.
Of course, he was confused and asked me what was wrong. I was like, “nothing nothing.” Alas, I was not blessed with sly/cunning gene my sisters carry so I failed at distracting him with my sudden interest in talking about his hamster (I hate hamsters). I don’t usually share my fanfic writing/reading “habit” with people I have a romantic interest in— don’t worry, my talkative personality means that I over share what I’m reading with my annoyed friends. He pressed and I eventually told him about my low key inclination (obsession) to read Dramione. I told him the basic plot to manacled.
He sat there for a while and I was like “I swear I’m not weird, I just love the community and the great writing.” And he was like “so where can I find these fics?”
So, for the past 11 hours he’s been reading manacled while texting me his reactions and honestly he’s so funny. He didn’t judge me at all and is still a little confused on how this could be “romantic” but decided to power through cuz he “wants to understand what’s makin me so excited at 2 am.”
I just wanted to share this with the sub before I ask him to be my boyfriend (aka I’m indecisive and need y’all’s blessing in some way cuz we’ve all read enough fics to see if he’s a keeper jkjk).
EDIT: [SPOILER] He got to the part about the hotels and went “Is this paralleling to World War 2 cuz that’s v creative” “The words are like poetry” “I can tell why ur big brain likes this lol”
EDIT 2: He said yes!!!
EDIT 3: We finished the flashbacks

Author's Note: This story is long. I'm sorry. It really deserves to be told exactly as it happened and therefore, I am forced into murdering brevity. I hope that in time you'll forgive me.
I'm going to tell y'all another stupid story. I should warn you that this one isn't really a comedy, despite being set in a RadioShack.
A few months after Cocaine-Kevin took off for Brazil in pursuit of true love, we got a new transfer employee. We came to call him 'Aikedo-Kevin' (I'm adding the -Kevin because this is a subreddit about Kevins.)
We called him 'Aikedo' because we met him before the final act of the following chain of events took place and afterwards we just didn't have the motivation to attach anything else to him.
When I replay what happened in my head, it astounds me that this took place at all. I mean, we had our fair share of Kevins at RadioShack. There was Cocaine-Kevin, (whom you've previously met.) Crazy-Kevin, 'TP' Kevin, Kevin the Customer, and Kevin the Destroyer. Every one of these people occupy space in my brain for various reasons, but out of all these Kevins, Aikedo-Kevin is the most memorable. And not for the reason you'd most expect.
As if he represented the cosmic opposite to the Kevin he was replacing, this new Kevin came across as competent. He was older and well-kept. He didn't smell at all like sun-dried squirrel and rather than being cartoonishly fat, he was worryingly thin. He looked surprisingly normal for a RadioShack employee; completely trustworthy, certainly like the guy you'd confidently go to to get your Questions Answered.
Looking at him, I would never have believed in a million years that he would be the most profligate serial liar that I've ever had the misfortune to meet.
I know that I should start this tale at the beginning; with the story of how he got his name, but I really don't have the space, so instead we'll just rollercoaster through this cascade of events much like I did originally.
Almost from the moment Kevin showed up, things got real weird, real fast. He lasted for about six months with us, but they were unforgettable. It started with Kevin telling us that he was a 'triple-stripe; dragon-class' black belt in aikedo. Then he told us that he met Kiss back in the 70's and they invited him back to their hotel to party. Then the lies got egregious. He was late because there was a riot at Publix. Someone else ate the food that I had clearly marked and labelled in the back fridge. His dad was in the CIA and helped plan Vietnam with Henry Kissinger. He didn't know why the drawer was short $5.34. He was allergic to fruit. The list was long and got progressively weirder as the weeks went by, but it was generally innocuous; innocent.
But then he fucked up. He told a lie about NASA. Guys, this was a RadioShack. We were all nerds of various stripes, with varying areas of scientific interest and knowledge. There was NO possibility in any universe that one could just traipse into my RadioShack and successfully lie about NASA. Especially this particular lie. There was even less of a possibility that upon hearing such a lie spoken, any of us RadioShack employees would let it go unchallenged.
Ok, now that all the foreshadowing is out of the way, let me get down to the meat. I mean, that's why you're still here, right?
This chain of events spanned three days and it began in the way these things always do; somewhat accidentally.
DAY 1: THE NASA PROVOCATION
It was a normal Florida afternoon for everyone who didn't work at my store. As usual, I came in on second (closing) shift. I was taking over from Kevin, who'd just returned from his vacation. The drawer was missing $5.34. Again? Wtf? He 'fixed' it while I was in the back re-counting it. Okay. $5.34? This is so weird. I have to report this shit.
While waiting for his wife to pick him up, Kevin told me that he and his family had had a blast in Cape Canaveral. That he was able to take his son into the 'anti-gravity chamber' at NASA. He went into great detail about how they 'flew around in the tunnel.'
Now, y'all... I'm not an idiot. I very well know how NASA trains their astronauts in Zero-G. Fuck it, I'll bite.
"Uh, Kevin, they use planes to simulate zero-gravity. What are you talking about?"
He shook his head conspiratorially and said, "No, they have secret pods. There's two. One in Huntsville, Alabama, and one at Cape Canaveral. It's top-secret. I have a friend."
I stood there transfixed as Kevin embellished his experiences at NASA a bit more, making sure I knew how cool it was that his kids got to meet all the astronauts and how big the pod really was (almost as big as the Pentagon) until his wife finally showed up and they left.
I think I took a minute before going back inside. I had to call Frank (our store manager) to report the drawer discrepancy. And if I'm being honest, I also wanted to inform him of NASA's Pentagon-sized secret. We were all getting sick of Kevin's fibs, but nobody had really said anything to him yet and I knew Frank was a huge NASA fan. Repeating to him what Kevin had said was tantamount to lighting off firecrackers at a funeral, and at that age, I just wanted to watch the world burn.
Frank answered on the first ring, as I knew he would if the store was calling him.
"Heeeyyyyy, Frank. So. My drawer was short $5.34 again. Kevin somehow fixed it. He also went to the, uh, secret anti-gravity pod at NASA while he was at Cape Canaveral."
Frank laughed. There was a long pause. Then he snarled.
"What? Your drawer was short?! I'm DONE with this!" Frank hung up. I looked down at the phone. Dang. Frank is a terrible force for truth in the universe. I knew this from painful personal experience.
DAY 2: KEVIN'S LAST LIE
I got a call at 5 am to come in early; that Kevin couldn't open. Whatever. More money for me. I rolled out of bed.
When I got there, Frank was behind the counter pacing and literally purple. I've never seen a human being that color before. He looked like an engorged eggplant preparing for a Kanly duel.
I was putting my stuff away in the back when Frank stomped in behind me. He was hollering about gravity and idiots and I realized immediately that Kevin was in major, major trouble.
A frission tickled its way through my central nervous system. Fear or anticipation? Uncertain. Frank could be terrifying. Alternately, Frank could be compassionate. Frank was a real street-dude; a living tragedy-to-triumph, rags-to-riches kind of guy. He was also a VERY understanding boss. He basically only had three rules: 'Don't fuckin' steal,' 'Don't bring your personal fuckery to the store,' and, most importantly, 'Don't EVER fuckin' LIE to me.'
Those are exact quotes and he lived up to them. I know this. And now you all know this too. Kevin should have known this, but Kevin lived life on the edge.
In the backroom, I squared my shoulders and pretended to be uninterested while watching Frank's face pulse with incandescent rage.
"What's up?" I ventured, trying to hide my curiosity.
Frank exploded like something you shouldn't microwave. His purple face rippled as he tried to roll his eyes and snort simultaneously. He looked for all the world like an indignant water buffalo. Which is funny really. See, big game hunters will tell you that despite looking slow and stupid, the water buffalo is one of the most dangerous animals on Earth. African buffalo will lay traps. They will actually double back to lie in wait to hunt their hunter. And, much like the animal he resembled, Frank too was dangerous and known for his traps.
He smiled at me ferally.
"Kevin called out this morning. Apparently his cousin the St. Petersburg cop got shot last night in a drug raid."
"What does that have to do with NASA?" I said stupidly.
Frank stared at me like I was the only Red Gal in the Blue Man Group.
"I busted Kevin last night for theft." Frank said slowly, with that owlish look he saved for especially thick customers.
Okaaaay "But, what does tha-" I stopped, the light bulb over my head starting to flicker.
"Oh." I said.
Frank was still staring at me, perhaps waiting for my brain to finish its loading sequence. Accurately concluding that I was operating somewhat below dial-up speed, he sighed impatiently and continued.
"My wife called the hospital just now. They don't have anyone by the name of (Kevin's cousin's name) on file there. She called two other hospitals just to be sure."
I just looked at him blankly. "Waaaait. what?!" My mental bulb finally snapped on and flared brightly. Oh shiiit. My brain is furiously connecting dots. Did he lie to get un-caught for thieving? Is that a even a thing? Wtf?
Frank nodded grimly and picked up the phone. He dialed Kevin's number.
Unfortunately for this story, I had a customer walk in right then and therefore didn't hear what was said. Customers can be the most annoying things in the world sometimes. This one probably wasn't, but I don't remember because all I could think about was Kevin's career suicide. It seemed like an eternity passed before I was able to rejoin Frank in his investigation.
In the time I was away, Frank had learned two things: the first thing being that no cops had been shot according to the news, (which Kevin countered by claiming that the news wouldn't report a cop being shot in an on-going investigation,) and the second thing being that no hospital in the tri-county area had admitted anyone matching his cousin's name, (which Kevin dismissed by saying that secrecy was standard operating procedure in a 'Full Blackout' situation and that it's all put in place to protect a wounded cop's identity.
It was a testament to Frank's determination that he was able to do all this so quickly. Especially since this all happened back in the 90's before the sum of human knowledge was only a smartphone click away.
This inanity went on for my entire shift. Frank sending his wife to check out hospitals while he alternately called the local newspapers, TV stations, and Kevin.
Frank was terrifying in his pursuit of truth and I have to admit, it was a thing of beauty to watch him put his case together. Perry Mason be damned; Frank was on an investigative roll. But no matter what he learned, when he called Kevin, Kevin had an answer to it. A detailed answer. He went into specifics about how the bullet (9mm) hit his cousin's vest and richocheted off of a rib. He explained how it was a 'cartel case,' and everything has to be kept hush-hush. It was quite entertaining, if schadenfreude is your thing. It's not mine. I can't really explain how uncomfortable the whole thing made me feel. Like chewing on cotton. There's no way Kevin keeps his job. Kevin has the survival skills of a suicide bomber and the critical thinking skills of a cabbage. It was plain as day that Kevin was a drowning man grasping desperately for an anchor.
Finally, my shift ended and I went home mentally exhausted on Kevin's behalf.
As I left, I could see Frank behind the counter, still on the phone, hyper-focused, and absolutely intent upon some mission objective that I apparently wasn't cleared for. He told me just to be ready to close the next day.
DAY 3: THE GREAT DENOUEMENT
I woke up haunted with the strange certain knowledge that disaster was nigh. Maybe it was the same instinct that allows animals to sense an earthquake before it strikes. I really don't know. I felt both uncomfortable and giddy as I readied myself for work.
When I pulled into the RadioShack, I saw that Frank's Jeep was there. So was Frank's wife's SUV. Kevin's car was nowhere to be seen.
Oh boy... this was not a good sign. I parked and went in. Immediately I could see Frank, his wife, and the employee who had opened huddled furtively together behind the counter. No customers in sight.
Excellent, I thought. Maybe I'll finally get some Answers. This IS a RadioShack, after all, right?
As I counted in my drawer, the preliminary results of Frank's investigation poured out: allegedly Kevin had been taking money from the drawer to get McDonalds for lunch. The amount ($5.34) matched perfectly with the meal Kevin was observed eating each day that he worked. No one knew why he did this. He very obviously brought his lunch in from home every morning.
Frank was a-twitter with anticipatory fury as he spoke. After the conversation he'd had with Frank the previous night, Kevin had slyly switched shifts with another employee to avoid having to open and therefore face Frank. Which, of course, had jacked Frank's temper over from red to plaid. Kevin daring to dodge him like this was simply the last straw, and he had decided he was going to fire Kevin. ...Except, despite trying all morning, he hadn't managed to actually reach Kevin to give him the news.
Frank being Frank, this had in no way deterred him. He had simply looked in Kevin's employee file and called the emergency contact. By the time I walked in, the proverbial shit had hit the fan and was well on its ballistic arc towards us in the form of Kevin's wife.
Yall. It's really important for this story that you have a mental picture of Kevin's wife. Essential, even.
Do y'all remember that 90's song 'All Star' by that band Smashmouth? Remember the lead singer? If you don't, it's okay. Just picture Guy Fieri instead. Now picture Guy Fieri/the Smashmouth dude dressed up as Xena: Warrior Princess. That's what she looked like. She was enormous. Not necessarily fat, but big. I bet she could crush a watermelon with her thighs, easy. (That's really a thing, by the way. You should probably Google it. Fuck it, here ya go )
Anyway, 'Xena' was surprised to hear that Kevin wasn't at work. She was even more stunned by what Frank had to say.
At roughly the same time this phone conversation was taking place at the RadioShack, another, weirder conversation was taking place in person across town. Out of exasperation, and to out-manuever Kevin completely, Frank had finally just sent his wife down to the police station...
...which went something like this: she walked in, and asked if any cops had been shot recently. I imagine there was a pregnant pause at the reception desk while it was hurriedly determined whether or not she was a threat or a crazy person. She asked again and was told that no, no one had been shot recently. She then asked to speak with Officer (Kevin's Cousin's Name) and lo and behold! he happened to be walking by at that exact moment, un-wounded, ambulatory, and utterly confused as to why anybody thought he'd been shot in the first place.
Perched behind the counter in the RadioShack, listening to Frank and his wife list the steps they had taken and the results of taking said steps, I actually felt kind of bad for Kevin. I mean, why would he do this?
Why would anyone make up such a ridiculous lie? What did he have to gain? And most mysteriously, why was he stealing to buy lunch when he brought his own lunch in? The whole thing was steeped in bizarre absurdity and I was beginning to lose perspective of the situation when the door-chime dinged and Kevin walked contritely into the store, followed by his strapping virago of a wife.
Y'all. Holy shit. I don't think that I will be able to properly describe what followed but I will do my best.
When I was a kid, there was a cartoon I saw once. Maybe it was part of a Disney movie, maybe a Bugs Bunny short, I don't really remember. But in it, a ginormous nanny-type woman drags a teensy man into a room by his ear to force him to apologize for something.
That's almost exactly what happened. Xena frog-marched Kevin into the RadioShack and made him apologize for stealing. She literally made him hand over an envelope with $600 in it. (The amount Frank calculated Kevin had stolen over six months.) And then she berated him for breaking the diet she had set for him.
I'm going to say that again. He broke the diet she had set for him. This ... veritable Amazon of a woman had set a caloric limit for this dude who was already so skinny that he could likely crawl through the holes in a chain-link fence. All of a sudden, it all made sense. All of it. Kevin was emasculated, hence the lies. Kevin was desperate and fucking starving, so he stole to feed himself. I was wrestling with my new-found understanding of all things Kevin when she told us the envelope was all of his 'allowance' money. At this point, I was entirely speechless. I could only gape witlessly at her.
Stealing a glance back at Frank, I could tell he was going through the very same emotional turmoil as I was.
In the uncomfortable silence, Kevin handed over his keys and mumbled something about it being great working with us and then they left.
With the possible exception of the first time I saw the cemetary scene in Steel Magnolias, I have never gone from one emotional extreme to the other so quickly. Where I had been affronted by his actions only minutes earlier, now I felt unimaginable regret and I could tell Frank felt the same way. Frank had held back from revealing that he'd had his wife visit the police station and he never even brought it up. He looked deflated; all the energy and momentum of the chase gone, replaced by utter shock and remorse.
Y'all, I bet you thought this story was going to have a happy ending. Or at least a funny one. I'm sorry to disappoint you. No happy ending here, just a cloudy moral lesson.
Kevin was fired and we never saw him again, though I insisted that Frank's wife go back down to the police station and tell Kevin's cousin everything we'd seen and heard. I felt that I owed him that much, being responsible for the initial phone call that had set everything in motion.
Yes, Frank and I learned much and more that day. That experience changed something in me. I'd like to think I'm a better person now.
Oh, I still laugh at Kevins, but I don't assume anything anymore. Oh, no. I've learned that everyone has a truth to tell, even if it comes swaddled in lies.

My IGS Profile My Steam Profile My Steamtrades profile My wishlist My Time Zone
I'm looking for: - Paypal - TF2 keys - game offers - CS:GO cases
The list in alphabetical order: - Abandon Ship - Aliens: Fireteam Elite - Amazing American Circus - Amnesia: Rebirth - Anomaly Bundle + soundtrack - Asterix & Obelix XXL 2 - Asterix & Obelix XXL: Romastered - Backbone - Backfirewall_ XBox copy - Batora: Lost Haven - Battlerite All Champions - Between the Stars - Blade Assault - Book of Demons - Breathedge - Call of the Sea - Carnival Games VR - Catch Me early access - Conan Chop Chop - Deadly Days - Dear Esther: Landmark Edition - DEATH STRANDING Director's Cut - Demon Turf - Disciples: Liberation - Standard Edition - Doom Eternal - Draw Slasher - Drawful 2 - Dreamscaper - Driftland: The Magic Revival - Due Process - Eastside Hockey Manager - Edge of Eternity - Endless Space® - Collection - Evan's Remains - Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game - Farming Simulator 17 - First Class Trouble - Five Dates - Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel - Forged Battalion - Founders' Fortune - FRAMED Collection - Fury Unleashed - GameGuru - Gloria Victis (India lock) - Go Home Dinosaurs! - Going Under - Golden Light - Golf Gang - Graven - GRIP: Combat Racing - Cygon Garage Kit - GRIP: Combat Racing - Nyvoss Garage Kit - GRIP: Combat Racing - Terra Garage Kit - GRIP: Combat Racing - Vintek Garage Kit - Hammerting SEA - Hero's Hour - Hokko Life - Hotline Miami - Iron Danger - Izmir: An Independence Simulator - Jack Move - Jurassic World Evolution 2 - Just Die Already - King and Assassins - King's Bounty: Warriors of the North - Valhalla Edition - Kingdom Classic - Lead and Gold: Gangs of the Wild West - Legend of Keepers - Life Is Strange 2 Complete Edition - Lornsword Winter Chronicle - Lust for Darkness - Maid of Sker - Main Assembly - MirrorMoon EP - Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine - Monster Crown - Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp - Moon Hunters - Mortal Shell - Motorcycle Mechanic Sim - NecroWorm - Neverout - Oh My Godheads - Okhlos - OlliOlli World Rad Edition EU - Operation Tango - Orbital Racer - Othercide - Out of Reach: Treasure Royale - Overlord II - Patchwork - Pathfinder: WotR - Patron - Peaky Blinders: Mastermind - Pixplode - Radio Commander - Railroad Corporation EU - Realpolitiks - Rebel cops - Regular Human Basketball - Revita - Roarr! Jurassic Edition - Rogue Lords - Rollerdrome - RPG Maker VX - ScourgeBringer - Serpent Rogue - Shady Part of Me - Shing! - Siege Survival: Gloria Victis - Slinger VR - Sniper Ghost Warrior 3 Season Pass - Sorry, James - Soulblight - Spirit of the Island - StarCrossed - Starsand - Still Life - Super Mag Bot - SurrounDead - Swine HD - Telefrag VR - The Amazing American Circus - The Ball - The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante - The Long Dark: Survival Edition - The USB Stick Found in the Grass - Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales - Treasure Hunter Simulator - Tribes of Midgard - Vertiginous Golf - We are alright - Where the Water Tastes Like Wine - Windjammers 2 - Worms Rumble - Worms Rumble Legends Pack DLC - X-Morph: Defense - X: Beyond the Frontier - X: Tension - XCOM 2 - Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles

For sale, for Steam gift cards (or gifted Steam Wallet balance):
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• Dark Souls™: Prepare To Die™ Edition (removed from Steam Store; $350 $400 or best offer)
• Fall Guys (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Dragon Hugger Pack (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Icy Adventure Pack (removed from Steam Store)

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• Humble Hunie Sakura Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Australia Fire Relief Bundle or similar))
• Humble Sekai Project Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Stand with Ukraine Bundle or similar))

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For trade:
*tentatively up for trade, assuming I buy the bundle
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• *Eternal Threads
• *Turbo Golf Racing

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• *Celeste

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• Behind the Frame: The Finest Scenery
• Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition

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• Bionic Commando: Rearmed
• Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
• Lost Planet 3 - Complete
• Mega Man Legacy Collection
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®

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• Aground
• Calico
• Evan's Remains
• Lake
• StarCrossed
• Teacup

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• Into the Radius VR

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• Aliens: Fireteam Elite
• Founders' Fortune
• Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp

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• Nomad Survival
• Scarlet Tower

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• The Citadel
• Forgive Me Father
• Viscerafest
• WRATH: Aeon of Ruin

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• The Blackout Club

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• BIOMUTANT
• Edge Of Eternity
• Golden Light

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• Call of the Sea
• Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice

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• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• The Amazing American Circus
• Armello
• Backbone
• Calico
• Cris Tales
• Euro Truck Simulator 2
• Farming Simulator 17
• Ghostrunner
• Gotham Knights
• Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
• Lust from Beyond: M Edition
• Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine
• Orbital Racer
• Pathfinder: Kingmaker - Enhanced Plus Edition
• PAYDAY 2
• Pilgrims
• Soulblight
• Space Crew: Legendary Edition
• Starfinder Core Rulebook (Paizo key) and Starfinder Adventure: Junker's Delight (Paizo key)
• Strange Brigade
• Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
• System Shock 2
• System Shock: Enhanced Edition
• Ticket to Ride
• XCOM® 2
• X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack

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• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fallout 76
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Othercide
• Shady Part of Me

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• The Last Campfire

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• Sakura Swim Club

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• Summer in Mara
• Townscaper

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• The Long Dark: Survival Edition

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• Stranded Sails - Explorers of the Cursed Islands

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• Conan Chop Chop
• Grow: Song of the Evertree

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• Styx: Shards of Darkness

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• Hard West
• John Wick Hex
• Phantom Doctrine
• Red Solstice 2: Survivors

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• Arizona Sunshine

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• Backbone
• Blade Assault
• First Class Trouble
• Super Magbot

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• Golf Gang
• Maid of Sker

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• Vampire: The Masquerade - Coteries of New York
• Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
• Werewolf: The Apocalypse — Heart of the Forest

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• Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl

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• Baldur's Gate: Faces of Good and Evil
• Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear
• Icewind Dale: Enhanced Edition

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• Crown Trick

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• Guts and Glory
• Hello Neighbor

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• Day of the Tentacle Remastered
• Grim Fandango Remastered
• Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
• STAR WARS®: Knights of the Old Republic™ II

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• Duke Nukem Forever
• PGA TOUR 2K21
• WWE 2K Battlegrounds

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• Emily is Away <3
• In Sound Mind

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• Little Big Workshop
• Not Tonight

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• Brigador Deluxe Edition
• Verdun

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• Resident Evil 0
• Resident Evil 6
• Resident Evil
• Resident Evil Revelations

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• EVERSPACE™

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• Dreamfall Chapters

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• Cultist Simulator
• GWENT: The Witcher Card Game - Ultimate Starter Pack (GOG key)

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• The LEGO® NINJAGO® Movie Video Game

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• 2064: Read Only Memories

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• Legend of Keepers: Career of a Dungeon Manager
• Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense

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• STAR WARS™: Squadrons (Origin key)(?)

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• Bionic Commando
• Street Fighter V

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• As Far As The Eye
• Impulsion

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• Orcs Must Die! 2 - Complete Pack

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• Bartlow's Dread Machine

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• Blaston

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• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School

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• The Walking Dead

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• Total Tank Simulator

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• Archangel: Hellfire - Fully Loaded

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• XCOM® 2

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• Black The Fall
• Goetia

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• Highway Blossoms

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• Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition

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• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• This War of Mine

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• Tom Clancy's The Division™ (Uplay key)
• Tom Clancy's The Division™ - Survival (Uplay key)

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• Highway Blossoms
• HunieCam Studio
• KARAKARA
• Sunrider Academy
• Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition

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• Civilization VI - Australia Civilization & Scenario Pack
• Civilization VI - Vikings Scenario Pack

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• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met

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• Hacknet
• Satellite Reign

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• The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing: Final Cut

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• The Elder Scrolls: Legends: 2 Card Packs (Skyrim) 1 Event Ticket 100 Gold 100 Souls
• ESO Vanity Pet: Bristlegut Piglet and 15 Days of ESO Plus

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• Ame no Marginal -Rain Marginal-
• KARAKARA
• Memory's Dogma CODE:01
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project - Season Pass

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• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met
• Sakura Angels
• Beach Bounce
• Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
• Blue Rose

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• Lionessy Story
• My Personal Angel
• Natural - Beyond Nature -
• Postmen Of Horizon (removed from Steam Store)

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• The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 — Prelude

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• Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle : School Girls Edition
• Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
• Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire

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• Guns of Icarus Alliance
• Guns of Icarus Online
• Impossible Creatures Steam Edition
• Lethal League
• Tempest: Pirate Action RPG
• Tempest - Treasure Lands
• Tempest - Original Soundtrack
• Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
• Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide

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• For The King
• Book of Demons
• PlateUp!
• Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition
• Kingdom Two Crowns
• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
• Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
• Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
• Steel Rats™
• Hue
• Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle (Epic key)
• Gal*Gun: Double Peace
• The Invisible Hours
• Synergia
• ROCKETRON
• Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
• Dead Age
• Dusk Diver 酉閃町
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Slain: Back from Hell(?)
• Cook, Serve, Delicious!
• Tower of Time
• Danger Scavenger
• Survive the Nights
• The Beast Inside
• Valfaris
• Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
• This War of Mine
• My Time At Portia

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• Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
• Knights of Pen and Paper 2 - Here Be Dragons

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• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• Book of Demons
• Broken Age
• Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons
• Crying Suns
• Crying Suns
• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• Liberated (GOG key)
• Moon Hunters
• Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
• Rustler (Grand Theft Horse)
• Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG key)
• WARSAW
• X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC (I believe this redeems as the linked Complete Pack, minus the soundtrack)
• ΔV: Rings of Saturn(?)

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• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Phoenix Point: Year One Edition
• Deliver Us The Moon
• Morkredd
• Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos
• Space Crew: Legendary Edition
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Survivalist: Invisible Strain
• Warhammer: Vermintide 2
• ENDLESS™ Space 2
• Surviving the Aftermath
• The Long Dark

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• Blade Assault
• Founders' Fortune
• Hokko Life
• Monster Crown
• Fallout 76
• Othercide
• Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
• ScourgeBringer
• Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey
• HOT WHEELS UNLEASHED™
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sonic CD (removed from Steam Store)
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 1-4
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 5-7
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®
• Bionic Commando
• Full Metal Furies
• Ultra Street Fighter® IV
• Starbound
• Mafia III: Sign of the Times
• Outlast 2
• BioShock 2
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Daughter
• The Mean Greens - Plastic Warfare
• Crusaders of the Lost Idols Legendary Starter Pack
• Project CARS (removed from Steam Store)

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WANT:
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• 5D Chess With Multiverse Time Travel
• A Hat in Time
• Avernum: Escape from the Pit
• Bendy and the Ink Machine
• CrossCode
• Dead Rising 4
• Dungreed
• Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition
• NBA 2K Playgrounds 2
• NECROPOLIS: BRUTAL EDITION
• Omensight: Definitive Edition
• Submerged
• Tower Unite
• Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap
• Zombie Army 4: Dead War

​
IGS Rep Page: https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/ti26nz/mizznos_igs_rep_page/

1. Aquarium: A suitable tank with adequate size and dimensions to accommodate the corals you intend to keep. A larger tank is generally more stable and provides more space for a diverse coral community.
   
2. Lighting: High-quality reef lighting is crucial for the health and growth of corals. LED lights designed specifically for reef tanks are commonly used, as they offer customizable settings to simulate natural lighting conditions.
   
3. Filtration: A robust filtration system is necessary to maintain water quality. Most reef tanks use a combination of mechanical, chemical, and biological filtration methods. Popular options include protein skimmers, filter socks, activated carbon, and live rock or rubble.
   
4. Water Circulation: Corals thrive in water with consistent and gentle flow. Powerheads or wavemakers are used to create water movement and mimic natural reef currents. Adequate circulation helps in nutrient distribution and waste removal.
   
5. Heater and Thermometer: A reliable heater and thermometer are needed to maintain stable water temperature within the optimal range for the corals you plan to keep. Different coral species may have specific temperature requirements.
   
6. Substrate: Some reef tanks utilize a shallow layer of aragonite-based live sand or crushed coral as a substrate. This can provide a natural look and can also host beneficial microorganisms.
   
7. Saltwater Mix: Corals require saltwater with appropriate salinity levels. You'll need a high-quality synthetic salt mix to prepare the water for your reef tank. Reverse osmosis (RO) water is typically used as the base for mixing salt.
   
8. Test Kits: Test kits are necessary for regular monitoring of water parameters such as pH, ammonia, nitrite, nitrate, alkalinity, calcium, and magnesium. These tests help you maintain stable and healthy water conditions.
   
9. Live Rock: Live rock serves as both a decorative element and a natural biological filter. It hosts beneficial bacteria and provides a habitat for corals and other marine organisms.
   
10. Corals: Finally, you'll need a selection of corals suitable for your tank. Research the specific lighting, flow, and water parameter requirements of the corals you choose to ensure their optimal growth and health.
    

Background
Canary Islands is a Spanish archipelago of volcanic nature located in the eastern Atlantic ocean, just west of southern Morocco. The chain of islands extends for approximately 490 kilometers (300 miles).
Canary Islands is both geologically and climatologically almost identical to Hawaii, and as such, international tourism has been the main pillar of its economy since the 1960s.
The Event
At around 10:15 PM of June 22nd, 1976, emergency services in all the main seven islands received a flood of calls, with people reporting having seen a strange and frightening phenomenon taking place in the night sky. Most of these callers described what they were seeing as 'a gigantic explosion of light' or 'a massive ball of fire', and all of them said the phenomenon seemed to be taking place somewhere far in the west. These accounts were quickly confirmed true by local authorities, since the 'explosion of light' in question shone for several minutes before dissipating.
Many witnesses also added having seen one or two much smaller red lights moving strangely before the 'explosion' took place -rising from the horizon or from behind the mountains at very high speed, although others added that the lights flew following 'a zig-zag trajectory'.
No sound was heard or reported regarding the phenomenon, and no consequences seemed to follow except for a frightened population.
A foreign tourist vacationing in the island of Gran Canaria took the only known legit picture available of the phenomenon, from the balcony of his hotel room in Maspalomas. Here you can see a bigger version of the picture with enhanced contrast.
Here's a drawing extracted from an official report made by the Spanish Air Force. The drawing depicts a description of the event made with the information gathered from witnesses reports in the western coast of Gran Canaria. The mountains in the drawing are a depiction of the silhouette of Tenerife, the island immediately west of Gran Canaria. In order to understand the extreme magnitude of the 'explosion of light', please take into account that Tenerife is 70 kilometers (44 miles) away and its tallest peak -Mount Teide, which is in fact Spain's tallest mountain- is 3,718 meters tall (12,198 feet). Here's a real picture of the landscape depicted in the drawing, for a better perspective.
Hong Kong's bulk carrier vessel Osaka Bay was sailing from Capetown (South Africa) to Southampton (United Kingdom). The event took place when she was some 400 kilometers (250 miles) south of the island of La Gomera, and her crew did also witness the phenomenon. Here's a drawing made out of their witness reports.
The crew of the Spanish Navy's corvette Atrevida (F-61) observed the phenomenon as she was sailing just south of the island of Fuerteventura. Her captain's account of the event;
"At 22:27 local time of June 22nd it was seen, for the first time, a bright light of an intense bluish yellow color, taking off and rising in altitude towards our position... Once it reached certain height (15º-18º) it stood still, turning its light projection and showing its light source. It remained like that for approximately two minutes, before bursting into a large circle of bright bluish yellow light that remained in that position for forty minutes even after the original preceding phenomenon had faded away.
Two minutes later the light source split, its lower half being smaller and standing in the middle of the circle of light, turning into a bluish cloud as the split half that had originated this bluish mass faded away. The upper half gained altitude while describing a fast but irregular spiraling trajectory, vanishing afterwards. None of these movements had any effect whatsoever on the initial circle of light, whose features remained the same, partially illuminating land and sea, which leads to believe that it wasn't an object far in the distance, but rather close".
Here's the translation of local newspaper excerpts detailing the event;
"It was spotted between 10:15 and 10:30 PM and, according to one of our journalists who has his residence at Valle de Aridane (La Palma island), at that time he observed something that looked like a rocket emerging from the sea and flying towards El Time peak shining with an intense red light. The same phenomenon was spotted in Tazacorte (in La Palma island too). The ferry Villa de Agaete, sailing from Las Palmas, could observe a great shining at exactly 10:20 PM, shortly before docking in Santa Cruz de Tenerife. The shining, which lasted about five minutes, appeared like a rocket that had come out of the sea". - El Día (June 23rd, 1976)
"Last night, at around half past ten, a strange object was spotted from several points of our region, especially in the areas of Gáldar and Telde (Gran Canaria), where most phone calls we received in that regard were from. Our callers explained to us that it was a round object that grew massively in size as it rose, clearly defined before it began to fade.
The aforementioned phenomenon began as a couple of red objects that moved in zig-zag, forming into some sort of spiral whose lower half ended in three clearly differentiated but overlaying stripes with some degree of separation between them. They were of a very bright red color and faded gradually. On top of these stripes there was what looked like two powerful blue focal lights, which began to diminish in intensity too before turning into a thin haze afterwards". - La Provincia (June 23rd, 1976)
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Thanks to these accounts and description of the events, calculations could be made in order to ascertain the phenomenon's origins. At the moment of its beginning (which many witnesses described as a rocket taking off) the sun was already 13.7º under the horizon and its azimuth angle was 307º (northwest). Setting a hypothetical POV in the geographical center of the archipelago (28.50º N, 15.75º W, just north of Gran Canaria, it was calculated that during it's first phase (the 'rocket lights') the phenomenon was located some 762 kilometers (473 miles) straight west, at an approximate altitude of 46 kilometers (28 miles). By the end of its final phase (the 'explosion of light') it had traveled to a point located at around 1,062 kilometers (662 miles) west and had risen to a final altitude of 90 kilometers (56 miles).
These calculations became a very important piece of data, we'll get back to them later.
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The UFO/Aliens narrative (AKA the press cherry-picks the statement of one particularly imaginative witness in order to sell a story of very questionable credibility)
Being the 1970s, almost immediately certain sectors of the press began talking about UFO -and subsequently about aliens, even though there was no further evidence to suggest such thing. The local authorities (the Army especially) focused their efforts into reassuring the population that there was nothing to fear, while at the same time gathering all the information they could gather in order to investigate the phenomenon.
In June of 1994, exactly eighteen years after that night, the Spanish Army declassified the 107-pages long investigation report of what by then it had been baptized as the "OVNI de Canarias 22/06/1976" ("Canary Islands' 06/22/1976 UFO"). Back then very few people in Spain had internet access, and as such the release of these documents went unnoticed for most people. However, many journalists rushed to get a copy of the report, and many of these worked for UFO/paranormal magazines of dubious scientific accuracy. And, aware of the kind of reaction they wanted to generate from the public they target, they focused in just one part of the report; Dr. Padrón's story.
Francisco Julio Padrón León (who passed away in 2013) was a general practitioner that lived and had his office in the rural municipality of Gáldar, which is located precisely in the northwestern part of the island of Gran Canaria (and precisely, where a lot of people reported witnessing the phenomenon. Unlike most witnessed, however, Padrón told Spanish authorities a much more extravagant version of the events.
That night he had been called in person to check on a local patient at her home, and the doctor had called a taxi in order to reach the patient's residence; Padrón lived in the town of Guía, and the patient lived at a small parish some 10 kilometers away (6 miles) named Las Rosas. Padrón, his companion and the taxi driver claimed having observed the phenomenon when the car was covering the last two kilometers of the route (at that point, a very narrow and barely paved rural road). Or more specifically, Padrón and the taxi driver claimed having bumped into it; because, according to the statement, at that moment the car's headlights illuminated a sphere that was floating right in front of them. The Padrón and the taxi driver described it as measuring some 30 meters (98 feet), slightly bright and slightly translucent. They (the doctor, especially) described seeing two humanoid entities inside the sphere, surrounded by what looked to be inner aluminum structural parts of the sphere. These figures were, per their statements, between 2.5 and 3 meters tall (8'2" to 9'10"), one taller than the other, and they were dressed in red skin-tight suits. Padrón claimed that these beings stood facing each other, apparently interacting among them but didn't seem to notice his or the taxi driver's presence. It then began to grow in size until (his words) "becoming as big as a 20-story building" and began ascending. At this point of his statement he said he went to check on her patient, after which he told all people present at the patients' home, inviting everyone to go outside and check by themselves what he claimed he had seen. By the time everyone joined Dr. Padrón to watch, the sphere was already very big, standing high in the sky and then it flew away at extreme speed ("faster than any aircraft I've seen in my life", Padrón said in the report) leaving a trail of blue smoke behind before vanishing in the distance, towards Tenerife island.
In his individual report, the taxi driver made just a very skimp corroboration of Padrón's statement, omitting most details of his version of the phenomenon. It was just a few sentences long. The taxi driver was a man in his sixties (and wore glasses) of very little formal education -in fact, his preliminary handwritten statement had to be redacted to correct numerous grammar and spelling mistakes.
As for the companion (a relative of the patient, who was traveling in the backseat), this man only describes seeing "intense bright light everywhere" and noticing "both the doctor and the taxi driver's agitation". He claimed the amount of light, plus the fact that by sitting in the backseat the taxi driver and the doctor's bodies blocked his view, hadn't allowed him to see what Padrón claimed having witnessed.
The declassified document contained many more witness reports gathered from the same area, but none of them matched Dr. Padrón's story about a sphere with two humanoids figures in it; every other description -most of them provided by locals- mentions the same enormous disc of light in the west night sky. A car mechanic and his wife described it as "a car's headlight thrice as large as the full moon". A school teacher mentioned having seen it from his house's window through a pair of binoculars when it began to fade, noticing its "fog-like appearance, and the night stars could be seen through", and mentioning what looked like a couple of bluish beams inside. A farmer explained in his statement that it looked like "a fire spot", he too mentioned seeing "two blue lines" in it. Not even the sick woman Padrón had come to provide medical attention to nor her relatives confirmed the Dr.'s description of the phenomenon, matching instead everyone else's.
That didn't stop the journalists working for UFO/paranormal-themed magazines or even some journalists working for reputable newspapers from disregarding all these credible witnesses and instead focusing on the most outlandish one; Dr. Padrón. In summer of 1994, several of these Spanish magazines like Enigmas, Año Cero or Más Allá rushed to publish a drawing depicting Padrón's description of the 'humanoid figures dressed in red' in their articles, not only making absolutely no mention of any of the other witnesses but also claimed that the propulsion system of the alleged 'alien spacecraft' had scorched a nearby onion field -the area is full of that type of crops- and that posterior chemical analysis of the scorched terrain had yielded wildly unusual results. We'll come back to this point later.
Sketch depicting Padrón's (unique, literally) description of the event. Yes, someone from the Army - more specifically from the Air Force- was tasked with sitting down next to this guy and spending a good deal of time drawing whatever ludicrous thing Padrón felt like coming up with.
Something worth mentioning; these publications made heavy emphasis on Padrón's education -he was a GP, after all. As in, as extraordinary as his claims were, these were being made by a man of a high level of education, intelligent and therefore (in the eyes of many) automatically worth of credibility. In fact, the patient's relative traveling in the taxi's backseat -a farmhand that had never received formal schooling and was illiterate- said in his witness report that one of the reasons why he did not question Padrón's statement was precisely the abysmal difference in education between him and the doctor, and kind of assumed that if an educated man like Padrón said that such thing had indeed happened, then it must have been true.
A local newspaper interviewed Dr. Padrón shortly after the documents were declassified. And by then, eighteen years after that night, Padrón added some more details to his already bizarre account, providing these journalists with something that wouldn't have been out of place in an episode of The X-Files (which back in 1994 had begun to be broadcasted in Spain, with significant success). Back in 1976 Padrón had already added in his statement that he did not feel fear but 'a strange sense of wellbeing and excitement' in his encounter with the alleged spacecraft; now he was also saying that these beings -which never communicated with him in any way, per his account- had not only the ability to erase anyone's memories off their brains, but they also can "make you see whatever they want you to do for months or years, replacing an 'energy' [his word] in your brain". If these statements weren't absurd enough, Dr. Padrón warned the journalists about not taking him seriously, because in the last three years he "had observed that anyone who had been skeptical of my statements and hurt my credibility in public has passed away within six or seven months, all of them to cancer, eight people in total so far".
Although the documents that included the description of his ludicrous story hadn't been declassified until 1994, ever since 1976 many journalists had managed to get in touch with Padrón and hear his story -the doctor himself wasn't exactly quiet about it either -and some of these are allegedly the cancer victims Padrón would've been referring to. There's no way to check the veracity of that, since the only source of that statement was Padrón himself.
Between 1976 and 1994 the doctor's story circulated in a somewhat obscure manner, being referred to in some UFO articles here and there -and adding their own artistic depictions of his outlandish story. Padrón was already telling any 'paranormal' journalist willing to listen about the scorched onion field. Turned out, back in June of 1976 a farmer in the municipality of Guía did indeed notice an area in one of his onion crops that seemed to have been burned, but that man had specified that that hadn't happened until the morning of June 24th, a good day and half after Padrón's alleged 'alien encounter'. What is more, although the cause of these burns couldn't be ascertained, they were indistinguishable from fire damage. To this day it's thought that these burnt onion plants were nothing but the result of vandalism or a prank. Some UFO skepticism authors have raised the possibility of the doctor himself being responsible.
Picture of one of the many onion fields in Guía and Gáldar. To this day, Dr. Padrón's 'scorched onion field' remains a running joke among the older residents in these municipalities.
At the time Padrón even managed, out of sheer insistence, to get that soil tested. Surprisingly to no one, all chemical, physical and radiological analyses performed yielded no unusual results. The sampling and testing was conducted by Hungarian-Spanish physician Alejandro Carlos de Gyorko-Gyorkos, who at the time was curious about paranormal phenomena and had interviewed Padrón many times in 1976. According to a journalist for Naukas (A Spanish online science and technology magazine that specializes in skepticism and debunking of pseudoscience), in 1992 Gyorko-Gyorkos described Padrón as a man that "interprets everything he comes up with as real". By 1994 Padrón was also claiming that the Spanish Air Force had threatened him with legal action to silence him, and that Gyorko-Gyorkos was a man whose "ethics he'd rather not talk about". Padrón had never mentioned these alleged legal threats at any point before June of that year, precisely once the documents were declassified, a coincidence that hadn't gone unnoticed.
Some skepticism authors have elucubrated about the possible inspiration for Padrón's 'tall men in dressed in red spacesuits'. Not exactly very original.
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Explanation (1994 and 2001)
The 1976 document concludes that the origen of the 22/06/976 UFO -although in reality the Spanish Air force used then the acronym FANI (Fenómeno Aéreo No Identificado', 'Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon') when referring to it- was unknown. In 1994 these paranormal journalists presented such conclusion as an automatic evidence of aliens, or at least UFOs in the sense popular culture depicts then. In reality, as anyone can notice upon checking the report, 'unknown' means precisely that; unknown. At no point in the report the authors bring up rebuttals for any possible logical or rational explanation, but rather they conclude that back in 1976 there was just not enough evidence to provide an accurate explanation of its origin.
The same report contains the transcription of precisely Dr. Gyorko-Gyorkos's opinion about Dr. Padrón's reasoning (safe to assume, by then had already made up his mind about the man) in a military court. In the transcription, and in what looks like a generous maneuver to dismiss Padrón's claims without going as far to humiliate him, Gyorko-Gyorkos explains a military judge that that night Dr. Padrón, possibly overworked and sleep-deprived, misremembered what had seen and his fatigued psyche had create a mixed recollection with what he had seen and what had crossed his mind. As for the taxi driver, this man was probably highly impressionable -apparently the Dr. had behaved in a very excited manner during the phenomenon- and thus in a way Padrón had 'passed' his delusional belief onto him. The military court ruled that "Padrón's credibility could not, for the time being, be corroborated".
Of course, at this point of this writeup a question still lingers; what was whatever thing close to a million and half people saw in the night sky back on June 22nd, 1976? First, let's go over the world's state of affairs at the time, because this is one of these 'mysteries' in which history had been hinting at the answer almost from the beginning;
In 1976 the world was still amidst of a low-key conflict between two superpowers with lots of political tensions; the United States (plus NATO) versus the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (plus other members of the Warsaw Pact). AKA, Cold War. As part of the Western Bloc, at the time Spain had been a long-time ally of NATO. However, the country wouldn't become a NATO member itself until 1982 -which was so controversial within Spain that a referendum would be held in 1986 questioning Spanish people's desire to remain in the military alliance.
As such, while Spain was a Western ally, back in 1976 it was not really 'in the game' yet, especially when taking into account that, unlike in other countries, NATO membership wasn't that welcome. Please notice the year the Spanish army declassified the documents; 1994. The collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 (and with it , the fall of the Iron Curtain) helped lower the stakes this international poker game, and as such the world would learn about all sorts of crazy things that had been going on at both sides of the conflict in absolute secrecy.
Earlier in this writeup there is a data-based description of the phenomenon's behavior, but most importantly, it's ballistic trajectory. Adding to that, countless witnesses had described seeing either one or a couple of lights 'taking off like a rocket'. Let's remember; it had been ascertained that it originated at about 700 kilometers west and had moved further west in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean while reaching an altitude of 90 kilometers -which is about the lower thermosphere. This had already raised the first suspicions among the members of the Spanish intelligence services, suspicions that gained weight in 1994 -and that likely led to the declassification of the report- when much clearer and straightforward communication between the United States' government and Spain's allowed for a more open investigation of the sort of testing the Americans were engaging in. In 2001 an article of research journalism, coauthored by science journalists Ricardo Campo and Vicente-Juan Ballester Olmos finally identified what was behind the 1976 aerial phenomenon.
Campo and Ballester had already noticed its ballistic trajectory calculated in 1976. In 1999, suspecting already who (country) was the 'culprit', they accessed Jonathan McDowell's database of ballistic missile launches. Previous to that Campo and Ballester had failed to find any useful information in NASA's archives, as none of the launches in their registry matched the evidence, and prior to that -right after the 1994 declassification, in fact- they had traveled to Moscow looking for the possible explanation there. Russian military authorities had adamantly denied their involvement in the phenomena, which directed the investigators towards other leads (while at the same time not disregarding the possibility of Russia being behind it after all.
Finally, Campo and Ballester bumped into these two rows of the database. First column indicates the launch identification number. Second and third, the date (in the Julian and Gregorian calendars. Fourth is GMT time (which, adjusting for a compilation error, coincides with Canary Islands' GMT+1 local time when the phenomenon took place). The fifth column tells the type of missile, the sixth on identifies the launch platform and finally the seventh one indicates who was responsible for the launch.
Simply put, the information in these rows means; on June 22nd, 1976, two Poseidon C3 thermonuclear missiles were launched from US Navy's submarine USS Von Steuben), at 20:16 and 20:17 GTM.
The database does not include location (that information remains classified) but during their research Campo and Ballester learned from McDowell himself that the US Navy's eastern test range covers from Cape Canaveral (Florida, US) all the way Ascension Island. The location of the 1976's phenomenon falls well within such range.
From here, Campos and Ballester offered an explanation of its optics. The Poseidon C3 missile carries several 40-kiloton nuclear warheads (normally ten) -for comparison, Little Boy was a single 15-kiloton bomb. Once the two 400-kiloton missiles detonated in the thermosphere, the quick expansion of extremely hot atmospheric gases reflected the sunlight back to Earth, even though by then in Canary Islands the sun was already well below the horizon and the sky was pitch black; at 90 kilometers of altitude, these expanding gases were still in direct path of the sunlight. This reflection is what made the phenomenon appear so bright and big in spite of the 700+ kilometers of distance between witnesses and its source.
Campo and Ballester's article provided also an explanation for other similar events -albeit not that espectacular as the one pertaining this writeup- that had taken place in the islands between 1973 and 1979. All except one were found to be the result of other American thermonuclear tests, with the exception of this one seen south of the archipelago in 1979 -and finally acknowledged by Russia in 2017, although they did not explain what exactly it was.
Conclusion
TL;DR: It was a couple of thermonuclear missiles launched in secrecy by the US Navy in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The 'aliens' witness was, to put it mildy, an individual with an extreme tendency to make ludicrous statements and a marked need to be the centre of attention.
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Campo and Ballester's work is available online for free, and anyone who speak Spanish can check the story of their investigation for themselves.
This is not to say that the whole 'aliens' narrative died down. To this day, the story of the 1976 phenomenon continues to be shared sometimes in media as 'proof' of UFO/aliens, even though it's literally neither -coincidentally, failing to mention the vast amount of evidence pointing at a thermonuclear test. In June of 2016 several newspapers published articles remembering the phenomenon in its 40th anniversary, and pretty much all of them reminded the reader right from the headline that the 'mystery' had long been solved.
Links and Sources
"Two red giants riding a missile" - Excellent article in the aforementioned online magazine Naukas written by Ricardo Campo himself on the phenomenon (Spanish)
The Spanish Army's declassified document on the event. It can be downloaded for free as a 107-pages long PDF
2016 Article (Spanish)

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